Chapter 41: Departures
Author: TheLadyHoll
Pairing: Andy/Miranda
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Yes, they are mine. I own them. Come to me my pretties and dance, DANCE I SAY. Or, more truthfully, not...
How's that for a quick update? That's how much your reviews mean to me, truly. Next we see how the pair handles being separated. What, oh what will happen? :) xoxo
"Miranda?"
Miranda said nothing, her face stony; only increasing her pace as she moved towards Andy until the younger woman had to reach out her arms to stop her from crashing into her
"Hey, hey, what's wrong? Are you sick? Something didn't sound right in your text & Emily would only give me the vaguest answers when I tried to call you at work, but your phone was off."
Miranda shook her head and turned it to the side so she didn't have to face the younger woman and whispered "Irv" in a throaty voice. Turning back around to face the younger woman, Miranda flinched slightly at the anger in her partner's eyes.
Andy's eyes narrowed, and the lilting musicality Miranda so loved about the woman she was going to marry was gone from her voice that now shook with anger; and she squeezed Miranda's hands so tightly she was sure they would bruise, although the older woman could care less at the moment.
"What did he do?" Andy's words were even…cutting, and her eyes were cold in a way Miranda couldn't ever remember seeing before as soft hands cupped her chin firmly, directing her to meet the young woman's eyes. "What did he do that's made you like this?"
Andy took in the way Miranda's shirt clung damply to her skin, and the muscle jumping in her cheek, not to mention the tension she was holding in her body as she seemed to simultaneously press herself into the distraught brunette and turn away at the same time, as though afraid of some repercussion or reaction from the woman in whose arms she sought comfort.
Moving in closer on the couch to which she had led them to after she became concerned when the older woman violently sought out her embrace and now refused to meet her eyes, shaking her head from side to side as she clung to Andy, seemingly struggling to catch her breath. "What is it?"
It was so rare to see Miranda like this, Andy didn't know if there had ever been a time in her life where Miranda had ever allowed someone to see her like this.
"I can't…not yet."
Andy nodded and proceeded to kneel on the rug in front of Miranda, who had no idea what the younger woman was doing until she felt a gentle pull on her foot. Looking down once more, Miranda understood and lifted her stockinged foot from the Louboutin mules she was wearing, and balancing herself and her one-legged stance by holding onto Andrea's shoulder, allowed her to remove her shoes and gently guide her into the study and towards the couch. Seeing how flushed the older woman was, Andy continued in this vein, removing Miranda's jacket next and blowing lightly on the back of her neck to ward off the sheen of perspiration that threatened to create beads at Miranda's hairline. Every inch of her body was rigid, and Andy could see her cycling through emotions as though she couldn't settle on just one. Anger, fear, embarrassment and guilt all flashed across her eyes, even as her features remained stoic for the most part.
Leading Miranda over to the couch, Andy turned away, leaving Miranda utterly bereft until the young woman returned with a glass of wine which she pressed into the editor's hands gently once she was sitting. "One glass won't hurt," she reassured her, making sure she had a firm hold before taking a seat at the other end of the couch so that she could look directly at Miranda as she was talking to her. It also meant she was able to lift Miranda's legs under the knees and drape them across her own, beginning to knead out some of the tension in her calves and digging her thumbs into the arches of feet swollen from the increase in her blood pressure and unaided by the couture footwear the editor continued to insist on wearing even if the heel height had decreased significantly as her pregnancy had progressed.
Setting the wineglass aside for a moment, Miranda put one hand to her chest with the other pressed to the side of her belly as she tried to control her breathing and stop hyperventilating. "T-tell me something…Just, just talk" she managed to get out between gasps.
"I was thinking, for the babies' nurser-"
"No!" Miranda shouted suddenly, the volume of her outburst startling both women.
"Please, just, I can't - think, about that right now. I just…nothing about the babies or the trial or the girls or work, just…tell me something I don't know, like…like your childhood or your favourite flavour of ice cream, I just need…"
Andy nodded, squeezing the part of Miranda's leg where she was working out the stiff muscles. She did know what Miranda meant and what she was asking for. What Miranda Priestly needed at that moment was to escape from her own mind.
So Andy began talking, making sure to keep her tone light and breezy as she chattered about her work and the petty squabbles in her office until centimetre by centimetre, she felt the tension leave the editor's body and the volume of liquid in the glass lowered significantly.
After a few minutes of peaceful silence, Andy's fingers, now numb with exhaustion, lightly swept over the older woman's knee as she waited for her to talk.
"Are you telling there is some sort of deranged rodent that chases the pigeons on the curb outside of your office?"
Andy snorted, "It's a squirrel, Miranda. His name is Eddie."
"And are you quite sure 'Eddie' doesn't have rabies?"
"Yes, and as good a distraction as Eddie is, both at work and for you and the topic at hand that you're putting off discussing, I really want to know what's upset you this much."
Miranda sighed, recounting the events of the day & her encounter with Irv and the subsequent firing of her first assistant.
"He said what to you?"
"I won't repeat it, Andrea, but you requested to know what it was he said."
"He talked about the MESS it made? You, I almost…and he…" Andy's eyes were almost black as she snarled out the rhetorical question before they returned almost disturbingly quickly to their normal brown and turned calmly on Miranda as their owner fell silent for a long moment before speaking once again in an eerily calm, almost conversational tone of voice.
"Miranda, do you have any particular attachment to the crystal vase on the side table?"
Miranda furrowed her brow at the non-sequitur but answered the strange question. "Not particularly, buy why-" But before she could complete the question the brunette had leapt up from the floor and hurled the object in question at the opposite wall, creating a significant dent between the two bookshelves. Apart from the initial exclamation of effort, no sound crossed her lips. Tears streamed down her face as she stood there however, looking at the newly made hole and still clenching and unclenching her hand.
"Andrea," Miranda spoke gently, not wanting to startle the younger woman. But she gave no answer, only continued to stare. "Andrea," now Miranda got to her feet and moved to stand in front of the frozen journalist, breaking her line of vision from the broken vase. "Darling, his words cannot hurt me. Only his effect on my family can do that. That is what upsets me."
Finally, Andy blinked and her face crumpled and she buried it in Miranda's neck. Now it was the older woman's turn to comfort her partner. "We won't let them hurt us. We shan't give them that power."
