The Way To Each Other - Chapter Thirty-Two
Title: The Way To Each Other
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: Hard NC-17
Length: Epic (230,271)
Spoilers: This is AU. Some mentions of Seasons 1 & 2 events though handled differently than in canon.
Pairing: Santana/Quinn
Summary: Santana's life is far harder than it appears to the average viewer. Her dad's in jail and her mom turns tricks in their old family home. Worst yet, Santana herself has to do the same to keep her mom alive and food in her belly. Can Quinn save her? Or will Quinn's domineering father ruin everything? For the Glee Bang
Warnings (highlight to read): talks of suicide, angst, language, graphic het and femslash sex, non-con, dub-con, oral, vaginal, anal, pedophilia, sex work, underage prostitution, abuse, violence sexual and non, minor character death, self-harm, drug use, disease - HIV
Chapter 32
It had been a month since the trip to the University of Vermont and the weather was finally starting to show a steady trend of warming up. Spring finally coming with a sigh of relief to aching hips and cold fingers and noses. When the first flowers had started budding, Cindy had taken it as a sign to sweep her lady love off her feet and out the door with a quick call back for the girls to be careful and not burn the place down as she took a laughing Rebecca off for a romantic weekend for their wedding anniversary.
Quinn watched the Jeep drive off down the road with a fond smile. She could hear Santana moving about in the kitchen behind her, bringing a soft smile to her lips. Every time she got to see how happy and in love her aunts were after so many years, she sent a little prayer up to ask to have that with the girl behind her someday.
She turned and headed in, closing the door softly behind her. Slipping up behind Santana as she made popcorn, she slid her arms around her waist, hands sliding stealthily under her shirt to press cold palms against warm stomach. “Hi,” she whispered with a mischievous smirk as she kissed the girl’s neck and rubbed her chilly hands over the warm skin of her stomach.
Santana smiled and shivered, "Hi, baby. What you wanna do?"
“Spend quality time with my favorite girl,” Quinn whispered, nibbling on Santana’s earlobe. “Maybe watch a movie or something...”
Santana moaned softly and arched into the girl's arms, "Seems like you want something else, babe." She said as she ran her nails under Quinn's ears and down her neck. "You really want to watch a movie?" she whispered as she soothed down the skin on the girl's neck.
“Sure,” Quinn replied, doing her best to sound innocent, “your parents are gone for the weekend, we have the house to ourselves and are completely alone except for the animals... what else might I want? Did you have a better suggestion?”
Santana turned around and started to kiss the side of Quinn's neck. She sucked gently at the crook and ran her teeth over it slightly. "I think I wanna spend time with you. I like the idea that we're alone.... no one to interrupt," She said with a slight blush.
“Interrupt what?” Quinn asked breathlessly, still trying to play coy even as her hands began gently caressing Santana’s skin as she moved them under the girl’s shirt. Her fingertips trailed slowly warming patterns over her girlfriend’s back and sides, a soft moan escaping her lips as Santana teased her neck.
"The kissing," she whispered and took Quinn's earlobe into her mouth she sucked softly, "and maybe getting you out of these clothes and we can... spend some time together."
Quinn whimpered softly, her nails lightly scratching Santana’s back as she tilted her head to give her lover better access. “If that,” she gasped softly as Santana raked her teeth over her earlobe, “if that’s what you want to do...” She dragged her eyes open, “B-but... in the k-kitchen?”
"We have a bed," she whispered before taking Quinn's hand and tugging her towards their bedroom.
Quinn blushed darkly, slightly anxious about what Santana was suggesting, but more a strange form of excited. She followed close behind Santana, the feel of her hand in hers both reassuring her and heightening her thrilling anxiety. “Are you sure?” she asked as they got close to their room, “I don’t want to if you don’t...”
"We can try." She whispered as she got into Quinn's room and sat down on the bed. She looked up and bit her lip. "Take your shirt off?" She asked softly. Santana hadn't seen Quinn bare since she walked in on her private moment a few months earlier. Santana and Quinn had been progressively kissing and touching above the waist more and more when they did feel the moment occur, which wasn't often.
She hesitated for a moment, biting her lip and blushing shyly as her finger toyed with the hem of her t-shirt before she pulled it slowly up and off of her body. Tossing it to the side, she met Santana’s eyes with an uncertain smile. “Like this? What else do you want me to do?” She whispered softly, giving Santana the power in the situation and asking her to tell her what she wanted.
The darker girl ran her finger over Quinn's abs and pressed a kiss to her belly button before looping her fingers into Quinn's jeans. "These too," she asked with slight hesitation. "I want to see you again."
Quinn shivered at the gentle touch before sliding her hands down to fumble open the buttons holding her jeans closed. Once they were all undone, she slid her hands under the still fairly tight denim and wiggled them down over her hips. Kicking them the rest of the way off of her legs and blushing so darkly even her chest was pinking up as she stood before Santana in nothing but her white cotton panties and bra, she met her lover’s eyes. “Like this?” she asked softly, her voice shy.
Santana nodded and sat back on the bed and looked at Quinn for a moment with a smile. "You're sexy," she whispered as she reached out for Quinn's hand in an attempt to bring her onto the bed. "Come lay with me?"
Quinn took her hand and smiled uncertainly as she carefully crawled into the bed. She shivered, cold in just her underwear. “I feel underdressed,” she admitted, chewing on her lip as she lay beside Santana. She didn’t know how much she liked the other girl looking at her like that when she was mostly naked and Santana was still completely dressed. It made her feel more uncomfortable than she thought it would.
"I like underdressed." Santana explained as she put her hand on Quinn's ribcage. She loved the feeling of her lover's smooth skin under her hands. She loved how she could slide her hand up and down the soft contours of her body without having to be reminded of men. She loved that Quinn's body had barely any hair on it and she could focus on the warmth and taste of her skin without being grossed out. She pressed a small kiss to the space in between Quinn's breasts above her bra as her fingers traced against the pale skin.
“I know,” she whispered, and tried very hard not to worry about the very different levels of clothing and vulnerability between them. It was Santana, she reminded herself, she wouldn’t hurt her or do anything bad. But she couldn’t stop the uncertain shiver that passed through her whenever she caught a glimpse of the want in her lover’s eyes as she lay there on the bed beside her still fully clothed girlfriend.
Santana pressed her forehead against Quinn's and took the girl's hands and slid them under her own shirt. "You can take this off," she whispered as she motioned up for her shirt.
Quinn’s breath caught in her throat and her hands trembled as she carefully eased the shirt off of her lover’s body. She whimpered softly as more and more tanned skin hove into view. When she finally dropped the shirt over the edge of the bed, she whispered softly, “You’re so beautiful...” She still felt underdressed compared to her girlfriend, but it was a start and she found herself relaxing a little.
"I'm not." She whispered as she kissed Quinn's shoulder. She slid closer and rested her hand on the top of Quinn's panties at the small of her back. "You make me feel so safe," she realized softly. "You make me able to feel something." She nuzzled the girl's neck and kissed back up to the spot that always seemed to work her girlfriend up.
“I’m glad,” Quinn breathed, resting her head back on the pillow behind her and letting Santana explore her body. It took a little longer to get into what was happening since she still felt uncomfortable and awkward being the only one mostly unclothed, but it was impossible to not respond to her lover’s advances at all. She moaned softly, her hands drawing patterns on Santana’s back with the tips of her nails.
Santana looked at her and pushed back her hair. "What do you need me to do?" she asked shyly, "I don't know what to do next."
“I... I don’t know,” Quinn admitted softly, “I, um... maybe t-take... take your pants off?” She bit her lip, not wanting to push Santana. “If... if you’re not comfortable, it’s okay... we can just do this...”
"just... Just like the car right?" she asked. She needed to know Quinn was going to focus on her breasts and upper body not her lower. She wasn't anywhere near okay with that yet.
"Yeah," Quinn whispered, caressing her lover's sides. "I just...I want us to be equal. It feels weird when it's just me wearing this little and...and you're looking at me like you do." She blushed and looked away, "I mean, I like it when you look at me like that, but it...feels weird when I'm wearing less..."
Santana took a deep breath and nodded, she pushed down her yoga pants and kicked them off. She had on black boyshorts with a little lightning bolt on the centre. She broke out in goosebumps and looked up at Quinn nervously, "B-Better?"
"Yeah," Quinn whispered, "come here, okay?" She tugged Santana closer, wrapping her arms around her and hooking a leg over her hips like she did when they were sleeping. "Let's just stay like this for a little, okay? Get used to being together like this..."
Santana nodded and whimpered, she was scared being this intimate with someone but she knew she could trust Quinn. "you're my everything." She whispered into Quinn's neck.
"I'll do my best to never hurt you," Quinn whispered, her hands brushing soothingly over Santana's back. "No matter what. With this you are always in control, Santana." She kissed the corner of her jaw. "I love you."
