A bit about me (for those who didn't already know)
I have been inspired by an amazing sequence of brave brave friends. I want to tell a bit more about myself and my mental illness. I do not want sympathy, just an opportunity to share. I think I will do this in dot points because I am lazy. :)
(Feel free to ask if you don't understand any of the terms I use)
My symptoms are:
~Depression
~Anxiety
~Hypomania
~Rapidly cycling moods
~Extremely reactive moods
~Body image problems (including occasional episodes of body dysmorphia)
~Dissociative/depersonalised episodes
~Self Harming tendencies
~Feelings of worthlessness
~Excessive guilt
~Impulsivity
~Powerful destructive urges
~Foreign thoughts and feelings
Things I have been diagnosed with include:
~Major Depression
~Bipolar Disorder (Type II)
~Borderline Personality Disorder (very mild)
~Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Traits
~Assertiveness Problems
Other theories include:
~EDNOS
~ADD
Different types of professionals I have seen:
~2 Psychiatrists
~2 Psychologists
~Multiple counsellors
~A social worker
~One crazy GP who thought she was a psychiatrist
Hospitalisations?
~One overnight stay in emergency
Medications I've been on:
~Zoloft (anti-depressant, two separate occasions)
~Epilim (Sodium Valproate, mood stabiliser)
~Various cocktails of vitamins
I'd like to talk a little bit more about the medications. That list is pretty small because I am yet to have a good experience with psych meds. The Zoloft worked fine the first time, but the second time made me so much worse. It tripped my moods in to the craziest cycles where I would go from euphoric to distraught to enraged about four times an hour, my self harm got much much worse (the only lasting scars I have are from this time), I was in a dissociated/depersonalised state almost constantly, and I developed minor hallucinations. The Valproate was a less spectacular bad experience, but it made me want sleep about 13 hours a day, gain heaps of weight (probably because of all the sleeping, but this was pretty distressing given my body image problems), and didn't help with the moods I didn't enjoy. It just cut the top off my range of emotion without really helping with the bottom. NOTE: I am not saying that medications don't work. They do in the majority of cases, I have just had a couple of negative experiences and, being the reactionary person I am, am now reluctant to try more.
My experience with facilities has been okay. At the hospital they rushed me through, although I had to sit around for hours the next day because they wouldn't discharge me until I'd seen the hospital psychiatrist. Who told me nothing. Jerk. I did have trouble finding any professional willing to monitor me going off the valproate. So I ended up being very naughty and gradually weaning myself off it on my own.
I've never had to call ACIS, which I'm told makes me incredibly lucky. I know people who have, and who have basically been told "see a doctor if you need stitches" and "you don't really want to kill yourself, do you?". Which is pretty unhelpful to someone in a crisis state who is reaching out for help.
My main issue, system-wise, is that there's so few people out there, and so little funding, that it has taken me 6 years to find a professional I actually like. And I don't get enough "free" (heavily subsidised, but I still have to pay) visits to be effective. I've had my visits extended, and I still only have one more session left this year. I get more in January, but you're only given enough for monthly appointments. Which are harder, because so much happens in my head over a month that we can never get through it all.
So there you go. If you want to know more about any of these things, just ask me. I'm usually happy to talk, and if I'm not, I'll be happy to tell you.
~*Lady Lillith*~
(Feel free to ask if you don't understand any of the terms I use)
My symptoms are:
~Depression
~Anxiety
~Hypomania
~Rapidly cycling moods
~Extremely reactive moods
~Body image problems (including occasional episodes of body dysmorphia)
~Dissociative/depersonalised episodes
~Self Harming tendencies
~Feelings of worthlessness
~Excessive guilt
~Impulsivity
~Powerful destructive urges
~Foreign thoughts and feelings
Things I have been diagnosed with include:
~Major Depression
~Bipolar Disorder (Type II)
~Borderline Personality Disorder (very mild)
~Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Traits
~Assertiveness Problems
Other theories include:
~EDNOS
~ADD
Different types of professionals I have seen:
~2 Psychiatrists
~2 Psychologists
~Multiple counsellors
~A social worker
~One crazy GP who thought she was a psychiatrist
Hospitalisations?
~One overnight stay in emergency
Medications I've been on:
~Zoloft (anti-depressant, two separate occasions)
~Epilim (Sodium Valproate, mood stabiliser)
~Various cocktails of vitamins
I'd like to talk a little bit more about the medications. That list is pretty small because I am yet to have a good experience with psych meds. The Zoloft worked fine the first time, but the second time made me so much worse. It tripped my moods in to the craziest cycles where I would go from euphoric to distraught to enraged about four times an hour, my self harm got much much worse (the only lasting scars I have are from this time), I was in a dissociated/depersonalised state almost constantly, and I developed minor hallucinations. The Valproate was a less spectacular bad experience, but it made me want sleep about 13 hours a day, gain heaps of weight (probably because of all the sleeping, but this was pretty distressing given my body image problems), and didn't help with the moods I didn't enjoy. It just cut the top off my range of emotion without really helping with the bottom. NOTE: I am not saying that medications don't work. They do in the majority of cases, I have just had a couple of negative experiences and, being the reactionary person I am, am now reluctant to try more.
My experience with facilities has been okay. At the hospital they rushed me through, although I had to sit around for hours the next day because they wouldn't discharge me until I'd seen the hospital psychiatrist. Who told me nothing. Jerk. I did have trouble finding any professional willing to monitor me going off the valproate. So I ended up being very naughty and gradually weaning myself off it on my own.
I've never had to call ACIS, which I'm told makes me incredibly lucky. I know people who have, and who have basically been told "see a doctor if you need stitches" and "you don't really want to kill yourself, do you?". Which is pretty unhelpful to someone in a crisis state who is reaching out for help.
My main issue, system-wise, is that there's so few people out there, and so little funding, that it has taken me 6 years to find a professional I actually like. And I don't get enough "free" (heavily subsidised, but I still have to pay) visits to be effective. I've had my visits extended, and I still only have one more session left this year. I get more in January, but you're only given enough for monthly appointments. Which are harder, because so much happens in my head over a month that we can never get through it all.
So there you go. If you want to know more about any of these things, just ask me. I'm usually happy to talk, and if I'm not, I'll be happy to tell you.
~*Lady Lillith*~