Trusting You to Catch Me - Chapter Eleven
Title: Trusting You to Catch Me
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: NC-17
Length: 62,747
Spoilers: Everything up to On My Way and then deviating from there with minor Big Brother references.
Pairing: Santana/Quinn, Brittany/Santana/Quinn/Rachel friendship, mentions of Brittany/Santana, some Finn/Rachel (not positive)
Summary: Following her accident, Quinn experiences the gamut of emotion: denial to acceptance to healing and everything in between. But through it all are her friends patiently helping her with caring and friendship and maybe more.
Warnings (highlight to read): eating disorders, severe accident recovery, graphic sex, verbal abuse, minor violence, family issues, cheating, body image issues
Chapter 11
To: Santana Lopez at Gmail
From: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
Subject: Hi
Santana,
I know you probably don't want to talk to me since I've hardly ever contacted you, but you'll be turning 18 soon and your father doesn't get to say who can see you anymore after that. I just wanted to let you know that I was so proud of you seeing your perform with your show choir at the Nationals competition in New York last year. Alejandra was so excited to see you up on that stage that she's been clamoring to take singing lessons ever since.
I'm rambling. Sorry. The reason I'm writing is I'm going to be in town next week with Alejandra visiting my parents - your grandparents - in Columbus Grove and I was hoping I'd be able to see you. Alejandra would love to see you and so would I.
Please let me know.
Your mom,
Daniella.
To: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
From: Santana Lopez at Gmail
Subject: Re: Hi
Daniella,
Hey. Yeah. I turn 18 in october... so not that soon, but yeah. He's been interesting... I hate my step-mom... but what can you do. My friend Quinn got into a car accident so i've been helping her out most days and weekends I go to physio with her, so I don't know if i'll have time.
-Santana
To: Santana Lopez at Gmail
From: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
Subject: Re: Re: Hi
Are you sure? Alejandra would really love to be able to spend time with her big sister. We'll be in town for two weeks. Any time you're available, Santana. Even if it's only for a little while.
Please.
Daniella
To: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
From: Santana Lopez at Gmail
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Hi
Why do you want to see me now? I'm sure you've gone to see her grandparents more than once in the last few years. How hard is it to be like, maybe I should see my kid?
To: Santana Lopez at Gmail
From: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi
Don't be like that, Santana. You know I couldn't when you were younger. Even contacting you like this now or going to your competitions on the East Coast here technically violates the terms of the contract your father made me sign after he won custody of you. It's been eight years. Isn't that long enough to go without seeing my eldest daughter? Don't you want to meet your sister?
To: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
From: Santana Lopez at Gmail
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi
Fine. Just email me a time and place.
-S
To: Santana Lopez at Gmail
From: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi
Thank you. How about next Wednesday at Schoonover Park around 6? That's late enough for your practices and things to be over, right?
-Dani
To: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
From: Santana Lopez at Gmail
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi
Yeah. Should be fine.
To: Santana Lopez at Gmail
From: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi
We'll see you then. Alejandra is going to be so thrilled. Thank you so much. I can't wait to see you again.
Next Wednesday afternoon found an older woman sitting on a bench watching a little girl in denim overalls playing on a jungle gym. The park didn't look as good as she remembered, trash and weeds clogging the lake now, but the playground was still in relatively good shape so she leaned back and watched her little girl play.
The pair looked like a younger and older version of Santana. The woman's hair had a couple of strands of grey shooting through still glossy black hair and her skin was a little darker than Santana's. The little girl's hair was slightly lighter and her chin a bit rounder, but she still had the same cute nose and her laugh was almost identical to Santana'.s
After quite a few minutes of sitting in her car, Santana finally decided she would leave and go see the family that she had been watching. That's what they were. A family. Every once in a while, the small girl would run over and and give her mother kisses then go back and play. Santana had longed for that ever since she was a child, a parent who loved her. Who didn't seem to ignore her existence and banish her away and never show affection towards her. With a deep sigh, she got out of her car and tugged her top down so it met her jeans. She had gained five pounds since Sue benched her, and had begun to have a healthier glow about her despite her still disturbingly thin body.
She pulled her purse further over her shoulder and ran her hand through her long hair as she walked over to the grass and then the mulch that the playground was situated on. She walked closer to the bench and looked at it nervously. "Hey," Santana said, trying to sound like she wasn't scared.
The woman looked up and smiled with relief. "Santana," she breathed, reaching a hand out towards her as she stood up. "You came. Allie! Santana's here!" she called over, her eyes never leaving the daughter she'd been forced to leave.
"Tana?!" Came the excited chirp from the playground as the little girl flung herself off of the swing she'd been on, woodchips flying out from under her Converse covered feet as she pelted towards the older women. "Tana!"
Santana looked up startled and her head turned just as she felt the force of a child barreling into her legs. The force toppled her over into the grass and she looked up at the little girl who was now on top of her. "Hi?" She said as she leaned up, trying to not pull her hair on her elbow.
"Hi!" The little girl grinned up at her, hugging her legs tight. "I'm Allie! Mami says you're my big sister."
"Allie," the woman chided gently, pulling her up, "what have I said about tackling people?"
Alejandra thought about it for a moment before looking up curiously. "Um... don't? But Mami, it's Tana! I hasta give her lots of hugs to make up for all the missing ones!"
Santana just laughed softly and sat up. "Hey, I'm Santana." She said as she pushed the girl's hair back. "it's nice to meet you."
"Nice to meetcha too," she grinned big, showing off her missing teeth. "You're not mad I hugged you, right?"
Daniella laughed, "Allie, don't push. You're a lot to handle and I'm sure Santana needs a moment to get used to you."
"I'm not mad," Santana said, "But can we get off the dirt now?" She asked, the little girl scrambled off of her and to her feel. Santana got up and brushed herself off before looking at Daniella. "So..." She said awkwardly as she shifted from foot to foot.
