Standing on a Precipice - Chapter Twenty-Three
Title: Standing on a Precipice
Author: Sio & Maura!
Rating: Up to NC-17 for later chapters
Length: 100,629 / 141,873
Spoilers: Possible mentions of up to Season 2 finale
Pairing: Rachel/Santana, Rachel/Jesse, Santana/OC
Summary: From a prompt given via Sio's tumblr ask box. Rachel and Jesse are married with children, but Jesse is slowly dying from cancer. Enter Santana, lonely and divorced but highly successful and willing to befriend the beleaguered mother. When Jesse passes and Rachel starts depending more and more on Santana's friendship, will they stay just friends or can it blossom into something more? Future!Fic.
Warnings (highlight to read): Pregnancy, character death, angst, children, non-con and drugging and talks there of in later chapters
Chapter Twenty-Three - Tea
A few hours later, Rachel finished tucking a sleepy and freshly bathed Kayla into her bunk and pressed a kiss to her forehead with a whispered good night before kneeling down to tuck an already sleeping Cale in. Her task finished, she headed over to her room where Santana was putting Alex into his crib. Leaning on the door frame, she watched the gentle tenderness her friend expressed towards the youngest member of their little family.
"Thank you for taking care of him tonight, Santana, I had my hands full with the other two." She smiled softly at her friend, letting her head rest on the door frame, "And thank you for coming out with us today. The children missed you being around as much as you were... before." She swallowed softly, licking her lips, "So did I."
Santana stood up straight after leaning down and kissing the boy's head as she hell asleep. "I had fun." She smiled turning around and walking closer to her. "I missed you too. All of you. I'm sorry I've had to work so much," she said, letting her fingers trail down Rachel's arm as she walked past into the kitchen.
Just as she had during their nightly ritual before their drunken interlude, she set the kettle up and started boiling tea for the both of them. Even though it was close to 99 degrees still outside the house, Santana had the air conditioning cranked up so it wouldn't get too hot in the townhouse. She slid her hands into the back pockets of her jean shorts and waited for the water to boil.
Rachel followed her into the kitchen, watching as she moved through the familiar motions. It'd been awhile since they'd shared a moment like this, just the two of them. She'd been afraid that, after their drunken interlude a couple months previous, they wouldn't be having another one.
She watched her quietly, just taking in the moment, before speaking. "Santana," she spoke softly, licking her lips before pushing off the wall and crossing the room to let her fingers rest lightly on Santana's hip, "what are we doing?"
She licked her lips as Rachel moved closer. She tilted her head slightly to the side and took in the expression on the diva's face. It was calm, and for the first time in a long time Santana didn't see a hidden frown or the wave of pain that had come off the woman for the last year.
"We're making tea." Santana said simply, "We put the kids to bed and we're gonna have tea." She stated, her head nodding as she spoke.
"I can see that, Santana. But," she let her eyes drop to where her fingers were twisting the hem of Santana's top between them, "that's not what I meant. What are we? What are we doing? Not right now, but... More in general."
Santana leaned over and flicked off the stove when the water began boiling. She pulled her hands back and slid them over Rachel's shoulders to rest on the other woman's neck. "I don't know." She replied, "I'm waiting for you to tell me what this is." She said. She had been waiting for Rachel to talk to her about what was going on between the two of them. She was the one who had freaked out when they kissed, so Santana was giving her the space she needed to figure it out.
"What," she swallowed softly, eyes slowly raising to meet the other woman's, "what do you want it to be?"
"Rachel..." She said softly, "We both know that this is something you have to decide." She pushed herself away and poured the tea into mugs and fixed them before turning and smiling softly at Rachel. "Want to sit on the couch and talk?" she asked, picking up the mugs and tilting her head indicating Rachel should follow. She sat down and crossed her legs to be able to face Rachel once she sat down.
The young mother followed, taking a seat beside her friend. She sighed softly and took her mug before responding. "I know it's something I have to decide, Santana. It's just... I'm not sure how. I know I like you - quite a bit actually and it is entirely possible that my liking of you goes well beyond mere friendship. You're part of my family, Santana. I care for you very deeply. Beyond that... I just don't know."
She sipped at her tea, swirling it gently as she looked down into the clear depths, "I mean, I love Jesse, even now. I likely always will. When I agreed to marry him I thought this is it, this is the only man for me. And I meant that. I simply cannot even imagine tying my life, my children's lives, to that of another man. But," she glanced shyly over at her best friend, "I do know that I liked kissing you. I know I like seeing you smile and that your laugh can brighten my whole day."
"I know I loved having us all together today... I know it felt right to me for you to be there."
"I loved it too, Rachel." Santana stated, holding her mug. "I would never want to try to take his place. I know I could never. You love him with your entire soul and I understand and respect that." She took a deep breath and took a sip of her tea following it. "I think that I like you too. I know that I have for a while though it took awhile for me to accept that..."
She looked up at her, "I love your children. Just thinking about being able to come home and spend the night with them and you makes me so happy." Her lips curled into a smile as she spoke and she looked up from under thick eyelashes. "I really like kissing you, too."
