Chapter 37: A Flawed Fragility
Author: TheLadyHoll
Pairing: Andy/Miranda
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Yes, they are mine. I own them. Come to me my pretties and dance, DANCE I SAY. Or, more truthfully, not...
Well we have moments of fluff amongst the remains of prior angst...I can't imagine what you'll do when you see what I put our ladies through later on. Oh the glorious safety of electronic transmission!
Feed me?
"The stitches are holding nicely," Dr. Jansen observed on the third day as she studied the latest set of tests and ultrasound proofs, replacing Miranda's bandaging at the same time. "I'm comfortable with discontinuing the sedative IV so we're only using the drug when necessary as 'spot treatment' so to speak."
"So…the placenta isn't going to detach again?" Andy queried, reluctantly letting her gaze move from Miranda's sleeping face and rubbing into her hand the remainder of the lip chap she had just finished applying to Miranda's lips.
"It could, but I'm not seeing any dark spots between the placenta and the lining of the uterus which means there's no more bleeding or fragmentation in the way it's attached to the lining. That was primarily the reason for the prolonged sedation. It's nearly impossible to stay as still as is needed in regenerative situations like this."
"Okay, so what does that mean for Miranda? Can she still go home next week? Are you going to have to put her on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy or will she be able to work at all?" Andy paused, "she'll want answers when she wakes, it's how she deals with stress or situations that scare her and she will demand information whether you have it or not."
Dr. Jansen snorted, "I'd believe that. We can talk about it more when Miranda wakes and we have a better scope of knowledge of how she's mentally and physically able to deal with the realities and circumstances of her condition. I want to wait until Miranda is awake and coherent before I talk more about the babies and how we're going to go about the delivery and how long we want to risk waiting in order to give their lungs a chance to mature properly."
Andy's eyes flicked over the grossly exaggerated figure of the editor and worry lines crinkled the corners of her eyes. Now, two weeks from her final trimester, Miranda already looked as though she were full term with one if not two babies despite the fact she was still measuring inches under. If the situation hadn't been so dire, it would have been laughable knowing that as much as it was beginning to envelop Miranda's frame, she was still considered to be carrying small. Andy had been diligently rubbing stretch mark cream into the skin of Miranda's stomach while she had been in hospital, careful of course, to avoid the healing incision. Nonetheless, pale red marks had broken out in faint, vertical stripes that started from the top and bottom of the bump although they hadn't yet met at the centre.
"She's only just at 27 weeks," Andy whispered, more to herself than Dr. Jansen, her eyes not leaving the subject of her morose musings.
"And it's my plan to have those babies stay in there as long as possible," Dr. Jansen assured her. "We just need to find the best way to do that and keep Miranda healthy and sane," she smiled reassuringly.
"My goal is to make it another ten, 36 weeks will mean that nearly every organ will have reached full maturity, especially with the steroid injections. The last 4 or 5 weeks are mainly when the babies begin to put on fat, but we'll have the NICU team ready and waiting to assess heart and lung function as well as having them transferred to the incubators immediately."
"You mean I won't be able to hold them?"
Dr. Jansen's eyes, previously sparkling with laughter, dimmed slightly as she answered. "Not right away," she replied softly, reaching out to touch Andy's shoulder as she broke the news.
Andy bit her lip as she looked down. She knew it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things, and nothing was more important than making sure they were healthy but…still…she had imagined that moment so many times in the last few months. Imagined standing at the foot of the bed in the final moments before the birth, cutting the thick cord that attached mother and child and the baby handed over to her straightaway as she reached forward with the receiving blanket and holding him or her skin to skin against her chest before she moved back to the head of the bed with the swaddle of blankets to show Miranda what all the pain had been for. She had imagined how it would feel to hand her baby over to the nurse for a more thorough examination and focusing back on Miranda, who would be red-faced and determined as she gathered herself for the final push, falling back against the pillows as the doctor worked between her legs until a piercing cry split the air as their daughter took her first breaths and Andy found herself once more at the foot of the bed cutting the cord before taking their daughter in her arms and moving back to the head of the bed as Miranda lay back to catch her breath, tears of relief streaming down the ever so slightly crooked bridge of her nose as she listened to the beautiful screams of their healthy baby girl.
Andy didn't realize she had let some tears of her own escape as she silently mourned what might have been, and she brushed them away guiltily, thankful that Dr. Jansen hadn't noticed, or if she had, hadn't said anything.
Slowly, Miranda was brought back to consciousness and weaned off the drugs and the heavy-weight painkillers. With each fresh drop of the saline IV meant to flush out the sedative from her veins, Miranda's memories began to knit themselves together, and along with what information Andrea could bring herself to give, she began to have a clearer picture of what had happened preceding her admission. She remembered with uncomfortable clarity however, what it had felt like…a slow, wet trickle; a warm dampness between her legs and the sinister feeling of a substance thicker than water running down her legs in a crimson stream. She hadn't understood what it had meant, she had stared at the pooling red on the carpet and had only come to her senses as she heard Nigel's gasp. Then it was as though everything had sped up. She remembered her belly seizing with a cramp, pulling everything within her unbearably tight until she could hardly breathe. The pain that took her breath away also weakened her knees and she remembered a feeling of weightlessness and dizziness before she regained her senses and found herself in Nigel's arms.
She could still feel the damp, stickiness between her thighs as her stockings stuck together and she had choked back a sob before giving in to tears as she heard the one voice she desperately craved in the cacophony and madness that now filled the boardroom.
Gentle hands lightly traced her face and arms, calling her name brokenly before barking out orders to whoever else was in the room. In the midst of this came another pain, another small gush of terrible heat between her legs. The ride to the hospital was a blur, she only remembered snatches of the elevator ride and trying to keep her eyes open at the request of the terrified brunette. Then whiteness and the harsh tang of blood and iodine and antiseptic. Andy, she wanted Andy; she needed Andy, why didn't they understand? What, what were they saying? What were the voices saying? Something about the babies and the placenta and surgery. Surgery? No, no, wait, they couldn't perform surgery - the babies were too small, it was too early. She wouldn't risk having knives and sharp instruments so close to her children. Oh God…their only chance? And something about her blood pressure? How on earth could she be expected to worry about her blood pressure when they were telling her there was a good chance her children could die? She remembered not being able to breathe and many pairs of immaculately gloved hands prying her own hands from being wrapped around her belly. No, they couldn't take her babies - where was Andrea? She needed Andrea. Nothing was happening until she talked to Andrea!
And then there was blackness again until she woke, a woman unrecognizable as Andrea in appearance or spirit keeping vigil at her bedside. Soon after that the decision had been made to put her under sedation, the details of which moved hazily through her subconscious until minutes ago when she was able to look around clearly for the first time and take in the scope and circumstances of her situation.
The next morning, after testing that all traces of the sedative were gone from Miranda's veins, Dr. Jansen was preparing for an in-room ultrasound to make sure Miranda's body had been able to tolerate her being awake for much of yesterday. Initially she had been concerned about Miranda's temperature when she had come in this morning and looked at the monitor readouts, however upon further inspection she had found the source and cause of the extra heat was due to the sleeping journalist pressed along Miranda's side. Miranda had opened her eyes then, speaking in a soft voice so as not to wake the younger woman curled against her. "Shh, let her rest, yesterday was difficult for her."
"And what about you?" Dr. Jansen asked, an eyebrow quirked, leaning forwards to feel under Miranda's chin for any swollen lymph nodes that could signal an infection and finding none.
"My interpretation of what warrants the term 'different' has been vastly altered since I was given the news I was expecting again." Miranda replied wryly, absently combing her fingers through the brunette locks.