"Sorry about that," Daniella whispered with a lopsided smile, a hand resting on Alejandra's head. "She's a handful and has been so excited to see you." She looked over her. "You... you look good," she bit her lip, wanting to hug her. "I've really missed you... I've missed a lot. I'm sorry."
"Mami," Alejandra tugged on her hand, "can I play with Tana?"
She looked down at her. "Maybe in a little bit, okay? Let me talk to her for a bit first? I haven't seen her in a long time."
Alejandra pouted and sighed a long suffering sigh to show what she thought about big people talking. "Okay..."
"I'll come chill with you in a bit, Squirt." Santana said with a small smile. "I don't like talking much either." She looked back to her mother and rolled her neck. Alejandra ran over to the playground before Santana sat down and crossed her legs. "What do you want to talk about?"
Daniella sat down beside her and shrugged with a shy smile. "You? I haven't been allowed to know anything about what's going on in your life. How's school? Have you gotten into college anywhere?" The smile turned lopsided as it grew a bit bigger, "Is there a special boy in your life? Anyone taking you to prom? I've missed everything..."
"School's fine. I'm the captain of the cheerleading squad and I sing in glee, but you knew that..." She shrugged, "College... I got into Ohio State, Kent State, University of Louisville, and Brown." She said looking away and at the ground, "Got rejected from Columbia, Yale, and Northeastern."
"Big deal," she shrugged it off, "You got into Brown! That's amazing and," she smiled at her, "happens to be in Providence where I live. Those are all wonderful school, Santana, and the ones that didn't want you? Well, they obviously don't know what they lost."
"Yeah. I have to go to Ohio State or Kent. I have to stay in state or Papi won't help pay." She said as she said softly, "So, I'm staying in Ohio."
"That's absurd," she snorted. "There's no reason that he gets to control you like he did me. Go where you want. I'll help if you need it." She hesitated for a moment then reached over and took Santana's hand. "I do alright and I'm sure there's plenty of scholarships and grants out there that you qualify for. You can go to Brown or Louisville if you want."
"Brown gave me most of a tuition scholarship," She said, "he doesn't want me to go to Rhode Island. He doesn't know I applied."
"Then what's the problem?" she asked curiously. "You've got a scholarship and can apply for more help if you need it. What do you need his control in your life for anymore? Live your life, Santana. Yours."
She shrugged, "We will see. I have some time before I have to make a decision yet. I'm still weighing all my options." She ran a hand through her hair and looked over at Alejandra before looking back at her mother. "It's my life, but I'm not going to turn my back on him after everything he's done for me."
"Yes," she sighed, glancing over at Alejandra when she called out to get their attention. "I suppose I understand that. You're being very wise about this whole thing. Good for you. Now," she glanced sidelong at Santana with a smirk, "what about romance? Are you seeing anyone? Got a boyfriend to take you to prom?"
"No, I just got dumped actually." Santana crossed her arms and wondered how to even begin to bridge this. "I'm not going to go to prom, I'm mostly likely going to stay at home with my friend Quinn and get really really high. Since she's in a wheelchair right now anyway."
"Ouch," she winced, "getting dumped is the worst. Doesn't mean you need to skip prom. Quinn? That's the little girl you played with when you were little, right? The blonde one? Why's she in a wheelchair?"
"She got hit by a car," She said softly, "She got pretty trashed,"
"Jesus!" Danielle gasped. "My God, is she okay? What am I saying? Of course she's not! Jesus... she's going to be okay though, right? She always was such a sweet girl, I'd hate for anything terrible to happen to her."
"She's getting better, no worries." Santana said as she straightened her legs out. "But, other than that. Nothing in my life, just school and chilling."
"That's good." She nodded, looking over at Alejandra playing for a moment. "So there's no one special in your life? Not even a crush?"
"Look, I don't have a boyfriend. Okay?" Santana finally snapped, "Why is it so damn important that I have one? Cuz lemme break it to you? Ain't never gonna happen."
She flinched at the vehemence in her voice. "Okay," she whispered, "Sorry..."
"Sorry... it's a touchy subject." She sighed, "I got outted to the entire fucking state... and dad's not happy about it."
"Outted?" Her brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean outted? Santana, I don't understand..."
"I'm gay." She closed her eyes and waited rejection from yet another family member. "It was used against my coach in a television add and the whole state saw it and it... and... and... he sued and we got a settlement... but Abulela won't talk to me anymore..."
"You're... gay?" Daniella licked her lips and leaned back against the bench. "Oh."
It wasn't what she'd expected for her little girl when she'd first held her. She wouldn't lie and say she'd hoped for anything like that, but she was still her baby girl. Still her Santana.
She took a deep breath. "Does," she swallowed, "does being... being with women make you happy?"
"It did until I realized they suck more than dudes," She groaned, "But, yeah. Girls make me happier than boys..."
Daniella nodded slow. "Well... okay then. As long as you're happy." She did her best to smile at Santana.
"You.. don't hate me?" she asked softly.
"Of course not," she looked startled at the idea. "You're my baby girl, Santana, even if you're almost all grown up now. I'm not thrilled with the idea, but it's who you are. It's not easy being gay in this world and I want things to be easy for my kids." She smiled lopsidedly, "Guess I should give up any dreams of seeing you with little ones though, huh?"
"No... I can still have kids?" She asked, "Why couldn't I? Gay people have kids all the time?" She looked concerned, "Does this mean I can't have them?"
"I... guess not?" she looked confused for a moment. "It'll be harder though I guess. I mean, you can't have kids naturally like a man and woman can."
"I guess.... whatever, I'm not even thinking about it yet." She sighed, "My girl dumped so, so I'm just gonna chill and stay non-date-ing so papi and abuela will love me again."
