The Lie Behind the Postcard - Goodbye Riverton
Jack and Ennis had been living in a lie for almost eight years, neither of them was aware that their wives planned a way to destroy the happiness they shared together. Both of them had been living, believing that the other was dead.
During these eight years, Ennis tried to stand it, since he couldn’t fix it, thinking about Jack Twist everyday of his life, but that was not enough. He couldn’t hide the fact that he felt guilty for his death. He felt that he was the one that drove Jack to his death. “If we had never done that on Brokeback,” he always thought, trying to find some relief in his words. “But then I had never been happy, is ‘cause of ya’ that I was happy.” he said loudly. It seemed that no matter how much he tried to say that he was guilty, he always returned to the same point: before Jack Twist, he was nothing and didn’t have a shit. Jack showed him how it felt to feel warm and alive; he never admitted, but Ennis felt he was loved.
Ennis grew up in a homophobic area, thinking about two men together was completely no for him. He couldn’t think of that, not after he saw what happened to Earl and Rich. He tried to fight against his instincts when Jack Twist crossed his path. That day when he met Jack, he was dazzled by Jack’s blue eyes and his beautiful smile that even he had a bucktooth that would cause his body to tremble.
He met Jack and everything in him changed -- he suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about him or stop looking at him. When they were up there on Brokeback, Ennis, whose cooking was awful, always tried to have his best food for him. He never understood why his body was always so cold in his life, and why when he gave Jack the hand for the first time, he started feeling warm, he started to feel alive.
It was at that time on Brokeback when Jack fell asleep on a log, covered his eyes with his hat, but his mouth was noticeable. Ennis passed on his horse near Jack, who never realized he was there, and saw his lips. His eyes were hypnotized by them and he wanted to reach them, but in his insides he heard: “Ennis, no! What are ya’ doing? This is not manly!” he kept looking at those lips, he wished so much to kiss him but that voice kept telling him: “Earl and Rich, Ennis! Remember the tire irons!” As soon as he heard that, he set back on his horse and returned to the sheep.
He wished to have Jack so badly that he was unaware that he was in constant confrontations of what he knew was right and what he felt towards Jack. He decided to not do or say anything to Jack -- it was going to be his deepest secret that he was going to bury it in his heart. But it never crossed through his mind that Jack was having the same feelings towards him.
Jack’s fascination for Ennis Del Mar was evident since the beginning when he met Ennis. Jack thought that he was the most handsome, manly and intelligent man he’d ever met. He passed a long time thinking to get close to him, but he was not going to risk it all and do a wrong movement with Ennis. He noticed that Ennis was not good at talking and his longest sentences were usually three words. He tried hard to get to know Ennis a lot better. He knew that he was going to be married in November with some girl called Salma or Malva -- he didn’t pay attention to that. But he did pay attention to the way in which Ennis’s parents died. He felt that Ennis was a lonely puppy that just needed love, and since he loved puppies, he had the feeling that he needed to embrace Ennis and give him his love.
“Jack, think clearly: he hasn’t said nor done anything that would mean he feels the same.” he thought, but he was not listening to his inner self. At one occasion, Ennis talked with him for almost five minutes, he opened for Jack and he just smiled and looked at him. “What?” Ennis asked. “This is more than ya’ve spoken in two weeks.” he smiled. “That’s more than what I have spoken in a year.” Ennis said with a cute smile that melted Jack’s heart. It was enough for Jack; he couldn’t handle sleeping in that pup tent alone -- he had to find a way to be there with Ennis. But his comments didn’t work well, Ennis just swapped the tent and he slept there alone without Ennis’s hot body that he wished so much.
When they both stayed in the camp that night, Jack told Ennis to sleep in the tent. He was not thinking about doing anything, but he just wanted to feel his body next to him. Once again Ennis rejected him, but then in the cold of the night, Ennis entered the tent. He was freezing and fell asleep again, thinking about how to spend the money he’d be paid. Jack didn’t know how or why, but he couldn’t control his hand -- it just went to Ennis’s hand and he placed it on his erected cock. Ennis woke up like he had touched fire, and he did it also. He took off his coat and undid his pants. What happened that night marked their life forever; both of them were tied to each other for the rest of their lives.
The years passed but their bond didn’t disappear or get weak, it became stronger. Jack felt that he desperately needed to feel Ennis’s body near his. Ennis felt that he needed to kiss Jack for one more time. They missed each other when they got onto their own ways that they lost parts of them. Ennis never felt that happy with Alma: he tried in all his ways to feel like he was with Jack, and it never worked. Jack tried to find a substitute for him, but no matter how hard he tried, Ennis was the only one for him, even when he met Lureen and he was with her. He closed his eyes, trying to think it was Ennis who was with him.