Still sleeping, Andy purred her contentment and turned her head to kiss whatever bit of Miranda was currently underneath her lips before sliding her hand up from its place on Miranda's belly. Her hand had nearly reached the underside of Miranda's breast before the older woman quickly linked fingers with her and drew her away from her prize, prompting the rosy lips to pout, even in her sleep. Dr. Jansen bit back a laugh as Miranda now attempted to rouse her partner. "Andrea, Andrea darling, wake up." Then suddenly it was as though someone had flipped a switch that sent a livewire into the young woman, who instantly sat bolt upright and looked around wildly. 'Who -what? Miranda! Miranda, what is it, what's wrong?"
"Shhh," Miranda brought her back down from her kneeling position to one where the young woman was back in her place on the bed but tucked behind Miranda with the editor leaning back against her shoulder looking rather smug as Andy's hand unconsciously drifted back down to her stomach tracing lazy figure eights with her fingers.
A bemused Dr. Jansen just shook her head before asking "Are we ready to have another look at the babies?"
"Yes!" Andy actually bounced excitedly in her seat, causing Miranda to pause her nodding and turn a pale shade of green. "Darling, please, I don't believe I'm up for any additional gymnastics besides our children's daily calisthenics.
"Oops," Andy stopped bouncing and rubbed Miranda's stomach in apology. Still propped up slightly by Andrea, Miranda unbuttoned the silk Ralph Lauren pajama top, so that the pinstriped, lavender fabric could be pulled aside to expose her abdomen. Andy cooed, "God, they're so cuuute!"
"Andrea, the ultrasound hasn't even begun, how can you say that?"
"Uh, because it's obvious? They're our children and they're inside you. Of course they're adorable."
Miranda tilted her head in admission, "true."
As the pair had been bantering back and forth, Dr. Jansen had applied the conductive gel and was now pressing the ultrasound probe against the topmost curve of Miranda's exposed skin.
The now familiar grainy images filled the screen, but to Miranda and Andy, the sight never got old or predictable. Miranda at least could blame the film of tears in her eyes on hormones, but Andy couldn't quite claim the same for herself and so she begged off as Miranda teased her. It was easier than you would think, all Andy had to do was point something out on the screen and Miranda's mind instantly switched over to 'baby' mode and she was emotional putty in Andrea's hands.
"So there you can see the placenta," Dr. Jansen was saying as she pointed out a dark mass close to Baby A. "And as I was saying to Andy earlier, it looks like the bed rest is working - I'm not seeing any holes or gaps in the lining that would signal potential weak spots."
"And the babies? What have the effects been on them?" Miranda asked sharply, her suppressed fear causing tones of the 'Dragon Lady' to seep through her voice.
To be honest, although she generally felt for the person on the receiving end of that voice, Andy was deliriously happy to hear that strength return to Miranda's voice. The constant stress and fear over the trial and the babies' condition had of late rendered Miranda almost timid in her interactions with the outside world, as though speaking with any sort of force would jar her womb.
Dr. Jansen however, had become accustomed to the little eccentricities of dealing with Miranda Priestly and didn't seem phased as she moved the probe over a little to the right.
"So here is Baby A, and you can see he's a good size and all organs appear to be developing properly. The primary concern with him is the increased rate of blood flow to his heart which has caused it to become enlarged, about 30% bigger than what it should be. The surgery re-directed some of the blood flow so that the volume of blood and the pressure with which it is moving through his heart has been reduced. After the birth, we'll test for any weak spots in the muscle and determine if surgery will be necessary or if the swelling will go down by itself."
"My beautiful boy," Miranda whispered almost under her breath, transfixed by the beating organ on the screen and the blurry, precious features before the focus of the ultrasound switched to the second baby, lower down.
"Oh!" Miranda's breath caught as the smaller twin came into view, and the film of tears became drops. "She's so small," Miranda's breath began to come in quick little gasps as her anxiety grew.
"Oh princess…," Andy exhaled on a long breath, "Oh baby girl". Against her chest, Andy felt Miranda's shoulders rising and falling as she tried to quell her panic and failed, prompting the younger woman to press her lips to the pulse point at Miranda's neck and move her hands upwards, back and forth over Miranda's forearms hoping to bring her back down to a level where the older woman was able to listen.
"Here is where we diverted the blood flow by connecting the secondary blood vessel to the second sac. Hopefully that will give Baby B a chance to 'catch up' on the most important aspects of development before she's born. It's a thousand times easier to bring organs to maturity while still in the womb than out".
"And is she developing properly? How, I, what if I deliver early? What are her chances?" Miranda's hands fluttered uselessly at the sides of her belly, needing the comfort of contact with the babies but impeded by the covering of gel.
"That's why I want to get you to 36 weeks, so even if she's measuring a month behind in growth, which is what we're seeing at this point, she still has a good chance being born at 32 weeks development. It's primarily her lungs and to a lesser degree her liver and kidneys that I'm potentially concerned about. She'll be given oxygen right after the birth anyway as a precaution, and failing that, there's the option of intubation and using a ventilator."
Miranda moaned softly, sick at the thought of her babies hooked up to so many machines, so vulnerable under cold, bright lights. For someone who was known as the 'Ice Queen', she had never wanted so much to feel the warmth of another human being pressed to her skin, their heartbeats syncopate.
"Which brings me to another potential obstacle."
"God, what else can there possibly be?" Miranda spat, buttoning up her nightgown now that Dr. Jansen had finished the ultrasound.
Dr. Jansen pulled a chair closer to the bed, her expression uncharacteristically grim considering what had essentially been a successful surgery.
"During the operation, several factors became apparent that may change how we go about delivering these babies. Miranda, have you ever had any major surgery or surgery requiring spinal or general anaesthesia that you can recall?"
"No."
"In your chart it says you've had your tonsils removed though, surely for that you had to have been administered some significant source of pain relief."
"I believe they used chloroform," Miranda's voice grew quieter and her gaze flicked away as though something on the opposite bare wall was inordinately fascinating. When she looked back though, both the doctor's and Andrea's faces were still frozen with a mixture of horror, disbelief and sympathy - all of which set Miranda's back up, and when she finally spoke again, she only spoke to Andrea.
"You were aware I wasn't born American, that my parents were Polish and English. We had very little money when I was growing up and couldn't afford to go to a hospital for the usual childhood ailments. My tonsils became inflamed when I was 7 and I developed a terrible fever, so much so that I was nearly unconscious anyway by the time my father had carried me to the 'clinic' the poorer occupants of London were relegated to. All I can remember after being held down to the chair is my mother brushing my hair off my face and singing to me, and holding cold washcloths to my throat and cheeks and face when I woke up back at home in bed." Andy had linked fingers with Miranda as she spoke and she brought their joined hands to her lips to indicate she was listening and she understood.
"As you are aware, a great deal of my persona - the publically imagined one at least - has been centred around my voice. And it's true that much of the inflection and intonation has been carefully constructed by me and used and manipulated to my advantage. However it wasn't until after that surgery that the voice that would personify and give character to the woman who would become Miranda Priestly was ever heard."
"Miranda, when we first administered the anaesthetic, it would appear as though you had a severe allergic reaction. We had to inject the pseudo-ephedrine directly into the muscular tissue of your heart - you stopped breathing."
"The drug you mentioned, is it harmful to the babies?"
"The - the babies…Y-you stopped breathing?" Andy screeched, prompting a wince from Miranda, whose head had been comfortably nestled in the crook of the younger woman's neck.
The journalist whipped her head around to face the doctor, and for the first time, the doctor thought to herself, the moniker of 'Dragon Lady' was much more suited to the irate brunette who, nostrils flared, looked as though she were about to breathe fire.
"That's some pretty fucking important information I wasn't given." Andy was furious, livid beyond belief that she hadn't been told that Miranda had stopped breathing during surgery. She didn't care how fucking fragile Dr. Jansen thought she was, as Miranda's fiancée she had the right to know the details of the surgical procedure that had been done on her would-be wife.
