The Way To Each Other - Chapter Twenty-One
Title: The Way To Each Other
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: Hard NC-17
Length: Epic (230,271)
Spoilers: This is AU. Some mentions of Seasons 1 & 2 events though handled differently than in canon.
Pairing: Santana/Quinn
Summary: Santana's life is far harder than it appears to the average viewer. Her dad's in jail and her mom turns tricks in their old family home. Worst yet, Santana herself has to do the same to keep her mom alive and food in her belly. Can Quinn save her? Or will Quinn's domineering father ruin everything? For the Glee Bang
Warnings (highlight to read): talks of suicide, angst, language, graphic het and femslash sex, non-con, dub-con, oral, vaginal, anal, pedophilia, sex work, underage prostitution, abuse, violence sexual and non, minor character death, self-harm, drug use, disease - HIV
Chapter 21
It had been a bad week for Santana. On top of the fact she had a horrific physical therapy session the day after she and Quinn had progressed their relationship in the hay loft, she found out that it was more than likely she'd limp for the rest of her life. There was no way to make her hips go back to the proper alignment other than breaking them again and having major surgery that might not even work. After that news she had a check up with Megan who told her that she might need to start medications sooner rather than later because of how strong the virus was starting to present itself in the teenager's body. After doing some tests Megan figured that Santana might have been infected for at least four years. Probably longer. Possibly her entire life.
On top of all of that, it was her mother's birthday. She got home from her appointment and crawled into her bed, wanting to be alone for a while. She balled her pillow up and sobbed into it, trying to muffle the sounds so she wouldn't disturb anyone. She was bursting with emotions. Hate, regret, guilt, and above everything else she just missed her mom.
Rebecca walked into the house after Santana and watched the young girl climb the stairs and head into her bedroom, not Quinn's. She knew something was wrong. She wanted to help, but Santana had shut herself off and she wouldn't speak.
"Cindy?" She called out as she looked around the house.
Cindy was in the kitchen with Quinn working on dinner when the girl's came back. "Hey Babe," Cindy smiled seeing her wife, "How was physical therapy and the specialist appointment?"
"Uh… not good. Santana's not feeling well." She looked quickly at Quinn, not wanting to alarm the young blonde.
Quinn just smiled sadly at the glance and kept slicing vegetables with a soft sigh. Santana had barely spoken to her in the last couple of days and she didn't really think she'd be likely to respond well to her trying to see her if she hadn't had a good session. Her shoulders slumped slightly, but she did her best not to react otherwise.
By this point, she was convinced she'd done something wrong and somehow messed up her relationship with the other girl. It hurt every time she tried to think about it, but the only thing she could figure that she'd done wrong was attempting to touch the other girl intimately. Finishing cutting things up, she set her knife carefully in the sink and put on her best mask.
"I'm a bit tired so I'm going to go lie down for a bit before dinner if you don't need anything else, Cindy." When the woman just nodded quietly, she made her way upstairs and into her room. She wasn't really surprised to find Santana wasn't there, but it didn't keep the sharp pain of loss from stinging her heart as she climbed into the bed alone.
Rebecca turned to her wife. "We have a problem. Santana is not okay," She sighed and moved closer to the other woman and leaned against the counter, "which is playing on Quinn's insecurities. She had a bad doctor's appointment." she said as she ran her hand through her hair, "All I really know is that I heard screaming and sobbing and when I went in there Santana had kicked her doctor and was cowering in the corner of the office."
Cindy shook her head, adding the vegetables Quinn had chopped into the pot she was stirring. "Her legs?" She sighed, "I have a bad feeling she might never get over that limp of hers. I warned Quinn and she doesn't seem to care, but Santana's a whole nother kettle of fish."
"Of course Quinn's not going to care. She didn't even bat an eye when Santana found out she had HIV. But, Santana's not even going to take that well." Rebecca sighed, "At least she doesn't have to see or feel the HIV ever time she moves, but her legs? If they don't work right she's always going to feel them and remember what happened to her." She sighed and moved to rest her head on her wife's back. "I want to cry." She admitted softly.
Cindy turned the heat down to the pot and covered it turning to take her wife into her arms. "Then cry, love. That's why I'm here, remember? To hold you when things are too much. Just like Quinn wants to be there for Santana. I'm afraid she’s not ready to let her yet though." She rubbed Rebecca's back gently, resting her cheek on the top of her head and sighing softly, "I hope she finds her way to being ready before she pushes Quinn completely away though. She needs her."
"I'm worried about them. Quinn... she doesn't talk. She just fucking bottles it up like my brother." She sniffled as held onto her wife. "I... I don't wanna see her turn into someone as hard and hateful as him because she can't show her emotions. I just, I want her to talk about her pain and problems but every time I try she pushes me farther away." She started to wrack with sobs into Cindy's shoulder as she clung to her. After a few minutes of crying she rubbed her eyes. "I think.. I think something else is going on with Santana too... More than the legs... something we don't know."
Cindy sighed. "Becca, much as we hate to admit it or think about it, Santana has been being horribly treated for the last four years and the good Lord only knows what happened to her before that. Quinn told me she found her mother dead of an overdose and then set her house on fire. That girl has some terrible anger in her."
"She... oh my god, Cindy." Becca gasped as she realized what Santana must have seen and what kind of anger she must have felt to light her home on fire.
"Yeah, I know. But Quinn...baby, not everyone talks when they hurt. You want her to talk, I know, but all she sees is your job coming out." She kissed the top of her head, "She needs her aunt, babe, not a therapist. You can't fix her no matter how hurt she is. You can't even try if you want her to talk to you."
"I don't know what to do." She whimpered, hating feeling so useless when it came to the kids she was very attached to. "I don't know how to help them."
She licked her lips, "We do what we've been doing. We give them a home - a safe home - where they know they're loved and wanted and we do our best to take care of them. They're our girls, Becca. And when they're ready to come to us, we'll be waiting to listen to what they have to say. Hey," she lightly chucked her wife's chin, raising her head, "didn't you tell me once that being a therapist is like helping a scared animal? You have to be patient and wait for them to trust you enough to open up and let you help."
"Why do you always quote me to me?" she muttered and wiped her eyes, "Megan said Santana needs to eat more and gain some weight so they can give her the right medications and they won't make her too sick." she sighed and went and poured herself a glass of wine. "I think you should check on Quinn, she's more open to talking to you."