"I love you too." She whispered and pressed her lips to Quinn's. She softly kissed her for a while, before her body got the better of her and she started to run her hands over Quinn's hips and up her back. She slid her tongue against the crease in the girl's lips and tried to tease her tongue out.
Quinn whimpered as she opened her mouth to give Santana entry. It was hard keeping her hands confined to Santana's back and sides, but she managed. She could give her what she needed. She trusted Santana and the soft brush of hands over her body made her shiver with want.
"Please," she whispered, her voice slightly husky, "touch me..."
She slid her hands up and flicked open the back of Quinn's bra and slid it off. She let her hands cup her breasts, running her fingertips over hardening peaks. She watched Quinn's face as she did so. "Like that?"
"Yes," Quinn breathed, rolling over to her back to give Santana the most access to her body. "You can touch me however you want, San," she whispered, looking up at her lover, her arms out to her sides, not blocking her view of her panty clad body in any way.
Santana leaned down and captured a nipple between her lips, her hand moving down to rest on the girl's stomach right under her bellybutton. She rubbed her thumb back and forth on the skin as she sucked gently on the tip in her mouth.
Quinn moaned, her back arching as Santana's lips moved against her skin. She fisted her hands in the covers, forcing herself not to reach for Santana, to let her explore as she felt comfortable. "Oh," she whimpered, tiny shivers radiating through her with each brush of Santana's thumb over her abdomen.
Santana switched to the other breast, her tongue tracing over it and flicking it gently. She slid her nervous hand down the girl's stomach more and rested it over Quinn's covered core, her fingertip gently pressing against the dampened fabric covering the defined cleft.
Quinn gasped at the touch, the simple brush of Santana's finger through the cloth making a jolt go through her. She trembled beneath her lover, her fingers clenching white knuckled in the covers. "Ah!" It was all she could force out as Santana wound her higher and higher.
Santana pulled her hand away quickly and looked up like she had been hit. "I-I'm sorry!" She exclaimed as she thought she did something wrong.
"W-what?" Quinn gasped, her body aching for release. She dragged her eyes open and peered up at Santana's panicked expression. "N-no... don't...don't stop..."
She reached a trembling hand for Santana's and brought it back to her stomach. Taking a shaky breath and keeping her eyes locked on Santana's to try and ward off any incipient panic, she carefully pushed her hand under the waistband of her panties. She couldn't help a soft whimper as she felt Santana's fingers brushing directly over her shaven core for the first time. "P-please... it's okay..." She swallowed before smiling hesitantly up at Santana, "I trust you. J-just...not," she shrugged, "inside, okay? Not yet..."
Santana's fingertips were welcomed by a warm, wet pool of arousal coating her fingers. Santana gasped and tentatively dipped her fingers through her lover’s folds to find the source. She watched Quinn's face as she touched her. "Is... is that okay? Did... Did I really... make you feel like this?"
"Yes," she all but hissed, her back arching, rolling her hips up to meet the soft touch. "O-only you, San... No one else... Please..." She was begging for more pressure on the point throbbing just above the girl's questing fingers but didn't know how to ask for it. "Touch me, San..."
Once her tips were wet she slid them back up, remembering how much Quinn moaned when she touched her own clit when Santana had caught her masturbating. So she tried that. She swiped her fingers over the nub and felt Quinn jump and arch her body. With her free hand, Santana moved to pull down Quinn's panties. She pulled them down and threw them to the floor. She looked down at her wet finger and moved it to put the essence on Quinn's pointed nipple. She moved her hand back down to press on the girl's clit before moving up to suckle the wetness of Quinn's peak. Santana moaned loudly when she tasted her lover for the first time.
"Ah!" Quinn gasped as lips and fingers combined to make her feel like she was going to explode. "God! S-san-Santana!" she groaned, writhing under her. One of her hands slipped from the covers and snaked down the lightly damp skin of her abdomen to brush past the fingers working her clit to a feverish peak and push two fingers into her tight hole with a moan. She pumped hard, all but slamming herself with the high pitch Santana was working her up to. "God, yes," she groaned, the trifecta of sensations slamming through her body to rush her towards the edge.
Santana sucked hard on Quinn's nipple as she kept one eye on the girl's frantic hand below her own. She moaned softly when she felt Quinn tense and tumble off the edge.
Quinn shuddered beneath Santana, coming hard but not as incredibly hard as she had during their first sexual encounter. She whined through the intense feelings washing over her as her body clamped down on her fingers in rippling waves. "Oh God," she finally panted when she managed to come down enough from her high to pull her slick and slightly dripping fingers from her core with a low moan.
Santana saw the essence on her lover's hand. She quickly snatched it and brought it to her mouth and she pressed a kiss to the top of her fingers before gently licking at her skin. She gave soft kittenish licks to the wet skin, moaning at the taste.
Quinn panted for breath as she watched her lover lick her fingers clean with wide eyes. Her hand laid limp in Santana's grip as she passively allowed her to clean off the trace of their encounter. Her gaze slid from Santana to her fingers and back. She wished she could do the same for her lover in that moment, that she could know how she tasted. For a second, she felt the sting of regret and anger at the girl's mother for being so stupid and at God for letting her get infected, but she shook it off.
"Do you think," she began with a soft whisper, "maybe you could try touching yourself? Like I did that one day... Do you think you could try? If it's too much, you don't have to. I promise you don't..."
"I... I don't.. I don't know." She whispered, sitting cross-legged on the bed, "I don't know if it will feel good. Nothing's ever felt good there really..." She looked down, "it doesn't work like yours."
"Oh," Quinn was disappointed, but she didn't want to push. She smiled at Santana, "That's okay. You don't have to." She pushed herself up to a sitting position, drawing her knees up to cover her breasts and resting her cheek on them. She did her best to let go of the sad feeling she got when reminded again that she'd probably never have more than she just had with the girl she loved so much. She sighed softly and consoled herself that at least the other girl wanted her enough to touch her, smiling softly at her girlfriend. "It's okay, San. Don't worry about it."
"I... I can try if you want." she offered, "I just don't know if it will work... I don't... want anything inside." She whispered as she looked down at her legs.
Quinn reached out and put a hand lightly on Santana's arm. "Don't just because I want you to. Never just for that. Please, San. If you want to, okay, but don't ever just for me, please..."
"I want us to be normal... we can try okay? I can try,” she said as she lay down nervously, "I just don’t know what to do."
"San, really," Quinn looked conflicted - on one hand, she wanted Santana to be able to experience that, but on the other, she hated that it felt like she was just doing it for her, "you don't have to if you don't want to. I promise I won't be mad or upset or anything. You don't ever have to do anything you don't want to..."
"I want to try. I want to be okay and normal," she looked up. "Touching you makes me so happy and someday I want you to be able to do that but it's never gonna happen unless I try..."
"Okay," Quinn whispered, stretching out alongside Santana, "tell me what I'm allowed to do to help.
"T-talk to me?" she whispered taking Quinn's hand and putting it on her stomach for a connection. "Tell me what I should do."
Quinn nodded, licking her lips. "First...take your panties off so," she blushed, rubbing little circles on Santana's stomach, "so I can see. Is that okay?"
"You're beautiful," Quinn whispered, smiling down at her and letting her see how much she loved her in her eyes as she continued to trace tiny patterns on her stomach. "Can I see all of you?" she asked, her hand sliding up to tease along the bottom edge of the girl's bra. "I promise I won't touch anywhere you tell me not to..."
"O-okay." she said softly as she sat up and took off her bra and settling herself so she was in Quinn's arms with her back on the girl's legs. "What do I do now?"
Quinn licked her lips as she looked down on her lover's exposed body for the first time in a sexual setting, but she kept herself under control. "First," she had to clear her throat, swallowing hard. "First, I played with my breasts. I tried to imagine how it felt when we were by the pond, the first time you touched me without clothes on. I rubbed my nipples until they stood up and then I...I kinda pinched them a little and tugged. I wanted to remember how your mouth felt on them..."
Santana nodded nervously and brought her hand up and placed it on her breast. She watched Quinn. She felt stupid and was too far in her head to grasp the pleasure of the touch. "Can... can you do it ? It doesn't feel good unless you touch me."
"Yeah," Quinn whispered, nodding as she slid her hands down from where they'd been loosely wrapped around Santana's shoulders. She licked her lips and watched her lover for any signs of hesitation or discomfort before running her fingers over the back of Santana's hand to gently cup her breast over her hand.
Quinn's other hand cupped Santana's other breast, the palm covering the still soft peak. She gently squeezed. "Is this okay?" she whispered, wanting Santana to be comfortable.
She nodded and watched Quinn as she felt her breasts getting stroked. "It's good." She said softly as she looked down at her body. "I'm just... I've never done this."
"That's okay," Quinn murmured, continuing to gently massage Santana's breasts until the nipples began stiffening under her palms. "Neither had I that first time. There's no pressure or expectations, San. Just... do whatever you think will feel good."