Rachel blushed at the woman's words, but busied herself drinking her tea as she thought over what to say next. "I... spoke with Maria. That night," she took a sip, confident Santana would know what night she was talking about. "About Jesse. Things he said... about you, mainly."
"She said that he'd told her we could be good for each other. I'm not entirely certain how I feel about my husband telling his mother that I'd be good with another woman, but I doubt she'd lie to me about something like that." Rachel sighed softly, reaching over to trace her fingers over her best friend's knee, wanting the contact. "I'm just afraid of ruining what we already have, of putting the children's relationships with you into chaos..."
"You came into my life, shook everything up and made it better." She smiled, sliding her fingers over Rachel's hand. "My relationship with the kids can't be ruined because of you and I. We both love them and wouldn't do anything to hurt them."
Santana smiled and looked at her, "I think that we should explore whatever this is... but keep everything as it is now." She stated.
"Would that work?" Rachel asked softly, tangling their fingers together, "Just let things be as they are and if, for example, if I were to want to," she hesitated slightly, licking her lips and trying not to look at Santana's, "to kiss you, then I just...should?"
"I did earlier today." She smirked as she leaned a little bit closer. "I kissed you, in public, because I wanted to," she traced the woman's hand as she spoke, teasing her skin. "I think you should have the same right as I did."
"I didn't mind," Rachel whispered, leaning closer. She still sometimes cried herself to sleep missing Jesse, but she was so lonely, more so since she had tried to withdraw from the woman sitting across from her. "I've missed you so much."
Her hand drifted up, fingers lightly caressing Santana's chin. Closing her eyes she leaned forward and gently pressed their lips together. It wasn't the intense, sloppy passion of that night months ago on this same couch. It was slow and gentle. Tentative. But it was happening.
They sat like two young teenagers locked in their first kiss. It was simple, just two sets of silky lips pressing together. Santana leaned in closer her hand moving to slide into Rachel's hair and pull her closer. After a few moments she slid her tongue against the crease of Rachel's lips asking for entrance.
Tilting her head slightly to the side, she opened her lips to allow the other woman the entrance she desire. Her own tongue slipped out to tease and slide along the Santana's. Her fingers slid up along the line of Santana's jaw to cup her cheek as she leaned slight further into the kiss.
Santana sighed softly, her hand tightening in Rachel's hair as she deepened the kiss. She slowly explored the expanse of Rachel's mouth, sliding against, teasing and sucking on Rachel's tongue as she did so. She slid her hand out of long brown hair and down to the smaller woman's hip.
Rachel pulled away at the feeling of the hand on her hip, letting her own hand fall to cover it. Her forehead resting against Santana's, she offered a soft and shy smile. "That was very nice," she whispered, "but right now, I'm afraid it's all I'm ready for. I'm sorry..."
"S'okay." Santana smiled, kissing the tip of the other woman's nose. She linked their fingers together and left their foreheads touching for a moment. "I'm not pressuring you." After a few moments, Santana pulled away and took a sip on her tea blushing softly when Rachel noticed her looking at her. "You're really beautiful, Rachel."
She shook her head, "Not like you, Santana. You've always been amazingly pretty. At least," she ducked her head, reaching to pick her tea back up from the coffee table, "I've always thought so. Even when we were far more antagonistic towards each other, your beauty was still exceedingly impressive. But me?" Rachel gave a short laugh, shaking her head with an amused smile, "I'm just the short Jewish girl with features generally unremarkable with the exception of my nose."
"Hey..." Santana stated softly, "You are very pretty." She smiled and looked her over, "You have really amazing legs. Your body is insane after having three children. Like... seriously. It kinda blows my mind, even weeks after Alex was born it was like you never had a child." She smiled, "Plus, breastfeeding for a year has done wonders." She wiggled her eye brows at the other woman with a soft giggle.
Rachel chuckled, gesturing towards her with her mug, "You're just like Jesse like that, you know. Definitely focused on the breasts." She smiled to show she was just teasing, "And I maintain a fairly active fitness regimen, but I've always known my legs were my most attractive feature, why do you think I choose to wear short skirts so often?"
Santana groaned, "Those skirts." She smiled and rested back on the couch, "Know how many times I had to catch myself when I would zone out and find myself watching your legs in Glee?" She laughed softly, "It's insane how someone so tiny has so much leg..." her eyes wandered down Rachel's thighs to where tanned skin was showing from under her skirt.
Rachel laughed, "It's not that I have more length of leg than the average person, but that I understand the dynamics of perspective. Did you not notice how much longer your legs seemed when you adopted my fashion - as made popular via the lens of Brittany - for a week?" She smiled, cocking her head curiously in Santana's direction, "And you noticed me? The only time I can recall where that seemed to be the case was when I attempted to emulate Britney Spears's costume choices."
"I mean..." She tried to back track to comment but ended up getting a look from Rachel. "Come on. I was a closeted lesbian in high school, I was like a bundle of nervous energy all the time." She smiled, "I mean do you understand how freaking painful Cheerios was sometimes?" She leaned over and kissed Rachel softly again before pulling away. "And yes, I noticed you well before the Britney Spears makeover."
