Trusting You to Catch Me - Chapter Eighteen
Title: Trusting You to Catch Me
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: NC-17
Length: 103,628
Spoilers: Everything up to On My Way and then deviating from there with minor Big Brother references.
Pairing: Santana/Quinn, Brittany/Santana/Quinn/Rachel friendship, mentions of Brittany/Santana, some Finn/Rachel (not positive)
Summary: Following her accident, Quinn experiences the gamut of emotion: denial to acceptance to healing and everything in between. But through it all are her friends patiently helping her with caring and friendship and maybe more.
Warnings (highlight to read): eating disorders, severe accident recovery, graphic sex, verbal abuse, minor violence, family issues, cheating, body image issues
Chapter 18
Quinn woke up slowly, blinking sleepily with a little smile on her face as she realized the warmth she was cuddled up against was Santana - was her girlfriend. For a moment, she tried to figure out what had woken her up with there was only a little light outside the blinds on the room's one window. Then she heard it again as Santana shifted slightly. A soft moan left the smaller girl's lips, throaty and sending a jolt straight to Quinn's core as she heard it.
The girl's stomach was warm under her fingers and she experimentally shifted them as she watched Santana. When she was treated with another breathy whimper from the sleeping girl, she caught her lip between her teeth and thought about what Santana had told her last night. About her being in charge and how Santana'd been taking care of herself in the shower.
Her heart in her throat with nervousness, she carefully slid her hand down Santana's body, fingers lightly fluttering over her navel before toying with the hem of her panties. She swallowed, her lip firmly caught in her teeth as her eyes stayed fixed on Santana's face. Her fingers carefully slipped under the waistband, her eyes fluttering shut for a second as they grazed over the smooth swell of her girlfriend's mound for the first time. She had to bite her lip hard to keep from moaning as her fingers slid into the wet heat between her folds, searching for the girl's clit.
Santana's head rolled to the side, her mouth dropping open in her sleep. She moaned softly at the touch to her heated core, not realizing it was happening outside of her lustful dream.
Quinn's eyes opened at the sound. Leaning in so her lips brushed over Santana's ear as she gently stroked her clit, she whispered, "Quiet. I'm in charge, so you need to lay here and be quiet so you don't wake up the midget while I play. You make noise, I stop."
Still in a light slumber, Santana's arms reached for Quinn. Her hips arched slightly at the sensations being stirred between her legs.
She caught the girl's earlobe between her teeth, sucking gently as she lightly pinched the sensitive nub between her fingers. "Quiet," she whispered again, her breath washing hot over the girl's moistened ear.
Santana squeaked at the pinch, she blinked her eyes open as she tried to figure out what was going on. "Q?" She asked, her voice thick with sleep.
"Quiet," Quinn commanded, continuing to stroke her clit, enjoying the feeling of how wet Santana was. "I don't want Rachel to catch us. You make too much noise and I'm stopping."
The darker girl whimpered and bit her lip as she watched Quinn, she leaned closer and lifted her head up so she could find Quinn's lips.
She leaned in to kiss her, her tongue slipping out to stroke along her lips and push inside as she started varying the speed and pressure of her strokes between Santana's legs. Part of her attention was on the mostly still lump in the other bed, praying for Rachel to stay asleep as she did her best to bring her girlfriend to climax.
Santana's hips rocked with Quinn's hand. She was highly aware of just how wet she was and how hard her pulse was pounding against her chest as she fully woke up and her brain caught up with her body. Quinn was touching her. She was rubbing her clit and kissing her desperately. She clutched at Quinn's shoulders as she tried to stop the cries of pleasure that she wanted to let out.
"Let go," Quinn whispered against her lips as she possessed her. "Let go for me, baby."
She laid back against the pillow and whimpered, her hand coming up to her breast and squeezing her nipple through her shirt. "C-close," she whispered as she looked up into Quinn's eyes.
"Good," she breathed softly, smiling at Santana as she pinched and tugged gently. "I want to see you. Let go for me."
