On Boringness
Fuck! The most frustrating thing in the world right now is that I can feel myself getting sucked down into this vacuum blackhole of boringness. I had a job interview at UPenn last week to be an administrative assistant in the Cancer Research Building, which I actually think is really cool from far away. But for two hours I felt like no one was acting like a real human being and nobody was interested in what I actually have to offer aside from being able to file and my proficiency in the Microsoft Office Suite. I met Andy at a bar right after that strangely existential experience and we were surrounded by these old men and young girls dressed in business casual attire and talking WAY too loudly about next to nothing and I couldn't hear myself think at all, and the waiter had a sweet bike and sweet tattoos and was talking to us about riding bikes at midnight to the pretzel factory and all of a sudden I couldn't stop the tears from spilling out of my eye sockets. I don't want to be part of a big unstoppable wheel! I don't want to work half my life away in some crappy office job to scrape by! I don't want to have to get up so early that the things that happen at night don't even matter. How do you get to the point where you can feel okay with what you are doing for 8 hours a day? When does the trade-off actually work in your favor?
I hate how impossible its been to find people to play music with. I haven't been in a band since May, and this is the most heartbreaking. Playing drums by yourself is the loneliest thing after like 6 minutes. Is it because I am operating mostly in a circle of a.) Teach for America alumni who either don't play or don't want to play in a band b.) Theater kids who work solely on nights and weekends, while I work during the day? c.) I live sooo far from everything and hate the sketchy, scary, ultra fear-inducing walk back from the El? d.) I don't have a car, and neither do most other musicians I've encountered? e.) Craigslist 'musicians' section SUCKS TOTAL ASS? f.) I haven't found many shows where I felt like it was something I wanted to be part of.
The thought of being stuck this summer in some shit job is terrifying when my friends are mostly teachers who have off and will be ready for adventure and trips and trains and late nights. UGHHH.
I am morally opposed to getting boring, stuck, cliche, complacent, unmotivated, unmoving, grown up.
How do you start your own music scene? Get a house and fill it with musicians? How do you make sure they are the right ones? Hmmm.
I hate how impossible its been to find people to play music with. I haven't been in a band since May, and this is the most heartbreaking. Playing drums by yourself is the loneliest thing after like 6 minutes. Is it because I am operating mostly in a circle of a.) Teach for America alumni who either don't play or don't want to play in a band b.) Theater kids who work solely on nights and weekends, while I work during the day? c.) I live sooo far from everything and hate the sketchy, scary, ultra fear-inducing walk back from the El? d.) I don't have a car, and neither do most other musicians I've encountered? e.) Craigslist 'musicians' section SUCKS TOTAL ASS? f.) I haven't found many shows where I felt like it was something I wanted to be part of.
The thought of being stuck this summer in some shit job is terrifying when my friends are mostly teachers who have off and will be ready for adventure and trips and trains and late nights. UGHHH.
I am morally opposed to getting boring, stuck, cliche, complacent, unmotivated, unmoving, grown up.
How do you start your own music scene? Get a house and fill it with musicians? How do you make sure they are the right ones? Hmmm.