After a few more minutes, Andy lifted her head, her face red and blotchy as she croaked "That may work for us, but what about the girls? I know Irv can't touch them but Stephen still has his turn at the trial. God, if it's not one then it's the other when it's not both at the same time. Jesus, I'll have only been back for two days before they have to go on the stand at trial. And in addition to us having to watch them, I'm going to have to watch you go through it too. And back to Irv, what if he tries to pull something while I'm gone? Who knows how long he's been planning this move. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. How? How am I supposed to fly out to a warzone if the real battle is taking place right here? Where everything I hold dear is being held hostage? Look at what Irv has managed to do without even touching you!" Andy's fingers ran down the length of Miranda's body.
"Andrea, Andrea," Miranda tried to direct the hysterical woman's attention back to her. "It will be fine. You are going to go, and you are going to come back and we will face the next part of the trial as a family. ADA Cabot has already agreed to go over trial preparations with the girls so they'll know what to expect and what they'll be asked on the stand. We've gone over this, Andrea. Darling, listen to me, you aren't going to lose any of us if you leave. You're coming back. You only need to ensure your safety to ensure our wellbeing because this wouldn't be possible without you."
She stepped even closer and lay her hand over Andy's heart soothingly, feeling the frantic beats slow as the younger woman had done for her so many times before. "You said you wouldn't leave me, and you're not. Do you understand me, Andrea? You are not leaving me. You're coming back. Because the girls need their 'mama', as do these babies and as do I." As she spoke, Miranda brought Andy's left hand down to her abdomen while the other she raised to her lips before entwining both sets of fingers with her own and taking a deep breath, feeling the impotence and the helplessness of their current situation. "But this does lead to my next point…you need to stop taking care of me."
Andy fixed soulful brown eyes on the older woman, but there was a vein of steel behind her next words. "I told you I can't do that," her voice was calm and even in comparison to the furious tones that suddenly erupted from the editor, who had suddenly swung from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other.
"You cannot continue taking care of me. It's making me weak and I can't, I cannot protect you as I once could. The powers of the Goddess, or the Ice Queen have been stripped," she spat bitterly, her mood changing on a whim, her hands curled into fists at her sides so that Andy could see the reddening skin where her fingernails bit into her palms. "And I will not be soothed, or placated, or reassured. I need no foolish babbling about what the future holds or to be told to have hope or that things will get better. I refuse to allow myself to be led astray by these lies only to be disappointed over and over again. Today, I was useless, powerless as I had to listen to that awful man jibe and jeer and threaten my family and I could do nothing, nothing to stop him. I was weak!"
Miranda had pushed herself off of Andy's chest at her initial outburst, but now the brunette moved forwards to reclaim the distressed woman.
"Hey. You were not weak, okay?"
Miranda scoffed and Andy used her finger to turn Miranda's face back to meet hers.
"You were not weak," she repeated. "You faced him. You stood your ground…You let him spew all those vile things because you knew there was nothing you could do to keep him from those records and that trying anything in that moment would only make it worse. You somehow managed to keep your blood pressure in check. I don't know how, but you did because you're standing here in front of me, healthy and whole, which I am so goddamn grateful for because if he had hurt you or the babies or made you sick and put you in the hospital I would have had to kill him. You are anything but weak, Miranda. That was true before you met me and it's still true now. You are so strong, and we're getting so close. We're so close, Miranda.
"God, it is so wrong that I even have to tell you this!"
"This is my point exactly," Miranda explained tiredly, feeling the events of the day weigh down even more heavily on her shoulders. "This relationship, Andrea, while I wouldn't trade it for anything, has changed me. Now for worse or for better is a different argument and one I'm not prepared to have at the moment, it being dependant on your position in relation to myself, but it has changed me nevertheless."
"So it's my fault that you can't protect yourself," the young woman broke her silence after a long moment, the question spoken not in an angry or defensive manner, but in one of true uncertainty as she tried once again to figure out exactly the role she played in the life of the editor.
"No," Miranda took her hand. "But as Nigel so aptly pointed out, my heart is unfrozen now, and that in and of itself presents a different fragility than it has had to deal with before."
"Now, I have the uncanny suspicion, based on your previous actions, that you're going to try and put me to bed, so I believe I'll pre-empt you on that and suggest an early night once we've both eaten."
"You're planning on working while you're in bed, aren't you?" Andy accused, shaking her head as she gave the older woman a knowing look.
"Of course, Andrea, don't ask ridiculous questions...Besides, I thought you were the one who was so keen on the idea of 'compromising'".
"Lady, you might be the editor, but I think you and I have different definitions about the word compromise."
"Perhaps," Miranda shrugged before placing a hand on the cheek that was still sticky with drying tears. "I'm going to go and shower while you order our meal."
Shedding the couture she had been wearing for the last twelve hours, minus the shoes and stockings thanks to Andrea, Miranda stretched and rubbed the back of her neck absently as she made her way into the bathroom. What she truly needed to dissolve the tension of the day was a long, hot bath; but she had several hours work in front of her and she knew the hot water would only make her sleepy. Besides, she knew Andrea was exhausted and would likely fall asleep while working on her laptop, and the only way Miranda could really take a bath at this stage was if someone were there to help her out of it. Otherwise she had to resort to an awkward and entirely unelegant combination of rolling from her back onto her hands and knees and waiting for the water to drain completely before bracing her arms against the edges of the tub so she could balance well enough to get to her feet. Then there was the issue of stepping out of the bathtub itself. No, that could wait for another night. For now, a decently hot shower would have to do well enough. Besides, she would still reap the benefits of a massage from the brunette, regardless of either woman's fatigue. Miranda knew Andrea would be unable to keep her hands off of her when she emerged from the bathroom. The younger woman had told her as much one evening as deft fingers dipped into the hideously expensive stretch mark cream and methodically worked it into every inch of skin she could reach, that damp and receptive from the moisture of the bath, soaked up the luxurious oil until it glistened and stayed sinfully supple under Andrea's touch. It was torture, however, to know that that was as far as Andrea's touch could go for the moment being, despite both women's desperate want for it to go further. Never had Miranda craved sex or the act of lovemaking as much as she did since beginning her relationship with Andrea. Even with the recent experiences of the divorce and assault and the pregnancy-related health conditions and restrictions, she found she had never wanted someone so badly. Andrea, of course, was being a martyr and resisting Miranda's offers of sexual gratification, but that was something the older woman planned on remedying before the younger left for her work trip. Tonight was off the cards of course, but she still had two days before the young woman left, and she was sure she could find some way to persuade the brunette to bend to her will, quite literally. She bared her teeth in a cunning grin as her mind produced the tantalizing image of her shoulders pushing back Andrea's thighs as the young woman gasped beneath her. An answering jolt between her own thighs brought her back to the present however and she forced her mind away from such thoughts, knowing that the unhelpful smoky, tendrils of heat coiling through her belly were taboo when it came to the health of the babies. "Alright my darlings, I'll behave so long as you do. Now let's see if your other mother has managed to find what we wanted for dinner."