After a few more minutes, Santana's eyes rolled back into her head and her body arched up. She bit her lip hard to keep herself silent as she thrashed her head from side to side.
Quinn kept stroking between her legs as she watched Santana climax. Her nostrils flared as she kept herself in control at the sight. "Beautiful," she breathed, helping her girlfriend down from her high.
The smaller girl slumped down and relaxed against the bed, her eyes remained closed and she tried to get her breathing back under control.
She stilled her hand but didn't remove it from Santana's panties as she settled back down beside her. "Was... that okay?" she asked softly, uncertain if Santana was as open to the idea of her being in charge as she'd implied last night.
"Y-yeah," she stammered. "So okay," she said before blinking her eyes open and looking up into Quinn's hazel eyes. "Best way to wake up."
"You're not upset that I," she licked her lips, "took a big liberty with you, right? I just... you looked so sexy when I woke up and I couldn't help myself after what we talked about last night..."
Santana chuckled softly and turned onto her side and cuddled into Quinn. When the blonde tried to remove her hand Santana caught it and kept it between her legs. "Stay," she whispered as she brought the blankets over them and she pressed kisses to Quinn's face.
"I almost wish we'd taken Rachel up on her offer to get a different room," she admitted with a blush.
"When we get to Toronto," Santana said quietly. "We can have some time to ourselves, okay?" she whispered as she pressed her forehead against Quinn's.
"Promise?" she whispered with a shy smile. "It doesn't feel like first date though... it feels like we've been together a lot longer."
"I know," Santana replied before tucking her head in the crook of Quinn's neck. "Sleeps again... tired me out."
Quinn chuckled softly, slipping her free arm around Santana to hold her close. "Sounds good. It's still early. Go to sleep, baby."
After a morning of showers and grabbing a piece of fruit from the continental breakfast before piling back into the car. Santana fiddled with her GPS, her sunglasses covering her face and her long hair in curly tendrils from the summer heat and the lack of a blow dryer. She took a sip of her to go coffee as she looked at the route. "Alright, like five hours," she said as she turned over the car and pulled onto the road.
"Five hours before what?" Rachel asked, leaning up to look at the GPS from the backseat. "Why are we in Canada anyway?"
"Going to Toronto," Santana said as she took the exit onto the highway.
"Toronto?!" she squeaked, falling back and reaching for her itinerary, which she then thrust up, rattling the papers at Santana, "We'll lose our deposits on the hotels along the way!"
"Deposits?" Quinn asked. "Didn't you just call and reserve a room?" she said as she drank her own coffee.
"Well, yes, but my credit card was required to make the reservation, so clearly a deposit was involved," Rachel huffed. "Besides, we have an itinerary to keep to!" she insisted, ruffling the papers again. "How will our families know where we are otherwise?"
"Cellphones?" Santana stated as she drove.
"They don't take a deposit," Quinn rolled her eyes. "They just check to make sure you can pay."
"What?" Rachel looked confused. "But why would they need my credit information then? They don't just keep that around where anyone could steal it do they?"
"No, hobbit," Quinn stated with a sigh. "They don't take your credit or money."
"But what about the itinerary? I put a lot of work into this!" she tried again.
"I don't really care. You didn't consult me or Q on it," Santana sniped as she glanced back over her shoulder at Rachel.
"That's because neither of you wanted to work on it!" she huffed. "Every single time I suggested meeting to work on it, you both blew me off."
"I had cheerleading still and Q had physio," Santana stated. "No one wanted to go to the south."
"All you had to do was say so," Rachel huffed with a pout. "But I had to work by myself cause neither of you wanted to give any input." She flopped back against the backseat to stare out the window, "Maybe I should have just flown to New York and let you two have your little adventure on your own."
"Jesus, will you just stop?" Santana asked. "The point of this trip was to get the fuck out of Lima and look we've done that. We're out here to have fun, not be annoying because you aren't getting what you planned."
"Yes, well, I'm just in the way anyway," she groused, folding her arms over her chest. "Do what you want without talking to me at all, Santana. I was just trying to help."
