Behind those Hollywood gates
It's truly astonishing to me how very quickly time moves. Blah blah I knooow that is one of the most cliched things ever said, but this summer has really zoomed by. All of this anticipation for turning 21, for having time off from school, time to read, to smoke, to drink, to hold you, to watch them, to drape myself over all of it, it's all been culminating for months, and pretty much exploded within the past few weeks. It's like I can't remember much of summer before august and soon enough, I'll be able to pin down exact details less and less.
Which makes me sad.
Partially because I have written practically zilch (which, according to all the notes I'd written prior to vacay, was supposed to be my primarily occupation). Way to go, hosen. I guess I deserve a break of sorts, but wimping out of writing shouldn't be a part of that. But part of this that i keep reminding myself is allowing myself to BREATHE. TO NOT WORRY ABOUT WRITING. IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT HAPPENS. I DON'T NEED TO TORTURE MYSELF BECAUSE I NEED TO BE LAZY.
I've really enjoyed this summer; becoming a more important figure at copperfield's has been really exciting to me. My skill set has been upped, and with that, the feeling of being more involved. I feel like a cog, rather than a cog polisher. Plus my friendships with each co-worker have become stronger in their own way, increasing friendship and heartholds.
Whatever all of that means. In any case, I've had a summer. Of many things.
I've done some things I'm not proud of.
I've broken some rules.
I've grown.
I've moved on from two dangerous paths.
I've become more responsible.
I've lost some trepidations while gaining new concerns.
I've hurt myself.
I've made myself cry with joy.
It's like nothing I would have expected to experience (or to want). But they've happened. I've really enjoyed all of the time I've spent with you loverly people. Each of you mean so very much to me and have made this summer truly fantasmagoric.
I can't believe I finally saw Radiohead. That was just fucking brilliant. My beautiful alien boy thom. His wonky droppy left eye. It makes me all a'quiver. And (stupid sounding, but suck it) my appreciation for their music has increased. I'm listening to it closer now, and hearing the words sink in, feeling that velvet voice and impeccable chords just dancing. Brilliant. (plus climbing over those chainlink fences with 60,000 people was pretty sweet)
"340 Lb Model Runs Off With Czar Again" fucking trashed Drink Tank hard core last weekend. That was a sweet victory. Hopefully we can beat their asses again in a couple weekends. Something about beating a bunch of dicks at trivia (with a belly full of fried pub --oxymoron, i know-- food and harp...yum).
Couple of dicks today at work
Dick #1: This gent called Copps on the phone today to ask if we carried any copies of Outside Magazine's September issue. I checked and said, nah, we hadn't carried it since July. He gave this minute long sigh, and said something along the lines of "fucking napans, never go anywhere outside of the county." Now, far be it from me to deny that Napa is really fucking good at keeping people within the city limits, but something about his tone pissed me off. I mean, there are plenty of people I know who have left and most who don't just stay in napa 24/7, escaping whenever they can (though frequently coming back shortly after). This dude just sounded like such a fucking transplant asshole. I've only lived in Napa for 8 years, but I consider myself a semi-Napan. So I said "Well, some do eventually make it outside the limits." and he cuts me off and says "No. They don't. No one knows about anything outside of Napa. They are just clueless about the world beyond." Fuck. I couldn't even handle it. I didn't really understand why I was getting so upset, so that was exasperating too. He asked where else he could find his stupid ass magazine and I said I wasn't sure....maybe a grocery store or outdoors store. And he cuts me off again and goes "no, you really don't understand, do you? Napans don't appreciate this kind of magazine." THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ABOUT IT, ASSHOLE? And as luck would have it, our big boss Tom was walking right past me at that point so I couldn't do anything besides mutter through gritted teeth "well, that's really unfortunate, then, isn't it?" "Yup, it is. Well [SIGH SIGH SIGH EXASPERATED SIGH], thaaaaaanks." ahhhh motherfucker. I'd punch him if I saw him (and knew it was him, of course).
Dick #2: UPS Dude. Comes to the back room today with 80 million boxes and looks at the backroom which I have been working on trying to clear out, and sighs (what's with all the fucking sighing) "You guys can never catch up, can you?" in this fucking accusatory tone. AHHHHH shut it, asshole! "Well, everytime we do, you always bring more boxes." "harumph." So guess what? Most of the boxes he brought (yes, 80 million of them) aren't even supposed to be released until september 2nd. So we couldn't recieve and enter them into the system. So now we have 80 million gawddayum boxes in the back that can't be gone through until next week. That the sweaty asshole thought it would be clever to sass me about. Dick. he asked me about my tattoos and asked if they were hebrew and after I told him they were arabic (in a completely natural and kind tone, I thought), he went "ohhhh sorry if I offended you" in the most sarcastic tone ever. What the fuck? Well, shit, yeah, I'm obviously offended. He kept stomping around the backroom like some kind of plon plon and when I wished him a lovely day, where he would stay cool, he responded with "yeeeeaaaah, suuure." ahhhh what the fuck!!!
So this turned into more of a rant. Ah me. Oh well.
Truly, though, I wouldn't want to change anything that happened this summer. Despite all difficulties and mishaps, all tribulations and trials, the real majesty of it all is that I've been surrounded by such beautiful individuals. I was brought to question luck today by someone with more life experience than I.
and maybe it isn't luck. Maybe it's just how it's supposed to be. Maybe I'm meant to have such wonderful times. I would like to think so.
I mean, discard any religious or fate things. But maybe this is what I am to expect. My life to be filled with such a back and forth. Such a give and take.
Such times we share.
Oh gosh. It's almost midnight and I've created little to no sense in all of this.