"Rebecca Fabray, do you ever listen to what I say?" Cindy grumbled taking the glass away, "I said she needs her aunt. Have you ever noticed that when you go to Quinn and don't try and make her talk, she'll open up to you? Just go up there and be with your niece, woman. If they're talking about putting Santana on medications already, then I'm not surprised she's freaking out. I'll handle our daughter, you just go sit with her girl for a while and not talk and see what happens. Hmm?"
Rebecca sighed and nodded before heading up the stairs to Quinn's room. She knocked quietly and when there was no answer, she opened the door and saw Quinn lying on the bed. Rebecca slipped in and sat on the bed, running her fingers over Blackie's head before running her fingers through Quinn's hair silently.
For a second, Quinn startled at the touch, surprised until she recognized who had come in. With a shaky breath, she moved to curl around her aunt, shifting until her head was in the older woman's lap. She trembled slightly as she cuddled, her breathing uneven and broken as she tried not to sob.
Rebecca ran her fingers comfortingly through Quinn's hair as she tried to comfort the girl. "I love you, Quinn. You are the best thing that ever happened to our family and I'm so happy you are here."
Santana was curled up in the corner of her small room clutching the stuffed lamb she'd gotten from Quinn. She stared out the window deep in thought almost as if she was waiting for something to show up or happen outside.
Cindy knocked on the door, holding out a mug of soup. "Mind some company, kid?"
Santana looked up and shrugged before looking back out the window. She wiped her eyes and sniffled sightly as she tried to hide her emotions.
Cindy came over and slid down the wall to sit beside her. "Here," she murmured, offer the mug of soup, "I didn't think you'd be much for company right now, so I thought I'd bring dinner to you. And don't give me any lip about how you're not hungry. I know shit's overwhelming right now, but you need to eat or you're gonna scare the ladies who love us."
"I'm not hungry though, my stomach hurts." she said softly as she took the mug. "I don't want to eat when my stomach hurts." she looked at Cindy and blinked, "Everything hurts lately."
"Okay, but if you want me to let you get away without eating any of the soup Quinn and I made especially with you in mind, you're going to need to trade me what's wrong." Cindy let their shoulders brush, but didn't make any move to push Santana into any further physical contact, though she also didn't move to make it seem like contact was unwanted.
Santana sighed and took a sip of the soup and put it down assuming it would get her out of talking. She looked out the window again and sighed, "Is she okay?" she asked softly after a few minutes. "I haven't been able to see her today."
"Who? Quinn?" Cindy shrugged, willing to sit beside her daughter as long as it took to get what was bothering her out. "I don't know. She hasn't been talking much the last week or so. You two didn't have a falling out did you? She hasn't seemed as happy lately."
"No, she's perfect. She's perfect and I love her." Santana whispered as she clutched the lamb. " I just didn't want her to be depressed with me," she sighed.
Cindy sighed softly, "Sweetheart, closing off from the world won't protect you or her from being sad or scared or depressed. Quinn is, well...she's very strong, but she's fragile too. She'll walk through fire for the few people she loves, but I don't think she'll do the same for herself. She's an insecure, scared little girl still in a lot of ways." She tried smiling at her adopted daughter, "Not unlike someone else I might know and love, I imagine."
"What you're going through," she leaned back against the wall, "no one else in this house ever has. But I've seen a lot of people go through it. More than you might think. My cousin was lucky. He managed to get clean and get in a program that let him get the meds he needed. His friends weren't all so lucky."
She watched Santana out of the corner of her eyes, "I was about your age when I watched his best friend, a man I thought was the greatest man I'd ever know, slowly drink himself to death because he couldn't handle what was happening and he wouldn't talk to anyone about it. Now, I think I know you well enough to know you're a very strong girl, but what you're dealing with is incredibly hard and those bad feelings will eat you up if you let them."
"What if they already have?" she sniffled as she looked through tear dampened lashes. "What if I started waking up and wishing it would all end again? I thought wanting to die would stop when I got here. But I prayed last night... I prayed to not wake up." she admitted, guilt present in her voice. "I'm the worst person ever. I don't deserve you and Becca and I don't deserve Quinn's love."
"Sweetheart, being depressed doesn't make you the worst person ever." Cindy reached over and took her hand, squeezing reassuringly, "And believe it or not, I've had days like that too. Days when everything seemed like way too much and nothing was worth living for. Then I found Becca and she made it easier. But she didn't make it stop or go away, she just gave me something to believe in that wasn't me because I couldn't handle it alone."
"It doesn't stop if you bottle it up, Santana. It doesn't stop just because you move to some place new or find new people to be around. It's okay to be depressed and wanting everything to end as long as you don't let it end you." Cindy looked at her daughter with a sad smile, "It gets better, Santana, but it never stops. You just have to learn to control it and lean on the ones who love you a little more when it's bad."
"It's too hard to talk about. I don't want you or Quinn to know what I wake up remembering, what I did, what people did to me..."
"Santana, listen to me," Cindy reached over and pulled her head around with a finger against her chin. "Really listen, okay? What happened to you will not make me love you any less. Do you understand? It might make my heart hurt for you more and make me want to keep safe even more, but it cannot reduce by a single iota how much I love you. Not even a little."
"And Quinn is the same. I know that girl. I've know her practically since she was a baby, Santana. I have never seen her more scared than how she looked when she found out you were positive, but she didn't hesitate for even a second when she said she still wanted to be with you. Now, if you don't want her or Becca to know, you can tell me and I promise you that I will never tell them and the only thing that might change for me is how much I want to hug you and hurt the men who took advantage of you."
"I just don't know how to make it go away." She sniffled, "It's my mom’s birthday today, you know?"
"I didn't know it was your momma's birthday, no. But we can celebrate it if you like. Quinn said she thought you were Catholic, so if you want, you and me, we can drive to the nearest church and light a candle for your momma's memory and spend some time praying for her soul. How's that sound?"
"She's in hell so I doubt that she's in need of prayers," she whispered and rested her head against her palm. "I don't think she deserves prayers."
"Well," Cindy's heart hurt to hear Santana condemning her mother to hell, "maybe we could do something else to remember her then. Just you and me. I know I'm not your mom, Santana, and that I can never really take that role for you, but I do love you as if you were mine and I hope I'm at least your friend. We can go volunteer at a soup kitchen or a shelter for the day. Give some people the help she wouldn't ask for. Or even just go out and chuck rocks at a pond or go to a gym and beat the hell out of some punching bags together. How about that?"