Rachel smiled shyly, ducking her head after the soft kiss and turning her mug about in her hands. "I didn't think you noticed me in high school at all beyond what effort it took to acquire me as a target for a slushie facial or to make a scathing remark about my clothing choices, to be honest. Allow me to reassure you that I have long forgiven you for such things, but I find it difficult to believe that you held even the slightest bit of positive regard for me after your termination of our friendship at the end of middle school."
"Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that portion of our history." She said softly, "I was a bitch and I shouldn't have been." Santana reached out and took Rachel's hand and tangled their fingers together again. "Please believe me when I say none of that was about you. You were just a target that I was told to attack. I didn't have much of my own mind then or my own ability to go against the fact I wanted to be popular," she sighed and looked down. "I think that we should pretend that stuff never happened, because it makes me feel like an ass."
"At the end of middle school, I wanted to be popular." She shrugged, "I wanted to be a cheerleader and you didn't wanna be one. My dad let me go to that camp and I got sucked in. I'm sorry I ignored you when I came home."
Rachel glanced over at her friend with a wry smile, "It's not that I didn't have any interest in being a cheerleader - as you may recall, extracurricular activities were something of a pastime of mine - but that one Coach Sylvester informed me in no uncertain terms that there would not be a spot on the squad for me and convinced my fathers to not sign off on the requisite permission forms." She shrugged, "Perhaps it would have been a very different experience in high school if I had been allowed to even tryout, but not being part of that squad did let me find Jesse and gave me three wonderful children and eventually," she squeezed the other woman's hand with a warm smile, "gave me my best friend back when I needed her most. And perhaps," she raised their joined hands to her lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of Santana's knuckles, "something more than friends?"
"You wouldn't have liked Cheerios anyway. You're too independent thinking and strong willed." She shivered slightly when Rachel kissed her hand. "You would have gotten hurt and maybe it could have you unable to dance. I worried about Brittany all the time and her ACL and what not." She shrugged, "Plus, you were in everything else." Santana bit her lip and smiled as she looked up. "And totally more than friends." Santana smiled.
"Of course I was in everything else, Santana," Rachel laughed, scooting over so she could lean a bit against the taller woman, "I needed a scholarship if I wanted to attend Julliard or NYU. My fathers may be well paid for their work, but they wouldn't have been able to afford my education and room and board in New York without it. Besides, I was lonely. By being in so many clubs, I could pretend like I had friends or at least mattered in some way. Though, when I was feeling especially honest, I would admit that most of my fellow club members likely hated me more than liked me."
"Glee loved you, even if we were all hella jealous." She smiled and wrapped her arms around Rachel's shoulders. "I wish I would have known you in college," Santana mumbled softly, "I think it would have been fun... and that's the same reason I kept going back to Cheerios. I needed the scholarship to go to school and the money that I could get from a nationally ranked cheer team was more than I could get from anything else." She said, her fingers running up and down Rachel's arm as she spoke. "I mean my dad would give me anything - and he did - but I didn't want to make him go into debit for me." She smiled, reminding herself to call her father in the morning.
She leaned into the embrace, letting her head rest on Santana's shoulder. "Your father is a wonderful man, Santana. I must admit I rather missed him when our friendship ended. Though, and this may seem very odd, but, I'm almost glad we didn't know each other then." She leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of her friend's jaw, "After all, if we had, the likelihood of this," she nodded to indicate the house, the kids and them, "happening may have become vanishingly remote and I'm not sure I could have survived as well as I have if it hadn't."
"That is true," she replied, "I think that things worked out. Though, I wish I could change certain things." She stated sadly, wanting Jesse to have not been sick, but also knowing that he was the reason she was getting a chance with Rachel. "My father missed you too. He didn't really like Quinn too much... or Brit for that matter." She chuckled softly remembering when her father sat her down and held her as she sobbed because Brittany had abandoned her. How she cried in his arms because she just wanted someone to love her. "He's gonna be in the city for a conference next month..." she said, "Do... would you wanna see him?"
Rachel sat up, twisting around to grin brightly, "Would I? Oh, Santana, I'd love to see him again! You should bring him home for dinner!" She leaned in and kissed Santana happily, "I'll make his favorite... as soon as you remind me what that is."
"He likes everything. He'll even eat veggie. He tried making me jicama when I told him I was gay... then we went out for burgers." She laughed at her father's attempt at trying to understand her. "He's a strange man. I'm just really happy him and I are okay again, he was displeased with me for a few years."
"Oh?" Rachel snuggled back against the taller woman again, "Why? I always thought you could do no wrong - well, other than break his rules, of course - where he was concerned. It's hard to even imagine the two of you not getting along."
Santana laughed and nodded, "Even breaking his rules didn't get me a lot of punishment." She smiled fondly, "Nah. I told him I was gay, then went to London and decided to marry a black man and get pregnant. He wasn't so kosher with the whole thing. He told me I was kidding to myself and I shouldn't get married at 19 and blah blah blah. But hey, my mistakes are my own. I wouldn't have you and all of this right now if I never got married and whatever." She pressed a light kiss to Rachel's temple. "He and I talked and he supported my divorce and he's happy you're living here..."
