(no subject)
where to begin...Death would be good? no, too heavy to start...
lets try I wonder if I could dissapear. yeah, that works.
what a crappy ass day, assuming my day started last night that is... had a bad night, then couldn't sleep, yesterday itself was great, needless to say, I don't think I thought I would wish I were dead or practically break down in tears at lunch, or be in the worst, most angry mood I've been in for almost a year... I'm not going to fencing tonight because there are people I just plain dont really want to see at the moment. I feel like ripping people apart, certain people really stand out. dont know if theres really a reason, just maybe emotions that have been coiled up, I need to think. I know it's just me, I feel like being cruel. I kinda want to destroy something small.
again reasons to not attend fencing, I guess it's my fuck you to the world.
no one gives a flying fuck about me, kinda obvious.
I can run away, I've tried before, except this time I'm older, I'm actually seriously thinking about packing my bag, I hate so much right now, it dosen't seem worth it, I've decided to wait untill tomorrow till I make up my mind, I'm positive I just feel like hammered shit right now, and some part of me knows I'll regret everything I've done today, but I just can't stop it! it's not fucking fair, I feel like I had everything, and I got to sit my lazy ass back and watch it slowly crash in front of me, I tried okay, I want the fucking world to know I tried to help, but there just isn't anything you can do when I never knew....the one time I knew, it was fucking cancer, thanks a fuckin lot, lots I can do there! everything I touch turns into shit, including myself, I have the midas touch except I destroy.
how in hell did I get to get off easy..maybe I should have died, maybe I could have been hit fataly instead of Ash. her mom decided I'd like a letter from her, a year after she died, yeah, THE letter, the one she didn't get to mail...yeah, well fuck it all
I mean it, I'm okay, no one take this too seriously.
as far as I can tell I'm not really mad at anyone.
but I miss people, I'm kinda hurt, but that's my mood,
maybe I'll do something about it tomorrow.
*sigh* I betcha I'm gonna regret this, well at least I can delete the post later
lets try I wonder if I could dissapear. yeah, that works.
what a crappy ass day, assuming my day started last night that is... had a bad night, then couldn't sleep, yesterday itself was great, needless to say, I don't think I thought I would wish I were dead or practically break down in tears at lunch, or be in the worst, most angry mood I've been in for almost a year... I'm not going to fencing tonight because there are people I just plain dont really want to see at the moment. I feel like ripping people apart, certain people really stand out. dont know if theres really a reason, just maybe emotions that have been coiled up, I need to think. I know it's just me, I feel like being cruel. I kinda want to destroy something small.
again reasons to not attend fencing, I guess it's my fuck you to the world.
no one gives a flying fuck about me, kinda obvious.
I can run away, I've tried before, except this time I'm older, I'm actually seriously thinking about packing my bag, I hate so much right now, it dosen't seem worth it, I've decided to wait untill tomorrow till I make up my mind, I'm positive I just feel like hammered shit right now, and some part of me knows I'll regret everything I've done today, but I just can't stop it! it's not fucking fair, I feel like I had everything, and I got to sit my lazy ass back and watch it slowly crash in front of me, I tried okay, I want the fucking world to know I tried to help, but there just isn't anything you can do when I never knew....the one time I knew, it was fucking cancer, thanks a fuckin lot, lots I can do there! everything I touch turns into shit, including myself, I have the midas touch except I destroy.
how in hell did I get to get off easy..maybe I should have died, maybe I could have been hit fataly instead of Ash. her mom decided I'd like a letter from her, a year after she died, yeah, THE letter, the one she didn't get to mail...yeah, well fuck it all
I mean it, I'm okay, no one take this too seriously.
as far as I can tell I'm not really mad at anyone.
but I miss people, I'm kinda hurt, but that's my mood,
maybe I'll do something about it tomorrow.
*sigh* I betcha I'm gonna regret this, well at least I can delete the post later