"Can... can we go hit things?" she asked hopefully, not wanting to remember her mother.
"Definitely," Cindy smiled, "we can go to the gym I'm a member of over in Vergennes and just beat the hell out of their punching bags." She hesitantly reached over and put an arm around the girl's shoulders, "Whenever you need to get the anger out, just come to me and we can go to the gym. You can even come with me when I need to go work off stress if you want."
"Okay..." she sighed getting up slowly. "I should change and tell Quinn."
"Quinn's in her room with Becca right now, actually," Cindy pointed out getting to her feet and dusting off her pants. "Hopefully, neither is being themselves and combining to shove each other away again. Just wear the sort of things you do when you go to therapy and we'll get you some wraps and gloves on the way to the gym, ok?"
"I'll leave her a note then." Santana sighed. She quickly changed into her gym clothing and Quinn's Cheerio sweatshirt and tied her shoes. She went down to the kitchen and scribbled a note for Quinn.
Cindy was waiting for her out by the Jeep when she finished, a gym bag tossed in the back. "You know, I bet she wants to see you still. Quinn, that is. Maybe you'll want to see her when you get done pounding canvas. We can bring our girls home some ice cream after, what do you say?"
"Okay." Santana stated as she looked to Cindy. "I just feel numb inside." she said as she walked out to Cindy's jeep.
"How it goes sometimes, kid. But I'll promise you this, you ever want to scream and rage," Cindy climbed into the Jeep, leaning over to throw open Santana's door, "come to me. I know all the best places to just throw an absolute fit around here and get it out of your system. You're not the only one who has anger about where they came from. I grew up on a reservation and I'm still treated like a second-class citizen in this country because I'm native and gay on top of that. I didn't go through what you did, not even close, but I do get having a past I can't share with the woman I love because she'd never understand."
"Okay," she sighed and rested her head against the window. "Thanks for this..."
"Anytime," Cindy murmured, offering Santana a smile as she backed out and headed off up the road towards the gym. "I mean, we're family now, right? Legally and all that shit. Family takes care of each other."
"Yeah," she whispered as she looked out the window. She ran her fingers over circular burns in her skin of her hands. "I miss my mom, Cindy,” Santana whispered.
Cindy was quiet for a bit. "I bet. I can't even imagine losing my mom like you did, Santana. I bet it hurts a lot." She glanced over at the girl as she drove, "Have you ever let yourself grieve? I know she did a lot of bad things to you, made you do things I don't even want to imagine, but she was still your mom and it's okay to miss her."
"She never wanted me... My dad wanted a baby and she didn't want one... She never wanted me," she sniffled and looked straight ahead. "Then he went away and she didn't want to take care of me."
"Why'd your dad go away? I mean, I know what Quinn's told me and I know what he told us when he let us have you, but why do you think he went away?" Cindy asked, pulling out onto the county highway after checking for traffic.
"I mean I was five," she sighed, "and evidently what I was told wasn't true. He got arrested for stealing drugs at the clinic he worked at." She licked her lips, "He came and kissed my head and tucked me in when they woke me up yelling and screaming at each other...then like he never came home and it was just me and my mom. That's when the men started coming over... When we started working, when I had to learn to not be a kid anymore." She wiped her eyes, "He promised he'd never leave me..."
Cindy bit her lip. It was hard not to cry when presented with a story like Santana's. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. "Santana, do you...would you ever want to see him again? Your dad, I mean. I bet he wishes more than anything that he could have changed what happened. That he could have taken you away from all of that before it happened." That the man had told her all of that in the letter Rebecca and she had received from the man as their answer to their request for him to surrender his parental rights to his baby girl she didn't mention.
"I don't know," she answered honestly. "If he... if he didn't help her get away with stealing he wouldn't have gone away. But, I kinda wanna know if he's HIV positive too, Megan says I may have been born with it... I just wanna tell him how pissed I am, how hurt and mad I am that he left me... He was supposed to protect me..."
"Yes, he was. But so was your mom," Cindy pointed out, pulling into the parking lot of the old brick building that housed her gym. "No one did right by you, Santana. You may not believe it yet, but I'm gonna do my best to see that that changes and so is Becca and your Quinn."
She parked and got out, coming around to grab her bag out of the back and help Santana out. "If you don't ever want to see him again, we can make that happen. But if you do...well, we can make that happen too. But right now, I think we've got an appointment to get out one hell of a lot of bottled up aggression, don't you?"
"Yeah. I'm in the mood to inflict pain," she stated as they walked into the gym.
Rebecca heard the car drive off and sighed. She hope wherever her wife was taking Santana would help her come back to the sweet girl they had grown to love. She continued to run her fingers through Quinn's hair gently for a while longer. "I'm so happy you're here, Quinn." She admitted to her niece.
"Why?" Quinn grumbled bitterly, curling into herself, her arms wrapping protectively around her body, "No one else is. I just make things horrible for everyone. I shouldn't be here. I don't belong here or anywhere else."
She hated saying it, but she hated the way she felt every time she looked at the girl she loved and saw her in pain. She hated that it was her fault Santana was hurting. All because she couldn't control herself. Because she wasn't any better than the awful men who'd used the beautiful girl like some horrible plaything. She hated herself.
"Because Cindy and I love you, Santana loves you... You are like the best niece ever and I love that you are here with us." She shrugged. "You belong here with us," she said sternly, "never question that."
Quinn shook her head, pulling away from her aunt. "I don't deserve any of that," she whispered, "I don't deserve to be here. I should just go back to Lima with my parents. They're what I deserve."
"No one deserves that," she said as she pulled her back close. "I don't know what took away my beautiful niece and brought on this junk, but you belong here. I need to have you here and so does Santana."
"Because I hurt her!" Quinn snapped angrily, jerking back away and digging her fingers painfully into her arms, "Because I'm no better - no different - then any of the disgusting guys that used to buy her!" Her voice broke and she curled in on herself, trying to hide the tears slipping down her face from her aunt, "I don't deserve to be around her. I'm disgusting and horrible."
"Stop that." Rebecca took Quinn's hands. "Take a breath and tell me what happened. Santana does not hate you and I doubt that anything you two did was anything like what those assholes did to her. She loves you and you her."
"I," Quinn choked on her tears for a moment and couldn't speak as she pulled her hands back and wrapped her arms back around herself, "I touched her... She didn't want me to. She was h-happy and then she wasn't and it's my fault! I don't deserve her," she whispered miserably, tightening her grip on her arms hard enough to bruise, pale circles of bloodless flesh radiating out from under her fingertips. "I don't deserve anything good after what I did..."
