Standing on a Precipice - Chapter Twenty-One
Title: Standing on a Precipice
Author: Sio & Maura!
Rating: Up to NC-17 for later chapters
Length: 93,584 / 141,873
Spoilers: Possible mentions of up to Season 2 finale
Pairing: Rachel/Santana, Rachel/Jesse, Santana/OC
Summary: From a prompt given via Sio's tumblr ask box. Rachel and Jesse are married with children, but Jesse is slowly dying from cancer. Enter Santana, lonely and divorced but highly successful and willing to befriend the beleaguered mother. When Jesse passes and Rachel starts depending more and more on Santana's friendship, will they stay just friends or can it blossom into something more? Future!Fic.
Warnings (highlight to read): Pregnancy, character death, angst, children, non-con and drugging and talks there of in later chapters
Chapter 21 - Celebration
Santana barged through the front door of the house before kicking it closed behind her. "RACHEL!" She hollered, her arms full of paper bags. She had been working like 80 hours a week for the last few trying to land a major artist that was looking to revamp his music and image. Tobias had taken the first meeting, but he managed to turn the artist off of Avalon Records.
Rachel had taken the lead in convincing the artist to give Avalon another chance, even convincing the man to take a meeting with Santana. The tiny diva did recon and found out the potential client's favorite everything and set up a meeting that stroked his ego and made him fall in love with Santana. Santana just had to show up, wear a tight dress and charm the hell out of him and it worked.
Santana was almost relieved that the kids had gone to stay with their grandparents for the weekend because she had plans. She knew that Rachel didn't drink much, but this caused for celebration. Alex was close to 10 months old now and he was weening off being nursed so she wouldn't have to worry about him and she needed to relax - they both did - and to help celebrate both the client and the fact Santana had decided to promote Rachel from being her personal assistant to working with the head of Artist Relations.
"We's be getting our drank on! Rachel! Get your fine fine ass down here!" She yelled, putting the two bags on the counter with a heavy thump.
Rachel stepped out of the bathroom with a confused expression, drying her hands on a small towel which she tossed into the hamper in the bathroom before walking down to see what the ruckus was about. Her eyes widened as she took in the assorted bottles Santana was pulling out of one of the bags, "Santana Lopez, what ever are you intending with all of those intoxicants? Causing an advanced case of alcohol poisoning?"
She came over and picked up one of the bottles, reading the label, "Tequila?" she picked up another bottle, "Rum? Santana, you're not intending on entertaining clients here are you? You didn't say anything about it at the office before I left..." She eyed the rest of the alcohol with trepidation.
"Nope." She said as she gathered the woman into a hug. "We are celebrating. You and I scored the biggest client ever in Avalon Records history!" She beamed, spinning the smaller woman around a bit before setting her down. "You are a rock star and totally fucking made this shit happen!" she kissed the woman's cheek before bounding down the hall and shucking her work clothing off and pulling on a tight tank top and shorts.
Rachel followed nervously. She wasn't at all certain that alcohol was required for celebration, after all. "Santana, language, please. It doesn't matter if the children aren't here, you should cultivate the home as a swearing free zone so you don't accidentally swear in front of them when they are here. And do we truly need intoxicants for the purpose of celebration?"
She was nervous for more reasons than a general sort of hesitancy to get drunk. Despite her best efforts to ignore it, those unsettling feelings directed towards the other woman had not diminished in the slightest. Worse they seemed to have increased in intensity and Rachel was mildly terrified that the introduction of intoxicants - particularly in close proximity to the cause of the troubling feelings - might make them painfully obvious. And the last thing she wanted was for Santana to discover her awkward feelings regarding her, ruin their friendship and leave her and the children homeless.
Santana rolled her eyes. "Look, we pulled off the biggest hat trick in the music business. All I wanna do is chill at home with you and get our drink on." She pulled her hair into a ponytail and washed her face removing her makeup and leaving her fresh faced and beaming. "Please... Please just play tonight? I never ask you to do anything like this. We don't have the kids, you're not nursing right now... come on what do you have to lose?" She pouted, knowing Rachel couldn't resist it. "It's not like we're going to a bar and are around creepy ass people who will take advantage of us. It's us, in our home."
She worried at her lower lip, still uncertain but unable to really resist the sight of Santana pouting at her. Finally, she sighed and nodded, "Okay. But," she quickly added, "there is no possible way we are drinking that absurd amount of liquor you brought home with you. What did you do, buy the store out?"
Santana shook her head and snatched Rachel's hand and dragged her back into the kitchen unpacking the bags. One bottle of tequila, small bottles of vodka and rum and a large bottle of wine. "We needed wine anyway." She shrugged and grabbed two juice glasses down and cracked open the bottle of tequila. "I didn't know what you liked." She shrugged talking as she went into the fridge and grabbed two bottles of water, two lemons and a bottle of ginger ale. "Alright first you're doing a shot with me." She explained as she cut the lemon up and grabbed the salt shaker, "Then I'm making you a drink that tastes like cake." She smiled.
Santana poured the tequila into the bottom of the juice glasses measuring out to about an ounce and a half, she took Rachel's wrist and swiped a booze drenched finger across the skin and shook some salt onto it before handing her the glass in the other hand. "Lick, drink then suck." She pointed to each Rachel's wrist, the drink and the lemon wedge.
Rachel regarded the shot and the vaguely sticky feeling smear on her wrist with trepidation, "Santana, I really do not drink much or often. I still retain the unfortunate memories from our junior year of high school after all."
She sniffed lightly at the glass, recoiling as the sharp tang of alcohol hit her nose. "Oh my goodness, do I truly have to drink this?" Even during the train wreck that was her attempt at a party she'd never done straight shots, Noah refusing to pour her anything but mixed drinks.
Santana downed her shot without a wince and grabbed the vanilla vodka and poured a liberal amount into a glass with ice and ginger ale. "If you won't drink that," she nodded at shot, "Drink this." She slid her the glass. "Tastes like cake... I even got Kurt drunk on it once. It's good." She smiled and kissed Rachel's cheek. "Trust me."
The hesitation in Rachel's expression told plenty about how she felt about Santana's strange desire to cause her to become intoxicated. But she took the glass - after washing the unpleasant stickiness off her wrist - and took a sip like Santana asked her too. Even with the ginger ale and flavoring, the alcohol burned as it slid down her throat. She winced and coughed slightly - it was painfully obvious just how inexperienced she was with the hard liquors.
Santana shook her head and grabbed the abandoned shot and downed it. "I just wanna celebrate, okay? I'm not trying to make you do anything you don't want to do..." She shrugged and went into the pantry and grabbed a bag of pretzels and put some in a bowl. "Wanna watch a movie? Or do something else?" She asked as she carried the bowl and the tequila into the living room.
