(no subject)
On the edge of a breakdown. Just a few more pushes.
Gary pleaded not guilty. Now I have to go to court and call witnesses.
Or some bullshit.
Work at Donato's again....and like last time....I'm one of the only ones who does any work.
Choking down all the crap that happened with child care really ticked me off. It goes against every fiber of my being to not fight brewer about that. But what can I do. What does my voice matter.
I'm just another ant.
All my life I was told I was something special.
I was raised by liars.
Mom keeps telling me I shouldn't have anything worrying me.
Wonder where the FUCK she's been the past few weeks.
Oh yeah...drunk.
I can feel the pressure building...trying to break out.
And when it does....they'll be praying for whoever caused it.
Cause I'll see to it they leave screaming.
I hate when people ask about the scars on my arms. Ask me what they are.
They know what they are...they just want to hear about someone else's shit so they feel better about theirs.
I wish....someone who knows me....but doesn't like...KNOW me had the time to sit and talk with me.
I could talk for hours. Rant, rave, scream.
Hell....I'd take a fucking hug.
Times like these...I miss being small enough for mom to rock me.
Someone to hold me while I pretend that everything is made better by the soothing, melodic back and forth motions of a rocking chair.
The magic simple things possessed back then....
I can't count the times I've been told that I was impossible to understand...
and a long time ago...I would have loved hearing that.
But now.....I think it kills me a little more everytime.
It's true, though....you'll never understand me.
It's going to take a bullet to shut me up....so I guess I'll just leave.
You can't fight the tears that ain't comin'.
When everything feels like the movies...you bleed just to know you're alive.
Now I see the times they changed
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?
I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone
You and me
We have no faces
Soon our lives they’ll be erased
Do you think they will remember?
Or will we just be replaced
Oh I wish that I could see
How I wish that I could fly
All the things that hang above me
To a place where I can cry
So why can it be?
No one hears because
Echoes back at me
No one's there
To all these meaningless feelings
I can't deal with in my life
To all these greedy people
Trying to feed on what is mine
You’ve got to feel your hunger
And stop fucking with my mind
I know it's time to leave these places far behind
You and me
We have no faces
They don’t see us anymore
Without love as they had promised
And no faith for what’s in store
Oh I wish that I could see
How I wish that I could fly
All the things that hang above me
To a place where I can cry
So why can it be?
No one hears because
Echoes back at me
No one's there
To all these meaningless feelings
I can't deal with in my life
To all these greedy people
Trying to feed on what is mine
You’ve got to feel your hunger
And stop fucking with my mind
I know it's time to leave these places far behind
Where are all these feelings hiding?
Dancing in and out my mind
Burning up all that I long for
Feeding me till my decline
Where are you?
My soul is bleeding
I am searching
Am I blind?
All alone and bound forever
Trapped inside me for all time
To all these meaningless feelings
I can't deal with in my life
To all these greedy people
Trying to feed on what is mine
You’ve got to feel your hunger
And stop fucking with my mind
I know it's time to leave these places far behind
I take this time
To let out what’s inside
Cause I will break
Sometimes I wish you'd die
Full of sorrow
You raped and stole my pride
And all this hate is bottled up inside
My heart is breaking
Man you really ripped it out
You take pleasure watching as I claw my way out
The hurt rising
Soon it's going to tear my soul out
It’s not kosher feeling like I’m on my way out
All, all my hate cannot be bound
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming
Gary pleaded not guilty. Now I have to go to court and call witnesses.
Or some bullshit.
Work at Donato's again....and like last time....I'm one of the only ones who does any work.
Choking down all the crap that happened with child care really ticked me off. It goes against every fiber of my being to not fight brewer about that. But what can I do. What does my voice matter.
I'm just another ant.
All my life I was told I was something special.
I was raised by liars.
Mom keeps telling me I shouldn't have anything worrying me.
Wonder where the FUCK she's been the past few weeks.
Oh yeah...drunk.
I can feel the pressure building...trying to break out.
And when it does....they'll be praying for whoever caused it.
Cause I'll see to it they leave screaming.
I hate when people ask about the scars on my arms. Ask me what they are.
They know what they are...they just want to hear about someone else's shit so they feel better about theirs.
I wish....someone who knows me....but doesn't like...KNOW me had the time to sit and talk with me.
I could talk for hours. Rant, rave, scream.
Hell....I'd take a fucking hug.
Times like these...I miss being small enough for mom to rock me.
Someone to hold me while I pretend that everything is made better by the soothing, melodic back and forth motions of a rocking chair.
The magic simple things possessed back then....
I can't count the times I've been told that I was impossible to understand...
and a long time ago...I would have loved hearing that.
But now.....I think it kills me a little more everytime.
It's true, though....you'll never understand me.
It's going to take a bullet to shut me up....so I guess I'll just leave.
You can't fight the tears that ain't comin'.
When everything feels like the movies...you bleed just to know you're alive.
Now I see the times they changed
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?
I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone
You and me
We have no faces
Soon our lives they’ll be erased
Do you think they will remember?
Or will we just be replaced
Oh I wish that I could see
How I wish that I could fly
All the things that hang above me
To a place where I can cry
So why can it be?
No one hears because
Echoes back at me
No one's there
To all these meaningless feelings
I can't deal with in my life
To all these greedy people
Trying to feed on what is mine
You’ve got to feel your hunger
And stop fucking with my mind
I know it's time to leave these places far behind
You and me
We have no faces
They don’t see us anymore
Without love as they had promised
And no faith for what’s in store
Oh I wish that I could see
How I wish that I could fly
All the things that hang above me
To a place where I can cry
So why can it be?
No one hears because
Echoes back at me
No one's there
To all these meaningless feelings
I can't deal with in my life
To all these greedy people
Trying to feed on what is mine
You’ve got to feel your hunger
And stop fucking with my mind
I know it's time to leave these places far behind
Where are all these feelings hiding?
Dancing in and out my mind
Burning up all that I long for
Feeding me till my decline
Where are you?
My soul is bleeding
I am searching
Am I blind?
All alone and bound forever
Trapped inside me for all time
To all these meaningless feelings
I can't deal with in my life
To all these greedy people
Trying to feed on what is mine
You’ve got to feel your hunger
And stop fucking with my mind
I know it's time to leave these places far behind
I take this time
To let out what’s inside
Cause I will break
Sometimes I wish you'd die
Full of sorrow
You raped and stole my pride
And all this hate is bottled up inside
My heart is breaking
Man you really ripped it out
You take pleasure watching as I claw my way out
The hurt rising
Soon it's going to tear my soul out
It’s not kosher feeling like I’m on my way out
All, all my hate cannot be bound
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming