(no subject)
i graduate in approximately 2-4 hours and i feel like i should be more excited by it. then again, i didn't expect myself to - a lot of holidays and big event type things haven't struck me as a big deal in the last year, not enough hype leading up to it i suppose. plus it's not like i have anything major to look forward to post-high school, i'm not trying to sound negative, i'm not dreading having nothing. i like the idea of unpredictability ahead. not to say i NEVER get excited about anything either. but i presume that my excitement sets its basis on a much smaller scale over much smaller seemingly trivial things. like i'm excited when i finish writing something i'm particularly pleased with or i'm excited when i get the company of good people for a considerable amount of time or when i get certain comments/looks from people with a condescending tone dripping from them. i'm excited when i see the moon looking particularly lovely or when i get to see the sunrise. or when i go for a bike ride in an oldman sweater with luckies in my pocket and i feel so homeless it makes me smile quietly to myself. but graduation, i guess i'm more or less excited about but not to the same extent.
i don't like the idea that it's this great respectable spectacle and i'm expected to sit quietly and not talk to people or get up and meander about. it's quaint with out the pleasurable quality...queer. it won't come naturally and i'll be struggling through the entire ordeal. and i'll be surrounded by people i don't particularly enjoy. and of course, my mind will be elsewhere. undoubtedly in the gutter.
i don't like the idea that it's this great respectable spectacle and i'm expected to sit quietly and not talk to people or get up and meander about. it's quaint with out the pleasurable quality...queer. it won't come naturally and i'll be struggling through the entire ordeal. and i'll be surrounded by people i don't particularly enjoy. and of course, my mind will be elsewhere. undoubtedly in the gutter.