"Rachel!" Quinn snapped, "Thanks for helping, but we're not gonna do things your way this time."
"I didn't want us to do them my way," she muttered, staring out the window at the passing scenery, "I wanted us to talk about what we wanted to do together, but clearly I just should have made my own way to college as the two of you made plans on your own."
"I just wanna do something my way... my trip, my way," Santana huffed and looked at the road. "You can pick what we do next. But I wanna go to Toronto."
"I have no qualms with going to Toronto, Santana," Rachel sighed, leaning against the window. "I just don't understand why it couldn't have been discussed or why I had to be excluded from your plans..."
"Didn't tell Quinn until yesterday," Santana said. "I have plans for all of us there, so please just go along with it."
"I don't really have any choice in the matter," she shrugged. "It's your car after all." She sighed softly, "I just wanted to be included. That's all I ever wanted."
"Fuck, it's a graduation present and a thank you for taking in my homeless ass that's in Toronto!" Santana exclaimed. "I wanted it to be a surprise."
"You don't have to give me anything, Santana. That's absurd," she huffed. "I didn't get you or Quinn anything after all."
"Yeah, well," Santana stated, "I wanted to, so deal with it. Family gets gifts in my world."
"That would make me even more remiss for not acquiring a gift for you if we're to be considered family, Santana."
"Look, you didn't have to let me crash with you. You didn't have to take my shit and put up with me." She sighed. "Just let me do something to thank you. Both of you."
"If you insist." She sighed, leaning against the window again.
"San," Quinn reached over and let her fingers lightly drift over her thigh, "you've already given me enough by agreeing to be my girlfriend. You don't have to give me anymore," she whispered.
"Just let me do this..." Santana said softly. "It's what I need to do."
"It's fine," she smiled at her, ignoring Rachel's pouting in the backseat. "Do what you need to do. You're in control here, baby."
"Thank you," Santana said. She knew that she needed this. She didn't know how to ask for it, but now that she was being allowed to take control of something she started feeling more relaxed.
Rachel just looked up at the two of them interacting and sighed softly. The trip was starting to look like a longer experience that she'd planned.
Satana had checked them into the somewhat nicer hotel in downtown Toronto. She spoke softly with the front desk man with a smile as she took the sets of keys with a smile before going over to Quinn and Rachel. "They only had two rooms with queen beds, but they're nice and adjoining." She smiled. "My mom's cousin hooked us up."
"Impressive," Rachel smiled softly, accepting one of the keys. "It's good to have connections, I see." She looked down at the key in her hand. "Well, I suppose I'll see you two tomorrow then."
"What are you doing?" Quinn asked as she sadly held onto the wheelchair that she was seated in. She let Santana push her to the elevator and they got in with Rachel. "Do you have other plans?"
"No," she admitted softly. "I just thought... you'd like to have some time," she smiled wanly, "without me around."
"Oh. No. I thought we could all rest for a bit then go check out the town," Santana said, realizing that being with Quinn might be ruining the trip.
"If you're sure," she murmured, looking down at the suitcase in her hands. "I don't mind if you don't want to. It's okay. I'm quite used to entertaining myself after all."
Santana unlocked the room and headed inside and opened the adjoining door that connected the rooms. "I don't want that," Santana said. "I... I'm..." She looked away. "I should go get the other bag."
Rachel slumped, heading into her room. "I suppose I truly can't get out of my own way," she whispered, dropping her bag on the bed and flopping down on it. "Maybe I should have stayed home and helped tutor Brittany in summer school like she asked."
Quinn sighed. "Santana thinks she fucked the trip up," she said softly. "I guarantee it."
"Why?" she asked, looking over at her friend as she rolled into the room. "She didn't do anything wrong. I'm the piece that just doesn't fit here, Quinn."
"I asked her to be with me... and that's amazing but she knows that it's hard for you and she can't handle feeling like she's doing something wrong." Quinn sighed softly.