"We can watch a movie, I don't mind," Rachel spoke softly with a quiet sigh, feeling like she was ruining Santana's good mood by her uncomfortableness with drinking as a celebratory pastime. She simply didn't understand the desire to imbibe quantities of alcohol in sufficient levels to forget the cause of the celebratory mood in the first place.
She followed Santana out into the living room, taking a seat across the sofa from the other woman. She didn't wish to appear overly familiar, especially in a situation where they were alone together. Nervous, she took another sip from the drink in her hand, forgetting about the alcoholic content until the burn hit her throat making her gasp slightly.
"You don't have to drink that..." Santana said as she flipped through the channels on the tv. She sipped out of her glass and kept her gaze on the television but watched Rachel out of the corner of her eye. "I shouldn't have asked you to drink. Do you want wine? Like you can open that if you want..."
Santana felt guilty, she wanted to let a bit loose and do something adult with her best friend. Their whole lives revolved around playdates and work. She loved the kids but this was the first time in ten months that all three kids had been with the grandparents. She flicked through the channels looking around trying to find something for them to watch.
When Santana started telling her she didn't have to drink and started behaving as if she felt guilty, Rachel felt even worse. Her friend had been happy and excited when she'd arrived home, but it had only taken a few minutes for Rachel to kill that playful atmosphere entirely with her insecurities. She sighed softly then smiled as bright as she could manage over at the other woman, "No, it's fine. I like it, see?"
With that she drained the glass down to the ice. It took all of her not inconsiderable acting skills to keep from wincing at the burn and her eyes watered fiercely but she smiled through it, "It's very tasty, Santana."
Santana just shook her head. "You're lying but okay... It's kosher if you don't want to drink." She shook her head and landed on a random show. "Thank you for making this deal happened." She smiled looking over at Rachel, "You made it happen, it wouldn't have without you."
Rachel blushed at the compliment but shrugged, feeling the unfamiliar warmth of the alcohol beginning to course through her system. "Hardly, Santana. All I did was set things up to allow you to work your not inconsiderable charms upon him. Once that had occurred, there was no other alternative than to sign with you. I'm your assistant, Santana. It is my responsibility to make such things occur as frequently as possible after all."
Santana rolled her eyes and finished the rest of her drink before getting up and snatching Rachel's glass and going to refill it. She sauntered back in the room and slid the ice chilled drink into the diva's hand and she smiled before slinking back onto the couch and moving to rest her head in the woman's lap.
"You're the best. That's why everyone wants you on their team. Artist relations is practically begging me to let you go work with them to use your talents elsewhere." Santana stated, "I'm really proud of you, you know? Work is so much better now with you there and working with me."
Rachel chuckled softly, taking a sip of her refilled drink and gently combing her fingers through the dark hair flowing over her lap. "They can want me on their teams as much as they want, but I'm on your team, and that is where I intend on staying." She took another sip, having become more accustomed to the burn and hardly wincing, "Forgive me for saying so, but I truly don't care overly much about Avalon Records, Santana. I care about you and you're the only one I want to work with or for."
It was a fairly large speech for the headily warm feeling from the alcohol growing stronger and stronger in her chest. A couple of the words slurred slightly as she spoke but she didn't seem to notice. She took another sip of her drink as she finished.
"I was gonna offer to let you go try it out over there..." Santana admitted, "Though, I'd still make you work for me because my office has never run so smoothly... but you can choose. If you wanna learn about development you can, artist relations too. But if you wanna stay with me? I'd love that too." She leaned up a bit taking a swig straight out of the bottle on the table near them before settling her head back in Rachel's lap practically purring with Rachel began stroking down her neck.
"Santana," her voice was almost a purr from the warm sensations burning through her as she took another pull on her drink, "I don't particularly desire to learn to wheedle and cajole grown men and women into putting effort into their artistic designs. So the other departments can desire my talents all they like, but you are the only one I intend to use them for the benefit of."
Santana giggled, her body vibrating slightly at Rachel's comments. "Mmm I think I like the idea of that." She husked, her voice dropping to a deeper tone. She looked up and smiled before drinking more to try to push down the warm sensations that being like this with Rachel was causing her to feel.
Slightly flustered by Santana's comment and the way the other woman's body vibrated in her lap, Rachel drained the remainder of her drink and tried to avoid looking at Santana's lips but it was proving difficult. She licked her lips and sucked an ice cube into her mouth from her drink and crunched it into pieces. "I like this," she whispered, trying hard to look anywhere but her friend's full lips, ignoring the fuzzy buzzing sensation in her head, "spending time with you in the quiet like this.
"Getting our cuddle on." Santana nodded, looking and quickly looking away and biting her lip when she watched Rachel's lips sucking on an ice cube. She whimpered and quickly reached for the bottle drinking down a hearty gulp. She knew her feelings for Rachel were beyond friendly, but her very straight house mate never seemed to shrug off her affections so for the last few months she had stopped trying to hide and just let herself act loving towards Rachel... but then she'd do something overtly sexual without knowing and drive Santana crazy. "I like it too." She whispered putting the bottle down and sitting up slowly.
When Santana pulled away from her, Rachel had the awful feeling she was staring at her with her jaw dropped. She felt terribly like she'd done something wrong to make the other woman want to pull away and it made a terribly anxious feeling surge into her chest. For one awful second she felt like perhaps Santana had figured out that her feelings towards her fiery housemate were inappropriate and it disgusted the other woman.
"I..." she began but didn't know what to say, "I'm sorry... Whatever I did... I didn't mean it.". Her voice was tiny and soft and she was fairly certain Santana couldn't even hear her. She curled up against the arm of the sofa and fought with her body's insistence that she wanted to cry.
Santana scrunched her face up, "Why you sad?" She asked, putting her fingers under Rachel's chin and tilting to make her look in her eyes. "I jus' couldn't sees you." She smiled and pulled Rachel by the hands to move closer. "Don't be sad, Rae." Santana smiled and pressed Rachel's forehead against her own when they toppled into each other drunkenly when Santana pulled her closer.
Rachel's eyes searched Santana's as she felt an achingly familiar tingling in her body as they pressed against each other. For a long moment she was quiet, just looking into Santana's eyes in the flickering light from the TV. "Please don't hate me," she finally whispered, "I couldn't bear it if you did."
Then she closed the small gap between them and pressed her lips fully against her best friend's. It was sloppy and messy and tasted vaguely of tequila, but it was Santana. And maybe she was ruining things between them and maybe Jesse would never forgive her in the beyond, but for that one intoxicatingly intoxicated moment, she didn't care about the repercussions. All she cared about was finally, finally having the chance to kiss the woman who had been there for her through the worst of her life so far.