"I... I don't know how to do with..." She motioned to her lower body, her legs were crossed at her ankles and she looked back to Quinn. "I just don't understand." She sighed, "Like.. you got so wet and that doesn't happen to me."
Quinn bit her lip uncertainly, "We're different people, San. Maybe...maybe you just don't like I do. Maybe you need more attention before you can or something. It's not a bad thing, just...different, you know?" She leaned down and kissed Santana softly, the upside-down nature of the kiss lending an unusual feeling. " First though, you might be better with your legs apart so you can touch yourself..."
In a slow movement, Santana's legs slid a few inches apart. She but her hand on her own thigh then over to her core. She looked up innocently to Quinn as she fingers hit her core and cupped herself. No one but her doctor had touched her there since her last rape. "I'm nervous."
"So am I," Quinn admitted, her thumbs gently stroking Santana's nipples, "but it's okay. I'm here and I have you. Nothing bad will happen."
Santana's shaking hand slipped between her thighs and she pressed against her core. "It's... it's not.." she whispered and looked up nervously. "I'm not..." she was almost ashamed that she couldn't manage to get wet. That she couldn't show that she was aroused no matter how much she in fact was.
"It's okay," Quinn smiled down at her, continuing to gently caress her body. "We're not in any hurry. No one will interrupt us. We're just exploring, right? Just seeing how you like to be touched and what works for you. There's no pressure, San. I promise."
She nodded and looked up and pressed a kiss to Quinn's lips. She forgot about her hand lying limply between her legs as they kissed. She slowly started panting with each passing moment of her breasts being stroked. She nipped down on Quinn's lip as they kissed, and tangled her free hand into the girl's hair to pull her closer.
Quinn brushed her thumbs over Santana's nipples as she moaned softly into the kiss. She slipped her tongue out to lightly tease along the crease of Santana's lips, asking entry. She could feel her heartbeat picking up and her body responding to Santana but she ignored it in favor of continuing to try and help work up her lover.
She let her inside, her lips parting and stroking the girl's tongue with her own as they slowly kissed. She whimpered, her body arching up so she could have better access to Quinn's mouth. She tightened her grip, her body starting to react and cause her to moan softly at each pass of the girl's thumb over her almost painfully hard nipples.
Quinn took her time. She stroked the girl's breasts with teasing softness, lightly exploring with just her fingertips. She moved her lips against Santana's, gently brushing across teeth and tongue with her own. Soft moans and whimpers passed between them as they kissed, but she was in no hurry and kept up her soft teasing of her girlfriend's body.
Santana whimpered and rolled onto her stomach, needing to be able to kiss her lover like every other time before. She hovered over Quinn's lips, before sliding down and kissing her neck. She loved touching and stroking Quinn more than she enjoyed being touched.
"San," Quinn whimpered softly, her head tipping back to allow Santana to do as she pleased, "this w-was supposed to be about you..."
With a slight shrug before she secured her lips around Quinn's nipple, before she slipped her thigh between Quinn's legs. She pressed up into the heat that she found there. She put her thighs over Quinn's other leg, she sank down and pressed her core against the blondes leg. Unlike before, she was slightly wet and breathing heavy on top of her lover.
Quinn groaned, almost involuntarily rolling her hips and pressing her dripping core against Santana's thigh as her back arched under her lover's treatment of her breasts. A low moan broke free when she realized the slightly slick feeling beginning to form on her leg was from Santana. "S-san, are you...?" She trailed off, not sure what to ask but hesitantly raising her leg to press a bit more firmly into her lover's core.
Santana's lips pulled away with a pop and she looked down and then back up with a slight smile. "Kinda," she breathed, "I like making you feel good. You... You are the only one." she pressed kisses to the hollow of Quinn's throat, "I like making you feel good."
"I like it when you do too," she whispered breathlessly, her hips pushing her core down against Santana's thigh. "I love it when you touch me... Only you." She dragged her eyes open to look at San with dark eyes, "No one but you can touch me or know me like this, San... no one."
Santana nodded and she rocked her thigh into Quinn's core. "I like making you lose your mind. I love making you lose yourself when I touch you, seeing you so relaxed after you..." She kept pushing her thigh into her and rocking it back and forth. She kissed up to Quinn's ear, and she sucked gently on the spot.
Quinn moaned louder than she'd intended, her body trembling with desire for the girl above her. The stiff peaks of her breasts pressed against Santana's, sending jolts through her body as each rock of the girl above her raked their nipples together. "San," she whimpered, "I...I love you..." Her breath was coming faster as her heart raced in her chest, one hand coming up to tangle in dark hair and hold her lover close.
"I want you to come," Santana whimpered as she raked her nails down Quinn's arms and she rocked faster. She kept her core lifted up off of the girl's leg so she wouldn't rub against it accidentally but she kept stroking the girl's core.
She was on fire for the second time that evening. Her body felt like it was burning from Santana's lightest touch, sending sensations crashing through her body. It was different than how it was with Puck, so she was able to forget that and just let herself feel Santana driving her to the edge.
When she hit it, she barely managed to cling to it for a second before tumbling over. Her body arched hard, her back bowing away from the bed as her nails dug involuntarily into Santana's shoulder. Her muscles clenched, spasming against nothing as they locked up in a wave. Once again that awful feeling of pissing herself hit, sending a gush of fluid out to drip down Santana's thigh.
"Oh my God," she whispered once she came down enough to realize what had happened, her cheeks burning with shame, "I...I just...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, please..."
Santana smiled and moved down to kiss the top of Quinn's knee where there were drops of come. "I love that you can do that... Most people can't."
"San, don't..." Quinn was embarrassed. She didn't want Santana to do something so gross as to actually touch the signs of her shame. "Don't...it's gross." She shook her head, the feeling too much like pissing herself to be anything but, no matter what she was told. "I'm gross..."
"Never could be gross," she smiled and kissed her lips. "How about we take a bath and get all clean? Then watch that movie we talked about."
"Yeah," Quinn whispered, subdued after what felt like a humiliating repeat - and this time on Santana. She slid out from under Santana and sat up, trying not to get the fluid drying on her body on anything else. "I should get cleaned up..."
Santana took Quinn's hand and brought them into the bathroom. "You know that I like when you do that right? That it's normal and you don't need to get all blushy because you like how I touch you." Santana whispered as she started the bathtub. She sat in the rising water and then scooted up for Quinn to get in. "Come in and hold me."
"It's gross though," Quinn shook her head as she slid into the tub and wrapped her arms around Santana, resting her chin on her shoulder. "I mean, it's not normal to freaking pee all over when you...you climax, San!"
Santana held onto her girlfriend's arms and leaned back against her. "You didn't pee." She rolled her eyes and cuddled into her lover. "You came so hard from me kissing you, and touching your body that you ejaculated." She said simply, "You made me happy because it shows me how much you love me."
Quinn frowned, tightening her arms around Santana as she slid her legs down alongside her. "That's...ridiculous, San. Women don't... ejaculate. I'm not a guy for Pete's sake."
"But... I looked it up! It's true!" Santana said indignantly, "Just cause you don't think it's true doesn't mean it's not, Quinn... Sometimes women come and get all kinds of fluid out when you come that hard. It's not gross and it's special." Santana said as she snuggled closer.
Quinn looked uncertain but she shrugged. "If you say so," she nibbled absently on Santana's ear. "I don't, um, come like that alone anyway, so maybe you're right."
"See?" She smiled, "I like that." She tilted her neck and held her tighter. "I just like when you're relaxed and happy."
"I like when you are too," Quinn admitted softly, cuddling as the warm water flowed around them. "I wish I could make you feel like that too, but it's okay that I can't." She nuzzled at the crook of Santana's neck, "I'm just happy you're comfortable enough to be with me like this."
"It turns me on when I can touch you like that." She said softly, "I like how I make you feel and how you make me feel... I think maybe someday... I'll be okay with being touched there... but it's too soon." She said, "I... I feel dirty and it's... it's just too soon."
"It's okay, San. I can wait." Quinn smiled as she held her girlfriend close, "I'm happy with what you can give me. I love you and I'll wait for you."
"Thank you so much." She whispered as she closed her eyes and smiled, "You're amazing and I love you so much."
"I'm not that amazing," Quinn replied, picking up the shower gel and a scrubby and starting to lather up her girl, "I just think you're worth waiting for."
Santana just smiled and relaxed, "I'll.. I'll talk to Megan and Rebecca about going to a special doctor for my junk okay?" she asked softly, scared that even if she was ready for sex someday that it would not be okay because she'd never get wet enough so it wouldn't hurt.
"Okay," Quinn murmured, gently lathing the soap over Santana's body. "If you want me to be there for you, I will. But only if you want me too." She kissed her neck, "That sort of stuff is really personal after all."
"It's just... scary you know. I don't wanna be ruined forever you know." She sighed and looked over her shoulder, "I just want to be perfect for you and I'm not..."