Love was their bond and neither of them was able to admit that. Well, Jack admitted from the beginning, but Ennis was the one that never did. The idea of loving a man was crazy for him -- it was not natural. But his heart was not lying to him: it was screaming at him: “I love him Ennis! don’t ya’ understand?” he made himself deaf and tried to do a life with Alma. “I’ll never see him again, not after that fight” he always thought, and he tried to forget him, but he always wrung it, thinking about Jack
And here they were; both of them in different places in Wyoming thinking they couldn’t live without each other. Jack was in his parents’ ranch trying to deal with his pain of having nothing left of Ennis, not even Ennis’ blood-stained shirt that he kept inside his own one as a memory of his love. Ennis was in Riverton ready to leave it for ever and drive 18 hours to Childress, Texas.
“Daddy, are ya’ sure everythin’ will be ok?” Alma Junior asked looking at the floor. She was unable to look in her dad’s eyes afraid he would notice her sadness.
“Of course, Junior!” Ennis lied. Actually, he was not so confident, but he didn’t want to stay in Riverton anymore. “This might sound painful but wit’ every new change a new hope comes,” he added. Alma Junior just looked at him and smiled; she gave her dad a big hug and started crying.
“Promise ya’ll call me when you get to yer place! Promise ya’ll come back if ya’ don’t like it there in Texas!” she obviously was trying to stop her dad. Ennis caressed her hair and hugged her back: “I promise I’ll be back one day. If I don’t like it there, I’ll come back!” he lied again; he was sure he was not going to return to Riverton. But does anyone know how to explain your daughter that you don’t want to live where she does? How to explain her that it all is not her fault, that you just don’t want to cause her any more pain? How to explain her that you are leaving because of your love to your child?
Kurt insisted on sending Ennis’s car to the mechanic, he also insisted on paying for the repair. Finally, Ennis’s car was fully repaired and Kurt spent over $1,500.00 on the repair (he told Ennis it cost only $500.00). “Well, Ennis, your car would be able to get to Canada if you wanted,” Kurt smiled, but in the end his voice broke. For the last eight years he has learned how to love Ennis as a father, the father he had never had.
“Granddaddy! Mind you we love you,” Francine said, her eyes filled with tears. “We love you, Grandaddy!” cried Ennis Junior running towards Ennis with his twin sister. They hugged Ennis as long as he could help crying.
“Whoa, cowboys, wanna kill me?” he laughed and embraced his grandkid. He felt the warmth of their bodies and had to make a huge effort to control his tears. Alma Junior hugged her husband and started crying. Nobody noticed that someone was watching them. It was Jenny whose pride won’t let her be near her dad but she wanted to go there and convince him to stay. She still was upset that he never told her, she refused to accept that his father loved Jack and not her mother. She was in denial; she didn’t want to believe her dad was q... But seeing him leaving Riverton shattered her heart into pieces. “Don’t go, daddy, please stay!” she cried, but she was ashamed to say that in front of him. Back there in hospital she called him dirty names, monster and a sick man. But she remembered that after all he was her dad and he loved her so much.
And here it was; her dearest sister and her kids, who haven’t talk to her since that incident, were more supportive than she thought. She knew Alma Jr. didn’t want to see her because she hurt their dad. So she decided to watch him leaving Riverton hoping that at least he would look in his mirror and saw her saying goodbye to him.
Ennis felt someone was watching them but no one was around, except for his family. It was the time to part. He loaded the last boxes into his car. He was already one leg up in his car, when he noticed that on the seat next to him where the shirts that he had carefully put in box and packed with so much love. Suddenly he felt tears streaming down his cheeks: “Junior… ya’… ya…’” Alma Junior smiled at him while he went straight to her and hugged her. “Goodbye, daddy!” she cried. “Goodbye, little darlin!” he answered and before he started crying he got into his car and started the trip to Childress leaving the past that would follow him forever wherever he would go.
Lureen was relieved that the ashes were not in the graveyard but somehow felt bad for Jack. “Jack, ya’ didn’t deserve this!” she thought but nothing they had done could be reversed. In the nearby store she bought some groceries for him.
“Jack, at least I’m sure Ennis will never come here!” she said, “He thinks I own this place”. She wanted Jack to be happy, but she didn’t want him to be with Ennis. Lureen was selfish; she wanted Jack for herself, and if he was not hers no one would have him.