Santana's head started spinning the minute lips that tasted vaguely like vanilla and something she couldn't quite figure out attacked her own. She froze for a moment, before letting her arms fall to Rachel's waist and her hands bunched up into the other woman's shirt. She kissed back after a moment. Her tongue swiping across Rachel's lip to press for entrance. She wanted more, she needed more and she hoped that Rachel wouldn't push her away. She moaned softly as she pressed her tongue into the hot crease in the diva's lips, flicking the tip up against the roof of Rachel's mouth and stroking down against her own muscle.
Santana's reaction hadn't been what she expected, but she wasn't complaining. It felt too good to tangle her hands in dark hair and press down into the woman beneath her, slipping along her tongue to slide into the waiting cavern of Santana's mouth. She knew she was far more intoxicated than she should have allowed herself to get. Knew this was going to make things terribly awkward between them. But she didn't pull away, didn't stop moving her lips against her best friend's. Didn't loosen her grip in the other woman's hair as she deepened the kiss.
The darker woman whimpered, her hands slipped under her friend's shirt and rested on the curve of her waist. She stroked her thumbs against smooth skin and pressed them closed together. Santana pulled back slightly, capturing Rachel's bottom lip between her lips and sucked gently, her nails raking down Rachel's back as she did.
Her body was on fire. She hadn't been touched in months - she had been fantasizing about Rachel for months - and now this was happening. No matter what, or why it was going on, she wasn't willing to let it go so soon.
If the alcohol hadn't been fogging her mind, Rachel would have stopped, would have pulled away. She may have noticed women before - and been teased about it in college by Jesse - but she had never felt the desire to act on that notice before the woman under her had come back into her life. But it had been over a year since anyone had touched her in a sexual manner and her body - aided by the mild intoxication making everything seemed flushed and almost electric - was insisting that she continued kissing her best friend as long as she was allowed.
She couldn't help the soft moan that escaped her lips as she dragged a hand down Santana's body. She shifted to let her hand trace along the waistband of her friend's pants as she tugged on her shirt. When she finally managed to fumble the shirt loose and got her hand on soft, warm skin - so very unlike the slightly rough firmness of Jesse's body - she whimpered softly into Santana's mouth as the kiss continued.
Santana grunted into Rachel's mouth. She had arched into the other woman's touch causing her to slightly bite down onto Rachel's plump lip. She couldn't drunkenly manage to feel up under Rachel's top and not get in the way of the other woman's exploration on herself so she tangled her hands into the long hair that fell over the diva's shoulders. She moaned into the kiss when she felt cold hands on her skin causing her to break out into goosebumps and shiver under Rachel's touch.
Rachel shivered at the bite. Jesse had so rarely been any level of rough with her - which isn't to say he wasn't passionate, far from it actually - but that he tended to treat her with tenderness and caring even at the height of passion. She had loved that about him, had loved how how much he cared for and loved her came through every action. But she'd also relished the rarer times that he took control and showed her the depth and fiery heat of his love too.
With Santana though, it was different. Beyond her being another woman instead of a man. Santana didn't restrain herself, she showed everything to the very core - be it anger or sadness or sexual passion. It was overwhelming at times and Rachel certainly wasn't up to the task of resisting now. She broke away from the kiss but didn't pull away, her lips moving to kiss and nip along the other woman's jaw and neck. Her hand slid further up to gently stroke the tips of her fingers along the underside of the woman's breasts.
"Please don't hate me," she whispered again as her lips took the other woman's earlobe into her mouth. She wasn't sure in her intoxicated state if she was talking to Santana or Jesse's memory. All she knew was that she was afraid of being hated by either of them.
Santana whimpered out loud when her sensitive neck started being peppered with kisses. She tugged at dark hair when she did, wrapping her fingers around the strands. She tilted her head and arched her back causing her to melt into her current lover's body. "I couldn't." Santana whispered through soft moans.
Rachel's lips caressed tanned skin as she breathed in the soft vanilla scent of Santana's body spray. Her hand slid further up, cupping a breast and gently rolling the stiffening nipple between her fingers. She had worked her way down and nipped at the other woman's collarbone when the familiar scent of Old Spice tickled her nose.
Her lips and hand froze on Santana's body as the scent filled her senses. Jesse had smelled like that. Even at the end the scent of his favorite aftershave and cologne had filled the area around him. Now she could smell it again and it was like he was standing beside her again.
"Jesse," she whispered as tears started trickling down her cheeks. She pulled back, her features twisted with grief and anxiety. "I'm sorry," she gasped, her voice choked with tears as her hands came up to cover her mouth, "I'm so sorry..."
Several seconds passed as Rachel sobbed. Santana's head was too cloudy, too addled with lust and confusion. "W-what?" She asked as her body struggled to settle down. Her legs curled underneath her and she reached out to touch Rachel's hand that was covering her face. "R-rachel?" She whispered, her head reeling and trying to catch up with the change from absolute lust to Rachel sobbing. "I-i'm sorry. I shouldn't... I'm sorry."
Rachel shook her head, struggling to get enough breath to speak, "My fault," she whispered, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I'm a terrible person..."
"You're not!" Santana gaped, not understanding why she'd think that. "Please... this is my fault. I shouldn't have gotten you drunk. I... I just. I shouldn't. You.. I'm a girl. You shouldn't think that I promise you. You're perfect." She whispered, looking down at her hands.
Rachel just kept shaking her head, trying to stop crying but it was too hard. "Not your fault," she gasped out, blinking against the tears, "I pushed... It's wrong of me. You're a girl... I'm married... I'm so sorry. So sorry." Her shoulders shook and she couldn't bring herself to look at Santana, "You're my best - my only - friend and I've ruined everything. Oh God... Please don't hate me. Please don't. I won't do it again, I promise..."
Santana took Rachel's hand, "I'm sorry." she wanted to tell Rachel that she didn't have to feel guilty, but she didn't know if she believed that. "I'm gay and I fucked everything up." she whispered, "I don't hate you. I wanted to kiss you and I took it too far."
That caught her attention. Rachel looked up with wide, disbelieving eyes, tears staining her cheeks but no longer falling from her eyes. "You're gay?" The words were disbelieving, she slowly shook her head again, "No, that's impossible. You were married. You dated Noah and David. You slept with Finn. You aren't gay..." Rachel's eyes looking confused and uncertain, "Are you?"
"I slept with a lot of people in high school..." Santana said as she pulled her knees up to her chest, "I thought you knew." she said, almost surprised. "We... we've talked about Brittany? I thought you knew? I dated Dave because he was gay too and I wouldn't come out." she shook her head and took a long pull from her tequila bottle that had been forgotten. "I got married because it was easier... but I've always been into girls." She shrugged and sighed sadly. "I thought you knew. I thought you... I'll understand if you aren't comfortable around me."