"That's bullshit, San, and you know it." Quinn nipped at her shoulder with a slightly irritated growl, "You are perfect for me and the amount or quality of sex you are capable of giving or receiving isn't part of it. I don't care if we can't be together completely because what we already have is amazing. You're someone I can rely on, San, and that means a damn lot more to me than anything that might happen in our bed. Got it?"
"I get it." She whispered as she cuddled into her. "I know... I just think that I'm not okay sometimes. I love you so much and I know that it's hard but we're gonna be okay." She said softly as she kissed her hand. "I just wish I wasn't sick... that I could feel things." She sighed softly against, "The only time I feel anything is when I see you."
"Then I'll do my best to make sure you can see me as much as you want," Quinn whispered, hugging her tight before going back to washing her. "I wish you weren't sick too, but the fact that you are doesn't change how I feel and it never will. It just makes me want to take care of you even more."
"I know... it just makes things harder though." she sighed, "Makes me more scared all the time."
"I won't lie to you," Quinn murmured, rinsing the soap off her lover and nestling her chin back into the crook of her neck, "I'm scared too. I'm scared I'll lose you and I'm not sure I could handle that. Sometimes I'm scared I'll accidentally make you sicker. Or that I'll do something to hurt you without thinking. There are all kinds of things that scare me, San. You're not alone in that."
"You could never hurt me... or make me sicker." she whispered, "You make me feel like a person and not an object." she admitted, "I used to never feel real, now I do."
"You are a person, San. You've got parents who love you and a colt who doesn't seem certain what species he is, a crazy amount of cats and two goats who all love you too." Her lips brushed against Santana's jaw as she spoke, her hands unconsciously brushing the lower curve of the girl's breasts as she gently rubbed her stomach. "And you have me. How much more real can you get?"
"Just cause Pony has identity issues," she pouted as she arched into her lover's hands. "But, yes, we... yes we have a lot of love here. I think that makes it real."
Sliding her hands a little further up to lightly cup the bottom of her breasts, Quinn teased her earlobe with the tip of her tongue. "I think Pony wishes he was your baby half the time. The other half I think he thinks he's a dog the way he follows you." She held Santana for a moment, gently sucking on her earlobe, "Is this okay?"
"He is my baby." Santana whimpered as she caught her breath. "Yeah... yeah, it's okay." she said softly, "Feels good."
"Good," Quinn murmured, letting her thumbs drift up to gently caress Santana's aureoles and nipples, "but he's not your real baby, San. Someday, I want to see you holding a little one. Just a teeny little baby... with your last name. I think you'll be a great mom someday, San."
"He's as my real baby too." she gaped, "I pulled him out of Beauty." She let her eyes flutter closed, "Since I can't have a baby I'm gonna have to help you bring it out so it can be kinda the same." she licked her lips and ran her fingers on Quinn's thighs, "And you'll be an amazing mom too."
"You better help catch our little one," she whispered in Santana's ear as she gently pinched her nipples, "Because there is no way I'll be able to do it alone. I'm going to need you right beside me to keep me from going crazy and freaking out." She brushed her lips along Santana's neck, sucking gently on her pulse point, but letting go before she could leave a mark. "I want to see you holding our baby someday, San..."
"I want that too." she squeaked at the pressure on her breasts. "I want you, a baby and Pony… I want our family."
Quinn let up, covering Santana's breasts with her hands and squeezing gently, whimpering softly at the feeling of the stiff peaks against her sensitive palms. "I've thought a lot about it," she whispered, "and I want that future. I want a baby with you, kids, someday. I want a family. I want to see you laughing and playing with our kids. I want to see you hold your grand baby someday. I want to see you in one of those stupid hospital gowns holding our baby after they're born. I don't care how much it hurts or how scary it is. I want that with you."
"I just want everything with you." she said as she pressed a kiss to Quinn's neck. "you, me and Pony. And someday our baby."
"Me too," Quinn sighed happily, just enjoying being able to relax with her girl for a bit. She gently rolled the breasts in her hands as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Santana's lips on her neck. "But if Pony is in the delivery room in any way I'm gonna be so upset with you," she teased.
Santana giggled and pressed more kisses to Quinn's neck. "What if I recorded it for him... and you know.. the parental units."
"Ew, San," Quinn leaned back with a sigh and a tiny shiver as her girlfriend's lips caressed her neck, pulling Santana back into her body. "That's gross. I don't want cameras anywhere near my junk."
"I like your junk," she pouted. "It's pretty and tastes good." She said teasingly, "But fine... no cameras in room when the baby is born." She said as her back arched again into Quinn's stilled hands. She wanted them to continue their movements, she wanted feel her lover touch on her chest.
Quinn blushed dark red, "You don't know how my junk tastes so stop teasing." She started slowly running her hands over Santana's chest in a light circle, "I really like being able to touch you like this," she whispered, leaning forward to kiss her neck again. "It makes me feel good - special - to know I can..."
"I do too..." She countered, "I licked my fingers after you came earlier." She pouted, "Totally know what it tastes like." She let her eyes flutter closed as she bit her lip and moaned softly. "I... I need you to do more."
"Like what?" Quinn whispered, caressing her lover's chest and nibbling at her neck. "Tell me what I can do, San. I love touching you and I want to know what I can do to make you feel the best with me..."
"Can.. can you," she covered Quinn's hand with her own and made the other girl's thumb flick back and forth on her hard nipple. She gasped and arched, "Do... do that.. Maybe.. maybe.. We can try.. like the car?"
"With you in my lap?" Quinn whispered, flicking her thumbs over taut nipples. She licked her lips, "I...Can I taste you? I love the taste of your breasts..."
Slowly and carefully Santana moved so she was sitting to face Quinn. She reached behind them and pulled the plug on the now cold water before sliding the glass door closed and flicking on the hot water of the shower. She kissed Quinn slowly as the water cascaded over their bodies. "Please..." she whimpered as she pulled away from pink lips.
Quinn nodded, sliding her hands down to draw little patterns on the small of Santana's back as she kissed down her neck and nipped at her collarbone. "I love you, you know. And I'm going to be with you and one day, we'll have a family. Together."
She kissed down further, brushing and teasing her lover's skin with her lips before teasing the areola with the tip of her tongue. She nipped gently just above the darker skin before sliding down that last bit to lathe the peak with her tongue and breathe over it. Rolling her eyes up to look at Santana and remind her that it was her, she kissed her nipple, carefully took it between her lips and sucked gently.
Santana gasped softly, her hands going into Quinn's wet hair and holding her there. She moaned lowly as she let her head fall back at the feeling of her nipple being sucked between two lips and gently rolled around and lathed with Quinn's tongue.
Quinn whimpered against Santana's flesh at the feeling of fingers in her hair holding her close and the water streaking down over both of them. It was like making out in a warm rainstorm and she was finding she enjoyed it more than she thought she would, making a note to take Santana out riding in a summer storm someday. Focusing back on her lover, she blinked water from her eyes and smiled around the tanned flesh filling her mouth, carefully spelling out that she loved Santana with the tip of her tongue on the pebbled flesh of her nipple.
Santana moaned as she rocked her hips softly against Quinn's stomach. Her body had started to work on its own accord after several hours of being worked up by her beautiful lover.
Daring greatly, Quinn slid her hands down to cup Santana's ass as she kissed across to tease and gently suck on the thus far ignored nipple. Her hands gently kneaded the girl's ass as she suckled. She pulled away for a moment. "I love you...if you can come, I'd love to see it." Leaning up, she nipped at a spot on the girl's collarbone, sucking to try and leave a mark, letting her chest rub against Santana's body just under her breasts.
When she felt hands on her ass she froze and tried to make the visions go away. She moved her hand back and brought Quinn's hands back up to her hips. "I'm sorry." She whispered as she removed Quinn's hands, but she gently rubbed herself slowly against Quinn's abs as she moaned when Quinn nipped at her breast. "I think.. I think I'm close."
"It's okay," Quinn whispered, continued to kiss along the top of Santana's breasts, brushing her fingertips against the small of her back. "Can I please see you come?" She nipped between the girl's breasts, "Please... It would make me happy to see you like that, to know I was part of it..."
With a small whimper, Santana pressed her hands onto Quinn's shoulders. She started to shake slightly when Quinn reattached to her breast, her body tensed for a moment before her mouth dropped open, her eyes closed tightly in a silent cry for more as she tumbled over the edge.
Quinn let go of her breast and leaned up to catch her mouth in a kiss as she realized what was happening. She held them together, breasts pressing into each other as her lips moved across Santana's. "I love you so much," she whispered over and over, feeling the climax surging through her lover where their bodies pressed together.
After a few moments of quivering, Santana slumped against her girlfriend breathing heavily. She was panting and trying hard to catch her breath as she recovered from her experience, clinging to Quinn. She needed her rock to be there and be with her until she could come back to a level of reality.
Quinn held her close, rubbing her back in small circles as the warm water continued to cascade down over them. "You're so beautiful," she whispered into Santana's ear as one hand came up to gently scratch at the back of her neck. "The most beautiful person I've ever seen..."