"Forgive me, but that's stupid, Santana," she chided. "If they can't or won't love you for being you, they don't deserve you. You shouldn't have to be unhappy just to have someone love you."
She laughed softly. "Welcome to everyday of my life," she said regretfully. "But, look. I'm fine, I'm dealing... You have your family and your kid. Just make sure she has love okay? I'm sure she does... but kids know when they're not loved."
"Santana," Daniella whispered with a little smile, "you're my family too. You're my kid. And I love you. I've loved you since the first moment I saw you and I've never stopped just because your father made me promise not to contact you... I love you just as much as Allie. You two are my world."
Santana wasn't sure she believed her mother but she nodded anyway. "Yeah." she said softly, "I should go see her before I need to go.. my dad will want me home soon."
"Your dad can stuff it. If you ever want a home, Santana," she trailed off, knowing she didn't really have the right to offer after losing the fight for the girl eight years ago.
"Thanks," she said softly. "My family is flawed... But I can handle it right now."
"Well just remember," she smiled softly at her as she squeezed her hand, "if you ever need a home, you have one with us. No questions asked."
"Tana!" Alejandra yelled, running over, "Play with me!"
"Alright, squirt." Santana said softly as she got up and walked over with her. "What do you wanna do? Swings? Monkey bars?"
She looked up at Santana with big eyes. "You can do monkey bars? Mami says I'm not big enough yet."
“You are kinda small,” Santana said, “So we won't do them since I can’t get hurt right now.” She smiled, “So, swings?”
"Yay, swings!" Alejandra cheered, dancing around Santana happily. "Push me? I like going high!"
Santana nodded and waited until she got on before pushing her. “So, tell me about you?” she asked as she pushed the girl not too high.
"I'm five," she chirped, kicking her feet and trying to go faster. "And I'm in Ms Bridget's class at school but Tommy's a meanie."
“That sucks,” She said, “First grade? Do you like it?”
"I'm not in first grade until next year, silly," she laughed, kicking her heels. "I'm in kindergarten and I like coloring. Ms Bridget is super nice and gives us storytime every day if we're good. Ooh! I took the papers from when you sang in the city for show and tell! Mami videoed it and I gots to tell everyone how awesome my big sister was."
“Oh, thanks,” Santana smiled, “I didn’t sing much though there. We had another group in my school before it ended and I was singing all the songs.”
"Really?" she looked back over her shoulder at Santana. "I wish I coulda saw that. I bet you were super awesome!"
“Hold on tight, okay?” Santana warned as she pushed her higher. “You're going to see your grandparents?”
"Uh-huh. Are you gonna come?" she asked. "You should come! I wanna play with you more!"
“Sorry, kid. I can’t. They’re your family not mine and I have things I need to do,” she said softly, hating knowing she had family other than her dad in Ohio, but couldn’t see them.
Alejandra looked confused and sad. "But they're Mami's mommy and daddy, so that makes them yours too, right?"
“Yeah, but like... I haven’t seen them in forever and I have plans. Don’t pout, okay?”
"But I wanna play with you again," she pouted. "I never gets to see you and your the only big sister I gots, Tana. Don't you love me?"
“I do...” she said, not really sure about how she felt about her mom’s daughter. “Sisters right? I just live really far away.”
"I don't like you far away," Alejandra sighed, kicking her feet sadly as she swung. "I only has Mami and everyone's far away. It's sad."
“Your mom loves you a lot, squirt,” Santana smiled, “I can write you if you want...”
"I can't reads yet," she mumbled, gripping the swing's chains in her little hands and looking down at where her toes were barely scraping the ground. "Mami has to work and I have to stay with Missus Sanders and her stinky boys until she gets home. It's not fair everyone's far away."
“Yeah... I know the feeling,” Santana mumbled. “Mom was far away from me when I was a kid like you.”
"That's sad. Mami shoulda been with you. Maybe then we could play more?"
“Maybe, but I live with my father... and I need to get home soon.” She said softly.
She cocked her head to the side as she regarded her sister. "You have a daddy? My daddy went away and went to sleep for a long time before I was big. Do you like having a daddy?"
“Sorry... That happens sometimes... I have... He’s my only parent I grew up with.” She sighed, “I don’t really know what it's like to have a mom.”
"But Mami loves you. She has pictures of you at home and we pray for you at night," she nodded.
“That's nice of you,” She smiled.
"Mami says you should always pray for people you love so Jesus can give them hugs when you can't," she chirped. "So we pray for daddy and we pray for you. Does Jesus give nice hugs?"
Santana laughed, “Don’t know, I think he just makes us know people love us.”
"Oh," she looked sad. "Do you have a friend to give you hugs then? My friend Sally gives good hugs when I fall down."
“Yes, I have a very good friend named Quinn.”
"Really? Do you think she'll give you hugs for me when I can't?" Alejandra looked up at Santana hopefully.
“Of course, squirt.” Santana smiled and wrapped her arms around the girl.
"Good, cause I owe you like lots and lots," she chirped, hugging Santana as tight as she could. "Can I has a picture with you and me? To keep with my picture of Mami and Daddy by my bed?"
“Sure,” Santana smiled as she lifted her off the swing and picked her up in the hug. “Lets ask your mom, okay?” She walked over to Daniella and moved to put the girl back on her feet.
"Hold me?" she asked softly. "It's like a long hug and cuddle wrapped up in one," she added, resting her head on Santana's shoulder.
“Okay,” she replied as she held the kid awkwardly. “She would like you to take a picture for her...”
"Not surprised," Daniella admitted with a smile, pulling a camera out. "She loves pictures. Where do you think would be best?"
“By the tree?” Santana offered, not loving the idea of her photo being taken.
"Sure," she nodded, heading over. "And Santana? Thank you. This will mean so much to her when we're back home."
