Fu*k
I have been in a depressive funk of some sort lately. I want to attribute it to seasonal depression, but I also think that part of it is that my brother is coming in. I am very excited about him coming in, however when he does come in, it becomes very evident how much more my parents respect him and love him. It hurts- a lot, and I feel that my mom does things to spite me. For example, my mom is cooking dinner on Wednesday and she is making things that she knows I won't eat. It's weird and maybe I am looking into things way too much, but I just feel that this is how it has always been. He is the republican, white sox fan, catholic that goes to church every week. I am not going to change who I am just to please them. I often wonder if what he does is truely genuine. Outside of family things, I am feeling depressed about social aspects of my life as well. I feel as if I have lost contact with some people that mean a lot to me and that I have dissapointed others. I am hoping that this funk will pass. Perhaps it is just me feeling sick tonight that is bringing this on- I am really hoping that is the case.