(no subject)

[thelilshoe]

Why does it always happen to me? You would think that I’ve learned my lesson by now, but no I haven’t. Why do I let myself fall for these types of people but I never can fall for the people that would treat me like I matter? Seriously. I am such a messed up person. Of course it doesn’t help when people start talking to the person that you like and then that person stops talking to you and goes to talk to them instead. And it really doesn’t help when they ALL have boyfriends and you know that he likes you or says he does. So what the heck is the freakin problem? Am I just the type of person that won’t ever get what I want while people that are dirties or sluts get it instead? Grrrrrrr. Why does it happen to me? I just don’t understand what I do wrong. Of course Eric and Heidi tell me that it isn’t me that is doing anything wrong and it’s the guy who is messed up but what if they are wrong? What if I am just not worth it in their eyes? Actually, if I could just believe what I think to myself then I’d be a lot better. For example, I tell myself that it doesn’t matter to me when I don’t get that special smile of even looked at. If it only worked I wouldn’t have these problems or if I know what I did then I wouldn’t care. But if only 5 days after hearing that this kid has thought about dating you and then they walk past you like you weren’t even there then you kinda get confused and mad and sad. This is the second time it has happened this year. The exact same freakin scenario and I don’t like it at all. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I seriously wish I could go be a hermit and then I wouldn’t have these problems. It would be so nice. I could just live in my little hut and live in a world where I am never hurt. I might take one or two people with me, like the ones that have tried to cheer me up. At least I know that some people care about me. hmph. I want to talk to my sister. I seriously thank the only person that tried to cheer me up and just thank the people that asked me what was wrong. But those people that just blew me off even though they pretend to be my friends well….go screw yourselves. I’m glad to know who my friends are so it really doesn’t matter. I can’t wait until summer vacation. I won’t have to see anyone’s face, no matter how hot/pretty/ugly is freakin is.

wow that was a long entry adn i jsut noticed that these past couple entries have been me hating ppl. oh well