"You told him I'm here?" Rachel curled her feet up under her, looking up at Santana before sipping from her mug, "What about Jesse and the children?" She bit her lip nervously, "He won't be displeased with you assisting to support three children who aren't yours, will he? I'd hate for him to be displeased in such a fashion..."
"My father knows me better than I know myself." Santana explained, "I tell him everything, Rachel." She hoped that that would explain a little bit. "He thought it was a good idea for you to come live with me... that you shouldn't be alone after... he knows how hard it is. He wanted to come out for the funeral, but he couldn't get it off work."
She sipped her own tea and waited a moment before speaking again. "He supports me in my decisions. He always liked you and he'll be excited to meet the kids."
Rachel sipped her tea and nodded, "I'm glad. I've missed him. And I'm sure the children would love to have a man like him visiting. I'll be sure to pull the stops out and make something especially nice for him. Perhaps I could marinate and grill some portabella caps as a stand in for burgers or make those black bean enchiladas you liked so much?"
"Sounds perfect." She smiled, finishing her tea and snuggling into Rachel more. "Don't worry about impressing him or anything, he already loves you. I kinda wish he still lived in Lima so we could visit everyone at once someday... but if the kids take to him, maybe we can trek out to Texas sometime in the future to see him and Marco?" Santana asked, knowing it was way too soon, but she also knew that her father would ask the same question when he came.
"Perhaps," Rachel replied, sipping her tea. She didn't want to commit to anything before they were more certain that this thing they were trying would be stable. "Though I would want to wait at least until Alex is in preschool at the earliest. He's entirely too young for such a trip in my opinion. Besides, airplanes are flying germ containers and I don't want to risk them picking up something unfortunate."
"You're cute." Santana smiled, "I wasn't thinking like... tomorrow. We need to figure a lot of shit out first. Plus, I want him big enough so he can play and whatever because my brother has a farm and horses." She yawned slightly loving that the sun from earlier in the day left her skin feeling warm even hours later. "I know we still have a lot to figure out, Rae... but I'm happy you're willing to explore this with me." she motioned between them.
Rachel shrugged, turning her head to kiss the shoulder she leaned against, "It simply makes sense to me. I like you and you like me. The children adore you and respond to you not unlike a second parent. We're constantly around each other and I believe that we've both admitted to a mutual level of attraction to each other."
"It only seems natural that something would grow from that, don't you agree?" She smiled up at Santana, "All I ask is that we avoid rushing into anything. At this point, slow would be exceedingly good for my mental and emotional state. I only hope that I'm worth the wait that's likely to be involved, Santana."
Santana nodded, "I think I can agree to that... though you might need to remind me every so often." she blushed, her head ducking with a smirk. "I have a tendency to get...carried away, but I think having three children in the house will help that." She licked her lips and slowly pulled away from the other woman's grasp. She picked up the mugs and brought them into the kitchen and slid them into the sink so she could go make sure the house was locked up.
"Ready for bed?" She asked as she turned the lights off in the kitchen and came back out to reach her hand out to Rachel.
Rachel smiled up at the woman lit up only by the light of the streetlights coming in through the front windows and nodded. "I believe I am." She reached out and took the hand being offered to her, squeezing it gently before standing.
After turning out the lights, and setting the alarm they headed down to the end of the hall where the bedrooms were clustered. Santana leaned her back against the wood of her door and smiled shyly at Rachel. "Night." She whispered, biting her own lip softly.
Taking the initiative, Rachel took a step closer, closing the distance between them before reaching up to carefully brush a lock of hair back from the other woman's face. "I had a lovely day, Santana Lopez," she whispered, smiling softly, "I certainly hope we can do it again sometime soon."
With that, she leaned in and pressed a kiss to Santana's lips. It was unhurried, simple, and undemanding, but showed a hint of the depths of feeling the young mother could hold for the woman. Finally she pulled back, her eyes slowly opening as she smiled in the dim light. "Good night, sweetheart. Sleep well." Her fingers trailed down her friend's arm to lightly squeeze her fingers, "I'll see you in the morning."
Santana's eyes were closed and she followed Rachel's lips slightly as they pulled away. She blinked her eyes open again and she nodded, squeezing Rachel's hand back. "Sleep well." She whispered and smiled before, opening her door and slipping inside. She flopped down on her bed after tugging off her clothing and putting on boxers and a tank top. She pulled out her phone and started typing out an email to her father.
Once Santana was in her room, Rachel headed down the hall into her own room. Pausing to check on Alex, who had finally started sleeping fairly consistently through the night, she changed into her pajamas and slid into bed. Once she was settled, she reached over and picked up the picture of Jesse that always sat by her bed.
"Maria told me you were okay with this, love," she whispered, tracing her fingers over the cool glass covering his face, "I truly hope she was right. I like her, I really do. Please help me not to mess things up." She kissed the picture, wiping away a tear as she set it back down, "I love you, Jesse."
It wasn't much longer before she fell asleep, the photo of her lost husband standing silent vigil over his wife and youngest son.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Author: Sio & Maura!