Jack heard someone knocking at his door. He came downstairs; there were two boxes full of food in front of him. “Jack, I didn’t tell ya’ about the furniture because I didn’t want you to come here. Ya’ were weak, so I thought that won’t be a good idea. Here is some food for ya’ for a couple of weeks. Lureen,” was written on the note inside the boxes. Jack placed them in the kitchen and sat there for a while staring nowhere and feeling lonely in his empty house. He thought it would have been wonderful to live there with Ennis, but Ennis never agreed. Earl and Rich’s tragic fate was too much for Ennis; he didn’t want to die like them. “Ennis, ya’ fuckin’ ruined my life! All I wanted was ya’, but ya’ were too scared to be mine,” he said. He saw a bottle of whiskey in the box. “Lureen, you are an alcoholic indeed,” he thought, but nevertheless took the bottle, opened it and sip some whiskey. “It hurts, Ennis! It hurts so much!” he yelled. His pain was coming out now; he started screaming and yelling and kicking the furniture to vent his anger. “Fuckin’ Ennis, you are not here but you still with me!” he yelled putting his hand in his heart and crying. “Why don’t ya’ just let me be? Will ya ever leave me?” he cried throwing the bottle of whiskey towards the wall. It shattered into millions of pieces. “Shit!” Jack cut his finger trying to clean the mess. He examined it and suddenly got a flashback about Ennis being hurt; a bear caused the horse to throw him. Tears filled his eyes. He stood in the corner and couldn’t contain his pain. He let it go, he let himself cry for Ennis for the first time since he died. “Eight fuckin years! And it still feels like ya´re alive!” he yelled but no one heard him and no one responded.
Jack stared at his bleeding hand, and a terrible thought crossed his mind. Probably, the last thing Ennis saw in his life was his own blood (that horse kicked him into face). “Ennis, talk to me! How can I stand this?” his hands were in this hair while his tears were on the floor.
“Jack, I think that I should rent a house with two rooms and a place for my horses! What ya think?” Ennis said to the shirts and laughed bitterly. “Talkin’ to shirts again,” he said. Then he noticed that there was a car following his car. “The tire irons,” thought Ennis at once and started sweating. Why was that car following him? Who was? He tried to speed up his old truck but the other car was newer and faster. “If I’m going to die today, I’ll take some of them with me!” he thought and pushed the brakes and came out of the car. “What the fuck ya’ want?” he yelled. “Why ya’re following me?” The car stopped; Ennis froze when he saw Jenny getting out of it. She looked at her dad, neared him and hugged the tall man tightly. “I’m sorry, daddy! I love ya’!” both of them were crying by the moment. “Jenny, what did you just say?”
“Daddy, I love you and I am sorry I acted like a selfish girl! I had never cared about ya’. I only care about myself and what people think!” she cried in her father’s arms. He closed his eyes and smiled; his dream came true, Jenny forgave him. The Lord listened to him and granted that wish. “I know ya’ love me, little darlin’ and I want ya’ to know that I love ya’ so much!” he told her while looking in her eyes, those beautiful eyes were the same eyes he saw when she was a little girl and followed him all over the house saying she was a cowgirl and she wanted to be like him.
“Ya’re goin’ to Texas, right?” Jenny asked.
“Yup! But I promised to call ya’!” he said even though he didn’t want to leave now, he wanted to stay with Jenny, but he made another promise to Mr. Humphrey and he was a man of his word.
“Then take this,” she said and gave him a picture of him with her and Alma Jr., one of few pictures he was in. “This one was taken when you went with us to movies! Remember?” she smiled to him. Ennis looked at the picture and slipped it into his shirt pocket close to his heart like the most valuable treasure.
“I remember ya’ threw up on my jeans,” he smiled; Jenny looked at him and laughed: “Yes, it was when I threw up on you,” she answered. Ennis and Jenny stayed there in the street talking for about an hour. She told him she was so sorry about her attitude. She told him that in the town everyone thought her mom was a victim. Ennis just nodded and smiled at Jenny. “She’s a victim of her own feelings! I’m no longer a victim of my feelings!” he answered. Jenny smiled and hugged him.
“Good bye, Daddy!”
“Good bye, little darlin’!” he went back to his car and started driving again. “Ya’ know, Jack, thanks! Ya’ listened to me!” he told the shirts because he asked them for Jenny’s forgiveness. He kept driving for almost ten hours looking how Wyoming was fading from his sight. For the first time in his whole life Ennis was out of Wyoming.
Jack was still in corner when he heard: “Ya’ know, Jack, thanks! Ya’ listened to me!” “Ennis? What the fuck happened? I’m going mad! I swear I heard your voice, Ennis!” he said while desperately looking around himself. A bottle of whiskey caught his eye, and Jack laughed. “I guess I’m forgetting the effects of Old Par!” he said to himself.
Ennis turned on his AM radio and listened to music. It was so good to feel the wind touching his face. After a while he started thinking and wondering what person his new boss would be, that Randall Malone. He didn’t know that he was the foreman’s wife that Jack Twist once mentioned to him.