Andy only broke her cold glare as she tore the first button off of Miranda's shirt and pushed the fabric aside to reveal the skin around her heart. Finally, she found what she was looking for, the tiny dot of red where the epinephrine needle had pierced Miranda's skin, and the delicately purpled and bruised skin around it like a thumbprint. Her hand instantly flattened itself over the mark and she bit her lip, trying to ward off the panic that was currently pumping adrenaline through her veins, making her unsure if the heartbeat she felt against her palm was hers or Miranda's. She rubbed over the spot once more as though checking to see if the organ was still whole and firmly entrenched in the older woman's chest.
"My love, it's alright… Andrea," Miranda tried to bring Andrea's mind back to the present. "Andrea, Andrea…I'm alright. Darling, I'm right here, you haven't lost me. We're all okay." Dr. Jansen marvelled at the change in Miranda's voice from its usual tones as she spoke to the younger woman who seemed frozen. Two tears dropped from Andy's face onto Miranda's shoulder and the pregnant woman eyed Dr. Jansen, who nodded her understanding as she left the room, mouthing "I'll come back," before nodding back at the still frozen brunette.
"Do you know how precious this is to me?" Andy's voice cracked as she finally met Miranda's eyes before letting them fall once more on Miranda's chest where her hand still rested. "You said that you had entrusted your heart to me when we got engaged and I almost let it slip through my fingers and I didn't even realize."
"Andrea, there was a time, many times and many years actually that I considered my heart to be weak and fragile. But you, my darling, have turned it from a pale imitation to an indomitable well of strength that would seem impossible to run dry. Nigel told me, early on in this pregnancy, that my girls were what kept my heart from hardening in the years until I found you. And now I have my beautiful girls, someone I relish the thought of spending the rest of my life with, and with whom I'm going to raise my girls and these two right here," Miranda brought Andy's hands gently down to her stomach so that she could feel the babies kick, "as our children, our son and daughters. My point is," she finished, "that my heart is stronger than it ever was, and my reason for being here, for being alive is that much stronger too. So trust in me, trust in the strength of my love for you, because you are responsible for all that keeps my heart beating."
"You are my heart, Miranda. And everything I value in this life, you have given me. You are everything to me," Andrea stressed vehemently before burying her head in Miranda's shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around Miranda, still cradling her so that the editor once more sank into the soft warm body behind her and was preparing to drift off again when the doctor re-entered and her attention was again diverted.
A shift behind her meant Andy had heard the doctor's return as well and had lifted her head, waiting to see what other news the woman had to bring.
Luckily, being the shrewd businesswoman she was, and able to read the tension in the room between Andrea and the doctor, Miranda broke the ice and was the first to speak.
"The drug you mentioned, the ephedrine, is it harmful to the babies?"
"Not directly, but indirectly it causes your heart to beat faster thereby raising your overall blood pressure so that there was more blood loss than anticipated due to the continued separation of the placenta which, as you know, resulted from the uneven distribution of the blood vessels which we discussed."
Miranda nodded slowly, her lips pursing slightly in concentration as she mulled over this latest bit of information.
"When will I be able to go home?" Miranda flicked her fingers dismissively at the myriad of machines surrounding her, not least - eyeing the despicable tubing that connected her to the catheter.
"Now that we've confirmed, with two separate test times and measurements from the ultrasound, that the abruption has been stabilized, we can move forward with detaching you from some of the machines and slowly try getting you back on your feet…However," now Dr. Jansen eyed the editor seriously, "I mean that metaphorically. It is absolutely imperative for both your wellbeing and the babies that you comply with full and total bed rest for at least a week, period. If that proves to be an issue, I'm happy to keep Miranda under observation here for that week or as long as is deemed necessary."
"Am I, at the very least, allowed to work from home? Reading and revising articles and proofs is hardly a strenuous task."
"I'm sorry Miranda, but no." Dr. Jansen shook her head, auburn curls bouncing across her shoulders. The bed rest is to keep your blood pressure levels even for long periods of time to break the cycle of highs and lows that brought you in here. Limiting physical activity or moving only makes up half of the purpose of bed rest. You can do as much harm to yourself and the babies in bed as you could running a marathon if you can't manage your blood pressure and responses to stress."
"Might I point out the obvious in saying that preventing me from running my magazine is a current source of stress?" Miranda's voice bordered on a hiss as she crossed her arms awkwardly over her belly.
Inclining her head, the doctor nodded. "That may be, but it's also a one-dimensional stressor. Cause A to Effect B, unlike potential issues with work that are constantly changing and requiring a constant eye on them."
"So when can we go home?" Andy's lips brushed the back of Miranda's ear and the older woman settled back against the warm body, still slightly resentful at the doctor's order. But fear for the babies quashed her fears for work, and she knew she would do anything to keep the former safe. Irv would still be gunning for her position, but she had to believe that Nigel, Emily and in all likelihood, Andrea, would take care of it the best they could, and then once she knew the babies were out of the woods she would plan her counter-attack on Irv. With all the files it appeared he and the board had subpoenaed, any decision to be made was still several months away, and then there would be the matter of an official hearing.
"We'll take the catheter out tonight," Dr. Jansen was saying as Miranda's mind focused back on the conversation. "If there's no spotting or contractions and minimal pain or discomfort then I'll sign the release forms, so potentially in 72 hours, you could be going home."
Dr. Jansen addressed Andy again. "Later, we can go over the requirements for bed rest so you can make any changes necessary at the house and we can determine what will be needed for in-home care. She'll be housebound for a minimum of two weeks once she's released from the hospital, and there will be things on a daily basis that she will need help with. There's no getting around that." And although the doctor didn't move one iota, both Andy and Miranda knew instantly who the last sentence was meant for.
Now that Miranda's condition was considered stable, Caroline and Cassidy were permitted to visit and Jeremy was bringing them up himself, wanting his own assurance that the woman he had once thought he would spend the rest of his life would was alright. There was no doubt in his mind that they were over, nor did he harbor any hopes of reconciliation or reunion, but he needed to see for himself that the mother of his children and the indomitable entity that had always been Miranda was still alive and well.
The following afternoon saw the elevator doors open to reveal a handsome older man holding the hand of one stoic looking little girl while struggling to keep hold of the one he was carrying who was currently sobbing and hiccupping into his shoulder. The small redhead was seemingly inconsolable and her tears didn't stop even as she slid from her father's grasp, running nearly blindly for the doors behind the nurses' station where she knew her mother was.
"What on earth?" Miranda started before her eyes widened in recognition. "Cassidy!"
The little girl burst into the room and ran to Miranda, the little body pressed as close to Miranda as possible as she buried her head under her mother's arm. Andy moved around the bed and lifted the small, shaking figure so that she could sit on the bed next to Miranda instead of standing on her tiptoes with her face pressed into the mattress. The little body struggled for a moment as she thought she was being taken away from her mother but soon went limp when it was realized the hands that were lifting her belonged to Andy.
"Bobbsey, it's alright. Mommy's fine. The babies are okay. Dr. Jansen performed a very small surgery to make sure they're getting what they need."
"It's my fault! I said I wished the babies would go away. But I didn't mean I wanted them to die, I swear!"
"Cassidy. Cassidy, listen to me," Miranda's voice became firm enough that the little girl stopped crying and raised her eyes to her mother.
"Do you have your Harry Potter with you?" Miranda asked, knowing the girls never travelled without at least one of Ms. Rowling's literary endeavours somewhere on their person. "Yes? Then will you read to the babies? I think they've missed your voices and it might make them settle down."
Andy passed Cassidy's bag over wordlessly and Cassidy snuggled in deeper next to her mother, shifting so that her head was closer to Miranda's stomach as she began to read aloud.
Andy knew from Miranda's expression that she wasn't listening to the words being read, but the way her eyes closed as she pressed her lips to the top of the little girl's head and buried her face in the curls told Andrea that the older woman was at peace - and at this moment had all the time in the world to hold her baby close and listen to whatever came from her lips.