"She's not doing anything wrong." Rachel looked confused as she sat up. "There's nothing wrong about her being with you or you asking or any of that. If the two of you like each other like that and wish to explore the uncharted Sapphic waters, than I fully support you. It's just," she shrugged with a wan smile, "three's company, don't you think?"
"I don't... you're our friend," Quinn said as she shook her head and wheeled closer. "Santana's getting better because of you. You know that right? You're family."
"Yes, but the two of you are," she gestured trying to make the word make sense, "more. And you're new. Being here... I'm just in the way, Quinn..." Her shoulders slumped as she leaned forward. "I don't fit."
"Do you want to go home?" Quinn asked sadly, "I don't.. I don't want you to go."
She shook her head. "No... I wanted to do this with the two of you. I wanted to have fun with my friends for once in my life before I started college. I just... I don't want to mess things up with you and Santana because I'm here either..."
"You won't! I swear to God, I'm gonna fuck things up before you do." Quinn laughed sadly. "Maybe I should have waited..."
"No! Don't... don't do that," she whispered, her voice dropping after her initial outburst. "I don't want that. I don't want to change things for the two of you. I don't want to be in the way or make you feel bad or self-conscious, Quinn. You've... you've made plans. No one wanted to talk to me about them and that's fine. I just... I got surprised. That's all."
Quinn looked up. "Santana made plans... for the first time in her life she made plans and got to control something..." Quinn sighed. "I'm proud that she did it, despite the fact I didn't know."
"I don't mind that," Rachel insisted. "I just... I spent a month trying to get either of you to talk to me about this trip and neither of you wanted to. I... kind of started to wonder if either of you really wanted me along..."
"I wasn't ready to talk about it because I didn't think I could go... I wasn't going to come unless I could walk," Quinn admitted honestly. "I'm sorry I just didn't tell you that."
"It's fine, Quinn." She sighed with a shrug. "I'm used to people not telling me things."
"I didn't tell San either," she stated. "It's not something I wanted to admit... I don't know what's bothering Santana, I think she's nervous about Providence and your plan reminded her that this ends in us all leaving each other."
"That's stupid. Just because we're not in the same city anymore doesn't mean we'll stop being friends," she shook her head. "At least, I certainly hope it doesn't. I know I'd welcome her visiting whenever she wanted and I have no doubt you would as well. You'll probably both see each other a lot more than I'll see either of you, after all." She smiled wanly with a little shrug, accepting it.
"I'm pretty sure you're gonna have a little bundle of Santana at your dorm more than you think." Quinn smiled. "She kinda adores you, you know that right?"
Rachel scoffed. "You're making her sound like an infant being delivered by Brittany's stork and besides, even if she does like me that much, you're more important. And closer besides."
"You're her best friend," Quinn stated. "Do you not know that?"
"I'm not her best friend. Brittany is. Followed by you. I'm a distant third at best."
Quinn laughed. "Wow, you guys are so much alike." She shook her head and looked back up. "Brittany hasn't been her best friend in over a year. She was her girlfriend, now they're friends but not close as they had been. I'm her girlfriend, I can't be her best friend because I'm falling in love with her... You're my little buddy. You're her best friend. She tells you things. She trusts you. You are the reason she started realizing she has a weight problem. You are the one she trusts to talk about it with. You're her best friend."
"She only started talking to me about that because I have a weight problem," she huffed, flopping back on the bed. "And the idea that you can't be her best friend because you love her is ridiculous. Patently so. Best friends should always love each other. And who better to be your girlfriend - or boyfriend for that matter - than your best friend? Provided compatible orientations of course."
"I'm aware, but she needs someone who's not me... mostly because we're gonna fight. It's what we do. Suck it up and enjoy having a best friend," she said as she tapped Rachel's knee. "Wait... You had weight issues too?" She looked at her worriedly. "You're okay now?"
She shrugged, staring at the ceiling of the room. "I must be considering no one ever noticed. But it's managed. I just have trouble keeping my weight up given the restrictions and demands of my lifestyle."