"Could it be that she really wanted to but got overwhelmed?" she sighed and looked at the blonde. "Darling, maybe she was just overwhelmed."
"No," Quinn muttered, hating herself, "I felt her stiffen and I should have stopped sooner. I made her unhappy. I made her remember. I don't deserve her, Aunt Becca!"
"Hey," she whispered pulling Quinn into a hug. "I don't think she feels like that, did she pull away from you when you were touching each other? I think maybe... Could she just not have been touched like she wanted before? That she was overwhelmed... Maybe it's not even you... Maybe something else is bothering her."
"I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway," Quinn tried pulling away, not wanting to be comforted. "She won't even look at me or sleep with me any more. I ruined everything. I just wanted her to be happy for once, Aunt Becca..."
Rebecca sighed, "I think Santana might need more help than we can give to her, Quinn." she said sadly, "That doesn’t mean she doesn't want you or need you, I think she's just stuck in her head."
"Yeah and I can't fix that." She shook her head, rolling away and getting up to look out the window, "She doesn't want to let me in. She just," she sighed, resting her head on the cool glass, her voice dropping to an unhappy whisper, "she doesn't want me enough to let me help her."
"Maybe she's scared. I'm sure there... there are things that have happened to her that she's scared to tell you. Maybe she's just scared... But that girl... she loves you so much."
"I don't deserve it," Quinn whispered, "I don't deserve her love. I'm just like them. I'm no better than the men who hurt her." Her arms tightened about herself again, "I don't deserve her..."
Rebecca came over, "You are nothing like them... I kinda know how you feel, when I met Cindy she hated the idea of non-native people because of how they treated her, but we worked through it once I broke through her shell of pain... I know Santana doesn’t think of you like that, she wouldn't be loving you if she did."
"But all I do is hurt her, Aunt Becca," Quinn whispered miserably, "I can't do anything right with her. I can't make things better. I can't make her happy. I'm useless."
"She's alive because of you. Because you showed that you care and she came to find you. She left what she was doing because she wanted to start over with you." Rebecca rubbed Quinn's back, "She's alive because of you."
"Then why do I hurt her? Why do I see pain and fear when I look at her?" Quinn glanced at Rebecca, her hazel eyes hurting in the stoic mask of her face, "Why won't she look at me anymore? She hasn't even tried to touch me - not even to hold my hand, Aunt Becca - since." Her jaw worked as she swallowed down her emotions again, "She doesn't want me... I should just leave so she can be happy again." She turned back to the window, her shoulders slumping.
"If you ever left again Santana would find you. She’d look until she found you and would never give up. I don't think Santana, much like yourself, is at all okay. She hates herself much like I think you do so when she gets sad she doesn’t want to hurt you. I don't think she knows how she's making you feel."
"Whatever," Quinn sighed, reaching up to trace patterns on the glass, "I don't think she wants to know. I'm just convenient. She has you and Cindy now. She has a family. She doesn't need me anymore." She wouldn't look at her aunt, wouldn't let her see her heart breaking, "No one needs someone as worthless as me..."
"Okay, stop it now." Rebecca had enough, "Do not shut yourself off. Do not pull that Fabray shit with me. Don't be a martyr and think that girl doesn't need you because remember when she ran the fuck away when she thought you didn't want her?" Rebecca ran her hand through her hair out of frustration. "Look, I don't know how to help her medically and I don't know how to help you as your aunt... I love you but I swear you will kill each other with these depressive moods you get into."
"What do you want me to do?!" Quinn yelled, slamming her fist against the glass hard enough to rattle it in its frame. "You think I like feeling like this?! You think I enjoy feeling like the girl I love hates me?!"
She spun around to look at her aunt, tears streaking her angry expression. "She doesn't want to even be in the same room as me since I touched her, Aunt Becca! What can I even do?! I can't help her and you and Cindy are either yelling at me or giving me these damn looks of pity and just making me feel worse, so fine, Dr. Fabray, tell me how to fix my worthless fucking life!"
"Stop being a child, Quinn, and I don't know stop sulking and talk to her! I know for a fact Cindy is talking to Santana and telling the same fucking thing. Calm your teenage angst and deal with this with her! Or don't but, God, don't make yourself miserable by not knowing!"
Quinn's face crumpled, "You think I haven't tried to talk to her? She just tells me that it's nothing and I'm perfect or whatever and goes away again. I can't do anything but watch her just close off and leave me and I can't do that. I just can't. So tell me what to do to make it stop hurting so much, Aunt Becca. Please..."
"I don't know. You need to not give up on her... I know you're scared and hurt and pissed but closing her out... Closing out your girlfriend and turning off your emotions won't do anything. You need to talk to her and make her tell you what's wrong."
"I never said I was giving up on her," Quinn shook her head, taking in a shuddery breath, "and I've been right here. All she has to do is try to talk to me and stop shutting me out! I talk to her! I've been trying and all she does is treat me like I'm one of those fucking men and ignore me! How am I supposed to feel?"
She made her way back over to the bed and sank down on the edge. "I love her so much," she whispered, looking down at her hands. "She means everything to me but I can't help her at all because she doesn't want to let me."
"I know... And that's an issue you two need to talk about. It's never gonna be better if you don't tell her how this is making you feel, that her closing you off to protect you from bad things hurts you. I don't think she means to but she doesn't know that it's affecting you like this and you need to tell her, sweetheart." Rebecca sighed as she moved to sit next to Quinn again.
"I try," Quinn whispered, "I try to tell her, but how does how I feel even compare to what she went through?" She shook her head and sighed heavily, "I don't deserve to hurt compared to what she's suffered. How can I tell her she's hurting me by shutting me out without making her feel even worse?"
"If she loves you, she'll understand." Rebecca smiled, "Darling girl, I think it's important to not let her past affect your future together."
"Do we even have one?" Quinn sounded lost and broken, "I just want her to be happy again. I'd do anything, give up anything, just to see her smile again. I don't care about me," she leaned against her aunt, resting her head on her shoulder, "I just want her to feel better..."
Rebecca wrapped her arms around Quinn and sighed. "I know, and she'll get there I promise you. But what happened I think is that it's been a while of good non traumatic times for her and she got lost in her head with some of her medical issues. She will come back to you, Quinn."
"I hope so," Quinn whispered, her voice shaking with the tears she was trying to hold back, "I need her too..."