"Caroline has barely said a word, not even to Cass, which I think only upset her more.
"I didn't mean to hurt the babies."
"Oh my darling, look at me. There is nothing, NOTHING you could ever do or say that would make me stop loving you. You and your sister were my miracle babies, and you're becoming such strong and beautiful and intelligent young women. I could not be more proud of you. I also know that you are going to be a wonderful big sister and these babies are going to be so lucky to have you." Miranda's hand rubbed over her belly as she spoke to her eldest child. "Oh my sweet girl, you've been holding this in for all this time. Darling you should know that you can always come to me about anything. I am always going to have time for you and your sister as well as these two. And Andrea as well, she loves you so dearly, as much as she would any child that she carried herself or of her own.
The little girl had fallen asleep, the tiny body spent with emotion was curled into Miranda on the hospital bed. Miranda herself was still awake, her head bent over her baby as she pressed a kiss to Caroline's forehead before burying her head in the flaming curls and continuing to hum softly.
After an hour however it was getting dark and coming close to the end of visiting hours. In addition, although she hadn't moved from the bed, Andy could see the dark circles underneath Miranda's eyes and knew the older woman was fading quickly, exhausted from the range of emotions the day had brought.
"I don't wanna leave!"
"Me neither!" Cassidy joined her sister.
"Girls, you can come back tomorrow and see your mom."
"No!"
Now Miranda spoke up, and both girls immediately straightened up and turned to face the older woman, know the tone as one that meant their mother wasn't joking and that they had better get in line quickly.
"Caroline, Cassidy," Miranda managed to push the weakness from her voice as she addressed her daughters sharply, wanting them to know this kind of insolent behaviour would not be tolerated as young ladies. But before she could say anything more, Miranda felt a familiar feeling in her stomach and her face greyed as she swallowed with enormous difficulty and reached out blindly for the familiar green dish.
Andy saw what was happening and lightning fast, she lunged for the green basin on the bedside table, bringing it to Miranda's chin as the older woman dry heaved twice before losing the small amount of food she had managed to eat earlier in the day.
Humiliated, sick and horrified by what her daughters had just witnessed, Miranda kept her head bowed, breathing through her mouth in heavy gasps as her stomach flip-flopped, determining if she was going to be ill again.
"Get them out," she croaked, one hand pressed to her chest between her breasts and the top of the bump.
"Okay, okay," Andy soothed, helping Miranda to hold the bowl in case she was ill again before moving from the mattress where she had been kneeling next to Miranda.
"Girls, it's time to go. Your mom is going to be fine, but right now she is exhausted and needs to rest." Andy's voice was the one that was uncharacteristically sharp.
Riding down with the twins in the elevator to meet Miranda's ex-husband in the lobby, Andy noticed the familiar posture of miserable defiance and the shaking of small shoulders. Once they reached the lobby, Andy drew them aside and away from the bank of elevators, crouching in front of the unhappy duo. Cassidy, predictably, was the first to break and threw herself into Andy's arms, almost knocking her down as enormous sobs escaped the little chest once more.
"I'm sorry Andy, I swear I didn't want to make mommy m-mad. I just wanted to stay with her."
"Shh, honey I know. She rocked the little girl back and forth, stroking the soft red hair and pressing the little head against her cheek. She looked up at Caroline and saw those same Priestly blues well with tears as she stood there with her head down. "Caroline," Andy held out an arm and the little girl joined her sister, flinging herself into Andy's shoulder as forcefully as her sister
"Oh, my beautiful girls," Andy continued to rock them and soothe. "This has been hard for everyone, huh?"
"It's..m-my…f-f-fault," Caroline managed to get out at last. "Please don't hate me, Andy, I didn't mean to."
"Baby, why do you think this was your fault?"
"B-because I said I didn't want to go home, a-and I yelled at you guys, b-but I just didn't wanna leave m-mom. I d-don't want her to die."
Andy's heart ached for the two little girls sniffling against her chest. God, they were so young, why did they have to go through all this? It was bad enough that Andy and Miranda were caught up in this mess, why did it seem like their children, all four of them it would seem, had to suffer for it?
Speaking over the lump in her throat, Andy squeezed the pair even tighter before she rocked back on her heels so that she could meet their eyes. "She is not going to die. Not a chance. Have you ever known your mother to give up in a fight? No? Well neither have I, and the fiercest I have ever seen her fight is when it concerns her babies, and you're always going to be her babies and she's not going to stop fighting for you until the day she does die, in the very, VERY far future. And I know she's up there right now feeling awful, not because you got angry with her, but because she feels like she let you guys down."
"She didn't!" Both voices chorused in tandem, making Andy laugh and reach forward to tousle their hair.
"There are my girls…you yelling did not make your mom sick. You know when you are so tired that you start not feeling good? That's what happened, that's all. Nothing's going to happen to your mom or the babies because of that, but it's also important that she doesn't get stressed out because she needs all the energy she can get so she can continue growing the babies properly.
"D'you still think we're gonna be good big sisters?"
"Abso-posi-lutely," Andy replied, earning a giggle from both sad faces. "Because I know what amazing daughters you guys are, and I know I could never ask for better because I'm so lucky to be one of your moms, and these babies are going to be so lucky to have you to teach them all your tricks and they are going to look up to you sooo much, okay? Are we good?"
Andy rose to her feet once more and took hold of a hand on each side, walking them over to the handsome older man who scooped one girl back up into his arms and spun the other around in a pirouette as she grabbed hold of his hand. He looked over at Andy, "take care of her", he nodded towards the elevators and Andy nodded back solemnly before lightening her expression to say goodbye to the girls.
"I love you, girls."
"Love you too, Andy!" Caroline called back as they began to move towards the emergency doors. Cassidy was already wilting against her father, but she lifted her head from his shoulder, eyes already heavy with sleep as she murmured 'Love you, mama" before letting her eyes shut once more.
The trio disappeared into the murky evening light and Andy let out a single sob as she clapped a hand over her mouth, bending over slightly as though she had been punched in the gut. But this time it was due to a happier occasion. Cassidy had called her 'mama'. She didn't know if it was just because of the little girl's tiredness or if it would stick, but for right now all that mattered was that simple four letter word that came from the mouth of the child she already saw as her own flesh and blood.
When she got back to the room she could see Miranda was clearly forcing herself to stay awake, bracing herself against the railing of the bed.
Andy moved quickly to dispose of the used basin & pour Miranda a paper cup of mouthwash, following with a large plastic cup of water and a straw.
"Andrea, do not keep me waiting, how are the girls?"
"They're okay," Andy reassured her as she settled Miranda back against the pillows and urged her to drink a few sips of water so she didn't get dehydrated even in spite of the IV. Taking the cup back, Andy shifted slightly so she was at a better angle to look at Miranda when she spoke.
"We had a good talk…My God, Mira, I knew this would be hard for them, but its even harder to watch them go through this, with nothing I can do to stop them hurting or keep them sheltered from it.
"Welcome to motherhood, Andrea…that ache is never going to go away. Thank you for taking care of my babies."
"Our babies."
"I'm sorry, darling, you're correct - our babies."
Now Andy grinned, a warmth expanding in her chest as she told Miranda what had just conspired in the lobby. "Cassidy called me 'mama'," she grinned widely even through her nerves that Miranda might not be alright with her using the term.
"That's wonderful," Miranda's voice was weak but her eyes were warm as she replied. "I wondered if or when she might. The other night while I was going over The Book, Cassidy came downstairs to find me after having a nightmare and spoke of you as such, asking where you were as I assume she tried our bedroom first."
"I can't believe that I'm going to be a mom; that I get to be a mom even before these babies get here." Andy smoothed her hands back and forth over the roundness of Miranda's belly and predictably, the older woman's eyelashes fluttered, prompting a low chuckle from the brunette as she held herself above Miranda to switch sides of the bed, settling in beside the editor as she either fell asleep or otherwise passed out.