Rating: Up to NC-17 for later chapters
Length: 100,629 / 141,873
Spoilers: Possible mentions of up to Season 2 finale
Pairing: Rachel/Santana, Rachel/Jesse, Santana/OC
Summary: From a prompt given via Sio's tumblr ask box. Rachel and Jesse are married with children, but Jesse is slowly dying from cancer. Enter Santana, lonely and divorced but highly successful and willing to befriend the beleaguered mother. When Jesse passes and Rachel starts depending more and more on Santana's friendship, will they stay just friends or can it blossom into something more? Future!Fic.
Warnings (highlight to read): Pregnancy, character death, angst, children, non-con and drugging and talks there of in later chapters
Chapter Twenty-Three - Tea
A few hours later, Rachel finished tucking a sleepy and freshly bathed Kayla into her bunk and pressed a kiss to her forehead with a whispered good night before kneeling down to tuck an already sleeping Cale in. Her task finished, she headed over to her room where Santana was putting Alex into his crib. Leaning on the door frame, she watched the gentle tenderness her friend expressed towards the youngest member of their little family.
"Thank you for taking care of him tonight, Santana, I had my hands full with the other two." She smiled softly at her friend, letting her head rest on the door frame, "And thank you for coming out with us today. The children missed you being around as much as you were... before." She swallowed softly, licking her lips, "So did I."
Santana stood up straight after leaning down and kissing the boy's head as she hell asleep. "I had fun." She smiled turning around and walking closer to her. "I missed you too. All of you. I'm sorry I've had to work so much," she said, letting her fingers trail down Rachel's arm as she walked past into the kitchen.
Just as she had during their nightly ritual before their drunken interlude, she set the kettle up and started boiling tea for the both of them. Even though it was close to 99 degrees still outside the house, Santana had the air conditioning cranked up so it wouldn't get too hot in the townhouse. She slid her hands into the back pockets of her jean shorts and waited for the water to boil.
Rachel followed her into the kitchen, watching as she moved through the familiar motions. It'd been awhile since they'd shared a moment like this, just the two of them. She'd been afraid that, after their drunken interlude a couple months previous, they wouldn't be having another one.
She watched her quietly, just taking in the moment, before speaking. "Santana," she spoke softly, licking her lips before pushing off the wall and crossing the room to let her fingers rest lightly on Santana's hip, "what are we doing?"
She licked her lips as Rachel moved closer. She tilted her head slightly to the side and took in the expression on the diva's face. It was calm, and for the first time in a long time Santana didn't see a hidden frown or the wave of pain that had come off the woman for the last year.
"We're making tea." Santana said simply, "We put the kids to bed and we're gonna have tea." She stated, her head nodding as she spoke.
"I can see that, Santana. But," she let her eyes drop to where her fingers were twisting the hem of Santana's top between them, "that's not what I meant. What are we? What are we doing? Not right now, but... More in general."
Santana leaned over and flicked off the stove when the water began boiling. She pulled her hands back and slid them over Rachel's shoulders to rest on the other woman's neck. "I don't know." She replied, "I'm waiting for you to tell me what this is." She said. She had been waiting for Rachel to talk to her about what was going on between the two of them. She was the one who had freaked out when they kissed, so Santana was giving her the space she needed to figure it out.
"What," she swallowed softly, eyes slowly raising to meet the other woman's, "what do you want it to be?"
"Rachel..." She said softly, "We both know that this is something you have to decide." She pushed herself away and poured the tea into mugs and fixed them before turning and smiling softly at Rachel. "Want to sit on the couch and talk?" she asked, picking up the mugs and tilting her head indicating Rachel should follow. She sat down and crossed her legs to be able to face Rachel once she sat down.
The young mother followed, taking a seat beside her friend. She sighed softly and took her mug before responding. "I know it's something I have to decide, Santana. It's just... I'm not sure how. I know I like you - quite a bit actually and it is entirely possible that my liking of you goes well beyond mere friendship. You're part of my family, Santana. I care for you very deeply. Beyond that... I just don't know."
She sipped at her tea, swirling it gently as she looked down into the clear depths, "I mean, I love Jesse, even now. I likely always will. When I agreed to marry him I thought this is it, this is the only man for me. And I meant that. I simply cannot even imagine tying my life, my children's lives, to that of another man. But," she glanced shyly over at her best friend, "I do know that I liked kissing you. I know I like seeing you smile and that your laugh can brighten my whole day."
"I know I loved having us all together today... I know it felt right to me for you to be there."
"I loved it too, Rachel." Santana stated, holding her mug. "I would never want to try to take his place. I know I could never. You love him with your entire soul and I understand and respect that." She took a deep breath and took a sip of her tea following it. "I think that I like you too. I know that I have for a while though it took awhile for me to accept that..."
She looked up at her, "I love your children. Just thinking about being able to come home and spend the night with them and you makes me so happy." Her lips curled into a smile as she spoke and she looked up from under thick eyelashes. "I really like kissing you, too."