Chapter Twenty-Two
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: Hard NC-17
Length: Epic (230,271)
Spoilers: This is AU. Some mentions of Seasons 1 & 2 events though handled differently than in canon.
Pairing: Santana/Quinn
Summary: Santana's life is far harder than it appears to the average viewer. Her dad's in jail and her mom turns tricks in their old family home. Worst yet, Santana herself has to do the same to keep her mom alive and food in her belly. Can Quinn save her? Or will Quinn's domineering father ruin everything? For the Glee Bang
Warnings (highlight to read): talks of suicide, angst, language, graphic het and femslash sex, non-con, dub-con, oral, vaginal, anal, pedophilia, sex work, underage prostitution, abuse, violence sexual and non, minor character death, self-harm, drug use, disease - HIV
Chapter 21
It had been a bad week for Santana. On top of the fact she had a horrific physical therapy session the day after she and Quinn had progressed their relationship in the hay loft, she found out that it was more than likely she'd limp for the rest of her life. There was no way to make her hips go back to the proper alignment other than breaking them again and having major surgery that might not even work. After that news she had a check up with Megan who told her that she might need to start medications sooner rather than later because of how strong the virus was starting to present itself in the teenager's body. After doing some tests Megan figured that Santana might have been infected for at least four years. Probably longer. Possibly her entire life.
On top of all of that, it was her mother's birthday. She got home from her appointment and crawled into her bed, wanting to be alone for a while. She balled her pillow up and sobbed into it, trying to muffle the sounds so she wouldn't disturb anyone. She was bursting with emotions. Hate, regret, guilt, and above everything else she just missed her mom.
Rebecca walked into the house after Santana and watched the young girl climb the stairs and head into her bedroom, not Quinn's. She knew something was wrong. She wanted to help, but Santana had shut herself off and she wouldn't speak.
"Cindy?" She called out as she looked around the house.
Cindy was in the kitchen with Quinn working on dinner when the girl's came back. "Hey Babe," Cindy smiled seeing her wife, "How was physical therapy and the specialist appointment?"
"Uh… not good. Santana's not feeling well." She looked quickly at Quinn, not wanting to alarm the young blonde.
Quinn just smiled sadly at the glance and kept slicing vegetables with a soft sigh. Santana had barely spoken to her in the last couple of days and she didn't really think she'd be likely to respond well to her trying to see her if she hadn't had a good session. Her shoulders slumped slightly, but she did her best not to react otherwise.
By this point, she was convinced she'd done something wrong and somehow messed up her relationship with the other girl. It hurt every time she tried to think about it, but the only thing she could figure that she'd done wrong was attempting to touch the other girl intimately. Finishing cutting things up, she set her knife carefully in the sink and put on her best mask.
"I'm a bit tired so I'm going to go lie down for a bit before dinner if you don't need anything else, Cindy." When the woman just nodded quietly, she made her way upstairs and into her room. She wasn't really surprised to find Santana wasn't there, but it didn't keep the sharp pain of loss from stinging her heart as she climbed into the bed alone.
Rebecca turned to her wife. "We have a problem. Santana is not okay," She sighed and moved closer to the other woman and leaned against the counter, "which is playing on Quinn's insecurities. She had a bad doctor's appointment." she said as she ran her hand through her hair, "All I really know is that I heard screaming and sobbing and when I went in there Santana had kicked her doctor and was cowering in the corner of the office."
Cindy shook her head, adding the vegetables Quinn had chopped into the pot she was stirring. "Her legs?" She sighed, "I have a bad feeling she might never get over that limp of hers. I warned Quinn and she doesn't seem to care, but Santana's a whole nother kettle of fish."
"Of course Quinn's not going to care. She didn't even bat an eye when Santana found out she had HIV. But, Santana's not even going to take that well." Rebecca sighed, "At least she doesn't have to see or feel the HIV ever time she moves, but her legs? If they don't work right she's always going to feel them and remember what happened to her." She sighed and moved to rest her head on her wife's back. "I want to cry." She admitted softly.
Cindy turned the heat down to the pot and covered it turning to take her wife into her arms. "Then cry, love. That's why I'm here, remember? To hold you when things are too much. Just like Quinn wants to be there for Santana. I'm afraid she’s not ready to let her yet though." She rubbed Rebecca's back gently, resting her cheek on the top of her head and sighing softly, "I hope she finds her way to being ready before she pushes Quinn completely away though. She needs her."
"I'm worried about them. Quinn... she doesn't talk. She just fucking bottles it up like my brother." She sniffled as held onto her wife. "I... I don't wanna see her turn into someone as hard and hateful as him because she can't show her emotions. I just, I want her to talk about her pain and problems but every time I try she pushes me farther away." She started to wrack with sobs into Cindy's shoulder as she clung to her. After a few minutes of crying she rubbed her eyes. "I think.. I think something else is going on with Santana too... More than the legs... something we don't know."
Cindy sighed. "Becca, much as we hate to admit it or think about it, Santana has been being horribly treated for the last four years and the good Lord only knows what happened to her before that. Quinn told me she found her mother dead of an overdose and then set her house on fire. That girl has some terrible anger in her."
"She... oh my god, Cindy." Becca gasped as she realized what Santana must have seen and what kind of anger she must have felt to light her home on fire.
"Yeah, I know. But Quinn...baby, not everyone talks when they hurt. You want her to talk, I know, but all she sees is your job coming out." She kissed the top of her head, "She needs her aunt, babe, not a therapist. You can't fix her no matter how hurt she is. You can't even try if you want her to talk to you."
"I don't know what to do." She whimpered, hating feeling so useless when it came to the kids she was very attached to. "I don't know how to help them."
She licked her lips, "We do what we've been doing. We give them a home - a safe home - where they know they're loved and wanted and we do our best to take care of them. They're our girls, Becca. And when they're ready to come to us, we'll be waiting to listen to what they have to say. Hey," she lightly chucked her wife's chin, raising her head, "didn't you tell me once that being a therapist is like helping a scared animal? You have to be patient and wait for them to trust you enough to open up and let you help."
"Why do you always quote me to me?" she muttered and wiped her eyes, "Megan said Santana needs to eat more and gain some weight so they can give her the right medications and they won't make her too sick." she sighed and went and poured herself a glass of wine. "I think you should check on Quinn, she's more open to talking to you."