Pairing: Andy/Miranda
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Yes, they are mine. I own them. Come to me my pretties and dance, DANCE I SAY. Or, more truthfully, not...
Well we have moments of fluff amongst the remains of prior angst...I can't imagine what you'll do when you see what I put our ladies through later on. Oh the glorious safety of electronic transmission!
Feed me?
"The stitches are holding nicely," Dr. Jansen observed on the third day as she studied the latest set of tests and ultrasound proofs, replacing Miranda's bandaging at the same time. "I'm comfortable with discontinuing the sedative IV so we're only using the drug when necessary as 'spot treatment' so to speak."
"So…the placenta isn't going to detach again?" Andy queried, reluctantly letting her gaze move from Miranda's sleeping face and rubbing into her hand the remainder of the lip chap she had just finished applying to Miranda's lips.
"It could, but I'm not seeing any dark spots between the placenta and the lining of the uterus which means there's no more bleeding or fragmentation in the way it's attached to the lining. That was primarily the reason for the prolonged sedation. It's nearly impossible to stay as still as is needed in regenerative situations like this."
"Okay, so what does that mean for Miranda? Can she still go home next week? Are you going to have to put her on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy or will she be able to work at all?" Andy paused, "she'll want answers when she wakes, it's how she deals with stress or situations that scare her and she will demand information whether you have it or not."
Dr. Jansen snorted, "I'd believe that. We can talk about it more when Miranda wakes and we have a better scope of knowledge of how she's mentally and physically able to deal with the realities and circumstances of her condition. I want to wait until Miranda is awake and coherent before I talk more about the babies and how we're going to go about the delivery and how long we want to risk waiting in order to give their lungs a chance to mature properly."
Andy's eyes flicked over the grossly exaggerated figure of the editor and worry lines crinkled the corners of her eyes. Now, two weeks from her final trimester, Miranda already looked as though she were full term with one if not two babies despite the fact she was still measuring inches under. If the situation hadn't been so dire, it would have been laughable knowing that as much as it was beginning to envelop Miranda's frame, she was still considered to be carrying small. Andy had been diligently rubbing stretch mark cream into the skin of Miranda's stomach while she had been in hospital, careful of course, to avoid the healing incision. Nonetheless, pale red marks had broken out in faint, vertical stripes that started from the top and bottom of the bump although they hadn't yet met at the centre.
"She's only just at 27 weeks," Andy whispered, more to herself than Dr. Jansen, her eyes not leaving the subject of her morose musings.
"And it's my plan to have those babies stay in there as long as possible," Dr. Jansen assured her. "We just need to find the best way to do that and keep Miranda healthy and sane," she smiled reassuringly.
"My goal is to make it another ten, 36 weeks will mean that nearly every organ will have reached full maturity, especially with the steroid injections. The last 4 or 5 weeks are mainly when the babies begin to put on fat, but we'll have the NICU team ready and waiting to assess heart and lung function as well as having them transferred to the incubators immediately."
"You mean I won't be able to hold them?"
Dr. Jansen's eyes, previously sparkling with laughter, dimmed slightly as she answered. "Not right away," she replied softly, reaching out to touch Andy's shoulder as she broke the news.
Andy bit her lip as she looked down. She knew it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things, and nothing was more important than making sure they were healthy but…still…she had imagined that moment so many times in the last few months. Imagined standing at the foot of the bed in the final moments before the birth, cutting the thick cord that attached mother and child and the baby handed over to her straightaway as she reached forward with the receiving blanket and holding him or her skin to skin against her chest before she moved back to the head of the bed with the swaddle of blankets to show Miranda what all the pain had been for. She had imagined how it would feel to hand her baby over to the nurse for a more thorough examination and focusing back on Miranda, who would be red-faced and determined as she gathered herself for the final push, falling back against the pillows as the doctor worked between her legs until a piercing cry split the air as their daughter took her first breaths and Andy found herself once more at the foot of the bed cutting the cord before taking their daughter in her arms and moving back to the head of the bed as Miranda lay back to catch her breath, tears of relief streaming down the ever so slightly crooked bridge of her nose as she listened to the beautiful screams of their healthy baby girl.
Andy didn't realize she had let some tears of her own escape as she silently mourned what might have been, and she brushed them away guiltily, thankful that Dr. Jansen hadn't noticed, or if she had, hadn't said anything.
Slowly, Miranda was brought back to consciousness and weaned off the drugs and the heavy-weight painkillers. With each fresh drop of the saline IV meant to flush out the sedative from her veins, Miranda's memories began to knit themselves together, and along with what information Andrea could bring herself to give, she began to have a clearer picture of what had happened preceding her admission. She remembered with uncomfortable clarity however, what it had felt like…a slow, wet trickle; a warm dampness between her legs and the sinister feeling of a substance thicker than water running down her legs in a crimson stream. She hadn't understood what it had meant, she had stared at the pooling red on the carpet and had only come to her senses as she heard Nigel's gasp. Then it was as though everything had sped up. She remembered her belly seizing with a cramp, pulling everything within her unbearably tight until she could hardly breathe. The pain that took her breath away also weakened her knees and she remembered a feeling of weightlessness and dizziness before she regained her senses and found herself in Nigel's arms.
She could still feel the damp, stickiness between her thighs as her stockings stuck together and she had choked back a sob before giving in to tears as she heard the one voice she desperately craved in the cacophony and madness that now filled the boardroom.
Gentle hands lightly traced her face and arms, calling her name brokenly before barking out orders to whoever else was in the room. In the midst of this came another pain, another small gush of terrible heat between her legs. The ride to the hospital was a blur, she only remembered snatches of the elevator ride and trying to keep her eyes open at the request of the terrified brunette. Then whiteness and the harsh tang of blood and iodine and antiseptic. Andy, she wanted Andy; she needed Andy, why didn't they understand? What, what were they saying? What were the voices saying? Something about the babies and the placenta and surgery. Surgery? No, no, wait, they couldn't perform surgery - the babies were too small, it was too early. She wouldn't risk having knives and sharp instruments so close to her children. Oh God…their only chance? And something about her blood pressure? How on earth could she be expected to worry about her blood pressure when they were telling her there was a good chance her children could die? She remembered not being able to breathe and many pairs of immaculately gloved hands prying her own hands from being wrapped around her belly. No, they couldn't take her babies - where was Andrea? She needed Andrea. Nothing was happening until she talked to Andrea!
And then there was blackness again until she woke, a woman unrecognizable as Andrea in appearance or spirit keeping vigil at her bedside. Soon after that the decision had been made to put her under sedation, the details of which moved hazily through her subconscious until minutes ago when she was able to look around clearly for the first time and take in the scope and circumstances of her situation.
The next morning, after testing that all traces of the sedative were gone from Miranda's veins, Dr. Jansen was preparing for an in-room ultrasound to make sure Miranda's body had been able to tolerate her being awake for much of yesterday. Initially she had been concerned about Miranda's temperature when she had come in this morning and looked at the monitor readouts, however upon further inspection she had found the source and cause of the extra heat was due to the sleeping journalist pressed along Miranda's side. Miranda had opened her eyes then, speaking in a soft voice so as not to wake the younger woman curled against her. "Shh, let her rest, yesterday was difficult for her."
"And what about you?" Dr. Jansen asked, an eyebrow quirked, leaning forwards to feel under Miranda's chin for any swollen lymph nodes that could signal an infection and finding none.
"My interpretation of what warrants the term 'different' has been vastly altered since I was given the news I was expecting again." Miranda replied wryly, absently combing her fingers through the brunette locks.