"You realize I CAN hear you from out here?" Andy called through the bathroom door, having just come into the bedroom to tell Miranda when the food would be arriving.
"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."
"Uh-huh, sure. I'll be right back. I'm just running out to grab some of that Neapolitan gelato and waffle cookies."
Confused at first, Miranda startled. She was right, the journalist had gotten it. That WAS what she was craving. She hadn't even realized it but the young woman had hit the nail right on the head. She knew what it was Miranda wanted before Miranda knew what it was herself.
"Don't we still have any?" Miranda asked, weighing her desire for the treat against her not liking the idea of the younger woman going out at this time of night if she didn't have to.
"No, sweetheart, you finished the second package the night after."
Miranda chose not to respond to this, instead tying her robe above her bump and exiting the bathroom before sitting on the bed and holding out her hand for The Book which Andy had tucked under her arm along with her reading glasses. The omnipresent glass of water on her bedstand brought a lump to her throat as she realized, not for the first time, how much the younger woman truly did care for her - even if it was through actions as simple as making sure Miranda always had some form of liquid around so that she didn't get dehydrated.
"Drive carefully," she muttered, trying to hide the gruffness in her voice caused by the hormonal tears the simple gesture had induced.
"Always do," the brunette quipped before flashing a grin and turning to leave the bedroom. "I should be back before the food arrives, but the girls are due home at any time so if worse comes to worse I'll leave some money at the door & the girls can answer it."
As it happened, Andy and the delivery-man crossed paths as they came from either side on their way to the steps of the townhouse. Paying the man and adding the bags of food to her load, she struggled to get the key in the lock and fairly tripped inside with her armful of packages.
Given the noise that she made coming in the door, Andy thought for sure the editor would have heard her, and wondered why she hadn't called down to see what the commotion was. Even asleep, the editor's hearing was far beyond what anyone would ever call normal.
Gathering plates and cutlery on a wooden tray from the kitchen, Andy looped the plastic bag over her free arm and began the two storey climb back to their bedroom, noting that the twins weren't home yet given the silence. She grinned to herself, she adored those girls…noise, pranks and all.
Coming up the last steps before the hardwood turned to carpeting Andy paused. She knew the girls hadn't arrived yet, but she heard Miranda talking to someone. Assuming it was Nigel on the phone or something otherwise related to work, Andy continued to approach the door, nearly losing the contents of the tray as she realized what she was hearing.
"And that, my darlings, is what mummy did today and why mama was so upset. That terrible man is trying to take mummy's job away and threatening to tell lies. But mummy isn't going to let him get away with it. He's not ever going to take Runway from me, just like no one is ever going to take you away from me, or your mama or your sisters, I promise."
Andy narrowly missed a butter knife falling to the floor by catching it in the crook of her elbow as she continued to listen at the door.
"And if…if it happens that mummy can't be there, if something happens and mummy isn't there to watch you grow up, know my darlings that your mama will spend every second of every day loving you and making sure you grow into the best versions of yourselves, the ones I see so clearly when I picture you."
It registered faintly in Andrea's mind that Miranda wasn't just talking about being busy with work when she spoke about being taken away, she was talking about dying in childbirth and leaving her and the girls and the new twins. She realized that despite her outward demeanour, Miranda was petrified of giving birth, to the point where she felt it necessary to make plans and contingencies in case the unthinkable happened. Because dear God, Andy thought to herself; it was the unthinkable. So much so, in fact, that before she could stop it, a sob escaped her throat and echoed out into the empty hallway.
"Andrea? Is that you?"
Unable to stop once she had started, Andy stormed into the room tears flowing, roughly setting the tray aside before she climbed up onto the bed beside Miranda on her knees and taking the other woman's head in her hands, bringing their lips to meet in a violent clash before both women broke off, breathing heavily.
"You're going to be fine," Andy insisted stubbornly, sweeping back the covers so that both women could contemplate the bump that rose between Miranda's hips. "You're going to be fine, and they're going to be fine. We're going to be fine, Miranda," Andy muttered between sobs she was helpless to try and stop and Miranda's breath caught in her own throat as she felt hot tears roll down the crest of her stomach that came from the young woman.
"I'm sorry Andrea," the brunette felt gentle fingers rake through the brown tresses spread over her lap as their owner tried to comfort her and seek comfort all at the same time. "But I need," another catch in her voice, "I need to know, to make sure, my family is taken care of in the case that something goes wrong and the act of delivery is one where I do not make it out of the delivery room alive. The only reason I can do this at all is because I know you're here with them, for them…"
"Don't think for one second that ever gives you the excuse not to fight for your life, Miranda. Because, damn you, I need you to fight. And your girls need you to fight, and these babies' lives depend on you fighting with everything you have. We'll do every test and scan and breathing exercise and physiotherapy treatment that they can think of, and Dr. Jansen is still looking into ways they can administer a safe amount and enough sedation to put you under without using anaesthesia so they can do a c-section if she thinks that's what's best for you. And you have me!"
Andy sat back on her knees on the comforter and hugged Miranda's hand to her chest tightly so that the older woman could feel the younger's heaving breaths as she tried to speak through the sobs escaping every couple or words.
"You can't, can't keep doing this to me, Miranda, you can't, I can't…please you have to promise me you'll keep fighting. It's not time for goodbyes, only hellos" she laid her hands on Miranda's belly. "Can we please, please, focus on the hellos?"
Miranda nodded, unwilling to speak past the lump in her throat as she watched the younger woman fall apart at the thought of Miranda's absence from her life.
"Okay," Andy croaked, giving a watery grin. "Good. Can we not talk about this anymore and just eat?" She rubbed her nose and gestured to the doorway and the fallen packages. "Your ice cream's gonna melt and I'll have to go out all over again."
"Yes, Andrea."
Now that the uncomfortable conversation had been tucked away for now, Miranda's mind, ever able to compartmentalize, zeroed in on one thing that could just be seen poking out of the darkening paper bag, damp with condensation from its melting frozen contents. Andy saw Miranda's lips purse ever so slightly and she knew the older woman was tamping down her cravings in the interest of behaving in an 'acceptable' manner and not eating the frozen treat before her dinner.
