There should be something more.
For as long as I can remember, I've felt like there should be more to this world than there is. When I was little, it was easy to believe in fairies and magic and spells. And I did, and I just knew that if I tried hard enough, and believed, then I'd find something. Something wonderful and magical.
As I got older, that unshakeable belief grew and changed with me. During my teenage years it became a form of escapism. I'd bury myself in fantasy novels, and daydream about what it would be like if I was somehow pulled in to the stories, or taken away from this world, to a place where I could learn about the wondrous things that are just behind everything we see everyday. I wanted to be taken away, and I think I almost believed I would. That one day I'd turn a corner and step through a portal to the way things are supposed to be. Because my grey drab world where everything was mundane and everything hurt and nothing had that wonderful glitter that it did in stories.
Now, I don't do that so much, but to this day I can't shake the feeling that there should be something more. There's nothing as beautiful and deadly as there should be. This world I live in still feels flat. It feels like it's missing something, something important. Something I need.
Each year I get older, and I do more and more "grown up" things, and those flashes of panic get stronger. Because when you're little there's all the time in the world to find the magic, but my time's running out, and there should be more. More than uni and work and family. More than housework, gardening, money and debt.
There should be something more to find.
And I'm so afraid that I'll never find it, and I'll have to live with this hole in my reality forever.
~*Lady Lillith*~
As I got older, that unshakeable belief grew and changed with me. During my teenage years it became a form of escapism. I'd bury myself in fantasy novels, and daydream about what it would be like if I was somehow pulled in to the stories, or taken away from this world, to a place where I could learn about the wondrous things that are just behind everything we see everyday. I wanted to be taken away, and I think I almost believed I would. That one day I'd turn a corner and step through a portal to the way things are supposed to be. Because my grey drab world where everything was mundane and everything hurt and nothing had that wonderful glitter that it did in stories.
Now, I don't do that so much, but to this day I can't shake the feeling that there should be something more. There's nothing as beautiful and deadly as there should be. This world I live in still feels flat. It feels like it's missing something, something important. Something I need.
Each year I get older, and I do more and more "grown up" things, and those flashes of panic get stronger. Because when you're little there's all the time in the world to find the magic, but my time's running out, and there should be more. More than uni and work and family. More than housework, gardening, money and debt.
There should be something more to find.
And I'm so afraid that I'll never find it, and I'll have to live with this hole in my reality forever.
~*Lady Lillith*~