Still sleeping, Andy purred her contentment and turned her head to kiss whatever bit of Miranda was currently underneath her lips before sliding her hand up from its place on Miranda's belly. Her hand had nearly reached the underside of Miranda's breast before the older woman quickly linked fingers with her and drew her away from her prize, prompting the rosy lips to pout, even in her sleep. Dr. Jansen bit back a laugh as Miranda now attempted to rouse her partner. "Andrea, Andrea darling, wake up." Then suddenly it was as though someone had flipped a switch that sent a livewire into the young woman, who instantly sat bolt upright and looked around wildly. 'Who -what? Miranda! Miranda, what is it, what's wrong?"
"Shhh," Miranda brought her back down from her kneeling position to one where the young woman was back in her place on the bed but tucked behind Miranda with the editor leaning back against her shoulder looking rather smug as Andy's hand unconsciously drifted back down to her stomach tracing lazy figure eights with her fingers.
A bemused Dr. Jansen just shook her head before asking "Are we ready to have another look at the babies?"
"Yes!" Andy actually bounced excitedly in her seat, causing Miranda to pause her nodding and turn a pale shade of green. "Darling, please, I don't believe I'm up for any additional gymnastics besides our children's daily calisthenics.
"Oops," Andy stopped bouncing and rubbed Miranda's stomach in apology. Still propped up slightly by Andrea, Miranda unbuttoned the silk Ralph Lauren pajama top, so that the pinstriped, lavender fabric could be pulled aside to expose her abdomen. Andy cooed, "God, they're so cuuute!"
"Andrea, the ultrasound hasn't even begun, how can you say that?"
"Uh, because it's obvious? They're our children and they're inside you. Of course they're adorable."
Miranda tilted her head in admission, "true."
As the pair had been bantering back and forth, Dr. Jansen had applied the conductive gel and was now pressing the ultrasound probe against the topmost curve of Miranda's exposed skin.
The now familiar grainy images filled the screen, but to Miranda and Andy, the sight never got old or predictable. Miranda at least could blame the film of tears in her eyes on hormones, but Andy couldn't quite claim the same for herself and so she begged off as Miranda teased her. It was easier than you would think, all Andy had to do was point something out on the screen and Miranda's mind instantly switched over to 'baby' mode and she was emotional putty in Andrea's hands.
"So there you can see the placenta," Dr. Jansen was saying as she pointed out a dark mass close to Baby A. "And as I was saying to Andy earlier, it looks like the bed rest is working - I'm not seeing any holes or gaps in the lining that would signal potential weak spots."
"And the babies? What have the effects been on them?" Miranda asked sharply, her suppressed fear causing tones of the 'Dragon Lady' to seep through her voice.
To be honest, although she generally felt for the person on the receiving end of that voice, Andy was deliriously happy to hear that strength return to Miranda's voice. The constant stress and fear over the trial and the babies' condition had of late rendered Miranda almost timid in her interactions with the outside world, as though speaking with any sort of force would jar her womb.
Dr. Jansen however, had become accustomed to the little eccentricities of dealing with Miranda Priestly and didn't seem phased as she moved the probe over a little to the right.
"So here is Baby A, and you can see he's a good size and all organs appear to be developing properly. The primary concern with him is the increased rate of blood flow to his heart which has caused it to become enlarged, about 30% bigger than what it should be. The surgery re-directed some of the blood flow so that the volume of blood and the pressure with which it is moving through his heart has been reduced. After the birth, we'll test for any weak spots in the muscle and determine if surgery will be necessary or if the swelling will go down by itself."
"My beautiful boy," Miranda whispered almost under her breath, transfixed by the beating organ on the screen and the blurry, precious features before the focus of the ultrasound switched to the second baby, lower down.
"Oh!" Miranda's breath caught as the smaller twin came into view, and the film of tears became drops. "She's so small," Miranda's breath began to come in quick little gasps as her anxiety grew.
"Oh princess…," Andy exhaled on a long breath, "Oh baby girl". Against her chest, Andy felt Miranda's shoulders rising and falling as she tried to quell her panic and failed, prompting the younger woman to press her lips to the pulse point at Miranda's neck and move her hands upwards, back and forth over Miranda's forearms hoping to bring her back down to a level where the older woman was able to listen.
"Here is where we diverted the blood flow by connecting the secondary blood vessel to the second sac. Hopefully that will give Baby B a chance to 'catch up' on the most important aspects of development before she's born. It's a thousand times easier to bring organs to maturity while still in the womb than out".
"And is she developing properly? How, I, what if I deliver early? What are her chances?" Miranda's hands fluttered uselessly at the sides of her belly, needing the comfort of contact with the babies but impeded by the covering of gel.
"That's why I want to get you to 36 weeks, so even if she's measuring a month behind in growth, which is what we're seeing at this point, she still has a good chance being born at 32 weeks development. It's primarily her lungs and to a lesser degree her liver and kidneys that I'm potentially concerned about. She'll be given oxygen right after the birth anyway as a precaution, and failing that, there's the option of intubation and using a ventilator."
Miranda moaned softly, sick at the thought of her babies hooked up to so many machines, so vulnerable under cold, bright lights. For someone who was known as the 'Ice Queen', she had never wanted so much to feel the warmth of another human being pressed to her skin, their heartbeats syncopate.
"Which brings me to another potential obstacle."
"God, what else can there possibly be?" Miranda spat, buttoning up her nightgown now that Dr. Jansen had finished the ultrasound.
Dr. Jansen pulled a chair closer to the bed, her expression uncharacteristically grim considering what had essentially been a successful surgery.
"During the operation, several factors became apparent that may change how we go about delivering these babies. Miranda, have you ever had any major surgery or surgery requiring spinal or general anaesthesia that you can recall?"
"No."
"In your chart it says you've had your tonsils removed though, surely for that you had to have been administered some significant source of pain relief."
"I believe they used chloroform," Miranda's voice grew quieter and her gaze flicked away as though something on the opposite bare wall was inordinately fascinating. When she looked back though, both the doctor's and Andrea's faces were still frozen with a mixture of horror, disbelief and sympathy - all of which set Miranda's back up, and when she finally spoke again, she only spoke to Andrea.
"You were aware I wasn't born American, that my parents were Polish and English. We had very little money when I was growing up and couldn't afford to go to a hospital for the usual childhood ailments. My tonsils became inflamed when I was 7 and I developed a terrible fever, so much so that I was nearly unconscious anyway by the time my father had carried me to the 'clinic' the poorer occupants of London were relegated to. All I can remember after being held down to the chair is my mother brushing my hair off my face and singing to me, and holding cold washcloths to my throat and cheeks and face when I woke up back at home in bed." Andy had linked fingers with Miranda as she spoke and she brought their joined hands to her lips to indicate she was listening and she understood.
"As you are aware, a great deal of my persona - the publically imagined one at least - has been centred around my voice. And it's true that much of the inflection and intonation has been carefully constructed by me and used and manipulated to my advantage. However it wasn't until after that surgery that the voice that would personify and give character to the woman who would become Miranda Priestly was ever heard."
"Miranda, when we first administered the anaesthetic, it would appear as though you had a severe allergic reaction. We had to inject the pseudo-ephedrine directly into the muscular tissue of your heart - you stopped breathing."
"The drug you mentioned, is it harmful to the babies?"
"The - the babies…Y-you stopped breathing?" Andy screeched, prompting a wince from Miranda, whose head had been comfortably nestled in the crook of the younger woman's neck.
The journalist whipped her head around to face the doctor, and for the first time, the doctor thought to herself, the moniker of 'Dragon Lady' was much more suited to the irate brunette who, nostrils flared, looked as though she were about to breathe fire.
"That's some pretty fucking important information I wasn't given." Andy was furious, livid beyond belief that she hadn't been told that Miranda had stopped breathing during surgery. She didn't care how fucking fragile Dr. Jansen thought she was, as Miranda's fiancée she had the right to know the details of the surgical procedure that had been done on her would-be wife.