"You know," Andy said casually, going over to pick up the item in question, tossing it once in her hand as she set the others down on the table and tray she'd brought up for that purpose.
"If we eat dessert first it means I don't have to go all the way down to the kitchen to put the ice cream in the freezer until we're ready for it. So we could just eat it now."
"That seems to be a logical solution," Miranda's tone was casual, but the gleam in her eyes and the way she held out her hand for the carton, forgoing the bowls Andy had brought, said otherwise.
Leaving Miranda to the book after dinner, Andy was loading the dishwasher when she heard the front door open and two sets of sneakers squeaking on the marble tile of the foyer as their respective owners tripped in, talking and laughing as they paused in the doorway to wave goodbye to their friend in the car.
"Hi Andy!"
"Andy! Rebecca got a new dog! His name's Russel cuz he's a Jack Russel Terrier and he's sooo cute!"
"Yeah, we think he and Patricia should be boyfriend and girlfriend. They can even have playdates!"
"Oh ho, I see we've been playing Mongrel Matchmaker or maybe Doggy Dating Service?" Andy teased, causing the girls to burst into giggles all over again at the journalist's use of alliteration, instantly easing the heaviness in her heart caused by the events of that evening, starting with cutting her plans short to come home only to find Miranda in as bad a state as she'd ever seen, and then hearing that same woman she'd sworn to love for the rest of her life voice aloud her doubts about surviving the actual birth of the children they were meant to share.
"If he's just a puppy guys, I think he might be a little much for poor, old Patricia don't you think?" Her heart twinged a little afresh as she spoke the words, although they were lighthearted in nature. The gentle giant had been slowing down for a while now, and more and more often could be found sleeping in her basket than laying at Miranda's feet as she worked in the study or flopped down with her head on her paws on the knitted circle rug in the girls' room.
She didn't want to think about the effect it would have on the household when the loveable St. Bernard finally did pass on. As was common with larger breeds, she was already on heart and kidney medication and the trips to Caroline & Cassidy's grandparents' house and the occasional trips to their father's - who in truth, had been the one to buy her as a puppy in the first place during Miranda's first pregnancy, were getting to be too much for her and were tiring her out more and more. Those three loved that dog, and Andy knew how much she'd be missed, especially as the arrival of the babies would bring up all sorts of memories for Miranda. She'd been furious when Jeremy had brought home a dog of all things when she was four or five months pregnant and they had found out they were having twins. In fact, she'd made HIM sleep outside the bedroom as well, only to wake up to find one of them had managed to sneak into the bed overnight and it wasn't her husband. The floppy eared mutt had curled up beside her, laying its head protectively on her belly and from that moment on it was Miranda's dog - the only shift occurring when Miranda did give birth and Patricia took up permanent post on the knitted circle rub beside the crib. Andy only prayed that God would see fit to give them a few more months with her so the babies' arrival softened the blow of her loss.
"Andyyy, are you even listening?"
"Yes, I'm all ears...and a little bit of nose."
"Wait!" Cassidy's head snapped up suddenly and she flipped her head quickly from side to side, holding out her hands for silence. "I smell ice cream."
"You dope, you can't smell ice cream," Caroline shook her head disparagingly at her younger by minutes sister, and Andy laughed out loud at their antics, the soreness in her heart already easing with their laughter.
"Can too!" Cassidy retorted, crossing her arms and turning back to Andy. "So, is there ice cream?"
Andy shook her head. "You are your mother's daughter alright. Okay, you bloodhound." Andy stood to retrieve the remnants of the gelato from the freezer. "It's a good thing I bought two cartons, huh?" Both girls eagerly held out their hands for the bowls Andy offered them. "Ever since mom got pregnant there's been ice cream and dessert in the house."
"Yeah, it's been awesome."
Andy snorted, vowing to keep that particular observation from Miranda for the editor's own sake.
"Guys, take it easy on your mom tonight okay?"
"Why? What happened?" Caroline put down her spoon and stared at the brunette in an eerily familiar manner, all sweetness gone from her voice as she crossed her arms, drawing the attention of her sister who followed suit. Andy sighed; so much for limiting the amount of drama...
"Do you remember a few weeks back when we had the scare with the babies and your mom was in the hospital?"
Two heads bobbed up and down in response.
"Well someone tried to make your mom feel bad about that and remind her of how it felt."
"Why would someone do that?"
"Is mom okay? Did something happen to the babies?"
"Yes baby, she's fine, and so are the babies. We're just being careful so your mom is lying down upstairs while she works on the Book."
Caroline giggled and Cassidy followed suit after a quick glance from her sister. "Andy you called us AND the babies, babies."
Andy grinned ruefully and mussed the two heads in front of her. "That's because I've got four babies to think about and love. You two just happen to be a little bit mouthier." She squished their cheeks together in a pucker with one hand each and quickly pressed a kiss to the faintly protesting lips.
Following the two thundering elephants up the stairs, Andy shooed them into their rooms to shower and change for bed before she herself finally made it into the bathroom.
"There's my beautiful girl," Andy smiled at Miranda as she re-entered the room, although she noted privately to herself how the older woman's face looked slightly puffier than normal, and she would bet a considerable amount that the only reason her feet and ankles hadn't followed suit was because of the extensive massage Andy had given them earlier while she was waiting to Miranda to calm down enough to speak.
The older woman looked thoughtful as the brunette climbed into bed with a groan, rolling over until her face was pressed to Miranda's stomach.
"Hi sweet babies, are you going to let mommy get some sleep now that mama got you ice cream? Is that a fair trade, huh?"
"It wasn't necessary to go out, Andrea, I - I shouldn't have asked." Again Miranda uncharacteristically second guessed herself as she tried to navigate this new kind of relationship.
"Miranda, running out to get my pregnant girlfriend ice cream is probably the most normal thing I've had to do this entire relationship. It's a relief to do something so cliché. And as stupid as it sounds it makes me feel better that I can at least do one thing to make you feel good or make you happy…"
"Andrea, darling you do so much more."
"But it never feels like enough, or there's never any real closure or satisfaction. This, this I can do. I can hold your hand during the trial, but I can't win the case or put Stephen behind bars. I can come with you to the doctor's appointments but I can't do anything to guarantee the babies are going to be born with no health problems. Go-getter of things Miranda is craving is a job description I can do 100%."
"You are ridiculous."
"So I've been told."