"You've always been little. I can only imagine. I lost a lot if weight doing ballet as a kid and modern dance after Beth..." Quinn sighed. "I can understand you having a hard time."
"I weighed ninety eight pounds before we left," she rolled her head to look calmly at Quinn, "and when I was thirteen, I weighed closer to forty than fifty and it took a doctor telling me I could die before I believed there was anything wrong. Not that anyone but my fathers and the doctor noticed."
"I'm sorry I didn't notice," she whispered. "I weighed close to two hundred pounds when I was twelve before I moved to Lima." Quinn sighed. "We all go though stuff, but I'm so glad San has someone she can trust and understands what she's going through."
"We all have our burdens." Rachel shrugged, getting up. "Shall I help you unpack or go find where Santana has sequestered herself?"
"She's most likely smoking..." Quinn sighed as she rolled back into her side of the room. "She'll be back soon."
Rachel sighed. "Too bad such behavior does not elicit the natural craving for food in her as it does in so many others," she muttered, following Quinn in to help her with her luggage.
"Maybe someday." Quinn sighed. "So... we're doing her gift for you tomorrow afternoon, then do you think it would be okay if I borrowed her?" she asked shyly.
"She's your girlfriend." Rachel shrugged hanging things up. "You don't have to ask me permission."
"Just thought I should be polite and ask someone." Quinn shrugged, as she carefully got out of the chair and limped to the shower. "I'm gonna shower, can I call out if I can't get out myself?"
"I'd think Santana would be the one to ask," she pointed out, "but of course you can if you need assistance. I'll just stay in here until you're finished so I can hear you, if that's alright."
"Thanks," she said as she slipped into the bathroom. A few minutes later, Santana came back into the room and flopped onto the bed. "Rach?" she exclaimed as she watched her friend. "Lay with me?"
Rachel looked at Santana confusedly for a moment before sighing and getting up from the chair to climb onto the bed. "You were smoking?"
Santana nodded and rested her head on the pillow and watched Rachel. "Yes... are you mad?"
"Why would I be mad?" she asked curiously, stretching out beside her.
"You were mad earlier," Santana mumbled before curling closer. "I don't want you to be mad... I don't want to make you feel sad. This a fun trip... I want it to be fun."
"I wasn't mad," she murmured. "I just don't feel like I have any say in anything. So sometimes I think maybe it would have been better if I hadn't come. That's all."
"I wanted you to come," she said softly. "You're my best friend... I wanted you here."
"Why?" she asked softly, cuddling Santana close. "Why am I your best friend? And wouldn't you have been happier having the freedom to be as intimate with your new girlfriend as you'd like without me interrupting?"
"I didn't know she was gonna be my girlfriend," Santana mumbled as she let Rachel hold onto her. "I wanted to be with my friends. I want you to be here with me and come see your present tomorrow. I made it a good one."
"I've no doubt you did," she agreed easily, "but that doesn't actually answer the question, Santana."
"You don't judge me?" She said. "You are nice to me and don't get mad when I do something wrong."
"I don't have any right to judge you," she whispered. "And we all make mistakes, Santana. There's no need to get mad over it as long as it can be fixed."
"Yeah... I gained another two pounds," she said as she looked up at Rachel. "I'm trying..."
"I know. It's difficult but you can do it," she reassured her. She laid there for a few minutes before offering, "Maybe the plan I developed was inclined to my tastes, but I picked destinations that were handicap friendly and had available vegan options nearby."
"Thank you," Santana said softly. "You're amazing... and I just... I wanted to put us in a nice hotel... and give you a special gift and see a place where it's okay to be gay... I've never really been in one before. I thought it would be good for us."
"I'm not," she whispered. "But there's lots of places where it's okay to be gay. I just wanted to be included in things. That's why I tried to get everyone to talk about it." She sighed. "It doesn't matter now."
"It does.. I'm sorry." She said softly, "I wanted to surprise you and Quinn... I didn't want to think about leaving and talking about it would make me."
"Talking is all I ever have." She shrugged. "I've never really had the sort of friends who do things like this together before. I was under the assumption that with these sort of trips, planning was part of the fun."