Rachel blushed at the woman's words, but busied herself drinking her tea as she thought over what to say next. "I... spoke with Maria. That night," she took a sip, confident Santana would know what night she was talking about. "About Jesse. Things he said... about you, mainly."
"She said that he'd told her we could be good for each other. I'm not entirely certain how I feel about my husband telling his mother that I'd be good with another woman, but I doubt she'd lie to me about something like that." Rachel sighed softly, reaching over to trace her fingers over her best friend's knee, wanting the contact. "I'm just afraid of ruining what we already have, of putting the children's relationships with you into chaos..."
"You came into my life, shook everything up and made it better." She smiled, sliding her fingers over Rachel's hand. "My relationship with the kids can't be ruined because of you and I. We both love them and wouldn't do anything to hurt them."
Santana smiled and looked at her, "I think that we should explore whatever this is... but keep everything as it is now." She stated.
"Would that work?" Rachel asked softly, tangling their fingers together, "Just let things be as they are and if, for example, if I were to want to," she hesitated slightly, licking her lips and trying not to look at Santana's, "to kiss you, then I just...should?"
"I did earlier today." She smirked as she leaned a little bit closer. "I kissed you, in public, because I wanted to," she traced the woman's hand as she spoke, teasing her skin. "I think you should have the same right as I did."
"I didn't mind," Rachel whispered, leaning closer. She still sometimes cried herself to sleep missing Jesse, but she was so lonely, more so since she had tried to withdraw from the woman sitting across from her. "I've missed you so much."
Her hand drifted up, fingers lightly caressing Santana's chin. Closing her eyes she leaned forward and gently pressed their lips together. It wasn't the intense, sloppy passion of that night months ago on this same couch. It was slow and gentle. Tentative. But it was happening.
They sat like two young teenagers locked in their first kiss. It was simple, just two sets of silky lips pressing together. Santana leaned in closer her hand moving to slide into Rachel's hair and pull her closer. After a few moments she slid her tongue against the crease of Rachel's lips asking for entrance.
Tilting her head slightly to the side, she opened her lips to allow the other woman the entrance she desire. Her own tongue slipped out to tease and slide along the Santana's. Her fingers slid up along the line of Santana's jaw to cup her cheek as she leaned slight further into the kiss.
Santana sighed softly, her hand tightening in Rachel's hair as she deepened the kiss. She slowly explored the expanse of Rachel's mouth, sliding against, teasing and sucking on Rachel's tongue as she did so. She slid her hand out of long brown hair and down to the smaller woman's hip.
Rachel pulled away at the feeling of the hand on her hip, letting her own hand fall to cover it. Her forehead resting against Santana's, she offered a soft and shy smile. "That was very nice," she whispered, "but right now, I'm afraid it's all I'm ready for. I'm sorry..."
"S'okay." Santana smiled, kissing the tip of the other woman's nose. She linked their fingers together and left their foreheads touching for a moment. "I'm not pressuring you." After a few moments, Santana pulled away and took a sip on her tea blushing softly when Rachel noticed her looking at her. "You're really beautiful, Rachel."
She shook her head, "Not like you, Santana. You've always been amazingly pretty. At least," she ducked her head, reaching to pick her tea back up from the coffee table, "I've always thought so. Even when we were far more antagonistic towards each other, your beauty was still exceedingly impressive. But me?" Rachel gave a short laugh, shaking her head with an amused smile, "I'm just the short Jewish girl with features generally unremarkable with the exception of my nose."
"Hey..." Santana stated softly, "You are very pretty." She smiled and looked her over, "You have really amazing legs. Your body is insane after having three children. Like... seriously. It kinda blows my mind, even weeks after Alex was born it was like you never had a child." She smiled, "Plus, breastfeeding for a year has done wonders." She wiggled her eye brows at the other woman with a soft giggle.
Rachel chuckled, gesturing towards her with her mug, "You're just like Jesse like that, you know. Definitely focused on the breasts." She smiled to show she was just teasing, "And I maintain a fairly active fitness regimen, but I've always known my legs were my most attractive feature, why do you think I choose to wear short skirts so often?"
Santana groaned, "Those skirts." She smiled and rested back on the couch, "Know how many times I had to catch myself when I would zone out and find myself watching your legs in Glee?" She laughed softly, "It's insane how someone so tiny has so much leg..." her eyes wandered down Rachel's thighs to where tanned skin was showing from under her skirt.
Rachel laughed, "It's not that I have more length of leg than the average person, but that I understand the dynamics of perspective. Did you not notice how much longer your legs seemed when you adopted my fashion - as made popular via the lens of Brittany - for a week?" She smiled, cocking her head curiously in Santana's direction, "And you noticed me? The only time I can recall where that seemed to be the case was when I attempted to emulate Britney Spears's costume choices."
"I mean..." She tried to back track to comment but ended up getting a look from Rachel. "Come on. I was a closeted lesbian in high school, I was like a bundle of nervous energy all the time." She smiled, "I mean do you understand how freaking painful Cheerios was sometimes?" She leaned over and kissed Rachel softly again before pulling away. "And yes, I noticed you well before the Britney Spears makeover."
