(no subject)
Okay, let us review my problem, children...
Jeffrey is a guy I like. The story goes:
I met Jeff in the middle of April at this car show called Cool April Nights. We instantly hit it off, got along great, exchanged numbers and all that crap, but one small drawback- I lied about my age. He is 21, I was 17 at the time, and I told him I was 18. I had no idea that I would ever talk to this guy again, so I lied. No biggie, right? Well he did call back... the next day.
And we talked for 4 hours...
And 4 hours after that...
and after that...
Let's just say there were a series of these long, in depth conversations about everything... and I started to like him as more than a friend, and from what I understand, the "falling" was mutual. So of course, the lie could not continue, and I told him, even though I feared he would never talk to me again... but he did! Yay! And a sort-of relationship blossomed... As much as one could with over an hour driving distance between the two of us...
You would think that wouldn't be too much, but between school and work for me, and work for him, seeing each other at least once a week was difficult, but manageable...
Anyway, my graduation was fast approaching... and he and I started talking about what I was going to do with my life...
When I told him about me moving to New Orleans to go to Tulane in August.. well, that was a little disappointing because now besides a distance between the two of us, there was now a time limit. How sad.
Needless to say, everytime we talked after that bomb was dropped, he pulled away, a little at a time, but nevertheless a noticable amount... and I know that what was to come was inevitable...
Of course, one day, Jeffrey let's me know that he doesn't want to persue a relationship anymore, but just wants to go back to being friends. I am heartbroken. He says it is because he doesn't want to get too attached. I don't believe him. Words were exchanged... I said we shouldn't talk anymore.
Heartbroken, heartbroken, heartbroken.
Why? Because I really felt a closeness with him.
We had never slept together..
Nothing much more than kissing..
I felt like I had really started this relationship off the right way.
I thought wrong.
After about 2 weeks of not talking... Jeffrey calls out of the blue.
He asks me how I am doing, am I excited about moving soon (even though it is still 2 months away) and all that crap. I am baffled by this, but don't think anything of it... in the midst of the conversation, when he asked about my moving... this lie spills out of my mouth, and I tell him that I am no longer moving, but staying home (well, actually, moving to Chico, which is only about 20 minutes from where he lives). I remember him being quiet on the phone for a few seconds, then saying,"Why?" and I don't remember what other lie came tumbling out, but whatever it was, it was so wrong of me... but at that point, I told him I had to go and never planned on calling him again.
The next day he calls. I talk to him a bit, then give another excuse to go, and never plan on calling him back.
But he calls the next day, too.
And after that. And that. It was as if our friendship was forming again...
But I was not over him completely... and talking to him only made things worse.
But now, on top of not being over him, I had this humongous lie looming over things as well...
Thinking I could scare him away, I tell him that I still have feelings for him...
I sent this in a text message, so I didn't get an immediate response. Instead, I don't get a response at all. He calls, doesn't mention anything about it.
I ask him, "Does it bother you that I still have feelings for you?"
He replies, "No, not at all"
And that was the end of that conversation.
So, I can't get rid of Jeffrey, can't scare him away, and even though I don't call him, he calls me.
And there is still the lie, which I begin to realize, is the whole reason Jeff calls me at all.
So last night, I am tossing and turning, this lie is haunting me, keeping me from sleep... I swear up and down that I will tell him eventually, but even the person who has been with me through this entire ordeal has no faith in my whatsoever.
But I did it. Granted it was a lie to cover up another lie, I told Jeff that I am leaving...
Plans changed...
What I told him was that I have nothing to stay in California for... No reason to stay...
When I said that, he studdered for a second, was quiet, then said...
"Well, with this new job of mine, I will be working all week, but I'll have the weekends off and... yeah. Its your decision"
After that, we spent over an hour talking about this big decision of mine, and for over an hour, he tried to talk me out of it.
So up to now, that is the story. My dilemma is... does Jeff care about me more than I know? I would drop everything and stay for him (granted I would be staying for Melissa, too, but the only reason I'm not is because she knows this is a fantastic opportunity, and she doesn't want me to miss it) if I knew that something could happen...
Just saying that makes me sound crazy... ridiculous, even.
But I care about him that much.
I can honestly say I have never connected with someone like that before Jeffrey.
Yeah... That's all, I guess. Any advice would be great.