Alejandra nodded from where she'd wrapped her arms around Santana's neck, "Now I can say good night to you every night."
Santana held her close and tickled her slightly, “Smile,” she whispered as Daniella snapped the picture. “See, now you have a picture.”
"Yay!" she cheered. "Now I can has you with me always, even when you're far away." She smiled at Santana before snuggling in against her again. "I love you, Tana. You're the best big sister."
“Love ya too, squirt.” Santana smiled and kissed her head. “I’m glad I got to meet you, even though it was short and I have to go home now.”
"We can come visits again and maybe you can come visits us!" Alejandra looked excited by that idea, bouncing in Santana's arms. "I could show you all my favorite places! And you could meet my friends!"
“I can try to come visit... but it’s hard to visit me here.” she said honestly, “but, I’ll try to come see you.”
"Really?!" the little girl cheered. "Yay! You're the best!" she hugged her tight.
"Allie, don't push. Let Santana do what she needs to do, okay?" Daniella said softly, reaching for her youngest.
“Finnnne,” Alejandra exclaimed, before going with her mom. Santana chuckled and brushed her shirt straight.
“It was good seeing you,” She said to her mom.
"Better than good for me," Daniella admitted. "I... I hope we can do this again? See each other I mean. Maybe email? Or... I'll give you my number if you ever want to talk?"
“Email... for a while I think... It’s all really soon and my dad monitors my calls.” she explained.
She nodded. "Understandable. The man always was... controlling. Remember though, if you need anything... just contact me. I'll do anything I can to help. Promise."
“Thanks,” She tucked her hair back nervously, “I should get going.”
"Here," she whispered, handing her a card with her contact information. "Keep it somewhere safe that you know he won't find it. I nearly ruined myself trying to keep you, Santana. I will do anything for you. All you have to do is call."
“I know...” She said softly, “Have a good visit with your family.” She pushed her hair back and sighed, she leaned forward and hugged her lightly.
"When you turn eighteen I'll take you to see them too," she whispered, hugging her back. "They miss you. I'll see you then?"
She nodded and kissed her sisters head before quickly pulling away and quickly moving back to her car. She broke down and cried softly as she clutched onto the steering wheel.
An hour later, she arrived home. Almost as soon as she set foot into the house, a voice thick with distaste echoed through the house.
"Santana? Is that you?" She could hear the sharp clack of heels against the wood as the woman came down the hall. "You're late. Whatever would your father think about how your truancy embarrasses this family?"
Santana slipped off her shoes and carefully put them on the mat so she wouldn't get anything dirty. "I'm sorry..." She said, as she clutched the strap of her bag on her shoulder. "I was doing homework in the park and I lost track of the time."
"That's no excuse," the woman snapped, finally stepping into view. She looked the picture of a Mary Kay representative, from her pale pink power suit to her pearls and her carefully curled blonde hair. Even her make up was beyond reproach. The only thing wrong was the flat brown eyes glaring at Santana - though she was sure there were blue contacts waiting to be slid in.
"He's still at work, what's the big deal?" Santana asked as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail.
"The big deal is you were supposed to be here an hour ago and have no made me late for my rounds," she glared at Santana.
"Last time I checked Cherie, you are an adult and can go out and cross the street by yourself." Santana exclaimed with a roll of her eyes as she headed into the kitchen to start making dinner for her dad.
"Listen to me, you little tramp," Cherie snarled, stalking into the kitchen after her. "You know damn well your father wants you here and not off galavanting around town fucking cheerleaders. So keep your fingers out of whatever slut is spreading her legs for you since that idiot dropped you and get your bony ass home when you're supposed to."
Santana spun around and raised her eyebrow, "Look here, I get that you hate me. You've spent 8 years making sure I know that I am in the way of you having my dad's money." She crossed her arms, "And respect that about you. Being a goldigger is hard ass work, but back the fuck off of me."
"Do not make me resort to telling your father about your disgusting behaviors, Santana," she threatened. "You know what you'd lose."
"Disgusting behaviour?" She asked, "I was doing homework, I know you're dumb but seriously homework is a good thing! I'm so tired of your crap, why the hell do you hate me so much. I've never done, anything to you."
"You hateful little beast," she sounded incredulous. "I've allowed you to stay here. Cared for you and made sure you were clothed and fed. Carlos wanted you so I made room for you in our lives. And this is how you repay my kindness? By being gay and embarrassing us in front of the entire state? You're lucky he didn't throw you out on principle."
"He's my dad," she exclaimed, "He loves me! He wanted to keep me, you are just his wife."
"He wanted to keep you because it looks bad to send your child off to live in squalor with her useless bitch of a mother." She sneered at Santana, "You actually think he kept you because he loved you? You're his property just like your mother was until I showed him how much happier he'd be without her."
Santana charged and got into her face, "You're nothing but a useless whore," Santana exclaimed, "My mother is a good person, unlike you."
The woman's hand lashed out, cracking across Santana's face, her nails leaving a slight scratch. "How dare you?! I am your Father's wife! You have to respect me! Or," her voice dropped menacingly low, "I'll tell your father about everything you've been up to with that Quinn girl or the Berry girl. You know he'll believe me. His wife."
"Given that Quinn's paralyzed right now? And Rachel is getting married, it's doubtful," Santana said, trying to not show that she was in pain. "I don't even care. I know that i'm doing everything right, i'm doing everything he asked so you can't say that I'm embarrassing you or him."
"I can say anything I want," she sneered, "and you can't even prove me wrong."
Santana looked away and moved to the stove, "I thought you had to go do something." She stated as she started to make her father's favourite for dinner.
She glanced at the clock then sneered at her. "You're lucky my rounds are more important than your deviancy."
Santana just kept her back to the woman and continued making dinner and hoped the woman was being her normal self versus actually following through her on threats towards Santana.