"Rebecca Fabray, do you ever listen to what I say?" Cindy grumbled taking the glass away, "I said she needs her aunt. Have you ever noticed that when you go to Quinn and don't try and make her talk, she'll open up to you? Just go up there and be with your niece, woman. If they're talking about putting Santana on medications already, then I'm not surprised she's freaking out. I'll handle our daughter, you just go sit with her girl for a while and not talk and see what happens. Hmm?"
Rebecca sighed and nodded before heading up the stairs to Quinn's room. She knocked quietly and when there was no answer, she opened the door and saw Quinn lying on the bed. Rebecca slipped in and sat on the bed, running her fingers over Blackie's head before running her fingers through Quinn's hair silently.
For a second, Quinn startled at the touch, surprised until she recognized who had come in. With a shaky breath, she moved to curl around her aunt, shifting until her head was in the older woman's lap. She trembled slightly as she cuddled, her breathing uneven and broken as she tried not to sob.
Rebecca ran her fingers comfortingly through Quinn's hair as she tried to comfort the girl. "I love you, Quinn. You are the best thing that ever happened to our family and I'm so happy you are here."
Santana was curled up in the corner of her small room clutching the stuffed lamb she'd gotten from Quinn. She stared out the window deep in thought almost as if she was waiting for something to show up or happen outside.
Cindy knocked on the door, holding out a mug of soup. "Mind some company, kid?"
Santana looked up and shrugged before looking back out the window. She wiped her eyes and sniffled sightly as she tried to hide her emotions.
Cindy came over and slid down the wall to sit beside her. "Here," she murmured, offer the mug of soup, "I didn't think you'd be much for company right now, so I thought I'd bring dinner to you. And don't give me any lip about how you're not hungry. I know shit's overwhelming right now, but you need to eat or you're gonna scare the ladies who love us."
"I'm not hungry though, my stomach hurts." she said softly as she took the mug. "I don't want to eat when my stomach hurts." she looked at Cindy and blinked, "Everything hurts lately."
"Okay, but if you want me to let you get away without eating any of the soup Quinn and I made especially with you in mind, you're going to need to trade me what's wrong." Cindy let their shoulders brush, but didn't make any move to push Santana into any further physical contact, though she also didn't move to make it seem like contact was unwanted.
Santana sighed and took a sip of the soup and put it down assuming it would get her out of talking. She looked out the window again and sighed, "Is she okay?" she asked softly after a few minutes. "I haven't been able to see her today."
"Who? Quinn?" Cindy shrugged, willing to sit beside her daughter as long as it took to get what was bothering her out. "I don't know. She hasn't been talking much the last week or so. You two didn't have a falling out did you? She hasn't seemed as happy lately."
"No, she's perfect. She's perfect and I love her." Santana whispered as she clutched the lamb. " I just didn't want her to be depressed with me," she sighed.
Cindy sighed softly, "Sweetheart, closing off from the world won't protect you or her from being sad or scared or depressed. Quinn is, well...she's very strong, but she's fragile too. She'll walk through fire for the few people she loves, but I don't think she'll do the same for herself. She's an insecure, scared little girl still in a lot of ways." She tried smiling at her adopted daughter, "Not unlike someone else I might know and love, I imagine."
"What you're going through," she leaned back against the wall, "no one else in this house ever has. But I've seen a lot of people go through it. More than you might think. My cousin was lucky. He managed to get clean and get in a program that let him get the meds he needed. His friends weren't all so lucky."
She watched Santana out of the corner of her eyes, "I was about your age when I watched his best friend, a man I thought was the greatest man I'd ever know, slowly drink himself to death because he couldn't handle what was happening and he wouldn't talk to anyone about it. Now, I think I know you well enough to know you're a very strong girl, but what you're dealing with is incredibly hard and those bad feelings will eat you up if you let them."
"What if they already have?" she sniffled as she looked through tear dampened lashes. "What if I started waking up and wishing it would all end again? I thought wanting to die would stop when I got here. But I prayed last night... I prayed to not wake up." she admitted, guilt present in her voice. "I'm the worst person ever. I don't deserve you and Becca and I don't deserve Quinn's love."
"Sweetheart, being depressed doesn't make you the worst person ever." Cindy reached over and took her hand, squeezing reassuringly, "And believe it or not, I've had days like that too. Days when everything seemed like way too much and nothing was worth living for. Then I found Becca and she made it easier. But she didn't make it stop or go away, she just gave me something to believe in that wasn't me because I couldn't handle it alone."
"It doesn't stop if you bottle it up, Santana. It doesn't stop just because you move to some place new or find new people to be around. It's okay to be depressed and wanting everything to end as long as you don't let it end you." Cindy looked at her daughter with a sad smile, "It gets better, Santana, but it never stops. You just have to learn to control it and lean on the ones who love you a little more when it's bad."
"It's too hard to talk about. I don't want you or Quinn to know what I wake up remembering, what I did, what people did to me..."
"Santana, listen to me," Cindy reached over and pulled her head around with a finger against her chin. "Really listen, okay? What happened to you will not make me love you any less. Do you understand? It might make my heart hurt for you more and make me want to keep safe even more, but it cannot reduce by a single iota how much I love you. Not even a little."
"And Quinn is the same. I know that girl. I've know her practically since she was a baby, Santana. I have never seen her more scared than how she looked when she found out you were positive, but she didn't hesitate for even a second when she said she still wanted to be with you. Now, if you don't want her or Becca to know, you can tell me and I promise you that I will never tell them and the only thing that might change for me is how much I want to hug you and hurt the men who took advantage of you."
"I just don't know how to make it go away." She sniffled, "It's my mom’s birthday today, you know?"
"I didn't know it was your momma's birthday, no. But we can celebrate it if you like. Quinn said she thought you were Catholic, so if you want, you and me, we can drive to the nearest church and light a candle for your momma's memory and spend some time praying for her soul. How's that sound?"
"She's in hell so I doubt that she's in need of prayers," she whispered and rested her head against her palm. "I don't think she deserves prayers."
"Well," Cindy's heart hurt to hear Santana condemning her mother to hell, "maybe we could do something else to remember her then. Just you and me. I know I'm not your mom, Santana, and that I can never really take that role for you, but I do love you as if you were mine and I hope I'm at least your friend. We can go volunteer at a soup kitchen or a shelter for the day. Give some people the help she wouldn't ask for. Or even just go out and chuck rocks at a pond or go to a gym and beat the hell out of some punching bags together. How about that?"
"Can... can we go hit things?" she asked hopefully, not wanting to remember her mother.