Rachel just looked confused and a little distressed - Santana being straight had made it much easier to not give in to the terribly awkward attraction she had been feeling towards her. Now she didn't know what to do. She felt like she was betraying her husband's memory by being so drawn to someone - to Santana - so soon after his death. It hadn't even been a full year since he had been buried. It was wrong to feel these things so soon. It made her wonder if she had truly loved him and that thought made her hand clench her shirt over her heart at the painful wrench that struck her.
"I'm..." she shook her head slowly, "Santana you're my best friend and my children love you. It's not that I feel uncomfortable with this unexpected revelation, it's just..." Her voice trembled and softened, "Jesse..."
"Yeah." Santana replied with what sounded like a sigh as she slumped into the couch. "Look we can just forget this... I promise it won't effect us okay? I promise." She didn't want any of this to happen, all Santana knew was that she couldn't loose another friend because of a situation that involved her libido.
Rachel didn't know how to explain that she was starting to think that perhaps she wanted it to effect them. She was lonely without Jesse and every day was hard without that warm comfort of knowing there was someone out there who could love her. Not like her parents or the children, but someone who simply desired her.
But she also couldn't get past the awful feeling she was betraying Jesse and the vows she'd made when she'd married him. The promises they'd made each other over their newborn daughter's tiny form after she has been born. Promises to always love each other and be there for that precious little girl.
Now though, Jesse was gone and Rachel was just lost. "I don't want to forget," she whispered, twisting her fingers together. "You're my best friend... But i don't want to forget. I'm just so... confused right now..."
"You're allowed to be confused." Santana stated, "I'm here... not going no where." Her words faltered as she got more and more drunk off the bottle in her grasp. "Jesse was your husband... He'd want you to be happy not sad anymore."
Santana curled up around her bottle, her long fingers clutching the glass. "I liked it." She admitted her gaze on the yellowish liquid that took up less than half the bottle now. "In case you wondered."
Rachel glanced at Santana out of the corner of her eyes, licking her still slightly swollen lips. "I..." she hesitated slightly, a blush spreading over her cheeks, "I did too. I shouldn't," she shook her head, looking down at her hands, "I'm married and I shouldn't but," she sighed softly, twisting her hands anxiously, "I did."
Santana kept her eyes down. "You're a widow." She stated quietly, "You're not cheating." her head cradled against the couch and the pillow. She didn't want to hurt the other woman more but she was guilting herself and hiding behind a term that wasn't legally binding anymore. Santana sighed and took another sip. "I know this must be hard..."
Rachel sighed, "I know that, Santana. I know he's gone. But," her hand pressed to her chest over her heart, "I still feel like I'm doing something wrong. It hasn't even been a year, Santana... Did I really love him? How can I be feeling like this if I did?!"
"If you didn't love him..." Santana stated, looking little less lucid than before. "You wouldn't have stopped. Or you wouldn't feel like you do right now." she rolled her head to the side to look at Rachel. "When I was with Tobias... I slept with someone else. I didn't feel guilty. I didn't even care." She took a gulp and determined that she needed to stop drinking and she struggled to put the bottle back on the coffee table without falling off the couch. "You kissed me and cried... you love him."
She still looked distressed, "But I like you... I like you a lot, Santana." Her voice was barely above a faint whisper as she stared at her wringing hands, trying to make sense of everything through the fog of alcohol still clouding her mind, "I don't know what to do..."
Santana felt the room spinning, the confusion and booze clouding her head. "I think... Sleep on it." She groaned as she tried to move and found herself dizzy. "I think I'm really drunk." she looked at the bottle that was more than half empty. "really drunk." she blinked her eyes closed and tried to hide her confusion about everything. "I think we should go to bed..."
Rachel was grateful she'd indulged less than Santana had - even if the room did seem decidedly unstable as she nodded, "That sounds... like a remarkably good idea, Santana. If I assist you, will you assist me?" She glanced towards the hall with some trepidation, "I'm not entirely certain I currently posses sufficient agility to safely gain my bed without assistance right now..."
Santana's face scrunched up not fully comprehending the words. "What?" She asked, stumbling as she got up, not really paying attention to fact her shirt was still pushed up from when Rachel had felt her up. She pulled herself to standing, her body swaying slightly as she did. She reached her hand down and helped Rachel to her feet as she held onto the side of the couch. "I think..." she lost her train of thought as she clutched the walls. She held one hand flat against the wall and the second one clutching onto Rachel's arm. She turned to Rachel's bedroom and stumbled over onto the bed. "Found bed."
Rachel chuckled at the sight of Santana flopped face down on her bed as she leaned on the door frame, "So you did."
She stumbled into the room, pulling her shirt off over her head as she moved across the room, more focused on going to bed than worrying about her friend seeing her partially unclothed. She tumbled to the bed, stretching out beside Santana lying sideways on the bed in just her bra and sweatpants.
She rolled slightly towards her friend, reaching out to hug her. "I'm sorry I provided such an impediment and impairment to your good mood, Santana," she murmured softly. "I'm so proud of you for signing your new client."
The drunk woman smiled and curled into Rachel. "I'm proud of you too." She nodded against her shoulder, "My success is yours." she slurred as she spoke wrapping her arms around the woman's bare waist.
"You didn't stop my good mood. I was happy when you were alls up in my grill." she giggled against Rachel. "Alls up in my grill."
Rachel rolled her eyes at the drunken teasing. "Perhaps you did, but," she let herself kiss Santana on the cheek - deeming that a safe place - and snuggled close, grateful the other woman hadn't made her leave after the awkwardness of earlier, "I believe it would be best if it did not occur again until I have resolved my feelings with regards to you and my Jesse."
"You need to stop," she motioned to her cheek where Rachel had kissed her, "doing that then." Santana whispered her lips puffed against Rachel's skin. "Please respect me enough to not play with my heart." she stated as she started lulling into sleep.
Rachel pulled away with a sigh and an ache in her heart as she rolled over and hugged herself. "Okay," she whispered, not at all certain how to stop herself from the casual intimacy she'd developed with the other woman, "I'm sorry. I'll do my best not to touch you like that any longer."
"I hope you can figure out how you feel soon." Santana mumbled shivering and pulling the blanket from under her head to hold in her arms. "I don't wanna wait for you forever." she mumbled mostly to herself as she fell into a fitful sleep.
Rachel shivered for a little while before getting up and stumbling back to the closet to pull on a sweater and slip out to the living room again. She didn't trust herself not to reach for the other woman in her sleep and felt like she wanted to cry. She had no idea how she was going to figure things out.
Sitting on the sofa, she stared at her hands for a long while before deciding she needed someone's help. Picking up her phone, she dialed a number she had memorized years ago in much happier times. It rang a few times before it was picked up but soon a quiet voice spoke from the other end.
"Hello?" Rachel's voice trembled slightly as she spoke - softly to avoid waking Santana, "Maria? I'm terribly sorry to bother you at such a late hour, but... Can we talk?"