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: NC-17
Length: 62,747
Spoilers: Everything up to On My Way and then deviating from there with minor Big Brother references.
Pairing: Santana/Quinn, Brittany/Santana/Quinn/Rachel friendship, mentions of Brittany/Santana, some Finn/Rachel (not positive)
Summary: Following her accident, Quinn experiences the gamut of emotion: denial to acceptance to healing and everything in between. But through it all are her friends patiently helping her with caring and friendship and maybe more.
Warnings (highlight to read): eating disorders, severe accident recovery, graphic sex, verbal abuse, minor violence, family issues, cheating, body image issues
Chapter 11
To: Santana Lopez at Gmail
From: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
Subject: Hi
Santana,
I know you probably don't want to talk to me since I've hardly ever contacted you, but you'll be turning 18 soon and your father doesn't get to say who can see you anymore after that. I just wanted to let you know that I was so proud of you seeing your perform with your show choir at the Nationals competition in New York last year. Alejandra was so excited to see you up on that stage that she's been clamoring to take singing lessons ever since.
I'm rambling. Sorry. The reason I'm writing is I'm going to be in town next week with Alejandra visiting my parents - your grandparents - in Columbus Grove and I was hoping I'd be able to see you. Alejandra would love to see you and so would I.
Please let me know.
Your mom,
Daniella.
To: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
From: Santana Lopez at Gmail
Subject: Re: Hi
Daniella,
Hey. Yeah. I turn 18 in october... so not that soon, but yeah. He's been interesting... I hate my step-mom... but what can you do. My friend Quinn got into a car accident so i've been helping her out most days and weekends I go to physio with her, so I don't know if i'll have time.
-Santana
To: Santana Lopez at Gmail
From: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
Subject: Re: Re: Hi
Are you sure? Alejandra would really love to be able to spend time with her big sister. We'll be in town for two weeks. Any time you're available, Santana. Even if it's only for a little while.
Please.
Daniella
To: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
From: Santana Lopez at Gmail
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Hi
Why do you want to see me now? I'm sure you've gone to see her grandparents more than once in the last few years. How hard is it to be like, maybe I should see my kid?
To: Santana Lopez at Gmail
From: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi
Don't be like that, Santana. You know I couldn't when you were younger. Even contacting you like this now or going to your competitions on the East Coast here technically violates the terms of the contract your father made me sign after he won custody of you. It's been eight years. Isn't that long enough to go without seeing my eldest daughter? Don't you want to meet your sister?
To: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
From: Santana Lopez at Gmail
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi
Fine. Just email me a time and place.
-S
To: Santana Lopez at Gmail
From: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi
Thank you. How about next Wednesday at Schoonover Park around 6? That's late enough for your practices and things to be over, right?
-Dani
To: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
From: Santana Lopez at Gmail
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi
Yeah. Should be fine.
To: Santana Lopez at Gmail
From: Daniella Thompson at Comcast
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi
We'll see you then. Alejandra is going to be so thrilled. Thank you so much. I can't wait to see you again.
Next Wednesday afternoon found an older woman sitting on a bench watching a little girl in denim overalls playing on a jungle gym. The park didn't look as good as she remembered, trash and weeds clogging the lake now, but the playground was still in relatively good shape so she leaned back and watched her little girl play.
The pair looked like a younger and older version of Santana. The woman's hair had a couple of strands of grey shooting through still glossy black hair and her skin was a little darker than Santana's. The little girl's hair was slightly lighter and her chin a bit rounder, but she still had the same cute nose and her laugh was almost identical to Santana'.s
After quite a few minutes of sitting in her car, Santana finally decided she would leave and go see the family that she had been watching. That's what they were. A family. Every once in a while, the small girl would run over and and give her mother kisses then go back and play. Santana had longed for that ever since she was a child, a parent who loved her. Who didn't seem to ignore her existence and banish her away and never show affection towards her. With a deep sigh, she got out of her car and tugged her top down so it met her jeans. She had gained five pounds since Sue benched her, and had begun to have a healthier glow about her despite her still disturbingly thin body.
She pulled her purse further over her shoulder and ran her hand through her long hair as she walked over to the grass and then the mulch that the playground was situated on. She walked closer to the bench and looked at it nervously. "Hey," Santana said, trying to sound like she wasn't scared.
The woman looked up and smiled with relief. "Santana," she breathed, reaching a hand out towards her as she stood up. "You came. Allie! Santana's here!" she called over, her eyes never leaving the daughter she'd been forced to leave.
"Tana?!" Came the excited chirp from the playground as the little girl flung herself off of the swing she'd been on, woodchips flying out from under her Converse covered feet as she pelted towards the older women. "Tana!"
Santana looked up startled and her head turned just as she felt the force of a child barreling into her legs. The force toppled her over into the grass and she looked up at the little girl who was now on top of her. "Hi?" She said as she leaned up, trying to not pull her hair on her elbow.
"Hi!" The little girl grinned up at her, hugging her legs tight. "I'm Allie! Mami says you're my big sister."
"Allie," the woman chided gently, pulling her up, "what have I said about tackling people?"
Alejandra thought about it for a moment before looking up curiously. "Um... don't? But Mami, it's Tana! I hasta give her lots of hugs to make up for all the missing ones!"
Santana just laughed softly and sat up. "Hey, I'm Santana." She said as she pushed the girl's hair back. "it's nice to meet you."
"Nice to meetcha too," she grinned big, showing off her missing teeth. "You're not mad I hugged you, right?"
Daniella laughed, "Allie, don't push. You're a lot to handle and I'm sure Santana needs a moment to get used to you."
"I'm not mad," Santana said, "But can we get off the dirt now?" She asked, the little girl scrambled off of her and to her feel. Santana got up and brushed herself off before looking at Daniella. "So..." She said awkwardly as she shifted from foot to foot.