Sum-up
Release the stars
Continue to read
Write fucking something
Kiss that person
Eat that food
Drink that bevvy
Fucking live it up (because Irvine Welsh will be entering your life soon enough, however briefly)
Thank everyone
Merci buckets
Which makes me sad.
Partially because I have written practically zilch (which, according to all the notes I'd written prior to vacay, was supposed to be my primarily occupation). Way to go, hosen. I guess I deserve a break of sorts, but wimping out of writing shouldn't be a part of that. But part of this that i keep reminding myself is allowing myself to BREATHE. TO NOT WORRY ABOUT WRITING. IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT HAPPENS. I DON'T NEED TO TORTURE MYSELF BECAUSE I NEED TO BE LAZY.
I've really enjoyed this summer; becoming a more important figure at copperfield's has been really exciting to me. My skill set has been upped, and with that, the feeling of being more involved. I feel like a cog, rather than a cog polisher. Plus my friendships with each co-worker have become stronger in their own way, increasing friendship and heartholds.
Whatever all of that means. In any case, I've had a summer. Of many things.
I've done some things I'm not proud of.
I've broken some rules.
I've grown.
I've moved on from two dangerous paths.
I've become more responsible.
I've lost some trepidations while gaining new concerns.
I've hurt myself.
I've made myself cry with joy.
It's like nothing I would have expected to experience (or to want). But they've happened. I've really enjoyed all of the time I've spent with you loverly people. Each of you mean so very much to me and have made this summer truly fantasmagoric.
I can't believe I finally saw Radiohead. That was just fucking brilliant. My beautiful alien boy thom. His wonky droppy left eye. It makes me all a'quiver. And (stupid sounding, but suck it) my appreciation for their music has increased. I'm listening to it closer now, and hearing the words sink in, feeling that velvet voice and impeccable chords just dancing. Brilliant. (plus climbing over those chainlink fences with 60,000 people was pretty sweet)
"340 Lb Model Runs Off With Czar Again" fucking trashed Drink Tank hard core last weekend. That was a sweet victory. Hopefully we can beat their asses again in a couple weekends. Something about beating a bunch of dicks at trivia (with a belly full of fried pub --oxymoron, i know-- food and harp...yum).
Couple of dicks today at work
Dick #1: This gent called Copps on the phone today to ask if we carried any copies of Outside Magazine's September issue. I checked and said, nah, we hadn't carried it since July. He gave this minute long sigh, and said something along the lines of "fucking napans, never go anywhere outside of the county." Now, far be it from me to deny that Napa is really fucking good at keeping people within the city limits, but something about his tone pissed me off. I mean, there are plenty of people I know who have left and most who don't just stay in napa 24/7, escaping whenever they can (though frequently coming back shortly after). This dude just sounded like such a fucking transplant asshole. I've only lived in Napa for 8 years, but I consider myself a semi-Napan. So I said "Well, some do eventually make it outside the limits." and he cuts me off and says "No. They don't. No one knows about anything outside of Napa. They are just clueless about the world beyond." Fuck. I couldn't even handle it. I didn't really understand why I was getting so upset, so that was exasperating too. He asked where else he could find his stupid ass magazine and I said I wasn't sure....maybe a grocery store or outdoors store. And he cuts me off again and goes "no, you really don't understand, do you? Napans don't appreciate this kind of magazine." THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ABOUT IT, ASSHOLE? And as luck would have it, our big boss Tom was walking right past me at that point so I couldn't do anything besides mutter through gritted teeth "well, that's really unfortunate, then, isn't it?" "Yup, it is. Well [SIGH SIGH SIGH EXASPERATED SIGH], thaaaaaanks." ahhhh motherfucker. I'd punch him if I saw him (and knew it was him, of course).
Dick #2: UPS Dude. Comes to the back room today with 80 million boxes and looks at the backroom which I have been working on trying to clear out, and sighs (what's with all the fucking sighing) "You guys can never catch up, can you?" in this fucking accusatory tone. AHHHHH shut it, asshole! "Well, everytime we do, you always bring more boxes." "harumph." So guess what? Most of the boxes he brought (yes, 80 million of them) aren't even supposed to be released until september 2nd. So we couldn't recieve and enter them into the system. So now we have 80 million gawddayum boxes in the back that can't be gone through until next week. That the sweaty asshole thought it would be clever to sass me about. Dick. he asked me about my tattoos and asked if they were hebrew and after I told him they were arabic (in a completely natural and kind tone, I thought), he went "ohhhh sorry if I offended you" in the most sarcastic tone ever. What the fuck? Well, shit, yeah, I'm obviously offended. He kept stomping around the backroom like some kind of plon plon and when I wished him a lovely day, where he would stay cool, he responded with "yeeeeaaaah, suuure." ahhhh what the fuck!!!
So this turned into more of a rant. Ah me. Oh well.
Truly, though, I wouldn't want to change anything that happened this summer. Despite all difficulties and mishaps, all tribulations and trials, the real majesty of it all is that I've been surrounded by such beautiful individuals. I was brought to question luck today by someone with more life experience than I.
and maybe it isn't luck. Maybe it's just how it's supposed to be. Maybe I'm meant to have such wonderful times. I would like to think so.
I mean, discard any religious or fate things. But maybe this is what I am to expect. My life to be filled with such a back and forth. Such a give and take.
Such times we share.
Oh gosh. It's almost midnight and I've created little to no sense in all of this.
Sum-up
Release the stars
Continue to read
Write fucking something
Kiss that person
Eat that food
Drink that bevvy
Fucking live it up (because Irvine Welsh will be entering your life soon enough, however briefly)
Thank everyone
Merci buckets