Chapter Twenty-Two
Author: Sio & Maura!
Rating: Up to NC-17 for later chapters
Length: 93,584 / 141,873
Spoilers: Possible mentions of up to Season 2 finale
Pairing: Rachel/Santana, Rachel/Jesse, Santana/OC
Summary: From a prompt given via Sio's tumblr ask box. Rachel and Jesse are married with children, but Jesse is slowly dying from cancer. Enter Santana, lonely and divorced but highly successful and willing to befriend the beleaguered mother. When Jesse passes and Rachel starts depending more and more on Santana's friendship, will they stay just friends or can it blossom into something more? Future!Fic.
Warnings (highlight to read): Pregnancy, character death, angst, children, non-con and drugging and talks there of in later chapters
Chapter 21 - Celebration
Santana barged through the front door of the house before kicking it closed behind her. "RACHEL!" She hollered, her arms full of paper bags. She had been working like 80 hours a week for the last few trying to land a major artist that was looking to revamp his music and image. Tobias had taken the first meeting, but he managed to turn the artist off of Avalon Records.
Rachel had taken the lead in convincing the artist to give Avalon another chance, even convincing the man to take a meeting with Santana. The tiny diva did recon and found out the potential client's favorite everything and set up a meeting that stroked his ego and made him fall in love with Santana. Santana just had to show up, wear a tight dress and charm the hell out of him and it worked.
Santana was almost relieved that the kids had gone to stay with their grandparents for the weekend because she had plans. She knew that Rachel didn't drink much, but this caused for celebration. Alex was close to 10 months old now and he was weening off being nursed so she wouldn't have to worry about him and she needed to relax - they both did - and to help celebrate both the client and the fact Santana had decided to promote Rachel from being her personal assistant to working with the head of Artist Relations.
"We's be getting our drank on! Rachel! Get your fine fine ass down here!" She yelled, putting the two bags on the counter with a heavy thump.
Rachel stepped out of the bathroom with a confused expression, drying her hands on a small towel which she tossed into the hamper in the bathroom before walking down to see what the ruckus was about. Her eyes widened as she took in the assorted bottles Santana was pulling out of one of the bags, "Santana Lopez, what ever are you intending with all of those intoxicants? Causing an advanced case of alcohol poisoning?"
She came over and picked up one of the bottles, reading the label, "Tequila?" she picked up another bottle, "Rum? Santana, you're not intending on entertaining clients here are you? You didn't say anything about it at the office before I left..." She eyed the rest of the alcohol with trepidation.
"Nope." She said as she gathered the woman into a hug. "We are celebrating. You and I scored the biggest client ever in Avalon Records history!" She beamed, spinning the smaller woman around a bit before setting her down. "You are a rock star and totally fucking made this shit happen!" she kissed the woman's cheek before bounding down the hall and shucking her work clothing off and pulling on a tight tank top and shorts.
Rachel followed nervously. She wasn't at all certain that alcohol was required for celebration, after all. "Santana, language, please. It doesn't matter if the children aren't here, you should cultivate the home as a swearing free zone so you don't accidentally swear in front of them when they are here. And do we truly need intoxicants for the purpose of celebration?"
She was nervous for more reasons than a general sort of hesitancy to get drunk. Despite her best efforts to ignore it, those unsettling feelings directed towards the other woman had not diminished in the slightest. Worse they seemed to have increased in intensity and Rachel was mildly terrified that the introduction of intoxicants - particularly in close proximity to the cause of the troubling feelings - might make them painfully obvious. And the last thing she wanted was for Santana to discover her awkward feelings regarding her, ruin their friendship and leave her and the children homeless.
Santana rolled her eyes. "Look, we pulled off the biggest hat trick in the music business. All I wanna do is chill at home with you and get our drink on." She pulled her hair into a ponytail and washed her face removing her makeup and leaving her fresh faced and beaming. "Please... Please just play tonight? I never ask you to do anything like this. We don't have the kids, you're not nursing right now... come on what do you have to lose?" She pouted, knowing Rachel couldn't resist it. "It's not like we're going to a bar and are around creepy ass people who will take advantage of us. It's us, in our home."
She worried at her lower lip, still uncertain but unable to really resist the sight of Santana pouting at her. Finally, she sighed and nodded, "Okay. But," she quickly added, "there is no possible way we are drinking that absurd amount of liquor you brought home with you. What did you do, buy the store out?"
Santana shook her head and snatched Rachel's hand and dragged her back into the kitchen unpacking the bags. One bottle of tequila, small bottles of vodka and rum and a large bottle of wine. "We needed wine anyway." She shrugged and grabbed two juice glasses down and cracked open the bottle of tequila. "I didn't know what you liked." She shrugged talking as she went into the fridge and grabbed two bottles of water, two lemons and a bottle of ginger ale. "Alright first you're doing a shot with me." She explained as she cut the lemon up and grabbed the salt shaker, "Then I'm making you a drink that tastes like cake." She smiled.
Santana poured the tequila into the bottom of the juice glasses measuring out to about an ounce and a half, she took Rachel's wrist and swiped a booze drenched finger across the skin and shook some salt onto it before handing her the glass in the other hand. "Lick, drink then suck." She pointed to each Rachel's wrist, the drink and the lemon wedge.
Rachel regarded the shot and the vaguely sticky feeling smear on her wrist with trepidation, "Santana, I really do not drink much or often. I still retain the unfortunate memories from our junior year of high school after all."
She sniffed lightly at the glass, recoiling as the sharp tang of alcohol hit her nose. "Oh my goodness, do I truly have to drink this?" Even during the train wreck that was her attempt at a party she'd never done straight shots, Noah refusing to pour her anything but mixed drinks.
Santana downed her shot without a wince and grabbed the vanilla vodka and poured a liberal amount into a glass with ice and ginger ale. "If you won't drink that," she nodded at shot, "Drink this." She slid her the glass. "Tastes like cake... I even got Kurt drunk on it once. It's good." She smiled and kissed Rachel's cheek. "Trust me."
The hesitation in Rachel's expression told plenty about how she felt about Santana's strange desire to cause her to become intoxicated. But she took the glass - after washing the unpleasant stickiness off her wrist - and took a sip like Santana asked her too. Even with the ginger ale and flavoring, the alcohol burned as it slid down her throat. She winced and coughed slightly - it was painfully obvious just how inexperienced she was with the hard liquors.
Santana shook her head and grabbed the abandoned shot and downed it. "I just wanna celebrate, okay? I'm not trying to make you do anything you don't want to do..." She shrugged and went into the pantry and grabbed a bag of pretzels and put some in a bowl. "Wanna watch a movie? Or do something else?" She asked as she carried the bowl and the tequila into the living room.