"You're coming back to me."
"Always."
Pairing: Andy/Miranda
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Yes, they are mine. I own them. Come to me my pretties and dance, DANCE I SAY. Or, more truthfully, not...
How's that for a quick update? That's how much your reviews mean to me, truly. Next we see how the pair handles being separated. What, oh what will happen? :) xoxo
"Miranda?"
Miranda said nothing, her face stony; only increasing her pace as she moved towards Andy until the younger woman had to reach out her arms to stop her from crashing into her
"Hey, hey, what's wrong? Are you sick? Something didn't sound right in your text & Emily would only give me the vaguest answers when I tried to call you at work, but your phone was off."
Miranda shook her head and turned it to the side so she didn't have to face the younger woman and whispered "Irv" in a throaty voice. Turning back around to face the younger woman, Miranda flinched slightly at the anger in her partner's eyes.
Andy's eyes narrowed, and the lilting musicality Miranda so loved about the woman she was going to marry was gone from her voice that now shook with anger; and she squeezed Miranda's hands so tightly she was sure they would bruise, although the older woman could care less at the moment.
"What did he do?" Andy's words were even…cutting, and her eyes were cold in a way Miranda couldn't ever remember seeing before as soft hands cupped her chin firmly, directing her to meet the young woman's eyes. "What did he do that's made you like this?"
Andy took in the way Miranda's shirt clung damply to her skin, and the muscle jumping in her cheek, not to mention the tension she was holding in her body as she seemed to simultaneously press herself into the distraught brunette and turn away at the same time, as though afraid of some repercussion or reaction from the woman in whose arms she sought comfort.
Moving in closer on the couch to which she had led them to after she became concerned when the older woman violently sought out her embrace and now refused to meet her eyes, shaking her head from side to side as she clung to Andy, seemingly struggling to catch her breath. "What is it?"
It was so rare to see Miranda like this, Andy didn't know if there had ever been a time in her life where Miranda had ever allowed someone to see her like this.
"I can't…not yet."
Andy nodded and proceeded to kneel on the rug in front of Miranda, who had no idea what the younger woman was doing until she felt a gentle pull on her foot. Looking down once more, Miranda understood and lifted her stockinged foot from the Louboutin mules she was wearing, and balancing herself and her one-legged stance by holding onto Andrea's shoulder, allowed her to remove her shoes and gently guide her into the study and towards the couch. Seeing how flushed the older woman was, Andy continued in this vein, removing Miranda's jacket next and blowing lightly on the back of her neck to ward off the sheen of perspiration that threatened to create beads at Miranda's hairline. Every inch of her body was rigid, and Andy could see her cycling through emotions as though she couldn't settle on just one. Anger, fear, embarrassment and guilt all flashed across her eyes, even as her features remained stoic for the most part.
Leading Miranda over to the couch, Andy turned away, leaving Miranda utterly bereft until the young woman returned with a glass of wine which she pressed into the editor's hands gently once she was sitting. "One glass won't hurt," she reassured her, making sure she had a firm hold before taking a seat at the other end of the couch so that she could look directly at Miranda as she was talking to her. It also meant she was able to lift Miranda's legs under the knees and drape them across her own, beginning to knead out some of the tension in her calves and digging her thumbs into the arches of feet swollen from the increase in her blood pressure and unaided by the couture footwear the editor continued to insist on wearing even if the heel height had decreased significantly as her pregnancy had progressed.
Setting the wineglass aside for a moment, Miranda put one hand to her chest with the other pressed to the side of her belly as she tried to control her breathing and stop hyperventilating. "T-tell me something…Just, just talk" she managed to get out between gasps.
"I was thinking, for the babies' nurser-"
"No!" Miranda shouted suddenly, the volume of her outburst startling both women.
"Please, just, I can't - think, about that right now. I just…nothing about the babies or the trial or the girls or work, just…tell me something I don't know, like…like your childhood or your favourite flavour of ice cream, I just need…"
Andy nodded, squeezing the part of Miranda's leg where she was working out the stiff muscles. She did know what Miranda meant and what she was asking for. What Miranda Priestly needed at that moment was to escape from her own mind.
So Andy began talking, making sure to keep her tone light and breezy as she chattered about her work and the petty squabbles in her office until centimetre by centimetre, she felt the tension leave the editor's body and the volume of liquid in the glass lowered significantly.
After a few minutes of peaceful silence, Andy's fingers, now numb with exhaustion, lightly swept over the older woman's knee as she waited for her to talk.
"Are you telling there is some sort of deranged rodent that chases the pigeons on the curb outside of your office?"
Andy snorted, "It's a squirrel, Miranda. His name is Eddie."
"And are you quite sure 'Eddie' doesn't have rabies?"
"Yes, and as good a distraction as Eddie is, both at work and for you and the topic at hand that you're putting off discussing, I really want to know what's upset you this much."
Miranda sighed, recounting the events of the day & her encounter with Irv and the subsequent firing of her first assistant.
"He said what to you?"
"I won't repeat it, Andrea, but you requested to know what it was he said."
"He talked about the MESS it made? You, I almost…and he…" Andy's eyes were almost black as she snarled out the rhetorical question before they returned almost disturbingly quickly to their normal brown and turned calmly on Miranda as their owner fell silent for a long moment before speaking once again in an eerily calm, almost conversational tone of voice.
"Miranda, do you have any particular attachment to the crystal vase on the side table?"
Miranda furrowed her brow at the non-sequitur but answered the strange question. "Not particularly, buy why-" But before she could complete the question the brunette had leapt up from the floor and hurled the object in question at the opposite wall, creating a significant dent between the two bookshelves. Apart from the initial exclamation of effort, no sound crossed her lips. Tears streamed down her face as she stood there however, looking at the newly made hole and still clenching and unclenching her hand.
"Andrea," Miranda spoke gently, not wanting to startle the younger woman. But she gave no answer, only continued to stare. "Andrea," now Miranda got to her feet and moved to stand in front of the frozen journalist, breaking her line of vision from the broken vase. "Darling, his words cannot hurt me. Only his effect on my family can do that. That is what upsets me."
Finally, Andy blinked and her face crumpled and she buried it in Miranda's neck. Now it was the older woman's turn to comfort her partner. "We won't let them hurt us. We shan't give them that power."