Chapter Thirty-Three
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: Hard NC-17
Length: Epic (230,271)
Spoilers: This is AU. Some mentions of Seasons 1 & 2 events though handled differently than in canon.
Pairing: Santana/Quinn
Summary: Santana's life is far harder than it appears to the average viewer. Her dad's in jail and her mom turns tricks in their old family home. Worst yet, Santana herself has to do the same to keep her mom alive and food in her belly. Can Quinn save her? Or will Quinn's domineering father ruin everything? For the Glee Bang
Warnings (highlight to read): talks of suicide, angst, language, graphic het and femslash sex, non-con, dub-con, oral, vaginal, anal, pedophilia, sex work, underage prostitution, abuse, violence sexual and non, minor character death, self-harm, drug use, disease - HIV
Chapter 32
It had been a month since the trip to the University of Vermont and the weather was finally starting to show a steady trend of warming up. Spring finally coming with a sigh of relief to aching hips and cold fingers and noses. When the first flowers had started budding, Cindy had taken it as a sign to sweep her lady love off her feet and out the door with a quick call back for the girls to be careful and not burn the place down as she took a laughing Rebecca off for a romantic weekend for their wedding anniversary.
Quinn watched the Jeep drive off down the road with a fond smile. She could hear Santana moving about in the kitchen behind her, bringing a soft smile to her lips. Every time she got to see how happy and in love her aunts were after so many years, she sent a little prayer up to ask to have that with the girl behind her someday.
She turned and headed in, closing the door softly behind her. Slipping up behind Santana as she made popcorn, she slid her arms around her waist, hands sliding stealthily under her shirt to press cold palms against warm stomach. “Hi,” she whispered with a mischievous smirk as she kissed the girl’s neck and rubbed her chilly hands over the warm skin of her stomach.
Santana smiled and shivered, "Hi, baby. What you wanna do?"
“Spend quality time with my favorite girl,” Quinn whispered, nibbling on Santana’s earlobe. “Maybe watch a movie or something...”
Santana moaned softly and arched into the girl's arms, "Seems like you want something else, babe." She said as she ran her nails under Quinn's ears and down her neck. "You really want to watch a movie?" she whispered as she soothed down the skin on the girl's neck.
“Sure,” Quinn replied, doing her best to sound innocent, “your parents are gone for the weekend, we have the house to ourselves and are completely alone except for the animals... what else might I want? Did you have a better suggestion?”
Santana turned around and started to kiss the side of Quinn's neck. She sucked gently at the crook and ran her teeth over it slightly. "I think I wanna spend time with you. I like the idea that we're alone.... no one to interrupt," She said with a slight blush.
“Interrupt what?” Quinn asked breathlessly, still trying to play coy even as her hands began gently caressing Santana’s skin as she moved them under the girl’s shirt. Her fingertips trailed slowly warming patterns over her girlfriend’s back and sides, a soft moan escaping her lips as Santana teased her neck.
"The kissing," she whispered and took Quinn's earlobe into her mouth she sucked softly, "and maybe getting you out of these clothes and we can... spend some time together."
Quinn whimpered softly, her nails lightly scratching Santana’s back as she tilted her head to give her lover better access. “If that,” she gasped softly as Santana raked her teeth over her earlobe, “if that’s what you want to do...” She dragged her eyes open, “B-but... in the k-kitchen?”
"We have a bed," she whispered before taking Quinn's hand and tugging her towards their bedroom.
Quinn blushed darkly, slightly anxious about what Santana was suggesting, but more a strange form of excited. She followed close behind Santana, the feel of her hand in hers both reassuring her and heightening her thrilling anxiety. “Are you sure?” she asked as they got close to their room, “I don’t want to if you don’t...”
"We can try." She whispered as she got into Quinn's room and sat down on the bed. She looked up and bit her lip. "Take your shirt off?" She asked softly. Santana hadn't seen Quinn bare since she walked in on her private moment a few months earlier. Santana and Quinn had been progressively kissing and touching above the waist more and more when they did feel the moment occur, which wasn't often.
She hesitated for a moment, biting her lip and blushing shyly as her finger toyed with the hem of her t-shirt before she pulled it slowly up and off of her body. Tossing it to the side, she met Santana’s eyes with an uncertain smile. “Like this? What else do you want me to do?” She whispered softly, giving Santana the power in the situation and asking her to tell her what she wanted.
The darker girl ran her finger over Quinn's abs and pressed a kiss to her belly button before looping her fingers into Quinn's jeans. "These too," she asked with slight hesitation. "I want to see you again."
Quinn shivered at the gentle touch before sliding her hands down to fumble open the buttons holding her jeans closed. Once they were all undone, she slid her hands under the still fairly tight denim and wiggled them down over her hips. Kicking them the rest of the way off of her legs and blushing so darkly even her chest was pinking up as she stood before Santana in nothing but her white cotton panties and bra, she met her lover’s eyes. “Like this?” she asked softly, her voice shy.
Santana nodded and sat back on the bed and looked at Quinn for a moment with a smile. "You're sexy," she whispered as she reached out for Quinn's hand in an attempt to bring her onto the bed. "Come lay with me?"
Quinn took her hand and smiled uncertainly as she carefully crawled into the bed. She shivered, cold in just her underwear. “I feel underdressed,” she admitted, chewing on her lip as she lay beside Santana. She didn’t know how much she liked the other girl looking at her like that when she was mostly naked and Santana was still completely dressed. It made her feel more uncomfortable than she thought it would.
"I like underdressed." Santana explained as she put her hand on Quinn's ribcage. She loved the feeling of her lover's smooth skin under her hands. She loved how she could slide her hand up and down the soft contours of her body without having to be reminded of men. She loved that Quinn's body had barely any hair on it and she could focus on the warmth and taste of her skin without being grossed out. She pressed a small kiss to the space in between Quinn's breasts above her bra as her fingers traced against the pale skin.
“I know,” she whispered, and tried very hard not to worry about the very different levels of clothing and vulnerability between them. It was Santana, she reminded herself, she wouldn’t hurt her or do anything bad. But she couldn’t stop the uncertain shiver that passed through her whenever she caught a glimpse of the want in her lover’s eyes as she lay there on the bed beside her still fully clothed girlfriend.
Santana pressed her forehead against Quinn's and took the girl's hands and slid them under her own shirt. "You can take this off," she whispered as she motioned up for her shirt.
Quinn’s breath caught in her throat and her hands trembled as she carefully eased the shirt off of her lover’s body. She whimpered softly as more and more tanned skin hove into view. When she finally dropped the shirt over the edge of the bed, she whispered softly, “You’re so beautiful...” She still felt underdressed compared to her girlfriend, but it was a start and she found herself relaxing a little.
"I'm not." She whispered as she kissed Quinn's shoulder. She slid closer and rested her hand on the top of Quinn's panties at the small of her back. "You make me feel so safe," she realized softly. "You make me able to feel something." She nuzzled the girl's neck and kissed back up to the spot that always seemed to work her girlfriend up.
“I’m glad,” Quinn breathed, resting her head back on the pillow behind her and letting Santana explore her body. It took a little longer to get into what was happening since she still felt uncomfortable and awkward being the only one mostly unclothed, but it was impossible to not respond to her lover’s advances at all. She moaned softly, her hands drawing patterns on Santana’s back with the tips of her nails.
Santana looked at her and pushed back her hair. "What do you need me to do?" she asked shyly, "I don't know what to do next."
“I... I don’t know,” Quinn admitted softly, “I, um... maybe t-take... take your pants off?” She bit her lip, not wanting to push Santana. “If... if you’re not comfortable, it’s okay... we can just do this...”
"just... Just like the car right?" she asked. She needed to know Quinn was going to focus on her breasts and upper body not her lower. She wasn't anywhere near okay with that yet.
"Yeah," Quinn whispered, caressing her lover's sides. "I just...I want us to be equal. It feels weird when it's just me wearing this little and...and you're looking at me like you do." She blushed and looked away, "I mean, I like it when you look at me like that, but it...feels weird when I'm wearing less..."
Santana took a deep breath and nodded, she pushed down her yoga pants and kicked them off. She had on black boyshorts with a little lightning bolt on the centre. She broke out in goosebumps and looked up at Quinn nervously, "B-Better?"
"Yeah," Quinn whispered, "come here, okay?" She tugged Santana closer, wrapping her arms around her and hooking a leg over her hips like she did when they were sleeping. "Let's just stay like this for a little, okay? Get used to being together like this..."
Santana nodded and whimpered, she was scared being this intimate with someone but she knew she could trust Quinn. "you're my everything." She whispered into Quinn's neck.
"I'll do my best to never hurt you," Quinn whispered, her hands brushing soothingly over Santana's back. "No matter what. With this you are always in control, Santana." She kissed the corner of her jaw. "I love you."
"I love you too." She whispered and pressed her lips to Quinn's. She softly kissed her for a while, before her body got the better of her and she started to run her hands over Quinn's hips and up her back. She slid her tongue against the crease in the girl's lips and tried to tease her tongue out.