"Definitely," Cindy smiled, "we can go to the gym I'm a member of over in Vergennes and just beat the hell out of their punching bags." She hesitantly reached over and put an arm around the girl's shoulders, "Whenever you need to get the anger out, just come to me and we can go to the gym. You can even come with me when I need to go work off stress if you want."
"Okay..." she sighed getting up slowly. "I should change and tell Quinn."
"Quinn's in her room with Becca right now, actually," Cindy pointed out getting to her feet and dusting off her pants. "Hopefully, neither is being themselves and combining to shove each other away again. Just wear the sort of things you do when you go to therapy and we'll get you some wraps and gloves on the way to the gym, ok?"
"I'll leave her a note then." Santana sighed. She quickly changed into her gym clothing and Quinn's Cheerio sweatshirt and tied her shoes. She went down to the kitchen and scribbled a note for Quinn.
Cindy was waiting for her out by the Jeep when she finished, a gym bag tossed in the back. "You know, I bet she wants to see you still. Quinn, that is. Maybe you'll want to see her when you get done pounding canvas. We can bring our girls home some ice cream after, what do you say?"
"Okay." Santana stated as she looked to Cindy. "I just feel numb inside." she said as she walked out to Cindy's jeep.
"How it goes sometimes, kid. But I'll promise you this, you ever want to scream and rage," Cindy climbed into the Jeep, leaning over to throw open Santana's door, "come to me. I know all the best places to just throw an absolute fit around here and get it out of your system. You're not the only one who has anger about where they came from. I grew up on a reservation and I'm still treated like a second-class citizen in this country because I'm native and gay on top of that. I didn't go through what you did, not even close, but I do get having a past I can't share with the woman I love because she'd never understand."
"Okay," she sighed and rested her head against the window. "Thanks for this..."
"Anytime," Cindy murmured, offering Santana a smile as she backed out and headed off up the road towards the gym. "I mean, we're family now, right? Legally and all that shit. Family takes care of each other."
"Yeah," she whispered as she looked out the window. She ran her fingers over circular burns in her skin of her hands. "I miss my mom, Cindy,” Santana whispered.
Cindy was quiet for a bit. "I bet. I can't even imagine losing my mom like you did, Santana. I bet it hurts a lot." She glanced over at the girl as she drove, "Have you ever let yourself grieve? I know she did a lot of bad things to you, made you do things I don't even want to imagine, but she was still your mom and it's okay to miss her."
"She never wanted me... My dad wanted a baby and she didn't want one... She never wanted me," she sniffled and looked straight ahead. "Then he went away and she didn't want to take care of me."
"Why'd your dad go away? I mean, I know what Quinn's told me and I know what he told us when he let us have you, but why do you think he went away?" Cindy asked, pulling out onto the county highway after checking for traffic.
"I mean I was five," she sighed, "and evidently what I was told wasn't true. He got arrested for stealing drugs at the clinic he worked at." She licked her lips, "He came and kissed my head and tucked me in when they woke me up yelling and screaming at each other...then like he never came home and it was just me and my mom. That's when the men started coming over... When we started working, when I had to learn to not be a kid anymore." She wiped her eyes, "He promised he'd never leave me..."
Cindy bit her lip. It was hard not to cry when presented with a story like Santana's. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. "Santana, do you...would you ever want to see him again? Your dad, I mean. I bet he wishes more than anything that he could have changed what happened. That he could have taken you away from all of that before it happened." That the man had told her all of that in the letter Rebecca and she had received from the man as their answer to their request for him to surrender his parental rights to his baby girl she didn't mention.
"I don't know," she answered honestly. "If he... if he didn't help her get away with stealing he wouldn't have gone away. But, I kinda wanna know if he's HIV positive too, Megan says I may have been born with it... I just wanna tell him how pissed I am, how hurt and mad I am that he left me... He was supposed to protect me..."
"Yes, he was. But so was your mom," Cindy pointed out, pulling into the parking lot of the old brick building that housed her gym. "No one did right by you, Santana. You may not believe it yet, but I'm gonna do my best to see that that changes and so is Becca and your Quinn."
She parked and got out, coming around to grab her bag out of the back and help Santana out. "If you don't ever want to see him again, we can make that happen. But if you do...well, we can make that happen too. But right now, I think we've got an appointment to get out one hell of a lot of bottled up aggression, don't you?"
"Yeah. I'm in the mood to inflict pain," she stated as they walked into the gym.
Rebecca heard the car drive off and sighed. She hope wherever her wife was taking Santana would help her come back to the sweet girl they had grown to love. She continued to run her fingers through Quinn's hair gently for a while longer. "I'm so happy you're here, Quinn." She admitted to her niece.
"Why?" Quinn grumbled bitterly, curling into herself, her arms wrapping protectively around her body, "No one else is. I just make things horrible for everyone. I shouldn't be here. I don't belong here or anywhere else."
She hated saying it, but she hated the way she felt every time she looked at the girl she loved and saw her in pain. She hated that it was her fault Santana was hurting. All because she couldn't control herself. Because she wasn't any better than the awful men who'd used the beautiful girl like some horrible plaything. She hated herself.
"Because Cindy and I love you, Santana loves you... You are like the best niece ever and I love that you are here with us." She shrugged. "You belong here with us," she said sternly, "never question that."
Quinn shook her head, pulling away from her aunt. "I don't deserve any of that," she whispered, "I don't deserve to be here. I should just go back to Lima with my parents. They're what I deserve."
"No one deserves that," she said as she pulled her back close. "I don't know what took away my beautiful niece and brought on this junk, but you belong here. I need to have you here and so does Santana."
"Because I hurt her!" Quinn snapped angrily, jerking back away and digging her fingers painfully into her arms, "Because I'm no better - no different - then any of the disgusting guys that used to buy her!" Her voice broke and she curled in on herself, trying to hide the tears slipping down her face from her aunt, "I don't deserve to be around her. I'm disgusting and horrible."
"Stop that." Rebecca took Quinn's hands. "Take a breath and tell me what happened. Santana does not hate you and I doubt that anything you two did was anything like what those assholes did to her. She loves you and you her."
"I," Quinn choked on her tears for a moment and couldn't speak as she pulled her hands back and wrapped her arms back around herself, "I touched her... She didn't want me to. She was h-happy and then she wasn't and it's my fault! I don't deserve her," she whispered miserably, tightening her grip on her arms hard enough to bruise, pale circles of bloodless flesh radiating out from under her fingertips. "I don't deserve anything good after what I did..."
