I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!
Why is it that when everything else is going my why, they have to ruin it and make me miserable???
It's official now. I no longer have any respect whatsoever for either one of my parents; they've hurt me really, really, badly- all I am to them is just some never-ending problem that needs solving, some little bitch who intentionally pushes to make life harder for them. If they stopped and looked at me once in a while, tried talking and, I don't know, listening to me rather than just barking orders at me all the time, they wouls realize that's anything but true.
This isn't the first time they've made me feel this way, and it surely won't be the last. Which is why I have to continue to try and not feel sorry for myself for the pain and misery they cause me; they don't love me, I know that much, they just shield me from what they think is bad because I'm their biological son, and then get pissed at me when I'm not where they want me, doing what they're comfortable with me doing, exactly when they want me to do it. I know I don't always do what they ask me, when they ask me, but quite a bit more often than not, I do it. That doesn't really matter, though. Whenever the tiniest thing goes wrong and it's my fault, my mom and dad will both react with this absolute scorn. Sometimes I swear I can see a glint of hatred in my mom's eyes when she starts yelling. It really, really upsets me. Soon enough, something like this will happen again, and it makes me live in fear of just when and where that will be. Will she start screaming at me in public? Will my dad be trying to get inside my head with the way he talks down to me, pointing his finger in my face, making me feel bad about myself over something that should be no big deal?
So just HOW bad is it at my house? Well, let me use this as an example: whenever I watch Ferris Bueller, I see Cameron and feel like I'm watching myself. Maybe I should wreck my parents' Ferrari to get back at them. haha
I know for a fact from talking to other people that I don't have any problems other normal teenagers dont have to face, just that my parents fucking hate me.
And no, I don't really wanna kill myself..........
However, in times like these, I have to remember to think about the people in my life who make it worth living. I hope to God that you know who you are. I honestly mean this when I say it- if not for you, my life would not be worth living.
I need to make this extra special clear: There simply is nothing of importance in my life anymore except for those of you who make me feel loved.
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So, couple of things, Marcie if you're reading this, happy birthday.
Rachel, if you are, I'm gonna call you in a little while, let's do something tonight. I need to..........
Con amore, Chris
It's official now. I no longer have any respect whatsoever for either one of my parents; they've hurt me really, really, badly- all I am to them is just some never-ending problem that needs solving, some little bitch who intentionally pushes to make life harder for them. If they stopped and looked at me once in a while, tried talking and, I don't know, listening to me rather than just barking orders at me all the time, they wouls realize that's anything but true.
This isn't the first time they've made me feel this way, and it surely won't be the last. Which is why I have to continue to try and not feel sorry for myself for the pain and misery they cause me; they don't love me, I know that much, they just shield me from what they think is bad because I'm their biological son, and then get pissed at me when I'm not where they want me, doing what they're comfortable with me doing, exactly when they want me to do it. I know I don't always do what they ask me, when they ask me, but quite a bit more often than not, I do it. That doesn't really matter, though. Whenever the tiniest thing goes wrong and it's my fault, my mom and dad will both react with this absolute scorn. Sometimes I swear I can see a glint of hatred in my mom's eyes when she starts yelling. It really, really upsets me. Soon enough, something like this will happen again, and it makes me live in fear of just when and where that will be. Will she start screaming at me in public? Will my dad be trying to get inside my head with the way he talks down to me, pointing his finger in my face, making me feel bad about myself over something that should be no big deal?
So just HOW bad is it at my house? Well, let me use this as an example: whenever I watch Ferris Bueller, I see Cameron and feel like I'm watching myself. Maybe I should wreck my parents' Ferrari to get back at them. haha
I know for a fact from talking to other people that I don't have any problems other normal teenagers dont have to face, just that my parents fucking hate me.
And no, I don't really wanna kill myself..........
However, in times like these, I have to remember to think about the people in my life who make it worth living. I hope to God that you know who you are. I honestly mean this when I say it- if not for you, my life would not be worth living.
I need to make this extra special clear: There simply is nothing of importance in my life anymore except for those of you who make me feel loved.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, couple of things, Marcie if you're reading this, happy birthday.
Rachel, if you are, I'm gonna call you in a little while, let's do something tonight. I need to..........
Con amore, Chris