"Sorry about that," Daniella whispered with a lopsided smile, a hand resting on Alejandra's head. "She's a handful and has been so excited to see you." She looked over her. "You... you look good," she bit her lip, wanting to hug her. "I've really missed you... I've missed a lot. I'm sorry."
"Mami," Alejandra tugged on her hand, "can I play with Tana?"
She looked down at her. "Maybe in a little bit, okay? Let me talk to her for a bit first? I haven't seen her in a long time."
Alejandra pouted and sighed a long suffering sigh to show what she thought about big people talking. "Okay..."
"I'll come chill with you in a bit, Squirt." Santana said with a small smile. "I don't like talking much either." She looked back to her mother and rolled her neck. Alejandra ran over to the playground before Santana sat down and crossed her legs. "What do you want to talk about?"
Daniella sat down beside her and shrugged with a shy smile. "You? I haven't been allowed to know anything about what's going on in your life. How's school? Have you gotten into college anywhere?" The smile turned lopsided as it grew a bit bigger, "Is there a special boy in your life? Anyone taking you to prom? I've missed everything..."
"School's fine. I'm the captain of the cheerleading squad and I sing in glee, but you knew that..." She shrugged, "College... I got into Ohio State, Kent State, University of Louisville, and Brown." She said looking away and at the ground, "Got rejected from Columbia, Yale, and Northeastern."
"Big deal," she shrugged it off, "You got into Brown! That's amazing and," she smiled at her, "happens to be in Providence where I live. Those are all wonderful school, Santana, and the ones that didn't want you? Well, they obviously don't know what they lost."
"Yeah. I have to go to Ohio State or Kent. I have to stay in state or Papi won't help pay." She said as she said softly, "So, I'm staying in Ohio."
"That's absurd," she snorted. "There's no reason that he gets to control you like he did me. Go where you want. I'll help if you need it." She hesitated for a moment then reached over and took Santana's hand. "I do alright and I'm sure there's plenty of scholarships and grants out there that you qualify for. You can go to Brown or Louisville if you want."
"Brown gave me most of a tuition scholarship," She said, "he doesn't want me to go to Rhode Island. He doesn't know I applied."
"Then what's the problem?" she asked curiously. "You've got a scholarship and can apply for more help if you need it. What do you need his control in your life for anymore? Live your life, Santana. Yours."
She shrugged, "We will see. I have some time before I have to make a decision yet. I'm still weighing all my options." She ran a hand through her hair and looked over at Alejandra before looking back at her mother. "It's my life, but I'm not going to turn my back on him after everything he's done for me."
"Yes," she sighed, glancing over at Alejandra when she called out to get their attention. "I suppose I understand that. You're being very wise about this whole thing. Good for you. Now," she glanced sidelong at Santana with a smirk, "what about romance? Are you seeing anyone? Got a boyfriend to take you to prom?"
"No, I just got dumped actually." Santana crossed her arms and wondered how to even begin to bridge this. "I'm not going to go to prom, I'm mostly likely going to stay at home with my friend Quinn and get really really high. Since she's in a wheelchair right now anyway."
"Ouch," she winced, "getting dumped is the worst. Doesn't mean you need to skip prom. Quinn? That's the little girl you played with when you were little, right? The blonde one? Why's she in a wheelchair?"
"She got hit by a car," She said softly, "She got pretty trashed,"
"Jesus!" Danielle gasped. "My God, is she okay? What am I saying? Of course she's not! Jesus... she's going to be okay though, right? She always was such a sweet girl, I'd hate for anything terrible to happen to her."
"She's getting better, no worries." Santana said as she straightened her legs out. "But, other than that. Nothing in my life, just school and chilling."
"That's good." She nodded, looking over at Alejandra playing for a moment. "So there's no one special in your life? Not even a crush?"
"Look, I don't have a boyfriend. Okay?" Santana finally snapped, "Why is it so damn important that I have one? Cuz lemme break it to you? Ain't never gonna happen."
She flinched at the vehemence in her voice. "Okay," she whispered, "Sorry..."
"Sorry... it's a touchy subject." She sighed, "I got outted to the entire fucking state... and dad's not happy about it."
"Outted?" Her brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean outted? Santana, I don't understand..."
"I'm gay." She closed her eyes and waited rejection from yet another family member. "It was used against my coach in a television add and the whole state saw it and it... and... and... he sued and we got a settlement... but Abulela won't talk to me anymore..."
"You're... gay?" Daniella licked her lips and leaned back against the bench. "Oh."
It wasn't what she'd expected for her little girl when she'd first held her. She wouldn't lie and say she'd hoped for anything like that, but she was still her baby girl. Still her Santana.
She took a deep breath. "Does," she swallowed, "does being... being with women make you happy?"
"It did until I realized they suck more than dudes," She groaned, "But, yeah. Girls make me happier than boys..."
Daniella nodded slow. "Well... okay then. As long as you're happy." She did her best to smile at Santana.
"You.. don't hate me?" she asked softly.
"Of course not," she looked startled at the idea. "You're my baby girl, Santana, even if you're almost all grown up now. I'm not thrilled with the idea, but it's who you are. It's not easy being gay in this world and I want things to be easy for my kids." She smiled lopsidedly, "Guess I should give up any dreams of seeing you with little ones though, huh?"
"No... I can still have kids?" She asked, "Why couldn't I? Gay people have kids all the time?" She looked concerned, "Does this mean I can't have them?"
"I... guess not?" she looked confused for a moment. "It'll be harder though I guess. I mean, you can't have kids naturally like a man and woman can."
"I guess.... whatever, I'm not even thinking about it yet." She sighed, "My girl dumped so, so I'm just gonna chill and stay non-date-ing so papi and abuela will love me again."
