(no subject)
Edward tried not to struggle as they tied his arms to the post, wrenched high above his head. He opened his mouth compliantly as the man beside him slipped a tough leather pad between his teeth, and bit down gratefully.
“Private Hanfling, that was the second time you’ve been caught being careless with damp powder under my command. I won’t tolerate that kind of behaviour in my unit, and you’ll learn to be more careful if it has to be beaten into you. Ten lashes.”
Edward held himself as still as he could, pressed uncomfortably up against the post, the morning air cold against his bare back. He knew this was a price he had to pay, this was fair punishment for what he had done - but it was going to hurt, it was going to really hurt.
This wasn’t like the heat of battle, where you had the rush of adrenaline to keep you going, where the pain hit you all at once and came by surprise. In battle, you didn’t expect it to hurt, somehow - you could move, you could dodge, you lived or died by your wits.
Here, he had to stand while the discipline officer marched up and down, limbering up his arm. Here, he couldn’t see behind him but he knew what was coming and knew just how painful it would really be. Here, he knew what he was about to go through, had to try to prepare his mind for it, to wait for it trying not to cringe or cry out.
Worse, he had to stand here knowing that he was going through this because he fucked up, because of something he’d done wrong. He had to deal with the shame of that, in front of the entire troop, and the shame would cut deeper than the lash.
Smith above, why wouldn’t it just come?
Edward stifled a gasp of agonised anticipation.
One.
Edward’s back arched as a line of fire slashed across it, laying his skin open in a bloody red welt. His mind went blank, he knew nothing other than that one strip of searing pain that was the centre of his being, the only thing that he could think about. His mouth jerked open, he stifled an agonised gasp.
Two.
Laid across the first, and he bit down on the leather pad so hard he felt a tooth crack. Oh Smith, but it hurt and there were eight more to go and
Three
And he was there because he fucked up, because he had done wrong, and the shame of it was that he couldn’t even keep that in his mind because of the pain, oh Smith the pain and
Four
His whole back afire now, muscles taut as he strained against the ropes and waited for the next which had to come, which had to come, which had to come soon or he’d scream from the agony of waiting as much as the pain and
Five
And he wished it hadn’t come, that no more would come, that there weren’t five more to go, the fact that he’d failed his friends and his country now rising again from the depths of his mind to torment him as he writhed and
Six
His back slick with blood, his price for what he’d done taken from him, taken a measure at a time so the wait made it hurt all the more, gave him time to think on his mistake, and
Seven
Fighting back the urge to sob now, fighting it back while fixing in his mind the faces of his friends, his brothers in arms, those that could have died because of him, and
Eight
Only two more to go, but even that wouldn’t be the end, he’d have to walk back across the parade ground past the eyes of the other men and the pain of the lash-bites would remind him for days that he’d let the Captain and them down and
Nine
Almost over now, and Edward bit down harder still onto the leather. This was a price he was paying, this was the Smith’s justice as well as the army’s and he would suffer it with grace, he had to, he had to despite the searing agony that filled his mind and pushed against his temples in an awful burning pressure, and the last lash hadn’t come and if it didn’t come soon he was going to cry out and he couldn’t do that, couldn’t be weak again because he’d failed the Smith already and he was a coward he knew and
And the lash hadn’t come, and tears welled into his eyes as he strained, and why was the man being so cruel and
Ten.
Edward slumped against the post, his back a mass of bloody welts, and then looked up into the eyes of the man who came to cut him down.
“You didn’t cry out. That must have hurt like a bastard, but you didn’t make a sound…”
Edward spat out the leather pad and gasped for a few moments.
“I paid my price.”
He stumbled down the steps, and the pain he felt in his soul eclipsed everything that had come before.
Edward collapsed into his bunk, and then he let it out and cried.