Quinn whimpered as she opened her mouth to give Santana entry. It was hard keeping her hands confined to Santana's back and sides, but she managed. She could give her what she needed. She trusted Santana and the soft brush of hands over her body made her shiver with want.
"Please," she whispered, her voice slightly husky, "touch me..."
She slid her hands up and flicked open the back of Quinn's bra and slid it off. She let her hands cup her breasts, running her fingertips over hardening peaks. She watched Quinn's face as she did so. "Like that?"
"Yes," Quinn breathed, rolling over to her back to give Santana the most access to her body. "You can touch me however you want, San," she whispered, looking up at her lover, her arms out to her sides, not blocking her view of her panty clad body in any way.
Santana leaned down and captured a nipple between her lips, her hand moving down to rest on the girl's stomach right under her bellybutton. She rubbed her thumb back and forth on the skin as she sucked gently on the tip in her mouth.
Quinn moaned, her back arching as Santana's lips moved against her skin. She fisted her hands in the covers, forcing herself not to reach for Santana, to let her explore as she felt comfortable. "Oh," she whimpered, tiny shivers radiating through her with each brush of Santana's thumb over her abdomen.
Santana switched to the other breast, her tongue tracing over it and flicking it gently. She slid her nervous hand down the girl's stomach more and rested it over Quinn's covered core, her fingertip gently pressing against the dampened fabric covering the defined cleft.
Quinn gasped at the touch, the simple brush of Santana's finger through the cloth making a jolt go through her. She trembled beneath her lover, her fingers clenching white knuckled in the covers. "Ah!" It was all she could force out as Santana wound her higher and higher.
Santana pulled her hand away quickly and looked up like she had been hit. "I-I'm sorry!" She exclaimed as she thought she did something wrong.
"W-what?" Quinn gasped, her body aching for release. She dragged her eyes open and peered up at Santana's panicked expression. "N-no... don't...don't stop..."
She reached a trembling hand for Santana's and brought it back to her stomach. Taking a shaky breath and keeping her eyes locked on Santana's to try and ward off any incipient panic, she carefully pushed her hand under the waistband of her panties. She couldn't help a soft whimper as she felt Santana's fingers brushing directly over her shaven core for the first time. "P-please... it's okay..." She swallowed before smiling hesitantly up at Santana, "I trust you. J-just...not," she shrugged, "inside, okay? Not yet..."
Santana's fingertips were welcomed by a warm, wet pool of arousal coating her fingers. Santana gasped and tentatively dipped her fingers through her lover’s folds to find the source. She watched Quinn's face as she touched her. "Is... is that okay? Did... Did I really... make you feel like this?"
"Yes," she all but hissed, her back arching, rolling her hips up to meet the soft touch. "O-only you, San... No one else... Please..." She was begging for more pressure on the point throbbing just above the girl's questing fingers but didn't know how to ask for it. "Touch me, San..."
Once her tips were wet she slid them back up, remembering how much Quinn moaned when she touched her own clit when Santana had caught her masturbating. So she tried that. She swiped her fingers over the nub and felt Quinn jump and arch her body. With her free hand, Santana moved to pull down Quinn's panties. She pulled them down and threw them to the floor. She looked down at her wet finger and moved it to put the essence on Quinn's pointed nipple. She moved her hand back down to press on the girl's clit before moving up to suckle the wetness of Quinn's peak. Santana moaned loudly when she tasted her lover for the first time.
"Ah!" Quinn gasped as lips and fingers combined to make her feel like she was going to explode. "God! S-san-Santana!" she groaned, writhing under her. One of her hands slipped from the covers and snaked down the lightly damp skin of her abdomen to brush past the fingers working her clit to a feverish peak and push two fingers into her tight hole with a moan. She pumped hard, all but slamming herself with the high pitch Santana was working her up to. "God, yes," she groaned, the trifecta of sensations slamming through her body to rush her towards the edge.
Santana sucked hard on Quinn's nipple as she kept one eye on the girl's frantic hand below her own. She moaned softly when she felt Quinn tense and tumble off the edge.
Quinn shuddered beneath Santana, coming hard but not as incredibly hard as she had during their first sexual encounter. She whined through the intense feelings washing over her as her body clamped down on her fingers in rippling waves. "Oh God," she finally panted when she managed to come down enough from her high to pull her slick and slightly dripping fingers from her core with a low moan.
Santana saw the essence on her lover's hand. She quickly snatched it and brought it to her mouth and she pressed a kiss to the top of her fingers before gently licking at her skin. She gave soft kittenish licks to the wet skin, moaning at the taste.
Quinn panted for breath as she watched her lover lick her fingers clean with wide eyes. Her hand laid limp in Santana's grip as she passively allowed her to clean off the trace of their encounter. Her gaze slid from Santana to her fingers and back. She wished she could do the same for her lover in that moment, that she could know how she tasted. For a second, she felt the sting of regret and anger at the girl's mother for being so stupid and at God for letting her get infected, but she shook it off.
"Do you think," she began with a soft whisper, "maybe you could try touching yourself? Like I did that one day... Do you think you could try? If it's too much, you don't have to. I promise you don't..."
"I... I don't.. I don't know." She whispered, sitting cross-legged on the bed, "I don't know if it will feel good. Nothing's ever felt good there really..." She looked down, "it doesn't work like yours."
"Oh," Quinn was disappointed, but she didn't want to push. She smiled at Santana, "That's okay. You don't have to." She pushed herself up to a sitting position, drawing her knees up to cover her breasts and resting her cheek on them. She did her best to let go of the sad feeling she got when reminded again that she'd probably never have more than she just had with the girl she loved so much. She sighed softly and consoled herself that at least the other girl wanted her enough to touch her, smiling softly at her girlfriend. "It's okay, San. Don't worry about it."
"I... I can try if you want." she offered, "I just don't know if it will work... I don't... want anything inside." She whispered as she looked down at her legs.
Quinn reached out and put a hand lightly on Santana's arm. "Don't just because I want you to. Never just for that. Please, San. If you want to, okay, but don't ever just for me, please..."
"I want us to be normal... we can try okay? I can try,” she said as she lay down nervously, "I just don’t know what to do."
"San, really," Quinn looked conflicted - on one hand, she wanted Santana to be able to experience that, but on the other, she hated that it felt like she was just doing it for her, "you don't have to if you don't want to. I promise I won't be mad or upset or anything. You don't ever have to do anything you don't want to..."
"I want to try. I want to be okay and normal," she looked up. "Touching you makes me so happy and someday I want you to be able to do that but it's never gonna happen unless I try..."
"Okay," Quinn whispered, stretching out alongside Santana, "tell me what I'm allowed to do to help.
"T-talk to me?" she whispered taking Quinn's hand and putting it on her stomach for a connection. "Tell me what I should do."
Quinn nodded, licking her lips. "First...take your panties off so," she blushed, rubbing little circles on Santana's stomach, "so I can see. Is that okay?"
"You're beautiful," Quinn whispered, smiling down at her and letting her see how much she loved her in her eyes as she continued to trace tiny patterns on her stomach. "Can I see all of you?" she asked, her hand sliding up to tease along the bottom edge of the girl's bra. "I promise I won't touch anywhere you tell me not to..."
"O-okay." she said softly as she sat up and took off her bra and settling herself so she was in Quinn's arms with her back on the girl's legs. "What do I do now?"
Quinn licked her lips as she looked down on her lover's exposed body for the first time in a sexual setting, but she kept herself under control. "First," she had to clear her throat, swallowing hard. "First, I played with my breasts. I tried to imagine how it felt when we were by the pond, the first time you touched me without clothes on. I rubbed my nipples until they stood up and then I...I kinda pinched them a little and tugged. I wanted to remember how your mouth felt on them..."
Santana nodded nervously and brought her hand up and placed it on her breast. She watched Quinn. She felt stupid and was too far in her head to grasp the pleasure of the touch. "Can... can you do it ? It doesn't feel good unless you touch me."
"Yeah," Quinn whispered, nodding as she slid her hands down from where they'd been loosely wrapped around Santana's shoulders. She licked her lips and watched her lover for any signs of hesitation or discomfort before running her fingers over the back of Santana's hand to gently cup her breast over her hand.
Quinn's other hand cupped Santana's other breast, the palm covering the still soft peak. She gently squeezed. "Is this okay?" she whispered, wanting Santana to be comfortable.
She nodded and watched Quinn as she felt her breasts getting stroked. "It's good." She said softly as she looked down at her body. "I'm just... I've never done this."
"That's okay," Quinn murmured, continuing to gently massage Santana's breasts until the nipples began stiffening under her palms. "Neither had I that first time. There's no pressure or expectations, San. Just... do whatever you think will feel good."
"I... I don't know how to do with..." She motioned to her lower body, her legs were crossed at her ankles and she looked back to Quinn. "I just don't understand." She sighed, "Like.. you got so wet and that doesn't happen to me."