"We can watch a movie, I don't mind," Rachel spoke softly with a quiet sigh, feeling like she was ruining Santana's good mood by her uncomfortableness with drinking as a celebratory pastime. She simply didn't understand the desire to imbibe quantities of alcohol in sufficient levels to forget the cause of the celebratory mood in the first place.
She followed Santana out into the living room, taking a seat across the sofa from the other woman. She didn't wish to appear overly familiar, especially in a situation where they were alone together. Nervous, she took another sip from the drink in her hand, forgetting about the alcoholic content until the burn hit her throat making her gasp slightly.
"You don't have to drink that..." Santana said as she flipped through the channels on the tv. She sipped out of her glass and kept her gaze on the television but watched Rachel out of the corner of her eye. "I shouldn't have asked you to drink. Do you want wine? Like you can open that if you want..."
Santana felt guilty, she wanted to let a bit loose and do something adult with her best friend. Their whole lives revolved around playdates and work. She loved the kids but this was the first time in ten months that all three kids had been with the grandparents. She flicked through the channels looking around trying to find something for them to watch.
When Santana started telling her she didn't have to drink and started behaving as if she felt guilty, Rachel felt even worse. Her friend had been happy and excited when she'd arrived home, but it had only taken a few minutes for Rachel to kill that playful atmosphere entirely with her insecurities. She sighed softly then smiled as bright as she could manage over at the other woman, "No, it's fine. I like it, see?"
With that she drained the glass down to the ice. It took all of her not inconsiderable acting skills to keep from wincing at the burn and her eyes watered fiercely but she smiled through it, "It's very tasty, Santana."
Santana just shook her head. "You're lying but okay... It's kosher if you don't want to drink." She shook her head and landed on a random show. "Thank you for making this deal happened." She smiled looking over at Rachel, "You made it happen, it wouldn't have without you."
Rachel blushed at the compliment but shrugged, feeling the unfamiliar warmth of the alcohol beginning to course through her system. "Hardly, Santana. All I did was set things up to allow you to work your not inconsiderable charms upon him. Once that had occurred, there was no other alternative than to sign with you. I'm your assistant, Santana. It is my responsibility to make such things occur as frequently as possible after all."
Santana rolled her eyes and finished the rest of her drink before getting up and snatching Rachel's glass and going to refill it. She sauntered back in the room and slid the ice chilled drink into the diva's hand and she smiled before slinking back onto the couch and moving to rest her head in the woman's lap.
"You're the best. That's why everyone wants you on their team. Artist relations is practically begging me to let you go work with them to use your talents elsewhere." Santana stated, "I'm really proud of you, you know? Work is so much better now with you there and working with me."
Rachel chuckled softly, taking a sip of her refilled drink and gently combing her fingers through the dark hair flowing over her lap. "They can want me on their teams as much as they want, but I'm on your team, and that is where I intend on staying." She took another sip, having become more accustomed to the burn and hardly wincing, "Forgive me for saying so, but I truly don't care overly much about Avalon Records, Santana. I care about you and you're the only one I want to work with or for."
It was a fairly large speech for the headily warm feeling from the alcohol growing stronger and stronger in her chest. A couple of the words slurred slightly as she spoke but she didn't seem to notice. She took another sip of her drink as she finished.
"I was gonna offer to let you go try it out over there..." Santana admitted, "Though, I'd still make you work for me because my office has never run so smoothly... but you can choose. If you wanna learn about development you can, artist relations too. But if you wanna stay with me? I'd love that too." She leaned up a bit taking a swig straight out of the bottle on the table near them before settling her head back in Rachel's lap practically purring with Rachel began stroking down her neck.
"Santana," her voice was almost a purr from the warm sensations burning through her as she took another pull on her drink, "I don't particularly desire to learn to wheedle and cajole grown men and women into putting effort into their artistic designs. So the other departments can desire my talents all they like, but you are the only one I intend to use them for the benefit of."
Santana giggled, her body vibrating slightly at Rachel's comments. "Mmm I think I like the idea of that." She husked, her voice dropping to a deeper tone. She looked up and smiled before drinking more to try to push down the warm sensations that being like this with Rachel was causing her to feel.
Slightly flustered by Santana's comment and the way the other woman's body vibrated in her lap, Rachel drained the remainder of her drink and tried to avoid looking at Santana's lips but it was proving difficult. She licked her lips and sucked an ice cube into her mouth from her drink and crunched it into pieces. "I like this," she whispered, trying hard to look anywhere but her friend's full lips, ignoring the fuzzy buzzing sensation in her head, "spending time with you in the quiet like this.
"Getting our cuddle on." Santana nodded, looking and quickly looking away and biting her lip when she watched Rachel's lips sucking on an ice cube. She whimpered and quickly reached for the bottle drinking down a hearty gulp. She knew her feelings for Rachel were beyond friendly, but her very straight house mate never seemed to shrug off her affections so for the last few months she had stopped trying to hide and just let herself act loving towards Rachel... but then she'd do something overtly sexual without knowing and drive Santana crazy. "I like it too." She whispered putting the bottle down and sitting up slowly.
When Santana pulled away from her, Rachel had the awful feeling she was staring at her with her jaw dropped. She felt terribly like she'd done something wrong to make the other woman want to pull away and it made a terribly anxious feeling surge into her chest. For one awful second she felt like perhaps Santana had figured out that her feelings towards her fiery housemate were inappropriate and it disgusted the other woman.
"I..." she began but didn't know what to say, "I'm sorry... Whatever I did... I didn't mean it.". Her voice was tiny and soft and she was fairly certain Santana couldn't even hear her. She curled up against the arm of the sofa and fought with her body's insistence that she wanted to cry.
Santana scrunched her face up, "Why you sad?" She asked, putting her fingers under Rachel's chin and tilting to make her look in her eyes. "I jus' couldn't sees you." She smiled and pulled Rachel by the hands to move closer. "Don't be sad, Rae." Santana smiled and pressed Rachel's forehead against her own when they toppled into each other drunkenly when Santana pulled her closer.
Rachel's eyes searched Santana's as she felt an achingly familiar tingling in her body as they pressed against each other. For a long moment she was quiet, just looking into Santana's eyes in the flickering light from the TV. "Please don't hate me," she finally whispered, "I couldn't bear it if you did."
Then she closed the small gap between them and pressed her lips fully against her best friend's. It was sloppy and messy and tasted vaguely of tequila, but it was Santana. And maybe she was ruining things between them and maybe Jesse would never forgive her in the beyond, but for that one intoxicatingly intoxicated moment, she didn't care about the repercussions. All she cared about was finally, finally having the chance to kiss the woman who had been there for her through the worst of her life so far.