After a few more minutes, Andy lifted her head, her face red and blotchy as she croaked "That may work for us, but what about the girls? I know Irv can't touch them but Stephen still has his turn at the trial. God, if it's not one then it's the other when it's not both at the same time. Jesus, I'll have only been back for two days before they have to go on the stand at trial. And in addition to us having to watch them, I'm going to have to watch you go through it too. And back to Irv, what if he tries to pull something while I'm gone? Who knows how long he's been planning this move. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. How? How am I supposed to fly out to a warzone if the real battle is taking place right here? Where everything I hold dear is being held hostage? Look at what Irv has managed to do without even touching you!" Andy's fingers ran down the length of Miranda's body.
"Andrea, Andrea," Miranda tried to direct the hysterical woman's attention back to her. "It will be fine. You are going to go, and you are going to come back and we will face the next part of the trial as a family. ADA Cabot has already agreed to go over trial preparations with the girls so they'll know what to expect and what they'll be asked on the stand. We've gone over this, Andrea. Darling, listen to me, you aren't going to lose any of us if you leave. You're coming back. You only need to ensure your safety to ensure our wellbeing because this wouldn't be possible without you."
She stepped even closer and lay her hand over Andy's heart soothingly, feeling the frantic beats slow as the younger woman had done for her so many times before. "You said you wouldn't leave me, and you're not. Do you understand me, Andrea? You are not leaving me. You're coming back. Because the girls need their 'mama', as do these babies and as do I." As she spoke, Miranda brought Andy's left hand down to her abdomen while the other she raised to her lips before entwining both sets of fingers with her own and taking a deep breath, feeling the impotence and the helplessness of their current situation. "But this does lead to my next point…you need to stop taking care of me."
Andy fixed soulful brown eyes on the older woman, but there was a vein of steel behind her next words. "I told you I can't do that," her voice was calm and even in comparison to the furious tones that suddenly erupted from the editor, who had suddenly swung from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other.
"You cannot continue taking care of me. It's making me weak and I can't, I cannot protect you as I once could. The powers of the Goddess, or the Ice Queen have been stripped," she spat bitterly, her mood changing on a whim, her hands curled into fists at her sides so that Andy could see the reddening skin where her fingernails bit into her palms. "And I will not be soothed, or placated, or reassured. I need no foolish babbling about what the future holds or to be told to have hope or that things will get better. I refuse to allow myself to be led astray by these lies only to be disappointed over and over again. Today, I was useless, powerless as I had to listen to that awful man jibe and jeer and threaten my family and I could do nothing, nothing to stop him. I was weak!"
Miranda had pushed herself off of Andy's chest at her initial outburst, but now the brunette moved forwards to reclaim the distressed woman.
"Hey. You were not weak, okay?"
Miranda scoffed and Andy used her finger to turn Miranda's face back to meet hers.
"You were not weak," she repeated. "You faced him. You stood your ground…You let him spew all those vile things because you knew there was nothing you could do to keep him from those records and that trying anything in that moment would only make it worse. You somehow managed to keep your blood pressure in check. I don't know how, but you did because you're standing here in front of me, healthy and whole, which I am so goddamn grateful for because if he had hurt you or the babies or made you sick and put you in the hospital I would have had to kill him. You are anything but weak, Miranda. That was true before you met me and it's still true now. You are so strong, and we're getting so close. We're so close, Miranda.
"God, it is so wrong that I even have to tell you this!"
"This is my point exactly," Miranda explained tiredly, feeling the events of the day weigh down even more heavily on her shoulders. "This relationship, Andrea, while I wouldn't trade it for anything, has changed me. Now for worse or for better is a different argument and one I'm not prepared to have at the moment, it being dependant on your position in relation to myself, but it has changed me nevertheless."
"So it's my fault that you can't protect yourself," the young woman broke her silence after a long moment, the question spoken not in an angry or defensive manner, but in one of true uncertainty as she tried once again to figure out exactly the role she played in the life of the editor.
"No," Miranda took her hand. "But as Nigel so aptly pointed out, my heart is unfrozen now, and that in and of itself presents a different fragility than it has had to deal with before."
"Now, I have the uncanny suspicion, based on your previous actions, that you're going to try and put me to bed, so I believe I'll pre-empt you on that and suggest an early night once we've both eaten."
"You're planning on working while you're in bed, aren't you?" Andy accused, shaking her head as she gave the older woman a knowing look.
"Of course, Andrea, don't ask ridiculous questions...Besides, I thought you were the one who was so keen on the idea of 'compromising'".
"Lady, you might be the editor, but I think you and I have different definitions about the word compromise."
"Perhaps," Miranda shrugged before placing a hand on the cheek that was still sticky with drying tears. "I'm going to go and shower while you order our meal."
Shedding the couture she had been wearing for the last twelve hours, minus the shoes and stockings thanks to Andrea, Miranda stretched and rubbed the back of her neck absently as she made her way into the bathroom. What she truly needed to dissolve the tension of the day was a long, hot bath; but she had several hours work in front of her and she knew the hot water would only make her sleepy. Besides, she knew Andrea was exhausted and would likely fall asleep while working on her laptop, and the only way Miranda could really take a bath at this stage was if someone were there to help her out of it. Otherwise she had to resort to an awkward and entirely unelegant combination of rolling from her back onto her hands and knees and waiting for the water to drain completely before bracing her arms against the edges of the tub so she could balance well enough to get to her feet. Then there was the issue of stepping out of the bathtub itself. No, that could wait for another night. For now, a decently hot shower would have to do well enough. Besides, she would still reap the benefits of a massage from the brunette, regardless of either woman's fatigue. Miranda knew Andrea would be unable to keep her hands off of her when she emerged from the bathroom. The younger woman had told her as much one evening as deft fingers dipped into the hideously expensive stretch mark cream and methodically worked it into every inch of skin she could reach, that damp and receptive from the moisture of the bath, soaked up the luxurious oil until it glistened and stayed sinfully supple under Andrea's touch. It was torture, however, to know that that was as far as Andrea's touch could go for the moment being, despite both women's desperate want for it to go further. Never had Miranda craved sex or the act of lovemaking as much as she did since beginning her relationship with Andrea. Even with the recent experiences of the divorce and assault and the pregnancy-related health conditions and restrictions, she found she had never wanted someone so badly. Andrea, of course, was being a martyr and resisting Miranda's offers of sexual gratification, but that was something the older woman planned on remedying before the younger left for her work trip. Tonight was off the cards of course, but she still had two days before the young woman left, and she was sure she could find some way to persuade the brunette to bend to her will, quite literally. She bared her teeth in a cunning grin as her mind produced the tantalizing image of her shoulders pushing back Andrea's thighs as the young woman gasped beneath her. An answering jolt between her own thighs brought her back to the present however and she forced her mind away from such thoughts, knowing that the unhelpful smoky, tendrils of heat coiling through her belly were taboo when it came to the health of the babies. "Alright my darlings, I'll behave so long as you do. Now let's see if your other mother has managed to find what we wanted for dinner."
