The Club of Loki
So, I sat in me quarters. Out one window the Lemper Pirate's men guarded the shore of the island. Out the other window was miles of ocean. There be no escape.
"Captain," the professor burst through me door.
"Aye, professor, what be the problem," I asked.
"You're gonna be glad we stopped to get me those new books, Jack," he said.
"Arrrr, and why be that?"
"Ok, this is a long story so bear with me. Thousands of years ago, up in Norway, there was a particular clan of vikings known as the Hel Clan. They were sort of an occult, and they worshipped Loki, god of the underworld..."
"That be fascinating lad, but Boo bah be on right now and I..."
"Captain, would you just let me finish."
"Arrrrr."
"The leader of this clan, Dreknor the Black, set out on a mission to harness the power of Loki. He started raiding villages, killing everyone in his path until he had a chest full of ill-aquired gold. He then brought this chest to the hell mouth in the center of his dark village and used the fire there to forge..."
"Professor, this be the gayest story I ever heard."
"Sir, it's important that you hear this."
"Then just give me the jist of it."
"Ok, listen, he made a club out of the gold. The club was evil. It was too powerful for him. It backfired and turned against him. He had to get rid of it."
"Aye, there ye go. Ye just broke ten pages of text into about three seconds."
"Yes, well."
"So, why be this story relevant?"
"Listen, Captain, the way they got rid of this club was they sent it across the sea in an unmanned ship. Some say this ship reached as far as the Carribean."
"Ye be saying this gold club be somewhere near here?"
"More than that, Captain," the professor opened up to a picture of the Club of Loki.
"Garrrrrrrrrrrrrr," was all I said. The thing be that, this picture was of the buttsex tool. They both be the same thing.
"Captain, all these things that have been happening... the spoooooky ghosts, the fevers, the volcano, it wasn't a curse, it was the evil this club harnesses. Noone knows how Pablo got his buttsex tool. It was the club all along. The curse has always been the power of Loki."
"Well, these seem to be pretty uhhh..."
"Captain, it's no coincidence"
"Alright, alright, I never liked the scurvy thing anyway. Just throw it overboard if that'll make ye happy, lad."
"That won't help. the book says that, even after getting rid of the club, the Hel Clan was destroyed... we have to figure out how get rid of the effect"
"How, professor?"
"We have to go to the source, in Norway."
"No, sorry, lad, we're not sailing all the way to Norway."
"But Captain, there's no other way."
"Arrrrrr, we'll talk about this later, Boo bah's on," I cast the professor out of me quarters.
There be no way I'm preparing an expedition to the North over some scurvy superstition. After all, it be just a story, right?
"Captain," the professor burst through me door.
"Aye, professor, what be the problem," I asked.
"You're gonna be glad we stopped to get me those new books, Jack," he said.
"Arrrr, and why be that?"
"Ok, this is a long story so bear with me. Thousands of years ago, up in Norway, there was a particular clan of vikings known as the Hel Clan. They were sort of an occult, and they worshipped Loki, god of the underworld..."
"That be fascinating lad, but Boo bah be on right now and I..."
"Captain, would you just let me finish."
"Arrrrr."
"The leader of this clan, Dreknor the Black, set out on a mission to harness the power of Loki. He started raiding villages, killing everyone in his path until he had a chest full of ill-aquired gold. He then brought this chest to the hell mouth in the center of his dark village and used the fire there to forge..."
"Professor, this be the gayest story I ever heard."
"Sir, it's important that you hear this."
"Then just give me the jist of it."
"Ok, listen, he made a club out of the gold. The club was evil. It was too powerful for him. It backfired and turned against him. He had to get rid of it."
"Aye, there ye go. Ye just broke ten pages of text into about three seconds."
"Yes, well."
"So, why be this story relevant?"
"Listen, Captain, the way they got rid of this club was they sent it across the sea in an unmanned ship. Some say this ship reached as far as the Carribean."
"Ye be saying this gold club be somewhere near here?"
"More than that, Captain," the professor opened up to a picture of the Club of Loki.
"Garrrrrrrrrrrrrr," was all I said. The thing be that, this picture was of the buttsex tool. They both be the same thing.
"Captain, all these things that have been happening... the spoooooky ghosts, the fevers, the volcano, it wasn't a curse, it was the evil this club harnesses. Noone knows how Pablo got his buttsex tool. It was the club all along. The curse has always been the power of Loki."
"Well, these seem to be pretty uhhh..."
"Captain, it's no coincidence"
"Alright, alright, I never liked the scurvy thing anyway. Just throw it overboard if that'll make ye happy, lad."
"That won't help. the book says that, even after getting rid of the club, the Hel Clan was destroyed... we have to figure out how get rid of the effect"
"How, professor?"
"We have to go to the source, in Norway."
"No, sorry, lad, we're not sailing all the way to Norway."
"But Captain, there's no other way."
"Arrrrrr, we'll talk about this later, Boo bah's on," I cast the professor out of me quarters.
There be no way I'm preparing an expedition to the North over some scurvy superstition. After all, it be just a story, right?