Rachel smiled shyly, ducking her head after the soft kiss and turning her mug about in her hands. "I didn't think you noticed me in high school at all beyond what effort it took to acquire me as a target for a slushie facial or to make a scathing remark about my clothing choices, to be honest. Allow me to reassure you that I have long forgiven you for such things, but I find it difficult to believe that you held even the slightest bit of positive regard for me after your termination of our friendship at the end of middle school."
"Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that portion of our history." She said softly, "I was a bitch and I shouldn't have been." Santana reached out and took Rachel's hand and tangled their fingers together again. "Please believe me when I say none of that was about you. You were just a target that I was told to attack. I didn't have much of my own mind then or my own ability to go against the fact I wanted to be popular," she sighed and looked down. "I think that we should pretend that stuff never happened, because it makes me feel like an ass."
"At the end of middle school, I wanted to be popular." She shrugged, "I wanted to be a cheerleader and you didn't wanna be one. My dad let me go to that camp and I got sucked in. I'm sorry I ignored you when I came home."
Rachel glanced over at her friend with a wry smile, "It's not that I didn't have any interest in being a cheerleader - as you may recall, extracurricular activities were something of a pastime of mine - but that one Coach Sylvester informed me in no uncertain terms that there would not be a spot on the squad for me and convinced my fathers to not sign off on the requisite permission forms." She shrugged, "Perhaps it would have been a very different experience in high school if I had been allowed to even tryout, but not being part of that squad did let me find Jesse and gave me three wonderful children and eventually," she squeezed the other woman's hand with a warm smile, "gave me my best friend back when I needed her most. And perhaps," she raised their joined hands to her lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of Santana's knuckles, "something more than friends?"
"You wouldn't have liked Cheerios anyway. You're too independent thinking and strong willed." She shivered slightly when Rachel kissed her hand. "You would have gotten hurt and maybe it could have you unable to dance. I worried about Brittany all the time and her ACL and what not." She shrugged, "Plus, you were in everything else." Santana bit her lip and smiled as she looked up. "And totally more than friends." Santana smiled.
"Of course I was in everything else, Santana," Rachel laughed, scooting over so she could lean a bit against the taller woman, "I needed a scholarship if I wanted to attend Julliard or NYU. My fathers may be well paid for their work, but they wouldn't have been able to afford my education and room and board in New York without it. Besides, I was lonely. By being in so many clubs, I could pretend like I had friends or at least mattered in some way. Though, when I was feeling especially honest, I would admit that most of my fellow club members likely hated me more than liked me."
"Glee loved you, even if we were all hella jealous." She smiled and wrapped her arms around Rachel's shoulders. "I wish I would have known you in college," Santana mumbled softly, "I think it would have been fun... and that's the same reason I kept going back to Cheerios. I needed the scholarship to go to school and the money that I could get from a nationally ranked cheer team was more than I could get from anything else." She said, her fingers running up and down Rachel's arm as she spoke. "I mean my dad would give me anything - and he did - but I didn't want to make him go into debit for me." She smiled, reminding herself to call her father in the morning.
She leaned into the embrace, letting her head rest on Santana's shoulder. "Your father is a wonderful man, Santana. I must admit I rather missed him when our friendship ended. Though, and this may seem very odd, but, I'm almost glad we didn't know each other then." She leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of her friend's jaw, "After all, if we had, the likelihood of this," she nodded to indicate the house, the kids and them, "happening may have become vanishingly remote and I'm not sure I could have survived as well as I have if it hadn't."
"That is true," she replied, "I think that things worked out. Though, I wish I could change certain things." She stated sadly, wanting Jesse to have not been sick, but also knowing that he was the reason she was getting a chance with Rachel. "My father missed you too. He didn't really like Quinn too much... or Brit for that matter." She chuckled softly remembering when her father sat her down and held her as she sobbed because Brittany had abandoned her. How she cried in his arms because she just wanted someone to love her. "He's gonna be in the city for a conference next month..." she said, "Do... would you wanna see him?"
Rachel sat up, twisting around to grin brightly, "Would I? Oh, Santana, I'd love to see him again! You should bring him home for dinner!" She leaned in and kissed Santana happily, "I'll make his favorite... as soon as you remind me what that is."
"He likes everything. He'll even eat veggie. He tried making me jicama when I told him I was gay... then we went out for burgers." She laughed at her father's attempt at trying to understand her. "He's a strange man. I'm just really happy him and I are okay again, he was displeased with me for a few years."
"Oh?" Rachel snuggled back against the taller woman again, "Why? I always thought you could do no wrong - well, other than break his rules, of course - where he was concerned. It's hard to even imagine the two of you not getting along."
Santana laughed and nodded, "Even breaking his rules didn't get me a lot of punishment." She smiled fondly, "Nah. I told him I was gay, then went to London and decided to marry a black man and get pregnant. He wasn't so kosher with the whole thing. He told me I was kidding to myself and I shouldn't get married at 19 and blah blah blah. But hey, my mistakes are my own. I wouldn't have you and all of this right now if I never got married and whatever." She pressed a light kiss to Rachel's temple. "He and I talked and he supported my divorce and he's happy you're living here..."