"You realize I CAN hear you from out here?" Andy called through the bathroom door, having just come into the bedroom to tell Miranda when the food would be arriving.
"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."
"Uh-huh, sure. I'll be right back. I'm just running out to grab some of that Neapolitan gelato and waffle cookies."
Confused at first, Miranda startled. She was right, the journalist had gotten it. That WAS what she was craving. She hadn't even realized it but the young woman had hit the nail right on the head. She knew what it was Miranda wanted before Miranda knew what it was herself.
"Don't we still have any?" Miranda asked, weighing her desire for the treat against her not liking the idea of the younger woman going out at this time of night if she didn't have to.
"No, sweetheart, you finished the second package the night after."
Miranda chose not to respond to this, instead tying her robe above her bump and exiting the bathroom before sitting on the bed and holding out her hand for The Book which Andy had tucked under her arm along with her reading glasses. The omnipresent glass of water on her bedstand brought a lump to her throat as she realized, not for the first time, how much the younger woman truly did care for her - even if it was through actions as simple as making sure Miranda always had some form of liquid around so that she didn't get dehydrated.
"Drive carefully," she muttered, trying to hide the gruffness in her voice caused by the hormonal tears the simple gesture had induced.
"Always do," the brunette quipped before flashing a grin and turning to leave the bedroom. "I should be back before the food arrives, but the girls are due home at any time so if worse comes to worse I'll leave some money at the door & the girls can answer it."
As it happened, Andy and the delivery-man crossed paths as they came from either side on their way to the steps of the townhouse. Paying the man and adding the bags of food to her load, she struggled to get the key in the lock and fairly tripped inside with her armful of packages.
Given the noise that she made coming in the door, Andy thought for sure the editor would have heard her, and wondered why she hadn't called down to see what the commotion was. Even asleep, the editor's hearing was far beyond what anyone would ever call normal.
Gathering plates and cutlery on a wooden tray from the kitchen, Andy looped the plastic bag over her free arm and began the two storey climb back to their bedroom, noting that the twins weren't home yet given the silence. She grinned to herself, she adored those girls…noise, pranks and all.
Coming up the last steps before the hardwood turned to carpeting Andy paused. She knew the girls hadn't arrived yet, but she heard Miranda talking to someone. Assuming it was Nigel on the phone or something otherwise related to work, Andy continued to approach the door, nearly losing the contents of the tray as she realized what she was hearing.
"And that, my darlings, is what mummy did today and why mama was so upset. That terrible man is trying to take mummy's job away and threatening to tell lies. But mummy isn't going to let him get away with it. He's not ever going to take Runway from me, just like no one is ever going to take you away from me, or your mama or your sisters, I promise."
Andy narrowly missed a butter knife falling to the floor by catching it in the crook of her elbow as she continued to listen at the door.
"And if…if it happens that mummy can't be there, if something happens and mummy isn't there to watch you grow up, know my darlings that your mama will spend every second of every day loving you and making sure you grow into the best versions of yourselves, the ones I see so clearly when I picture you."
It registered faintly in Andrea's mind that Miranda wasn't just talking about being busy with work when she spoke about being taken away, she was talking about dying in childbirth and leaving her and the girls and the new twins. She realized that despite her outward demeanour, Miranda was petrified of giving birth, to the point where she felt it necessary to make plans and contingencies in case the unthinkable happened. Because dear God, Andy thought to herself; it was the unthinkable. So much so, in fact, that before she could stop it, a sob escaped her throat and echoed out into the empty hallway.
"Andrea? Is that you?"
Unable to stop once she had started, Andy stormed into the room tears flowing, roughly setting the tray aside before she climbed up onto the bed beside Miranda on her knees and taking the other woman's head in her hands, bringing their lips to meet in a violent clash before both women broke off, breathing heavily.
"You're going to be fine," Andy insisted stubbornly, sweeping back the covers so that both women could contemplate the bump that rose between Miranda's hips. "You're going to be fine, and they're going to be fine. We're going to be fine, Miranda," Andy muttered between sobs she was helpless to try and stop and Miranda's breath caught in her own throat as she felt hot tears roll down the crest of her stomach that came from the young woman.
"I'm sorry Andrea," the brunette felt gentle fingers rake through the brown tresses spread over her lap as their owner tried to comfort her and seek comfort all at the same time. "But I need," another catch in her voice, "I need to know, to make sure, my family is taken care of in the case that something goes wrong and the act of delivery is one where I do not make it out of the delivery room alive. The only reason I can do this at all is because I know you're here with them, for them…"
"Don't think for one second that ever gives you the excuse not to fight for your life, Miranda. Because, damn you, I need you to fight. And your girls need you to fight, and these babies' lives depend on you fighting with everything you have. We'll do every test and scan and breathing exercise and physiotherapy treatment that they can think of, and Dr. Jansen is still looking into ways they can administer a safe amount and enough sedation to put you under without using anaesthesia so they can do a c-section if she thinks that's what's best for you. And you have me!"
Andy sat back on her knees on the comforter and hugged Miranda's hand to her chest tightly so that the older woman could feel the younger's heaving breaths as she tried to speak through the sobs escaping every couple or words.
"You can't, can't keep doing this to me, Miranda, you can't, I can't…please you have to promise me you'll keep fighting. It's not time for goodbyes, only hellos" she laid her hands on Miranda's belly. "Can we please, please, focus on the hellos?"
Miranda nodded, unwilling to speak past the lump in her throat as she watched the younger woman fall apart at the thought of Miranda's absence from her life.
"Okay," Andy croaked, giving a watery grin. "Good. Can we not talk about this anymore and just eat?" She rubbed her nose and gestured to the doorway and the fallen packages. "Your ice cream's gonna melt and I'll have to go out all over again."
"Yes, Andrea."
Now that the uncomfortable conversation had been tucked away for now, Miranda's mind, ever able to compartmentalize, zeroed in on one thing that could just be seen poking out of the darkening paper bag, damp with condensation from its melting frozen contents. Andy saw Miranda's lips purse ever so slightly and she knew the older woman was tamping down her cravings in the interest of behaving in an 'acceptable' manner and not eating the frozen treat before her dinner.
