(no subject)
Haven't been here in a while. I usually come when i am upset but today is not that day. Today is a reflective day. This is what i get for being a teacher and all i do is reflect on myself and others etc. Yeah it sucks.
I have been thinking about goals and what i have learned in the last few years at school.
I know that i miss the lauren from freshman year. I know i can't have her back b/c i have too much responsibility to get her totally back but my goal is to search for a little bit of that person to come back.
So what i have learned in the past few years.
I decided when i came to college that i really didn't want to meet ppl. mind you when i left high school i closed everyone off and ran away b/c i didn't want ppl to know me. I wanted to start a new and try to be the person that i thought i wanted to be. Once again i have hit my junior year and once again it seems to fall into the same place that it did when i was high school, however, this time i am smiling.
In order for me to enjoy life and to be myself. i need to find people who will let me be me. Currently, there are only 3 people like that in my life that don't bitch about it. Rachel, Nathan Beaver, and a few of my friends from camp. No offense to ron but i know i piss him off sometimes. I do the same to kaitlyn and Amy but that could be b/c we are around each other a lot more than i am around the other three groups. But anyways this is my conclusion. It is okay that i piss them off sometimes and it is okay b/c i am being myself when i am around them and i am letting them into my life. sometimes more than a normal person should, but that is me.
I work a lot better when everything is out on the table like an open book. Yes, i like to hide things like dissappointment and other things that i find negative but i also like to just wear some of those things on my sleeve. I work a lot better if it is all out there.
It is so hard to have a wall up. Yet, you get trampled on if you don't. Both suck and finding a happy medium is not something i am good at nor is it something i think i want to strive for. I like being open. Sometimes i can be a loving sonnet, a doomday novel, a quiet poem, or even War and Peace.
Overall, this semester has sucked and i am not complaining. I needed a semester that sucked. I needed to stop being stagnate(sp?), I need to fall down hard as hell so that i could find the parts about myself that i like. I became so encompased with everything and everyone around me that i haven't taken the time for myself (Yes Ronald Morgan you are right!!!). And it is about time that i keep doing this self reflecting and figure out how to have me time. I realized that this is the first year that there is not a picture of me hugging my favorite tree on campus and I don't like that. I have 2 weeks to go over to the other side of campus and find someone to take a picture of me hugging that tree!
Yes, living in TH 25 sucks a bit but it will be okay b/c everyday i can look out my window and see my favorite tree in the distance.
I need to fall in love with myself again and i need to enjoy my last year of being young. But most of all I need to not just say these things and i need to do them.
Smiling on the inside.
Lauren
I have been thinking about goals and what i have learned in the last few years at school.
I know that i miss the lauren from freshman year. I know i can't have her back b/c i have too much responsibility to get her totally back but my goal is to search for a little bit of that person to come back.
So what i have learned in the past few years.
I decided when i came to college that i really didn't want to meet ppl. mind you when i left high school i closed everyone off and ran away b/c i didn't want ppl to know me. I wanted to start a new and try to be the person that i thought i wanted to be. Once again i have hit my junior year and once again it seems to fall into the same place that it did when i was high school, however, this time i am smiling.
In order for me to enjoy life and to be myself. i need to find people who will let me be me. Currently, there are only 3 people like that in my life that don't bitch about it. Rachel, Nathan Beaver, and a few of my friends from camp. No offense to ron but i know i piss him off sometimes. I do the same to kaitlyn and Amy but that could be b/c we are around each other a lot more than i am around the other three groups. But anyways this is my conclusion. It is okay that i piss them off sometimes and it is okay b/c i am being myself when i am around them and i am letting them into my life. sometimes more than a normal person should, but that is me.
I work a lot better when everything is out on the table like an open book. Yes, i like to hide things like dissappointment and other things that i find negative but i also like to just wear some of those things on my sleeve. I work a lot better if it is all out there.
It is so hard to have a wall up. Yet, you get trampled on if you don't. Both suck and finding a happy medium is not something i am good at nor is it something i think i want to strive for. I like being open. Sometimes i can be a loving sonnet, a doomday novel, a quiet poem, or even War and Peace.
Overall, this semester has sucked and i am not complaining. I needed a semester that sucked. I needed to stop being stagnate(sp?), I need to fall down hard as hell so that i could find the parts about myself that i like. I became so encompased with everything and everyone around me that i haven't taken the time for myself (Yes Ronald Morgan you are right!!!). And it is about time that i keep doing this self reflecting and figure out how to have me time. I realized that this is the first year that there is not a picture of me hugging my favorite tree on campus and I don't like that. I have 2 weeks to go over to the other side of campus and find someone to take a picture of me hugging that tree!
Yes, living in TH 25 sucks a bit but it will be okay b/c everyday i can look out my window and see my favorite tree in the distance.
I need to fall in love with myself again and i need to enjoy my last year of being young. But most of all I need to not just say these things and i need to do them.
Smiling on the inside.
Lauren