Andy only broke her cold glare as she tore the first button off of Miranda's shirt and pushed the fabric aside to reveal the skin around her heart. Finally, she found what she was looking for, the tiny dot of red where the epinephrine needle had pierced Miranda's skin, and the delicately purpled and bruised skin around it like a thumbprint. Her hand instantly flattened itself over the mark and she bit her lip, trying to ward off the panic that was currently pumping adrenaline through her veins, making her unsure if the heartbeat she felt against her palm was hers or Miranda's. She rubbed over the spot once more as though checking to see if the organ was still whole and firmly entrenched in the older woman's chest.
"My love, it's alright… Andrea," Miranda tried to bring Andrea's mind back to the present. "Andrea, Andrea…I'm alright. Darling, I'm right here, you haven't lost me. We're all okay." Dr. Jansen marvelled at the change in Miranda's voice from its usual tones as she spoke to the younger woman who seemed frozen. Two tears dropped from Andy's face onto Miranda's shoulder and the pregnant woman eyed Dr. Jansen, who nodded her understanding as she left the room, mouthing "I'll come back," before nodding back at the still frozen brunette.
"Do you know how precious this is to me?" Andy's voice cracked as she finally met Miranda's eyes before letting them fall once more on Miranda's chest where her hand still rested. "You said that you had entrusted your heart to me when we got engaged and I almost let it slip through my fingers and I didn't even realize."
"Andrea, there was a time, many times and many years actually that I considered my heart to be weak and fragile. But you, my darling, have turned it from a pale imitation to an indomitable well of strength that would seem impossible to run dry. Nigel told me, early on in this pregnancy, that my girls were what kept my heart from hardening in the years until I found you. And now I have my beautiful girls, someone I relish the thought of spending the rest of my life with, and with whom I'm going to raise my girls and these two right here," Miranda brought Andy's hands gently down to her stomach so that she could feel the babies kick, "as our children, our son and daughters. My point is," she finished, "that my heart is stronger than it ever was, and my reason for being here, for being alive is that much stronger too. So trust in me, trust in the strength of my love for you, because you are responsible for all that keeps my heart beating."
"You are my heart, Miranda. And everything I value in this life, you have given me. You are everything to me," Andrea stressed vehemently before burying her head in Miranda's shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around Miranda, still cradling her so that the editor once more sank into the soft warm body behind her and was preparing to drift off again when the doctor re-entered and her attention was again diverted.
A shift behind her meant Andy had heard the doctor's return as well and had lifted her head, waiting to see what other news the woman had to bring.
Luckily, being the shrewd businesswoman she was, and able to read the tension in the room between Andrea and the doctor, Miranda broke the ice and was the first to speak.
"The drug you mentioned, the ephedrine, is it harmful to the babies?"
"Not directly, but indirectly it causes your heart to beat faster thereby raising your overall blood pressure so that there was more blood loss than anticipated due to the continued separation of the placenta which, as you know, resulted from the uneven distribution of the blood vessels which we discussed."
Miranda nodded slowly, her lips pursing slightly in concentration as she mulled over this latest bit of information.
"When will I be able to go home?" Miranda flicked her fingers dismissively at the myriad of machines surrounding her, not least - eyeing the despicable tubing that connected her to the catheter.
"Now that we've confirmed, with two separate test times and measurements from the ultrasound, that the abruption has been stabilized, we can move forward with detaching you from some of the machines and slowly try getting you back on your feet…However," now Dr. Jansen eyed the editor seriously, "I mean that metaphorically. It is absolutely imperative for both your wellbeing and the babies that you comply with full and total bed rest for at least a week, period. If that proves to be an issue, I'm happy to keep Miranda under observation here for that week or as long as is deemed necessary."
"Am I, at the very least, allowed to work from home? Reading and revising articles and proofs is hardly a strenuous task."
"I'm sorry Miranda, but no." Dr. Jansen shook her head, auburn curls bouncing across her shoulders. The bed rest is to keep your blood pressure levels even for long periods of time to break the cycle of highs and lows that brought you in here. Limiting physical activity or moving only makes up half of the purpose of bed rest. You can do as much harm to yourself and the babies in bed as you could running a marathon if you can't manage your blood pressure and responses to stress."
"Might I point out the obvious in saying that preventing me from running my magazine is a current source of stress?" Miranda's voice bordered on a hiss as she crossed her arms awkwardly over her belly.
Inclining her head, the doctor nodded. "That may be, but it's also a one-dimensional stressor. Cause A to Effect B, unlike potential issues with work that are constantly changing and requiring a constant eye on them."
"So when can we go home?" Andy's lips brushed the back of Miranda's ear and the older woman settled back against the warm body, still slightly resentful at the doctor's order. But fear for the babies quashed her fears for work, and she knew she would do anything to keep the former safe. Irv would still be gunning for her position, but she had to believe that Nigel, Emily and in all likelihood, Andrea, would take care of it the best they could, and then once she knew the babies were out of the woods she would plan her counter-attack on Irv. With all the files it appeared he and the board had subpoenaed, any decision to be made was still several months away, and then there would be the matter of an official hearing.
"We'll take the catheter out tonight," Dr. Jansen was saying as Miranda's mind focused back on the conversation. "If there's no spotting or contractions and minimal pain or discomfort then I'll sign the release forms, so potentially in 72 hours, you could be going home."
Dr. Jansen addressed Andy again. "Later, we can go over the requirements for bed rest so you can make any changes necessary at the house and we can determine what will be needed for in-home care. She'll be housebound for a minimum of two weeks once she's released from the hospital, and there will be things on a daily basis that she will need help with. There's no getting around that." And although the doctor didn't move one iota, both Andy and Miranda knew instantly who the last sentence was meant for.
Now that Miranda's condition was considered stable, Caroline and Cassidy were permitted to visit and Jeremy was bringing them up himself, wanting his own assurance that the woman he had once thought he would spend the rest of his life would was alright. There was no doubt in his mind that they were over, nor did he harbor any hopes of reconciliation or reunion, but he needed to see for himself that the mother of his children and the indomitable entity that had always been Miranda was still alive and well.
The following afternoon saw the elevator doors open to reveal a handsome older man holding the hand of one stoic looking little girl while struggling to keep hold of the one he was carrying who was currently sobbing and hiccupping into his shoulder. The small redhead was seemingly inconsolable and her tears didn't stop even as she slid from her father's grasp, running nearly blindly for the doors behind the nurses' station where she knew her mother was.
"What on earth?" Miranda started before her eyes widened in recognition. "Cassidy!"
The little girl burst into the room and ran to Miranda, the little body pressed as close to Miranda as possible as she buried her head under her mother's arm. Andy moved around the bed and lifted the small, shaking figure so that she could sit on the bed next to Miranda instead of standing on her tiptoes with her face pressed into the mattress. The little body struggled for a moment as she thought she was being taken away from her mother but soon went limp when it was realized the hands that were lifting her belonged to Andy.
"Bobbsey, it's alright. Mommy's fine. The babies are okay. Dr. Jansen performed a very small surgery to make sure they're getting what they need."
"It's my fault! I said I wished the babies would go away. But I didn't mean I wanted them to die, I swear!"
"Cassidy. Cassidy, listen to me," Miranda's voice became firm enough that the little girl stopped crying and raised her eyes to her mother.
"Do you have your Harry Potter with you?" Miranda asked, knowing the girls never travelled without at least one of Ms. Rowling's literary endeavours somewhere on their person. "Yes? Then will you read to the babies? I think they've missed your voices and it might make them settle down."
Andy passed Cassidy's bag over wordlessly and Cassidy snuggled in deeper next to her mother, shifting so that her head was closer to Miranda's stomach as she began to read aloud.
Andy knew from Miranda's expression that she wasn't listening to the words being read, but the way her eyes closed as she pressed her lips to the top of the little girl's head and buried her face in the curls told Andrea that the older woman was at peace - and at this moment had all the time in the world to hold her baby close and listen to whatever came from her lips.
"Caroline has barely said a word, not even to Cass, which I think only upset her more.