"Can we sit down and plan what we do after here?" she asked as she played with a strand of Rachel's hair.
"I suppose so," Rachel said softly. She glanced towards the bathroom door. "Quinn's showering. Do you think you should check on her?"
Quinn opened the door and came out in a robe from the bathroom with her hair damp still. "I leave for five minutes and you move on from me," she teased as she moved over and unlaced and pulled off Santana's Converses.
"Wanted cuddles from Rachel," Santana said pulling the other girl closer as Quinn chuckled.
"I swear there is something about those two that insists on treating me like a living teddy bear," she complained mildly to Quinn. "Do you have any idea why this is?"
"You're small and warm? Santana liked Ewoks too much as a child and fancies herself Han Solo?" Quinn smiled as she ran a comb through her wet hair. "Or Santana Lopez just really loves to be held. Take your pick"
"I'm not an Ewok!" Rachel huffed, unconsciously hugging Santana who looked half awake. "I'm not getting out of here tonight, am I?"
"Ewok," Santana mumbled and pulled Rachel closer. Quinn chuckled and slid on the bed behind her girlfriend and smiled at Rachel.
"Not for awhile no, let her sleep for an hour... we should all rest then we can hit the town and see what kinda things we can get into." Quinn smiled. "Or just get ice cream and wander around."
"Very well, but can you promise not to bring Santana to climax again today?" she asked teasingly. "At least not while I'm in the bed as well anyway. I can't say that's a fantasy I have any urge to indulge after all."
"Oh God!" Quinn gasped, looking down to make sure that Santana was sleeping. "Don't tell her you know... We were quiet," she stammered as her face turned a deep shade of red. "I'm so sorry..."
"You were," she allowed. "And it's okay, Quinn. I won't share that I overheard. Just," she looked at Santana for a moment before looking up at Quinn, "take care of her, please? She's fragile. More than she likes anyone to know I think."
"I'll try with everything I have to make sure she knows she's special," Quinn said softly as she ran her fingers through Santana's hair. "I've never felt like this with anyone... like I can't breathe without her."
"Take care of yourself too," she whispered reaching over Santana to squeeze Quinn's hand. "I worry about both of you. I don't want either of you getting hurt if possible."
"Thank you." Quinn smiled. "Same for you. You deserve an amazing summer and an amazing year. Hell, we all do... but, I just need you to tell me and S if we're too much... I've been the single one in a group and it can be overwhelming..."
"I keep offering you two alone time." She smiled wryly. "But you keep turning me down. Honestly if you want to have an active sex life, that's your decision. There's no need to keep insisting on my company out of a mistaken sense of obligation when you wish to engage in intercourse with your lover, Quinn."
"We're not.. having sex," Quinn stammered. "I'm not ready and that was only the second time we've... touched at all...It's not the time yet."
"Quinn," Rachel looked at her reassuringly over Santana, "calm down. It's alright to be at whatever stage you're at. I'm sure whatever you're doing together is entirely enjoyable and loving. You don't have to defend or justify yourself or explain in any way to me, okay?"
She nodded and laid down after setting an alarm to ring in two hours "My whole person hurts..." She sighed, hating to admit it. "I'm gonna rest a bit. You should nap with us if your tired," she said as she rested her hand on Rachel's arm over Santana's sleeping form.
"Quinn, it's the afternoon, just leave the alarm off. We'll sleep as long as we need to and attack tomorrow bright and early, fully rested. And besides," she smiled shyly, "I don't mind spending a night and afternoon sleeping with my two best friends."
The blonde nodded and turned off the alarm before pulling the blanket up and over them. She snuggled into her girlfriend's back, looping an arm over the girls waist. Santana sighed contently at the warmth surrounding her. "Night, Rach."
"Good night, Quinn," she whispered before gently kissing Santana's forehead. "Good night, Santana."
Santana's lips turned up slightly. "Ewok," she mumbled before trying to hug Rachel more in her sleep.