"Could it be that she really wanted to but got overwhelmed?" she sighed and looked at the blonde. "Darling, maybe she was just overwhelmed."
"No," Quinn muttered, hating herself, "I felt her stiffen and I should have stopped sooner. I made her unhappy. I made her remember. I don't deserve her, Aunt Becca!"
"Hey," she whispered pulling Quinn into a hug. "I don't think she feels like that, did she pull away from you when you were touching each other? I think maybe... Could she just not have been touched like she wanted before? That she was overwhelmed... Maybe it's not even you... Maybe something else is bothering her."
"I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway," Quinn tried pulling away, not wanting to be comforted. "She won't even look at me or sleep with me any more. I ruined everything. I just wanted her to be happy for once, Aunt Becca..."
Rebecca sighed, "I think Santana might need more help than we can give to her, Quinn." she said sadly, "That doesn’t mean she doesn't want you or need you, I think she's just stuck in her head."
"Yeah and I can't fix that." She shook her head, rolling away and getting up to look out the window, "She doesn't want to let me in. She just," she sighed, resting her head on the cool glass, her voice dropping to an unhappy whisper, "she doesn't want me enough to let me help her."
"Maybe she's scared. I'm sure there... there are things that have happened to her that she's scared to tell you. Maybe she's just scared... But that girl... she loves you so much."
"I don't deserve it," Quinn whispered, "I don't deserve her love. I'm just like them. I'm no better than the men who hurt her." Her arms tightened about herself again, "I don't deserve her..."
Rebecca came over, "You are nothing like them... I kinda know how you feel, when I met Cindy she hated the idea of non-native people because of how they treated her, but we worked through it once I broke through her shell of pain... I know Santana doesn’t think of you like that, she wouldn't be loving you if she did."
"But all I do is hurt her, Aunt Becca," Quinn whispered miserably, "I can't do anything right with her. I can't make things better. I can't make her happy. I'm useless."
"She's alive because of you. Because you showed that you care and she came to find you. She left what she was doing because she wanted to start over with you." Rebecca rubbed Quinn's back, "She's alive because of you."
"Then why do I hurt her? Why do I see pain and fear when I look at her?" Quinn glanced at Rebecca, her hazel eyes hurting in the stoic mask of her face, "Why won't she look at me anymore? She hasn't even tried to touch me - not even to hold my hand, Aunt Becca - since." Her jaw worked as she swallowed down her emotions again, "She doesn't want me... I should just leave so she can be happy again." She turned back to the window, her shoulders slumping.
"If you ever left again Santana would find you. She’d look until she found you and would never give up. I don't think Santana, much like yourself, is at all okay. She hates herself much like I think you do so when she gets sad she doesn’t want to hurt you. I don't think she knows how she's making you feel."
"Whatever," Quinn sighed, reaching up to trace patterns on the glass, "I don't think she wants to know. I'm just convenient. She has you and Cindy now. She has a family. She doesn't need me anymore." She wouldn't look at her aunt, wouldn't let her see her heart breaking, "No one needs someone as worthless as me..."
"Okay, stop it now." Rebecca had enough, "Do not shut yourself off. Do not pull that Fabray shit with me. Don't be a martyr and think that girl doesn't need you because remember when she ran the fuck away when she thought you didn't want her?" Rebecca ran her hand through her hair out of frustration. "Look, I don't know how to help her medically and I don't know how to help you as your aunt... I love you but I swear you will kill each other with these depressive moods you get into."
"What do you want me to do?!" Quinn yelled, slamming her fist against the glass hard enough to rattle it in its frame. "You think I like feeling like this?! You think I enjoy feeling like the girl I love hates me?!"
She spun around to look at her aunt, tears streaking her angry expression. "She doesn't want to even be in the same room as me since I touched her, Aunt Becca! What can I even do?! I can't help her and you and Cindy are either yelling at me or giving me these damn looks of pity and just making me feel worse, so fine, Dr. Fabray, tell me how to fix my worthless fucking life!"
"Stop being a child, Quinn, and I don't know stop sulking and talk to her! I know for a fact Cindy is talking to Santana and telling the same fucking thing. Calm your teenage angst and deal with this with her! Or don't but, God, don't make yourself miserable by not knowing!"
Quinn's face crumpled, "You think I haven't tried to talk to her? She just tells me that it's nothing and I'm perfect or whatever and goes away again. I can't do anything but watch her just close off and leave me and I can't do that. I just can't. So tell me what to do to make it stop hurting so much, Aunt Becca. Please..."
"I don't know. You need to not give up on her... I know you're scared and hurt and pissed but closing her out... Closing out your girlfriend and turning off your emotions won't do anything. You need to talk to her and make her tell you what's wrong."
"I never said I was giving up on her," Quinn shook her head, taking in a shuddery breath, "and I've been right here. All she has to do is try to talk to me and stop shutting me out! I talk to her! I've been trying and all she does is treat me like I'm one of those fucking men and ignore me! How am I supposed to feel?"
She made her way back over to the bed and sank down on the edge. "I love her so much," she whispered, looking down at her hands. "She means everything to me but I can't help her at all because she doesn't want to let me."
"I know... And that's an issue you two need to talk about. It's never gonna be better if you don't tell her how this is making you feel, that her closing you off to protect you from bad things hurts you. I don't think she means to but she doesn't know that it's affecting you like this and you need to tell her, sweetheart." Rebecca sighed as she moved to sit next to Quinn again.
"I try," Quinn whispered, "I try to tell her, but how does how I feel even compare to what she went through?" She shook her head and sighed heavily, "I don't deserve to hurt compared to what she's suffered. How can I tell her she's hurting me by shutting me out without making her feel even worse?"
"If she loves you, she'll understand." Rebecca smiled, "Darling girl, I think it's important to not let her past affect your future together."
"Do we even have one?" Quinn sounded lost and broken, "I just want her to be happy again. I'd do anything, give up anything, just to see her smile again. I don't care about me," she leaned against her aunt, resting her head on her shoulder, "I just want her to feel better..."
Rebecca wrapped her arms around Quinn and sighed. "I know, and she'll get there I promise you. But what happened I think is that it's been a while of good non traumatic times for her and she got lost in her head with some of her medical issues. She will come back to you, Quinn."
"I hope so," Quinn whispered, her voice shaking with the tears she was trying to hold back, "I need her too..."
Chapter Twenty-Two