Santana's head started spinning the minute lips that tasted vaguely like vanilla and something she couldn't quite figure out attacked her own. She froze for a moment, before letting her arms fall to Rachel's waist and her hands bunched up into the other woman's shirt. She kissed back after a moment. Her tongue swiping across Rachel's lip to press for entrance. She wanted more, she needed more and she hoped that Rachel wouldn't push her away. She moaned softly as she pressed her tongue into the hot crease in the diva's lips, flicking the tip up against the roof of Rachel's mouth and stroking down against her own muscle.
Santana's reaction hadn't been what she expected, but she wasn't complaining. It felt too good to tangle her hands in dark hair and press down into the woman beneath her, slipping along her tongue to slide into the waiting cavern of Santana's mouth. She knew she was far more intoxicated than she should have allowed herself to get. Knew this was going to make things terribly awkward between them. But she didn't pull away, didn't stop moving her lips against her best friend's. Didn't loosen her grip in the other woman's hair as she deepened the kiss.
The darker woman whimpered, her hands slipped under her friend's shirt and rested on the curve of her waist. She stroked her thumbs against smooth skin and pressed them closed together. Santana pulled back slightly, capturing Rachel's bottom lip between her lips and sucked gently, her nails raking down Rachel's back as she did.
Her body was on fire. She hadn't been touched in months - she had been fantasizing about Rachel for months - and now this was happening. No matter what, or why it was going on, she wasn't willing to let it go so soon.
If the alcohol hadn't been fogging her mind, Rachel would have stopped, would have pulled away. She may have noticed women before - and been teased about it in college by Jesse - but she had never felt the desire to act on that notice before the woman under her had come back into her life. But it had been over a year since anyone had touched her in a sexual manner and her body - aided by the mild intoxication making everything seemed flushed and almost electric - was insisting that she continued kissing her best friend as long as she was allowed.
She couldn't help the soft moan that escaped her lips as she dragged a hand down Santana's body. She shifted to let her hand trace along the waistband of her friend's pants as she tugged on her shirt. When she finally managed to fumble the shirt loose and got her hand on soft, warm skin - so very unlike the slightly rough firmness of Jesse's body - she whimpered softly into Santana's mouth as the kiss continued.
Santana grunted into Rachel's mouth. She had arched into the other woman's touch causing her to slightly bite down onto Rachel's plump lip. She couldn't drunkenly manage to feel up under Rachel's top and not get in the way of the other woman's exploration on herself so she tangled her hands into the long hair that fell over the diva's shoulders. She moaned into the kiss when she felt cold hands on her skin causing her to break out into goosebumps and shiver under Rachel's touch.
Rachel shivered at the bite. Jesse had so rarely been any level of rough with her - which isn't to say he wasn't passionate, far from it actually - but that he tended to treat her with tenderness and caring even at the height of passion. She had loved that about him, had loved how how much he cared for and loved her came through every action. But she'd also relished the rarer times that he took control and showed her the depth and fiery heat of his love too.
With Santana though, it was different. Beyond her being another woman instead of a man. Santana didn't restrain herself, she showed everything to the very core - be it anger or sadness or sexual passion. It was overwhelming at times and Rachel certainly wasn't up to the task of resisting now. She broke away from the kiss but didn't pull away, her lips moving to kiss and nip along the other woman's jaw and neck. Her hand slid further up to gently stroke the tips of her fingers along the underside of the woman's breasts.
"Please don't hate me," she whispered again as her lips took the other woman's earlobe into her mouth. She wasn't sure in her intoxicated state if she was talking to Santana or Jesse's memory. All she knew was that she was afraid of being hated by either of them.
Santana whimpered out loud when her sensitive neck started being peppered with kisses. She tugged at dark hair when she did, wrapping her fingers around the strands. She tilted her head and arched her back causing her to melt into her current lover's body. "I couldn't." Santana whispered through soft moans.
Rachel's lips caressed tanned skin as she breathed in the soft vanilla scent of Santana's body spray. Her hand slid further up, cupping a breast and gently rolling the stiffening nipple between her fingers. She had worked her way down and nipped at the other woman's collarbone when the familiar scent of Old Spice tickled her nose.
Her lips and hand froze on Santana's body as the scent filled her senses. Jesse had smelled like that. Even at the end the scent of his favorite aftershave and cologne had filled the area around him. Now she could smell it again and it was like he was standing beside her again.
"Jesse," she whispered as tears started trickling down her cheeks. She pulled back, her features twisted with grief and anxiety. "I'm sorry," she gasped, her voice choked with tears as her hands came up to cover her mouth, "I'm so sorry..."
Several seconds passed as Rachel sobbed. Santana's head was too cloudy, too addled with lust and confusion. "W-what?" She asked as her body struggled to settle down. Her legs curled underneath her and she reached out to touch Rachel's hand that was covering her face. "R-rachel?" She whispered, her head reeling and trying to catch up with the change from absolute lust to Rachel sobbing. "I-i'm sorry. I shouldn't... I'm sorry."
Rachel shook her head, struggling to get enough breath to speak, "My fault," she whispered, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I'm a terrible person..."
"You're not!" Santana gaped, not understanding why she'd think that. "Please... this is my fault. I shouldn't have gotten you drunk. I... I just. I shouldn't. You.. I'm a girl. You shouldn't think that I promise you. You're perfect." She whispered, looking down at her hands.
Rachel just kept shaking her head, trying to stop crying but it was too hard. "Not your fault," she gasped out, blinking against the tears, "I pushed... It's wrong of me. You're a girl... I'm married... I'm so sorry. So sorry." Her shoulders shook and she couldn't bring herself to look at Santana, "You're my best - my only - friend and I've ruined everything. Oh God... Please don't hate me. Please don't. I won't do it again, I promise..."
Santana took Rachel's hand, "I'm sorry." she wanted to tell Rachel that she didn't have to feel guilty, but she didn't know if she believed that. "I'm gay and I fucked everything up." she whispered, "I don't hate you. I wanted to kiss you and I took it too far."
That caught her attention. Rachel looked up with wide, disbelieving eyes, tears staining her cheeks but no longer falling from her eyes. "You're gay?" The words were disbelieving, she slowly shook her head again, "No, that's impossible. You were married. You dated Noah and David. You slept with Finn. You aren't gay..." Rachel's eyes looking confused and uncertain, "Are you?"
"I slept with a lot of people in high school..." Santana said as she pulled her knees up to her chest, "I thought you knew." she said, almost surprised. "We... we've talked about Brittany? I thought you knew? I dated Dave because he was gay too and I wouldn't come out." she shook her head and took a long pull from her tequila bottle that had been forgotten. "I got married because it was easier... but I've always been into girls." She shrugged and sighed sadly. "I thought you knew. I thought you... I'll understand if you aren't comfortable around me."