"Forgive me, but that's stupid, Santana," she chided. "If they can't or won't love you for being you, they don't deserve you. You shouldn't have to be unhappy just to have someone love you."
She laughed softly. "Welcome to everyday of my life," she said regretfully. "But, look. I'm fine, I'm dealing... You have your family and your kid. Just make sure she has love okay? I'm sure she does... but kids know when they're not loved."
"Santana," Daniella whispered with a little smile, "you're my family too. You're my kid. And I love you. I've loved you since the first moment I saw you and I've never stopped just because your father made me promise not to contact you... I love you just as much as Allie. You two are my world."
Santana wasn't sure she believed her mother but she nodded anyway. "Yeah." she said softly, "I should go see her before I need to go.. my dad will want me home soon."
"Your dad can stuff it. If you ever want a home, Santana," she trailed off, knowing she didn't really have the right to offer after losing the fight for the girl eight years ago.
"Thanks," she said softly. "My family is flawed... But I can handle it right now."
"Well just remember," she smiled softly at her as she squeezed her hand, "if you ever need a home, you have one with us. No questions asked."
"Tana!" Alejandra yelled, running over, "Play with me!"
"Alright, squirt." Santana said softly as she got up and walked over with her. "What do you wanna do? Swings? Monkey bars?"
She looked up at Santana with big eyes. "You can do monkey bars? Mami says I'm not big enough yet."
“You are kinda small,” Santana said, “So we won't do them since I can’t get hurt right now.” She smiled, “So, swings?”
"Yay, swings!" Alejandra cheered, dancing around Santana happily. "Push me? I like going high!"
Santana nodded and waited until she got on before pushing her. “So, tell me about you?” she asked as she pushed the girl not too high.
"I'm five," she chirped, kicking her feet and trying to go faster. "And I'm in Ms Bridget's class at school but Tommy's a meanie."
“That sucks,” She said, “First grade? Do you like it?”
"I'm not in first grade until next year, silly," she laughed, kicking her heels. "I'm in kindergarten and I like coloring. Ms Bridget is super nice and gives us storytime every day if we're good. Ooh! I took the papers from when you sang in the city for show and tell! Mami videoed it and I gots to tell everyone how awesome my big sister was."
“Oh, thanks,” Santana smiled, “I didn’t sing much though there. We had another group in my school before it ended and I was singing all the songs.”
"Really?" she looked back over her shoulder at Santana. "I wish I coulda saw that. I bet you were super awesome!"
“Hold on tight, okay?” Santana warned as she pushed her higher. “You're going to see your grandparents?”
"Uh-huh. Are you gonna come?" she asked. "You should come! I wanna play with you more!"
“Sorry, kid. I can’t. They’re your family not mine and I have things I need to do,” she said softly, hating knowing she had family other than her dad in Ohio, but couldn’t see them.
Alejandra looked confused and sad. "But they're Mami's mommy and daddy, so that makes them yours too, right?"
“Yeah, but like... I haven’t seen them in forever and I have plans. Don’t pout, okay?”
"But I wanna play with you again," she pouted. "I never gets to see you and your the only big sister I gots, Tana. Don't you love me?"
“I do...” she said, not really sure about how she felt about her mom’s daughter. “Sisters right? I just live really far away.”
"I don't like you far away," Alejandra sighed, kicking her feet sadly as she swung. "I only has Mami and everyone's far away. It's sad."
“Your mom loves you a lot, squirt,” Santana smiled, “I can write you if you want...”
"I can't reads yet," she mumbled, gripping the swing's chains in her little hands and looking down at where her toes were barely scraping the ground. "Mami has to work and I have to stay with Missus Sanders and her stinky boys until she gets home. It's not fair everyone's far away."
“Yeah... I know the feeling,” Santana mumbled. “Mom was far away from me when I was a kid like you.”
"That's sad. Mami shoulda been with you. Maybe then we could play more?"
“Maybe, but I live with my father... and I need to get home soon.” She said softly.
She cocked her head to the side as she regarded her sister. "You have a daddy? My daddy went away and went to sleep for a long time before I was big. Do you like having a daddy?"
“Sorry... That happens sometimes... I have... He’s my only parent I grew up with.” She sighed, “I don’t really know what it's like to have a mom.”
"But Mami loves you. She has pictures of you at home and we pray for you at night," she nodded.
“That's nice of you,” She smiled.
"Mami says you should always pray for people you love so Jesus can give them hugs when you can't," she chirped. "So we pray for daddy and we pray for you. Does Jesus give nice hugs?"
Santana laughed, “Don’t know, I think he just makes us know people love us.”
"Oh," she looked sad. "Do you have a friend to give you hugs then? My friend Sally gives good hugs when I fall down."
“Yes, I have a very good friend named Quinn.”
"Really? Do you think she'll give you hugs for me when I can't?" Alejandra looked up at Santana hopefully.
“Of course, squirt.” Santana smiled and wrapped her arms around the girl.
"Good, cause I owe you like lots and lots," she chirped, hugging Santana as tight as she could. "Can I has a picture with you and me? To keep with my picture of Mami and Daddy by my bed?"
“Sure,” Santana smiled as she lifted her off the swing and picked her up in the hug. “Lets ask your mom, okay?” She walked over to Daniella and moved to put the girl back on her feet.
"Hold me?" she asked softly. "It's like a long hug and cuddle wrapped up in one," she added, resting her head on Santana's shoulder.
“Okay,” she replied as she held the kid awkwardly. “She would like you to take a picture for her...”
"Not surprised," Daniella admitted with a smile, pulling a camera out. "She loves pictures. Where do you think would be best?"
“By the tree?” Santana offered, not loving the idea of her photo being taken.
"Sure," she nodded, heading over. "And Santana? Thank you. This will mean so much to her when we're back home."