"You know," Andy said casually, going over to pick up the item in question, tossing it once in her hand as she set the others down on the table and tray she'd brought up for that purpose.
"If we eat dessert first it means I don't have to go all the way down to the kitchen to put the ice cream in the freezer until we're ready for it. So we could just eat it now."
"That seems to be a logical solution," Miranda's tone was casual, but the gleam in her eyes and the way she held out her hand for the carton, forgoing the bowls Andy had brought, said otherwise.
Leaving Miranda to the book after dinner, Andy was loading the dishwasher when she heard the front door open and two sets of sneakers squeaking on the marble tile of the foyer as their respective owners tripped in, talking and laughing as they paused in the doorway to wave goodbye to their friend in the car.
"Hi Andy!"
"Andy! Rebecca got a new dog! His name's Russel cuz he's a Jack Russel Terrier and he's sooo cute!"
"Yeah, we think he and Patricia should be boyfriend and girlfriend. They can even have playdates!"
"Oh ho, I see we've been playing Mongrel Matchmaker or maybe Doggy Dating Service?" Andy teased, causing the girls to burst into giggles all over again at the journalist's use of alliteration, instantly easing the heaviness in her heart caused by the events of that evening, starting with cutting her plans short to come home only to find Miranda in as bad a state as she'd ever seen, and then hearing that same woman she'd sworn to love for the rest of her life voice aloud her doubts about surviving the actual birth of the children they were meant to share.
"If he's just a puppy guys, I think he might be a little much for poor, old Patricia don't you think?" Her heart twinged a little afresh as she spoke the words, although they were lighthearted in nature. The gentle giant had been slowing down for a while now, and more and more often could be found sleeping in her basket than laying at Miranda's feet as she worked in the study or flopped down with her head on her paws on the knitted circle rug in the girls' room.
She didn't want to think about the effect it would have on the household when the loveable St. Bernard finally did pass on. As was common with larger breeds, she was already on heart and kidney medication and the trips to Caroline & Cassidy's grandparents' house and the occasional trips to their father's - who in truth, had been the one to buy her as a puppy in the first place during Miranda's first pregnancy, were getting to be too much for her and were tiring her out more and more. Those three loved that dog, and Andy knew how much she'd be missed, especially as the arrival of the babies would bring up all sorts of memories for Miranda. She'd been furious when Jeremy had brought home a dog of all things when she was four or five months pregnant and they had found out they were having twins. In fact, she'd made HIM sleep outside the bedroom as well, only to wake up to find one of them had managed to sneak into the bed overnight and it wasn't her husband. The floppy eared mutt had curled up beside her, laying its head protectively on her belly and from that moment on it was Miranda's dog - the only shift occurring when Miranda did give birth and Patricia took up permanent post on the knitted circle rub beside the crib. Andy only prayed that God would see fit to give them a few more months with her so the babies' arrival softened the blow of her loss.
"Andyyy, are you even listening?"
"Yes, I'm all ears...and a little bit of nose."
"Wait!" Cassidy's head snapped up suddenly and she flipped her head quickly from side to side, holding out her hands for silence. "I smell ice cream."
"You dope, you can't smell ice cream," Caroline shook her head disparagingly at her younger by minutes sister, and Andy laughed out loud at their antics, the soreness in her heart already easing with their laughter.
"Can too!" Cassidy retorted, crossing her arms and turning back to Andy. "So, is there ice cream?"
Andy shook her head. "You are your mother's daughter alright. Okay, you bloodhound." Andy stood to retrieve the remnants of the gelato from the freezer. "It's a good thing I bought two cartons, huh?" Both girls eagerly held out their hands for the bowls Andy offered them. "Ever since mom got pregnant there's been ice cream and dessert in the house."
"Yeah, it's been awesome."
Andy snorted, vowing to keep that particular observation from Miranda for the editor's own sake.
"Guys, take it easy on your mom tonight okay?"
"Why? What happened?" Caroline put down her spoon and stared at the brunette in an eerily familiar manner, all sweetness gone from her voice as she crossed her arms, drawing the attention of her sister who followed suit. Andy sighed; so much for limiting the amount of drama...
"Do you remember a few weeks back when we had the scare with the babies and your mom was in the hospital?"
Two heads bobbed up and down in response.
"Well someone tried to make your mom feel bad about that and remind her of how it felt."
"Why would someone do that?"
"Is mom okay? Did something happen to the babies?"
"Yes baby, she's fine, and so are the babies. We're just being careful so your mom is lying down upstairs while she works on the Book."
Caroline giggled and Cassidy followed suit after a quick glance from her sister. "Andy you called us AND the babies, babies."
Andy grinned ruefully and mussed the two heads in front of her. "That's because I've got four babies to think about and love. You two just happen to be a little bit mouthier." She squished their cheeks together in a pucker with one hand each and quickly pressed a kiss to the faintly protesting lips.
Following the two thundering elephants up the stairs, Andy shooed them into their rooms to shower and change for bed before she herself finally made it into the bathroom.
"There's my beautiful girl," Andy smiled at Miranda as she re-entered the room, although she noted privately to herself how the older woman's face looked slightly puffier than normal, and she would bet a considerable amount that the only reason her feet and ankles hadn't followed suit was because of the extensive massage Andy had given them earlier while she was waiting to Miranda to calm down enough to speak.
The older woman looked thoughtful as the brunette climbed into bed with a groan, rolling over until her face was pressed to Miranda's stomach.
"Hi sweet babies, are you going to let mommy get some sleep now that mama got you ice cream? Is that a fair trade, huh?"
"It wasn't necessary to go out, Andrea, I - I shouldn't have asked." Again Miranda uncharacteristically second guessed herself as she tried to navigate this new kind of relationship.
"Miranda, running out to get my pregnant girlfriend ice cream is probably the most normal thing I've had to do this entire relationship. It's a relief to do something so cliché. And as stupid as it sounds it makes me feel better that I can at least do one thing to make you feel good or make you happy…"
"Andrea, darling you do so much more."
"But it never feels like enough, or there's never any real closure or satisfaction. This, this I can do. I can hold your hand during the trial, but I can't win the case or put Stephen behind bars. I can come with you to the doctor's appointments but I can't do anything to guarantee the babies are going to be born with no health problems. Go-getter of things Miranda is craving is a job description I can do 100%."
"You are ridiculous."
"So I've been told."
"You're coming back to me."
"Always."