setting up your razor wire shrine
Title setting up your razor wire shrine
Pairing Gonzalo Higuain/Lionel Messi
Word Count 938
Rating R
Disclaimer not true
Beta albion_lass
Summary Gonzalo returns home to find Leo sitting on his doorstep. Post CL fic.
If you could see disappointment, Madrid would be painted red. Gonzalo expects to see it carved into the ground behind him; a crater for every step he takes, another pocket of what could have been buried into the earth. It surrounds him in a tangible cloud that makes it hard to see and it feels like he's moving a mountain every time he tries to take a breath. This goes deeper than disappointment. Gonzalo thinks this might be what heartache feels like, but deeper, something that gouges into his core and everything that is so uniquely him. A pain created just for him.
He shouldn't be surprised to see someone sitting on his doorstep when he gets home. An eyebrow is raised when he realizes it's Leo and not one of his teammates or a family member. Leo has a lollipop in his mouth, the white stick jutting out from between his lips as he stands and nods. He doesn't say anything as he shuffles in the door behind Gonzalo, gait stiff from sitting outside and from playing yesterday. It's a penance for missing his penalty- Gonzalo knows Leo takes enough care of himself after matches so he doesn't hurt the next day. Leo likes his pain carved into his body as well as his mind. It's not easy to forget that way.
Neither of them says a word as they trudge upstairs. Clothes fall off somewhere along the way and they collapse against each other on his bed. Gonzalo always feels that his bed is too big for him, too big for someone who spends most nights alone, but when Leo is with him, tiny and pressed up against him, he feels that it's just right. It's their fort, their sanctuary, a place where the outside world can't hurt them and they can begin to rebuild themselves. Gonzalo isn't strong enough to put himself back together; Leo pretends to be but the nights he chooses to spend in Madrid say otherwise.
There's a certain amount of irony Gonzalo finds in this situation- that Leo cannot let himself fall apart in front of his precious Culés, in front of his La Masia brothers, that he has to come to Madrid to feel whole again. He never calls Leo out on it though because when it comes down to it, Leo is the only one who can piece him back together. There are parts of each other that neither can access, that neither will ever understand, but there is something deeper that pulls them together. Some things are stronger than rivalries, some things are stronger than hate.
Leo feels smaller than usual in his arms. Gonzalo holds him closer and falls asleep to the sound of the air conditioning unit humming somewhere in the background.
*
The side of Leo's face is stained red from where the lollipop fell out of his mouth. Gonzalo's already chucked it into the garbage, wearly eyeing the red stain on his pillowcase and wondering if Leo brought a blue marker in an attempt to turn his pillowcases blaugrana. Leo smiles sleepily when he asks him, pulling Gonzalo down for a clumsy kiss that tastes like cherry flavored candy.
"Do you think that..." Gonzalo trails off, not really sure what he was going to ask or if words are all that important.
"I try not to think," Leo murmurs against his lips.
Gonzalo can't think when Leo is pressed against him, willing to help him forget and to make his mind go blissfully blank. Leo kisses him with a hunger that lets Gonzalo know that he's wanting, hurting, and that Gonzalo is the only person in the world who can help him. He's more than willing to repair them as he takes them into his hand and slowly jerks them off together, Leo mumbling his name into the skin on his jaw and planting kisses on his shoulder. They come with a shudder, falling apart only to be put back together again.
The sun is up in the sky and minutes or maybe even hours later, Gonzalo musters up enough strength to leave his bed and pull Leo into the shower with him. They stay until their skin begins to prune and all the aches of the past few days have washed away down the drain. The cracks and holes in his fragile defense are patched, but will still need time to heal. The end of the season approaches and this summer, Gonzalo plans to do nothing but make sure he is stronger, that the same mistakes don't happen twice. He glances at Leo, gnawing on the corner of his lip as he pulls on one of Gonzalo's shirts that drapes over him and makes him look younger than he really is. He knows Leo will come back stronger, older, and that the cycle will continue.
Gonzalo doesn't mind that it will continue, that Leo will keep showing up on his doorstep even though he gave him a key last year, that sometimes he finds himself on Leo's doorstep in Barcelona, his security guards waving him in like they expect him. He watches as Leo raids his freezer and finds the carton of strawberry ice cream he keeps hidden in the back and eats straight from it. They sit on the couch and watch children's cartoons as their spoons duel in the dwindling carton.
Two games lost. The world still goes on around them. Gonzalo learns to take the good with the bad.
