I'm still so sad and I don't know how to change
I'm unhappy. I have been for a long time. And although I'm beginning to learn different way to make myself happy, really happy, they don't work when I'm away from everyone that I love.
Ever since I got here, things haven't been the same. I don't feel close to anyone but Tara and it isn't enough.
I miss home.
I miss my family.
...I miss Michael.
And I miss being happy. I miss having the alone time I need to recharge my batteries. I miss feeling loved. I miss getting hugs all the time. I miss being able to do what I want to do without feeling judged. I miss having structure and feeling motivated. I miss summer.
I called my mom today because I was really upset. She told me about this book "How to Choose to be Happy" by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks, which she is reading. Some of what I've read from that book I've found helpful, so she gave me some stuff to do.
I had 5 minutes to write down things that make me happy. Do you know how many times being warm came up? Laying on a sunny beach, sitting by a fire, having warm toes and fingers, summertime, warm sunshine on my face, warm sunshine on my back...and some of those things I wrote more than once. And I realized, it's not just that winter and teh cold don't make me happy, they acutally make me UNHAPPY.
Michael and I have talked about staying where we've grown up, but I don't know now if that's right for me. I think I want to move somewhere warmer. I would actually be very happy living in Virginia Beach.
But I don't think I'd be happy without him.
*sigh* This is all so confusing. I want so many things and then there's so many things that confuse me. And, really, I'm not sure exactly what's going to make me happy. But I don't think here's teh place for me.
Whatever will make me happy, I don't think this is it.
Ever since I got here, things haven't been the same. I don't feel close to anyone but Tara and it isn't enough.
I miss home.
I miss my family.
...I miss Michael.
And I miss being happy. I miss having the alone time I need to recharge my batteries. I miss feeling loved. I miss getting hugs all the time. I miss being able to do what I want to do without feeling judged. I miss having structure and feeling motivated. I miss summer.
I called my mom today because I was really upset. She told me about this book "How to Choose to be Happy" by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks, which she is reading. Some of what I've read from that book I've found helpful, so she gave me some stuff to do.
I had 5 minutes to write down things that make me happy. Do you know how many times being warm came up? Laying on a sunny beach, sitting by a fire, having warm toes and fingers, summertime, warm sunshine on my face, warm sunshine on my back...and some of those things I wrote more than once. And I realized, it's not just that winter and teh cold don't make me happy, they acutally make me UNHAPPY.
Michael and I have talked about staying where we've grown up, but I don't know now if that's right for me. I think I want to move somewhere warmer. I would actually be very happy living in Virginia Beach.
But I don't think I'd be happy without him.
*sigh* This is all so confusing. I want so many things and then there's so many things that confuse me. And, really, I'm not sure exactly what's going to make me happy. But I don't think here's teh place for me.
Whatever will make me happy, I don't think this is it.