(no subject)
A lot changed as spring became summer. I believe I know what joy is now, because it is ever present in my life. Every day I have an unabiding peace of spirit and bright, hopeful outlook, no matter what happens. Joy isn't the same as pleasure. Sometimes I'm working hard and not feeling pleasurable. Sometimes I get sad or frustrated. I'm grateful for emotions now, no matter what. But no matter what happens and no matter how I feel, it's like my heart takes the longview, and that is always hopeful. I have hope for every day, that I can live fully, and many days I really feel as if I have lived that hope. I have little social anxiety, and I am not ashamed of who I am. I can talk to other people now because I'm not afraid to open up to them, to share my spirit, my beliefs. In turn, they embrace me and I embrace them. I've discovered that people are really drawn to me. I have been given a gift and I treasure it. I am so grateful for life and for joy, both of which come from Jehovah.
I can't really express how monumental this is for me. I remember meditating on the fruitage of the spirit and deciding that Joy was the most elusive one for me. I remember being so envious of happy, stable people. I remember being so, so, so miserable for so long. I remember being depressed most of the year, and living only for the few weeks in Spring when I could feel hope and a sense of purpose. Now it's there every day. Every day. I am really shaken and humbled by how much I have been blessed, and by how significant it is just to breathe. I am really happy to be me. I believe I am living much more authentically. I feel strong and sometimes, in my secret times, I feel powerful. It's very humbling actually. But the power to impact the lives of others is real, and strong, and important.
Also, I feel pretty sexy and womanly. My outer appearance has changed as my inner significance grew.
I can't really express how monumental this is for me. I remember meditating on the fruitage of the spirit and deciding that Joy was the most elusive one for me. I remember being so envious of happy, stable people. I remember being so, so, so miserable for so long. I remember being depressed most of the year, and living only for the few weeks in Spring when I could feel hope and a sense of purpose. Now it's there every day. Every day. I am really shaken and humbled by how much I have been blessed, and by how significant it is just to breathe. I am really happy to be me. I believe I am living much more authentically. I feel strong and sometimes, in my secret times, I feel powerful. It's very humbling actually. But the power to impact the lives of others is real, and strong, and important.
Also, I feel pretty sexy and womanly. My outer appearance has changed as my inner significance grew.