Jeffrey is a guy I like. The story goes:
I met Jeff in the middle of April at this car show called Cool April Nights. We instantly hit it off, got along great, exchanged numbers and all that crap, but one small drawback- I lied about my age. He is 21, I was 17 at the time, and I told him I was 18. I had no idea that I would ever talk to this guy again, so I lied. No biggie, right? Well he did call back... the next day.
And we talked for 4 hours...
And 4 hours after that...
and after that...
Let's just say there were a series of these long, in depth conversations about everything... and I started to like him as more than a friend, and from what I understand, the "falling" was mutual. So of course, the lie could not continue, and I told him, even though I feared he would never talk to me again... but he did! Yay! And a sort-of relationship blossomed... As much as one could with over an hour driving distance between the two of us...
You would think that wouldn't be too much, but between school and work for me, and work for him, seeing each other at least once a week was difficult, but manageable...
Anyway, my graduation was fast approaching... and he and I started talking about what I was going to do with my life...
When I told him about me moving to New Orleans to go to Tulane in August.. well, that was a little disappointing because now besides a distance between the two of us, there was now a time limit. How sad.
Needless to say, everytime we talked after that bomb was dropped, he pulled away, a little at a time, but nevertheless a noticable amount... and I know that what was to come was inevitable...
Of course, one day, Jeffrey let's me know that he doesn't want to persue a relationship anymore, but just wants to go back to being friends. I am heartbroken. He says it is because he doesn't want to get too attached. I don't believe him. Words were exchanged... I said we shouldn't talk anymore.
Heartbroken, heartbroken, heartbroken.
Why? Because I really felt a closeness with him.
We had never slept together..
Nothing much more than kissing..
I felt like I had really started this relationship off the right way.
I thought wrong.
After about 2 weeks of not talking... Jeffrey calls out of the blue.
He asks me how I am doing, am I excited about moving soon (even though it is still 2 months away) and all that crap. I am baffled by this, but don't think anything of it... in the midst of the conversation, when he asked about my moving... this lie spills out of my mouth, and I tell him that I am no longer moving, but staying home (well, actually, moving to Chico, which is only about 20 minutes from where he lives). I remember him being quiet on the phone for a few seconds, then saying,"Why?" and I don't remember what other lie came tumbling out, but whatever it was, it was so wrong of me... but at that point, I told him I had to go and never planned on calling him again.
The next day he calls. I talk to him a bit, then give another excuse to go, and never plan on calling him back.
But he calls the next day, too.
And after that. And that. It was as if our friendship was forming again...
But I was not over him completely... and talking to him only made things worse.
But now, on top of not being over him, I had this humongous lie looming over things as well...
Thinking I could scare him away, I tell him that I still have feelings for him...
I sent this in a text message, so I didn't get an immediate response. Instead, I don't get a response at all. He calls, doesn't mention anything about it.
I ask him, "Does it bother you that I still have feelings for you?"
He replies, "No, not at all"
And that was the end of that conversation.
So, I can't get rid of Jeffrey, can't scare him away, and even though I don't call him, he calls me.
And there is still the lie, which I begin to realize, is the whole reason Jeff calls me at all.
So last night, I am tossing and turning, this lie is haunting me, keeping me from sleep... I swear up and down that I will tell him eventually, but even the person who has been with me through this entire ordeal has no faith in my whatsoever.
But I did it. Granted it was a lie to cover up another lie, I told Jeff that I am leaving...
Plans changed...
What I told him was that I have nothing to stay in California for... No reason to stay...
When I said that, he studdered for a second, was quiet, then said...
"Well, with this new job of mine, I will be working all week, but I'll have the weekends off and... yeah. Its your decision"
After that, we spent over an hour talking about this big decision of mine, and for over an hour, he tried to talk me out of it.
So up to now, that is the story. My dilemma is... does Jeff care about me more than I know? I would drop everything and stay for him (granted I would be staying for Melissa, too, but the only reason I'm not is because she knows this is a fantastic opportunity, and she doesn't want me to miss it) if I knew that something could happen...
Just saying that makes me sound crazy... ridiculous, even.
But I care about him that much.
I can honestly say I have never connected with someone like that before Jeffrey.
Yeah... That's all, I guess. Any advice would be great.