Quinn bit her lip uncertainly, "We're different people, San. Maybe...maybe you just don't like I do. Maybe you need more attention before you can or something. It's not a bad thing, just...different, you know?" She leaned down and kissed Santana softly, the upside-down nature of the kiss lending an unusual feeling. " First though, you might be better with your legs apart so you can touch yourself..."
In a slow movement, Santana's legs slid a few inches apart. She but her hand on her own thigh then over to her core. She looked up innocently to Quinn as she fingers hit her core and cupped herself. No one but her doctor had touched her there since her last rape. "I'm nervous."
"So am I," Quinn admitted, her thumbs gently stroking Santana's nipples, "but it's okay. I'm here and I have you. Nothing bad will happen."
Santana's shaking hand slipped between her thighs and she pressed against her core. "It's... it's not.." she whispered and looked up nervously. "I'm not..." she was almost ashamed that she couldn't manage to get wet. That she couldn't show that she was aroused no matter how much she in fact was.
"It's okay," Quinn smiled down at her, continuing to gently caress her body. "We're not in any hurry. No one will interrupt us. We're just exploring, right? Just seeing how you like to be touched and what works for you. There's no pressure, San. I promise."
She nodded and looked up and pressed a kiss to Quinn's lips. She forgot about her hand lying limply between her legs as they kissed. She slowly started panting with each passing moment of her breasts being stroked. She nipped down on Quinn's lip as they kissed, and tangled her free hand into the girl's hair to pull her closer.
Quinn brushed her thumbs over Santana's nipples as she moaned softly into the kiss. She slipped her tongue out to lightly tease along the crease of Santana's lips, asking entry. She could feel her heartbeat picking up and her body responding to Santana but she ignored it in favor of continuing to try and help work up her lover.
She let her inside, her lips parting and stroking the girl's tongue with her own as they slowly kissed. She whimpered, her body arching up so she could have better access to Quinn's mouth. She tightened her grip, her body starting to react and cause her to moan softly at each pass of the girl's thumb over her almost painfully hard nipples.
Quinn took her time. She stroked the girl's breasts with teasing softness, lightly exploring with just her fingertips. She moved her lips against Santana's, gently brushing across teeth and tongue with her own. Soft moans and whimpers passed between them as they kissed, but she was in no hurry and kept up her soft teasing of her girlfriend's body.
Santana whimpered and rolled onto her stomach, needing to be able to kiss her lover like every other time before. She hovered over Quinn's lips, before sliding down and kissing her neck. She loved touching and stroking Quinn more than she enjoyed being touched.
"San," Quinn whimpered softly, her head tipping back to allow Santana to do as she pleased, "this w-was supposed to be about you..."
With a slight shrug before she secured her lips around Quinn's nipple, before she slipped her thigh between Quinn's legs. She pressed up into the heat that she found there. She put her thighs over Quinn's other leg, she sank down and pressed her core against the blondes leg. Unlike before, she was slightly wet and breathing heavy on top of her lover.
Quinn groaned, almost involuntarily rolling her hips and pressing her dripping core against Santana's thigh as her back arched under her lover's treatment of her breasts. A low moan broke free when she realized the slightly slick feeling beginning to form on her leg was from Santana. "S-san, are you...?" She trailed off, not sure what to ask but hesitantly raising her leg to press a bit more firmly into her lover's core.
Santana's lips pulled away with a pop and she looked down and then back up with a slight smile. "Kinda," she breathed, "I like making you feel good. You... You are the only one." she pressed kisses to the hollow of Quinn's throat, "I like making you feel good."
"I like it when you do too," she whispered breathlessly, her hips pushing her core down against Santana's thigh. "I love it when you touch me... Only you." She dragged her eyes open to look at San with dark eyes, "No one but you can touch me or know me like this, San... no one."
Santana nodded and she rocked her thigh into Quinn's core. "I like making you lose your mind. I love making you lose yourself when I touch you, seeing you so relaxed after you..." She kept pushing her thigh into her and rocking it back and forth. She kissed up to Quinn's ear, and she sucked gently on the spot.
Quinn moaned louder than she'd intended, her body trembling with desire for the girl above her. The stiff peaks of her breasts pressed against Santana's, sending jolts through her body as each rock of the girl above her raked their nipples together. "San," she whimpered, "I...I love you..." Her breath was coming faster as her heart raced in her chest, one hand coming up to tangle in dark hair and hold her lover close.
"I want you to come," Santana whimpered as she raked her nails down Quinn's arms and she rocked faster. She kept her core lifted up off of the girl's leg so she wouldn't rub against it accidentally but she kept stroking the girl's core.
She was on fire for the second time that evening. Her body felt like it was burning from Santana's lightest touch, sending sensations crashing through her body. It was different than how it was with Puck, so she was able to forget that and just let herself feel Santana driving her to the edge.
When she hit it, she barely managed to cling to it for a second before tumbling over. Her body arched hard, her back bowing away from the bed as her nails dug involuntarily into Santana's shoulder. Her muscles clenched, spasming against nothing as they locked up in a wave. Once again that awful feeling of pissing herself hit, sending a gush of fluid out to drip down Santana's thigh.
"Oh my God," she whispered once she came down enough to realize what had happened, her cheeks burning with shame, "I...I just...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, please..."
Santana smiled and moved down to kiss the top of Quinn's knee where there were drops of come. "I love that you can do that... Most people can't."
"San, don't..." Quinn was embarrassed. She didn't want Santana to do something so gross as to actually touch the signs of her shame. "Don't...it's gross." She shook her head, the feeling too much like pissing herself to be anything but, no matter what she was told. "I'm gross..."
"Never could be gross," she smiled and kissed her lips. "How about we take a bath and get all clean? Then watch that movie we talked about."
"Yeah," Quinn whispered, subdued after what felt like a humiliating repeat - and this time on Santana. She slid out from under Santana and sat up, trying not to get the fluid drying on her body on anything else. "I should get cleaned up..."
Santana took Quinn's hand and brought them into the bathroom. "You know that I like when you do that right? That it's normal and you don't need to get all blushy because you like how I touch you." Santana whispered as she started the bathtub. She sat in the rising water and then scooted up for Quinn to get in. "Come in and hold me."
"It's gross though," Quinn shook her head as she slid into the tub and wrapped her arms around Santana, resting her chin on her shoulder. "I mean, it's not normal to freaking pee all over when you...you climax, San!"
Santana held onto her girlfriend's arms and leaned back against her. "You didn't pee." She rolled her eyes and cuddled into her lover. "You came so hard from me kissing you, and touching your body that you ejaculated." She said simply, "You made me happy because it shows me how much you love me."
Quinn frowned, tightening her arms around Santana as she slid her legs down alongside her. "That's...ridiculous, San. Women don't... ejaculate. I'm not a guy for Pete's sake."
"But... I looked it up! It's true!" Santana said indignantly, "Just cause you don't think it's true doesn't mean it's not, Quinn... Sometimes women come and get all kinds of fluid out when you come that hard. It's not gross and it's special." Santana said as she snuggled closer.
Quinn looked uncertain but she shrugged. "If you say so," she nibbled absently on Santana's ear. "I don't, um, come like that alone anyway, so maybe you're right."
"See?" She smiled, "I like that." She tilted her neck and held her tighter. "I just like when you're relaxed and happy."
"I like when you are too," Quinn admitted softly, cuddling as the warm water flowed around them. "I wish I could make you feel like that too, but it's okay that I can't." She nuzzled at the crook of Santana's neck, "I'm just happy you're comfortable enough to be with me like this."
"It turns me on when I can touch you like that." She said softly, "I like how I make you feel and how you make me feel... I think maybe someday... I'll be okay with being touched there... but it's too soon." She said, "I... I feel dirty and it's... it's just too soon."
"It's okay, San. I can wait." Quinn smiled as she held her girlfriend close, "I'm happy with what you can give me. I love you and I'll wait for you."
"Thank you so much." She whispered as she closed her eyes and smiled, "You're amazing and I love you so much."
"I'm not that amazing," Quinn replied, picking up the shower gel and a scrubby and starting to lather up her girl, "I just think you're worth waiting for."
Santana just smiled and relaxed, "I'll.. I'll talk to Megan and Rebecca about going to a special doctor for my junk okay?" she asked softly, scared that even if she was ready for sex someday that it would not be okay because she'd never get wet enough so it wouldn't hurt.
"Okay," Quinn murmured, gently lathing the soap over Santana's body. "If you want me to be there for you, I will. But only if you want me too." She kissed her neck, "That sort of stuff is really personal after all."
"It's just... scary you know. I don't wanna be ruined forever you know." She sighed and looked over her shoulder, "I just want to be perfect for you and I'm not..."