Alejandra nodded from where she'd wrapped her arms around Santana's neck, "Now I can say good night to you every night."
Santana held her close and tickled her slightly, “Smile,” she whispered as Daniella snapped the picture. “See, now you have a picture.”
"Yay!" she cheered. "Now I can has you with me always, even when you're far away." She smiled at Santana before snuggling in against her again. "I love you, Tana. You're the best big sister."
“Love ya too, squirt.” Santana smiled and kissed her head. “I’m glad I got to meet you, even though it was short and I have to go home now.”
"We can come visits again and maybe you can come visits us!" Alejandra looked excited by that idea, bouncing in Santana's arms. "I could show you all my favorite places! And you could meet my friends!"
“I can try to come visit... but it’s hard to visit me here.” she said honestly, “but, I’ll try to come see you.”
"Really?!" the little girl cheered. "Yay! You're the best!" she hugged her tight.
"Allie, don't push. Let Santana do what she needs to do, okay?" Daniella said softly, reaching for her youngest.
“Finnnne,” Alejandra exclaimed, before going with her mom. Santana chuckled and brushed her shirt straight.
“It was good seeing you,” She said to her mom.
"Better than good for me," Daniella admitted. "I... I hope we can do this again? See each other I mean. Maybe email? Or... I'll give you my number if you ever want to talk?"
“Email... for a while I think... It’s all really soon and my dad monitors my calls.” she explained.
She nodded. "Understandable. The man always was... controlling. Remember though, if you need anything... just contact me. I'll do anything I can to help. Promise."
“Thanks,” She tucked her hair back nervously, “I should get going.”
"Here," she whispered, handing her a card with her contact information. "Keep it somewhere safe that you know he won't find it. I nearly ruined myself trying to keep you, Santana. I will do anything for you. All you have to do is call."
“I know...” She said softly, “Have a good visit with your family.” She pushed her hair back and sighed, she leaned forward and hugged her lightly.
"When you turn eighteen I'll take you to see them too," she whispered, hugging her back. "They miss you. I'll see you then?"
She nodded and kissed her sisters head before quickly pulling away and quickly moving back to her car. She broke down and cried softly as she clutched onto the steering wheel.
An hour later, she arrived home. Almost as soon as she set foot into the house, a voice thick with distaste echoed through the house.
"Santana? Is that you?" She could hear the sharp clack of heels against the wood as the woman came down the hall. "You're late. Whatever would your father think about how your truancy embarrasses this family?"
Santana slipped off her shoes and carefully put them on the mat so she wouldn't get anything dirty. "I'm sorry..." She said, as she clutched the strap of her bag on her shoulder. "I was doing homework in the park and I lost track of the time."
"That's no excuse," the woman snapped, finally stepping into view. She looked the picture of a Mary Kay representative, from her pale pink power suit to her pearls and her carefully curled blonde hair. Even her make up was beyond reproach. The only thing wrong was the flat brown eyes glaring at Santana - though she was sure there were blue contacts waiting to be slid in.
"He's still at work, what's the big deal?" Santana asked as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail.
"The big deal is you were supposed to be here an hour ago and have no made me late for my rounds," she glared at Santana.
"Last time I checked Cherie, you are an adult and can go out and cross the street by yourself." Santana exclaimed with a roll of her eyes as she headed into the kitchen to start making dinner for her dad.
"Listen to me, you little tramp," Cherie snarled, stalking into the kitchen after her. "You know damn well your father wants you here and not off galavanting around town fucking cheerleaders. So keep your fingers out of whatever slut is spreading her legs for you since that idiot dropped you and get your bony ass home when you're supposed to."
Santana spun around and raised her eyebrow, "Look here, I get that you hate me. You've spent 8 years making sure I know that I am in the way of you having my dad's money." She crossed her arms, "And respect that about you. Being a goldigger is hard ass work, but back the fuck off of me."
"Do not make me resort to telling your father about your disgusting behaviors, Santana," she threatened. "You know what you'd lose."
"Disgusting behaviour?" She asked, "I was doing homework, I know you're dumb but seriously homework is a good thing! I'm so tired of your crap, why the hell do you hate me so much. I've never done, anything to you."
"You hateful little beast," she sounded incredulous. "I've allowed you to stay here. Cared for you and made sure you were clothed and fed. Carlos wanted you so I made room for you in our lives. And this is how you repay my kindness? By being gay and embarrassing us in front of the entire state? You're lucky he didn't throw you out on principle."
"He's my dad," she exclaimed, "He loves me! He wanted to keep me, you are just his wife."
"He wanted to keep you because it looks bad to send your child off to live in squalor with her useless bitch of a mother." She sneered at Santana, "You actually think he kept you because he loved you? You're his property just like your mother was until I showed him how much happier he'd be without her."
Santana charged and got into her face, "You're nothing but a useless whore," Santana exclaimed, "My mother is a good person, unlike you."
The woman's hand lashed out, cracking across Santana's face, her nails leaving a slight scratch. "How dare you?! I am your Father's wife! You have to respect me! Or," her voice dropped menacingly low, "I'll tell your father about everything you've been up to with that Quinn girl or the Berry girl. You know he'll believe me. His wife."
"Given that Quinn's paralyzed right now? And Rachel is getting married, it's doubtful," Santana said, trying to not show that she was in pain. "I don't even care. I know that i'm doing everything right, i'm doing everything he asked so you can't say that I'm embarrassing you or him."
"I can say anything I want," she sneered, "and you can't even prove me wrong."
Santana looked away and moved to the stove, "I thought you had to go do something." She stated as she started to make her father's favourite for dinner.
She glanced at the clock then sneered at her. "You're lucky my rounds are more important than your deviancy."
Santana just kept her back to the woman and continued making dinner and hoped the woman was being her normal self versus actually following through her on threats towards Santana.