Pairing Gonzalo Higuain/Lionel Messi
Word Count 938
Rating R
Disclaimer not true
Beta albion_lass
Summary Gonzalo returns home to find Leo sitting on his doorstep. Post CL fic.
If you could see disappointment, Madrid would be painted red. Gonzalo expects to see it carved into the ground behind him; a crater for every step he takes, another pocket of what could have been buried into the earth. It surrounds him in a tangible cloud that makes it hard to see and it feels like he's moving a mountain every time he tries to take a breath. This goes deeper than disappointment. Gonzalo thinks this might be what heartache feels like, but deeper, something that gouges into his core and everything that is so uniquely him. A pain created just for him.
He shouldn't be surprised to see someone sitting on his doorstep when he gets home. An eyebrow is raised when he realizes it's Leo and not one of his teammates or a family member. Leo has a lollipop in his mouth, the white stick jutting out from between his lips as he stands and nods. He doesn't say anything as he shuffles in the door behind Gonzalo, gait stiff from sitting outside and from playing yesterday. It's a penance for missing his penalty- Gonzalo knows Leo takes enough care of himself after matches so he doesn't hurt the next day. Leo likes his pain carved into his body as well as his mind. It's not easy to forget that way.
Neither of them says a word as they trudge upstairs. Clothes fall off somewhere along the way and they collapse against each other on his bed. Gonzalo always feels that his bed is too big for him, too big for someone who spends most nights alone, but when Leo is with him, tiny and pressed up against him, he feels that it's just right. It's their fort, their sanctuary, a place where the outside world can't hurt them and they can begin to rebuild themselves. Gonzalo isn't strong enough to put himself back together; Leo pretends to be but the nights he chooses to spend in Madrid say otherwise.
There's a certain amount of irony Gonzalo finds in this situation- that Leo cannot let himself fall apart in front of his precious Culés, in front of his La Masia brothers, that he has to come to Madrid to feel whole again. He never calls Leo out on it though because when it comes down to it, Leo is the only one who can piece him back together. There are parts of each other that neither can access, that neither will ever understand, but there is something deeper that pulls them together. Some things are stronger than rivalries, some things are stronger than hate.
Leo feels smaller than usual in his arms. Gonzalo holds him closer and falls asleep to the sound of the air conditioning unit humming somewhere in the background.
*
The side of Leo's face is stained red from where the lollipop fell out of his mouth. Gonzalo's already chucked it into the garbage, wearly eyeing the red stain on his pillowcase and wondering if Leo brought a blue marker in an attempt to turn his pillowcases blaugrana. Leo smiles sleepily when he asks him, pulling Gonzalo down for a clumsy kiss that tastes like cherry flavored candy.
"Do you think that..." Gonzalo trails off, not really sure what he was going to ask or if words are all that important.
"I try not to think," Leo murmurs against his lips.
Gonzalo can't think when Leo is pressed against him, willing to help him forget and to make his mind go blissfully blank. Leo kisses him with a hunger that lets Gonzalo know that he's wanting, hurting, and that Gonzalo is the only person in the world who can help him. He's more than willing to repair them as he takes them into his hand and slowly jerks them off together, Leo mumbling his name into the skin on his jaw and planting kisses on his shoulder. They come with a shudder, falling apart only to be put back together again.
The sun is up in the sky and minutes or maybe even hours later, Gonzalo musters up enough strength to leave his bed and pull Leo into the shower with him. They stay until their skin begins to prune and all the aches of the past few days have washed away down the drain. The cracks and holes in his fragile defense are patched, but will still need time to heal. The end of the season approaches and this summer, Gonzalo plans to do nothing but make sure he is stronger, that the same mistakes don't happen twice. He glances at Leo, gnawing on the corner of his lip as he pulls on one of Gonzalo's shirts that drapes over him and makes him look younger than he really is. He knows Leo will come back stronger, older, and that the cycle will continue.
Gonzalo doesn't mind that it will continue, that Leo will keep showing up on his doorstep even though he gave him a key last year, that sometimes he finds himself on Leo's doorstep in Barcelona, his security guards waving him in like they expect him. He watches as Leo raids his freezer and finds the carton of strawberry ice cream he keeps hidden in the back and eats straight from it. They sit on the couch and watch children's cartoons as their spoons duel in the dwindling carton.
Two games lost. The world still goes on around them. Gonzalo learns to take the good with the bad.