"That's bullshit, San, and you know it." Quinn nipped at her shoulder with a slightly irritated growl, "You are perfect for me and the amount or quality of sex you are capable of giving or receiving isn't part of it. I don't care if we can't be together completely because what we already have is amazing. You're someone I can rely on, San, and that means a damn lot more to me than anything that might happen in our bed. Got it?"
"I get it." She whispered as she cuddled into her. "I know... I just think that I'm not okay sometimes. I love you so much and I know that it's hard but we're gonna be okay." She said softly as she kissed her hand. "I just wish I wasn't sick... that I could feel things." She sighed softly against, "The only time I feel anything is when I see you."
"Then I'll do my best to make sure you can see me as much as you want," Quinn whispered, hugging her tight before going back to washing her. "I wish you weren't sick too, but the fact that you are doesn't change how I feel and it never will. It just makes me want to take care of you even more."
"I know... it just makes things harder though." she sighed, "Makes me more scared all the time."
"I won't lie to you," Quinn murmured, rinsing the soap off her lover and nestling her chin back into the crook of her neck, "I'm scared too. I'm scared I'll lose you and I'm not sure I could handle that. Sometimes I'm scared I'll accidentally make you sicker. Or that I'll do something to hurt you without thinking. There are all kinds of things that scare me, San. You're not alone in that."
"You could never hurt me... or make me sicker." she whispered, "You make me feel like a person and not an object." she admitted, "I used to never feel real, now I do."
"You are a person, San. You've got parents who love you and a colt who doesn't seem certain what species he is, a crazy amount of cats and two goats who all love you too." Her lips brushed against Santana's jaw as she spoke, her hands unconsciously brushing the lower curve of the girl's breasts as she gently rubbed her stomach. "And you have me. How much more real can you get?"
"Just cause Pony has identity issues," she pouted as she arched into her lover's hands. "But, yes, we... yes we have a lot of love here. I think that makes it real."
Sliding her hands a little further up to lightly cup the bottom of her breasts, Quinn teased her earlobe with the tip of her tongue. "I think Pony wishes he was your baby half the time. The other half I think he thinks he's a dog the way he follows you." She held Santana for a moment, gently sucking on her earlobe, "Is this okay?"
"He is my baby." Santana whimpered as she caught her breath. "Yeah... yeah, it's okay." she said softly, "Feels good."
"Good," Quinn murmured, letting her thumbs drift up to gently caress Santana's aureoles and nipples, "but he's not your real baby, San. Someday, I want to see you holding a little one. Just a teeny little baby... with your last name. I think you'll be a great mom someday, San."
"He's as my real baby too." she gaped, "I pulled him out of Beauty." She let her eyes flutter closed, "Since I can't have a baby I'm gonna have to help you bring it out so it can be kinda the same." she licked her lips and ran her fingers on Quinn's thighs, "And you'll be an amazing mom too."
"You better help catch our little one," she whispered in Santana's ear as she gently pinched her nipples, "Because there is no way I'll be able to do it alone. I'm going to need you right beside me to keep me from going crazy and freaking out." She brushed her lips along Santana's neck, sucking gently on her pulse point, but letting go before she could leave a mark. "I want to see you holding our baby someday, San..."
"I want that too." she squeaked at the pressure on her breasts. "I want you, a baby and Pony… I want our family."
Quinn let up, covering Santana's breasts with her hands and squeezing gently, whimpering softly at the feeling of the stiff peaks against her sensitive palms. "I've thought a lot about it," she whispered, "and I want that future. I want a baby with you, kids, someday. I want a family. I want to see you laughing and playing with our kids. I want to see you hold your grand baby someday. I want to see you in one of those stupid hospital gowns holding our baby after they're born. I don't care how much it hurts or how scary it is. I want that with you."
"I just want everything with you." she said as she pressed a kiss to Quinn's neck. "you, me and Pony. And someday our baby."
"Me too," Quinn sighed happily, just enjoying being able to relax with her girl for a bit. She gently rolled the breasts in her hands as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Santana's lips on her neck. "But if Pony is in the delivery room in any way I'm gonna be so upset with you," she teased.
Santana giggled and pressed more kisses to Quinn's neck. "What if I recorded it for him... and you know.. the parental units."
"Ew, San," Quinn leaned back with a sigh and a tiny shiver as her girlfriend's lips caressed her neck, pulling Santana back into her body. "That's gross. I don't want cameras anywhere near my junk."
"I like your junk," she pouted. "It's pretty and tastes good." She said teasingly, "But fine... no cameras in room when the baby is born." She said as her back arched again into Quinn's stilled hands. She wanted them to continue their movements, she wanted feel her lover touch on her chest.
Quinn blushed dark red, "You don't know how my junk tastes so stop teasing." She started slowly running her hands over Santana's chest in a light circle, "I really like being able to touch you like this," she whispered, leaning forward to kiss her neck again. "It makes me feel good - special - to know I can..."
"I do too..." She countered, "I licked my fingers after you came earlier." She pouted, "Totally know what it tastes like." She let her eyes flutter closed as she bit her lip and moaned softly. "I... I need you to do more."
"Like what?" Quinn whispered, caressing her lover's chest and nibbling at her neck. "Tell me what I can do, San. I love touching you and I want to know what I can do to make you feel the best with me..."
"Can.. can you," she covered Quinn's hand with her own and made the other girl's thumb flick back and forth on her hard nipple. She gasped and arched, "Do... do that.. Maybe.. maybe.. We can try.. like the car?"
"With you in my lap?" Quinn whispered, flicking her thumbs over taut nipples. She licked her lips, "I...Can I taste you? I love the taste of your breasts..."
Slowly and carefully Santana moved so she was sitting to face Quinn. She reached behind them and pulled the plug on the now cold water before sliding the glass door closed and flicking on the hot water of the shower. She kissed Quinn slowly as the water cascaded over their bodies. "Please..." she whimpered as she pulled away from pink lips.
Quinn nodded, sliding her hands down to draw little patterns on the small of Santana's back as she kissed down her neck and nipped at her collarbone. "I love you, you know. And I'm going to be with you and one day, we'll have a family. Together."
She kissed down further, brushing and teasing her lover's skin with her lips before teasing the areola with the tip of her tongue. She nipped gently just above the darker skin before sliding down that last bit to lathe the peak with her tongue and breathe over it. Rolling her eyes up to look at Santana and remind her that it was her, she kissed her nipple, carefully took it between her lips and sucked gently.
Santana gasped softly, her hands going into Quinn's wet hair and holding her there. She moaned lowly as she let her head fall back at the feeling of her nipple being sucked between two lips and gently rolled around and lathed with Quinn's tongue.
Quinn whimpered against Santana's flesh at the feeling of fingers in her hair holding her close and the water streaking down over both of them. It was like making out in a warm rainstorm and she was finding she enjoyed it more than she thought she would, making a note to take Santana out riding in a summer storm someday. Focusing back on her lover, she blinked water from her eyes and smiled around the tanned flesh filling her mouth, carefully spelling out that she loved Santana with the tip of her tongue on the pebbled flesh of her nipple.
Santana moaned as she rocked her hips softly against Quinn's stomach. Her body had started to work on its own accord after several hours of being worked up by her beautiful lover.
Daring greatly, Quinn slid her hands down to cup Santana's ass as she kissed across to tease and gently suck on the thus far ignored nipple. Her hands gently kneaded the girl's ass as she suckled. She pulled away for a moment. "I love you...if you can come, I'd love to see it." Leaning up, she nipped at a spot on the girl's collarbone, sucking to try and leave a mark, letting her chest rub against Santana's body just under her breasts.
When she felt hands on her ass she froze and tried to make the visions go away. She moved her hand back and brought Quinn's hands back up to her hips. "I'm sorry." She whispered as she removed Quinn's hands, but she gently rubbed herself slowly against Quinn's abs as she moaned when Quinn nipped at her breast. "I think.. I think I'm close."
"It's okay," Quinn whispered, continued to kiss along the top of Santana's breasts, brushing her fingertips against the small of her back. "Can I please see you come?" She nipped between the girl's breasts, "Please... It would make me happy to see you like that, to know I was part of it..."
With a small whimper, Santana pressed her hands onto Quinn's shoulders. She started to shake slightly when Quinn reattached to her breast, her body tensed for a moment before her mouth dropped open, her eyes closed tightly in a silent cry for more as she tumbled over the edge.
Quinn let go of her breast and leaned up to catch her mouth in a kiss as she realized what was happening. She held them together, breasts pressing into each other as her lips moved across Santana's. "I love you so much," she whispered over and over, feeling the climax surging through her lover where their bodies pressed together.
After a few moments of quivering, Santana slumped against her girlfriend breathing heavily. She was panting and trying hard to catch her breath as she recovered from her experience, clinging to Quinn. She needed her rock to be there and be with her until she could come back to a level of reality.
Quinn held her close, rubbing her back in small circles as the warm water continued to cascade down over them. "You're so beautiful," she whispered into Santana's ear as one hand came up to gently scratch at the back of her neck. "The most beautiful person I've ever seen..."
Chapter Thirty-Three