"You told him I'm here?" Rachel curled her feet up under her, looking up at Santana before sipping from her mug, "What about Jesse and the children?" She bit her lip nervously, "He won't be displeased with you assisting to support three children who aren't yours, will he? I'd hate for him to be displeased in such a fashion..."
"My father knows me better than I know myself." Santana explained, "I tell him everything, Rachel." She hoped that that would explain a little bit. "He thought it was a good idea for you to come live with me... that you shouldn't be alone after... he knows how hard it is. He wanted to come out for the funeral, but he couldn't get it off work."
She sipped her own tea and waited a moment before speaking again. "He supports me in my decisions. He always liked you and he'll be excited to meet the kids."
Rachel sipped her tea and nodded, "I'm glad. I've missed him. And I'm sure the children would love to have a man like him visiting. I'll be sure to pull the stops out and make something especially nice for him. Perhaps I could marinate and grill some portabella caps as a stand in for burgers or make those black bean enchiladas you liked so much?"
"Sounds perfect." She smiled, finishing her tea and snuggling into Rachel more. "Don't worry about impressing him or anything, he already loves you. I kinda wish he still lived in Lima so we could visit everyone at once someday... but if the kids take to him, maybe we can trek out to Texas sometime in the future to see him and Marco?" Santana asked, knowing it was way too soon, but she also knew that her father would ask the same question when he came.
"Perhaps," Rachel replied, sipping her tea. She didn't want to commit to anything before they were more certain that this thing they were trying would be stable. "Though I would want to wait at least until Alex is in preschool at the earliest. He's entirely too young for such a trip in my opinion. Besides, airplanes are flying germ containers and I don't want to risk them picking up something unfortunate."
"You're cute." Santana smiled, "I wasn't thinking like... tomorrow. We need to figure a lot of shit out first. Plus, I want him big enough so he can play and whatever because my brother has a farm and horses." She yawned slightly loving that the sun from earlier in the day left her skin feeling warm even hours later. "I know we still have a lot to figure out, Rae... but I'm happy you're willing to explore this with me." she motioned between them.
Rachel shrugged, turning her head to kiss the shoulder she leaned against, "It simply makes sense to me. I like you and you like me. The children adore you and respond to you not unlike a second parent. We're constantly around each other and I believe that we've both admitted to a mutual level of attraction to each other."
"It only seems natural that something would grow from that, don't you agree?" She smiled up at Santana, "All I ask is that we avoid rushing into anything. At this point, slow would be exceedingly good for my mental and emotional state. I only hope that I'm worth the wait that's likely to be involved, Santana."
Santana nodded, "I think I can agree to that... though you might need to remind me every so often." she blushed, her head ducking with a smirk. "I have a tendency to get...carried away, but I think having three children in the house will help that." She licked her lips and slowly pulled away from the other woman's grasp. She picked up the mugs and brought them into the kitchen and slid them into the sink so she could go make sure the house was locked up.
"Ready for bed?" She asked as she turned the lights off in the kitchen and came back out to reach her hand out to Rachel.
Rachel smiled up at the woman lit up only by the light of the streetlights coming in through the front windows and nodded. "I believe I am." She reached out and took the hand being offered to her, squeezing it gently before standing.
After turning out the lights, and setting the alarm they headed down to the end of the hall where the bedrooms were clustered. Santana leaned her back against the wood of her door and smiled shyly at Rachel. "Night." She whispered, biting her own lip softly.
Taking the initiative, Rachel took a step closer, closing the distance between them before reaching up to carefully brush a lock of hair back from the other woman's face. "I had a lovely day, Santana Lopez," she whispered, smiling softly, "I certainly hope we can do it again sometime soon."
With that, she leaned in and pressed a kiss to Santana's lips. It was unhurried, simple, and undemanding, but showed a hint of the depths of feeling the young mother could hold for the woman. Finally she pulled back, her eyes slowly opening as she smiled in the dim light. "Good night, sweetheart. Sleep well." Her fingers trailed down her friend's arm to lightly squeeze her fingers, "I'll see you in the morning."
Santana's eyes were closed and she followed Rachel's lips slightly as they pulled away. She blinked her eyes open again and she nodded, squeezing Rachel's hand back. "Sleep well." She whispered and smiled before, opening her door and slipping inside. She flopped down on her bed after tugging off her clothing and putting on boxers and a tank top. She pulled out her phone and started typing out an email to her father.
Once Santana was in her room, Rachel headed down the hall into her own room. Pausing to check on Alex, who had finally started sleeping fairly consistently through the night, she changed into her pajamas and slid into bed. Once she was settled, she reached over and picked up the picture of Jesse that always sat by her bed.
"Maria told me you were okay with this, love," she whispered, tracing her fingers over the cool glass covering his face, "I truly hope she was right. I like her, I really do. Please help me not to mess things up." She kissed the picture, wiping away a tear as she set it back down, "I love you, Jesse."
It wasn't much longer before she fell asleep, the photo of her lost husband standing silent vigil over his wife and youngest son.
Chapter Twenty-Four