Rachel just looked confused and a little distressed - Santana being straight had made it much easier to not give in to the terribly awkward attraction she had been feeling towards her. Now she didn't know what to do. She felt like she was betraying her husband's memory by being so drawn to someone - to Santana - so soon after his death. It hadn't even been a full year since he had been buried. It was wrong to feel these things so soon. It made her wonder if she had truly loved him and that thought made her hand clench her shirt over her heart at the painful wrench that struck her.
"I'm..." she shook her head slowly, "Santana you're my best friend and my children love you. It's not that I feel uncomfortable with this unexpected revelation, it's just..." Her voice trembled and softened, "Jesse..."
"Yeah." Santana replied with what sounded like a sigh as she slumped into the couch. "Look we can just forget this... I promise it won't effect us okay? I promise." She didn't want any of this to happen, all Santana knew was that she couldn't loose another friend because of a situation that involved her libido.
Rachel didn't know how to explain that she was starting to think that perhaps she wanted it to effect them. She was lonely without Jesse and every day was hard without that warm comfort of knowing there was someone out there who could love her. Not like her parents or the children, but someone who simply desired her.
But she also couldn't get past the awful feeling she was betraying Jesse and the vows she'd made when she'd married him. The promises they'd made each other over their newborn daughter's tiny form after she has been born. Promises to always love each other and be there for that precious little girl.
Now though, Jesse was gone and Rachel was just lost. "I don't want to forget," she whispered, twisting her fingers together. "You're my best friend... But i don't want to forget. I'm just so... confused right now..."
"You're allowed to be confused." Santana stated, "I'm here... not going no where." Her words faltered as she got more and more drunk off the bottle in her grasp. "Jesse was your husband... He'd want you to be happy not sad anymore."
Santana curled up around her bottle, her long fingers clutching the glass. "I liked it." She admitted her gaze on the yellowish liquid that took up less than half the bottle now. "In case you wondered."
Rachel glanced at Santana out of the corner of her eyes, licking her still slightly swollen lips. "I..." she hesitated slightly, a blush spreading over her cheeks, "I did too. I shouldn't," she shook her head, looking down at her hands, "I'm married and I shouldn't but," she sighed softly, twisting her hands anxiously, "I did."
Santana kept her eyes down. "You're a widow." She stated quietly, "You're not cheating." her head cradled against the couch and the pillow. She didn't want to hurt the other woman more but she was guilting herself and hiding behind a term that wasn't legally binding anymore. Santana sighed and took another sip. "I know this must be hard..."
Rachel sighed, "I know that, Santana. I know he's gone. But," her hand pressed to her chest over her heart, "I still feel like I'm doing something wrong. It hasn't even been a year, Santana... Did I really love him? How can I be feeling like this if I did?!"
"If you didn't love him..." Santana stated, looking little less lucid than before. "You wouldn't have stopped. Or you wouldn't feel like you do right now." she rolled her head to the side to look at Rachel. "When I was with Tobias... I slept with someone else. I didn't feel guilty. I didn't even care." She took a gulp and determined that she needed to stop drinking and she struggled to put the bottle back on the coffee table without falling off the couch. "You kissed me and cried... you love him."
She still looked distressed, "But I like you... I like you a lot, Santana." Her voice was barely above a faint whisper as she stared at her wringing hands, trying to make sense of everything through the fog of alcohol still clouding her mind, "I don't know what to do..."
Santana felt the room spinning, the confusion and booze clouding her head. "I think... Sleep on it." She groaned as she tried to move and found herself dizzy. "I think I'm really drunk." she looked at the bottle that was more than half empty. "really drunk." she blinked her eyes closed and tried to hide her confusion about everything. "I think we should go to bed..."
Rachel was grateful she'd indulged less than Santana had - even if the room did seem decidedly unstable as she nodded, "That sounds... like a remarkably good idea, Santana. If I assist you, will you assist me?" She glanced towards the hall with some trepidation, "I'm not entirely certain I currently posses sufficient agility to safely gain my bed without assistance right now..."
Santana's face scrunched up not fully comprehending the words. "What?" She asked, stumbling as she got up, not really paying attention to fact her shirt was still pushed up from when Rachel had felt her up. She pulled herself to standing, her body swaying slightly as she did. She reached her hand down and helped Rachel to her feet as she held onto the side of the couch. "I think..." she lost her train of thought as she clutched the walls. She held one hand flat against the wall and the second one clutching onto Rachel's arm. She turned to Rachel's bedroom and stumbled over onto the bed. "Found bed."
Rachel chuckled at the sight of Santana flopped face down on her bed as she leaned on the door frame, "So you did."
She stumbled into the room, pulling her shirt off over her head as she moved across the room, more focused on going to bed than worrying about her friend seeing her partially unclothed. She tumbled to the bed, stretching out beside Santana lying sideways on the bed in just her bra and sweatpants.
She rolled slightly towards her friend, reaching out to hug her. "I'm sorry I provided such an impediment and impairment to your good mood, Santana," she murmured softly. "I'm so proud of you for signing your new client."
The drunk woman smiled and curled into Rachel. "I'm proud of you too." She nodded against her shoulder, "My success is yours." she slurred as she spoke wrapping her arms around the woman's bare waist.
"You didn't stop my good mood. I was happy when you were alls up in my grill." she giggled against Rachel. "Alls up in my grill."
Rachel rolled her eyes at the drunken teasing. "Perhaps you did, but," she let herself kiss Santana on the cheek - deeming that a safe place - and snuggled close, grateful the other woman hadn't made her leave after the awkwardness of earlier, "I believe it would be best if it did not occur again until I have resolved my feelings with regards to you and my Jesse."
"You need to stop," she motioned to her cheek where Rachel had kissed her, "doing that then." Santana whispered her lips puffed against Rachel's skin. "Please respect me enough to not play with my heart." she stated as she started lulling into sleep.
Rachel pulled away with a sigh and an ache in her heart as she rolled over and hugged herself. "Okay," she whispered, not at all certain how to stop herself from the casual intimacy she'd developed with the other woman, "I'm sorry. I'll do my best not to touch you like that any longer."
"I hope you can figure out how you feel soon." Santana mumbled shivering and pulling the blanket from under her head to hold in her arms. "I don't wanna wait for you forever." she mumbled mostly to herself as she fell into a fitful sleep.
Rachel shivered for a little while before getting up and stumbling back to the closet to pull on a sweater and slip out to the living room again. She didn't trust herself not to reach for the other woman in her sleep and felt like she wanted to cry. She had no idea how she was going to figure things out.
Sitting on the sofa, she stared at her hands for a long while before deciding she needed someone's help. Picking up her phone, she dialed a number she had memorized years ago in much happier times. It rang a few times before it was picked up but soon a quiet voice spoke from the other end.
"Hello?" Rachel's voice trembled slightly as she spoke - softly to avoid waking Santana, "Maria? I'm terribly sorry to bother you at such a late hour, but... Can we talk?"
Chapter Twenty-Two