"I didn't mean to hurt the babies."
"Oh my darling, look at me. There is nothing, NOTHING you could ever do or say that would make me stop loving you. You and your sister were my miracle babies, and you're becoming such strong and beautiful and intelligent young women. I could not be more proud of you. I also know that you are going to be a wonderful big sister and these babies are going to be so lucky to have you." Miranda's hand rubbed over her belly as she spoke to her eldest child. "Oh my sweet girl, you've been holding this in for all this time. Darling you should know that you can always come to me about anything. I am always going to have time for you and your sister as well as these two. And Andrea as well, she loves you so dearly, as much as she would any child that she carried herself or of her own.
The little girl had fallen asleep, the tiny body spent with emotion was curled into Miranda on the hospital bed. Miranda herself was still awake, her head bent over her baby as she pressed a kiss to Caroline's forehead before burying her head in the flaming curls and continuing to hum softly.
After an hour however it was getting dark and coming close to the end of visiting hours. In addition, although she hadn't moved from the bed, Andy could see the dark circles underneath Miranda's eyes and knew the older woman was fading quickly, exhausted from the range of emotions the day had brought.
"I don't wanna leave!"
"Me neither!" Cassidy joined her sister.
"Girls, you can come back tomorrow and see your mom."
"No!"
Now Miranda spoke up, and both girls immediately straightened up and turned to face the older woman, know the tone as one that meant their mother wasn't joking and that they had better get in line quickly.
"Caroline, Cassidy," Miranda managed to push the weakness from her voice as she addressed her daughters sharply, wanting them to know this kind of insolent behaviour would not be tolerated as young ladies. But before she could say anything more, Miranda felt a familiar feeling in her stomach and her face greyed as she swallowed with enormous difficulty and reached out blindly for the familiar green dish.
Andy saw what was happening and lightning fast, she lunged for the green basin on the bedside table, bringing it to Miranda's chin as the older woman dry heaved twice before losing the small amount of food she had managed to eat earlier in the day.
Humiliated, sick and horrified by what her daughters had just witnessed, Miranda kept her head bowed, breathing through her mouth in heavy gasps as her stomach flip-flopped, determining if she was going to be ill again.
"Get them out," she croaked, one hand pressed to her chest between her breasts and the top of the bump.
"Okay, okay," Andy soothed, helping Miranda to hold the bowl in case she was ill again before moving from the mattress where she had been kneeling next to Miranda.
"Girls, it's time to go. Your mom is going to be fine, but right now she is exhausted and needs to rest." Andy's voice was the one that was uncharacteristically sharp.
Riding down with the twins in the elevator to meet Miranda's ex-husband in the lobby, Andy noticed the familiar posture of miserable defiance and the shaking of small shoulders. Once they reached the lobby, Andy drew them aside and away from the bank of elevators, crouching in front of the unhappy duo. Cassidy, predictably, was the first to break and threw herself into Andy's arms, almost knocking her down as enormous sobs escaped the little chest once more.
"I'm sorry Andy, I swear I didn't want to make mommy m-mad. I just wanted to stay with her."
"Shh, honey I know. She rocked the little girl back and forth, stroking the soft red hair and pressing the little head against her cheek. She looked up at Caroline and saw those same Priestly blues well with tears as she stood there with her head down. "Caroline," Andy held out an arm and the little girl joined her sister, flinging herself into Andy's shoulder as forcefully as her sister
"Oh, my beautiful girls," Andy continued to rock them and soothe. "This has been hard for everyone, huh?"
"It's..m-my…f-f-fault," Caroline managed to get out at last. "Please don't hate me, Andy, I didn't mean to."
"Baby, why do you think this was your fault?"
"B-because I said I didn't want to go home, a-and I yelled at you guys, b-but I just didn't wanna leave m-mom. I d-don't want her to die."
Andy's heart ached for the two little girls sniffling against her chest. God, they were so young, why did they have to go through all this? It was bad enough that Andy and Miranda were caught up in this mess, why did it seem like their children, all four of them it would seem, had to suffer for it?
Speaking over the lump in her throat, Andy squeezed the pair even tighter before she rocked back on her heels so that she could meet their eyes. "She is not going to die. Not a chance. Have you ever known your mother to give up in a fight? No? Well neither have I, and the fiercest I have ever seen her fight is when it concerns her babies, and you're always going to be her babies and she's not going to stop fighting for you until the day she does die, in the very, VERY far future. And I know she's up there right now feeling awful, not because you got angry with her, but because she feels like she let you guys down."
"She didn't!" Both voices chorused in tandem, making Andy laugh and reach forward to tousle their hair.
"There are my girls…you yelling did not make your mom sick. You know when you are so tired that you start not feeling good? That's what happened, that's all. Nothing's going to happen to your mom or the babies because of that, but it's also important that she doesn't get stressed out because she needs all the energy she can get so she can continue growing the babies properly.
"D'you still think we're gonna be good big sisters?"
"Abso-posi-lutely," Andy replied, earning a giggle from both sad faces. "Because I know what amazing daughters you guys are, and I know I could never ask for better because I'm so lucky to be one of your moms, and these babies are going to be so lucky to have you to teach them all your tricks and they are going to look up to you sooo much, okay? Are we good?"
Andy rose to her feet once more and took hold of a hand on each side, walking them over to the handsome older man who scooped one girl back up into his arms and spun the other around in a pirouette as she grabbed hold of his hand. He looked over at Andy, "take care of her", he nodded towards the elevators and Andy nodded back solemnly before lightening her expression to say goodbye to the girls.
"I love you, girls."
"Love you too, Andy!" Caroline called back as they began to move towards the emergency doors. Cassidy was already wilting against her father, but she lifted her head from his shoulder, eyes already heavy with sleep as she murmured 'Love you, mama" before letting her eyes shut once more.
The trio disappeared into the murky evening light and Andy let out a single sob as she clapped a hand over her mouth, bending over slightly as though she had been punched in the gut. But this time it was due to a happier occasion. Cassidy had called her 'mama'. She didn't know if it was just because of the little girl's tiredness or if it would stick, but for right now all that mattered was that simple four letter word that came from the mouth of the child she already saw as her own flesh and blood.
When she got back to the room she could see Miranda was clearly forcing herself to stay awake, bracing herself against the railing of the bed.
Andy moved quickly to dispose of the used basin & pour Miranda a paper cup of mouthwash, following with a large plastic cup of water and a straw.
"Andrea, do not keep me waiting, how are the girls?"
"They're okay," Andy reassured her as she settled Miranda back against the pillows and urged her to drink a few sips of water so she didn't get dehydrated even in spite of the IV. Taking the cup back, Andy shifted slightly so she was at a better angle to look at Miranda when she spoke.
"We had a good talk…My God, Mira, I knew this would be hard for them, but its even harder to watch them go through this, with nothing I can do to stop them hurting or keep them sheltered from it.
"Welcome to motherhood, Andrea…that ache is never going to go away. Thank you for taking care of my babies."
"Our babies."
"I'm sorry, darling, you're correct - our babies."
Now Andy grinned, a warmth expanding in her chest as she told Miranda what had just conspired in the lobby. "Cassidy called me 'mama'," she grinned widely even through her nerves that Miranda might not be alright with her using the term.
"That's wonderful," Miranda's voice was weak but her eyes were warm as she replied. "I wondered if or when she might. The other night while I was going over The Book, Cassidy came downstairs to find me after having a nightmare and spoke of you as such, asking where you were as I assume she tried our bedroom first."
"I can't believe that I'm going to be a mom; that I get to be a mom even before these babies get here." Andy smoothed her hands back and forth over the roundness of Miranda's belly and predictably, the older woman's eyelashes fluttered, prompting a low chuckle from the brunette as she held herself above Miranda to switch sides of the bed, settling in beside the editor as she either fell asleep or otherwise passed out.