Everything you wanted to know about kissings lions but were afraid to ask
Written in Cologne, September 29, 2010
As you know I was born a Prince, brought up as a gentleman and now I’m a King. And none of these would ever normally “kiss and tell.” But I feel this time I may just share some secrets with you. After all, we do it in public - twice a day, in front of thousands. And anyway, it is not something that either of us is ashamed of. Also, we established a couple of blog entries ago that we’re among friends here, right?
So here comes the truth about kissing lions, in this particular case the daily kisses between a super lion and his super trainer.
(c)Bastian Mertens
A picture says more than a thousand words, so here we have the famous Lacey nose kiss - a specialty of the house. And lets be really clear about this, Martin isn’t kissing me on the nose because of bad breath or anything. He just likes kissing my nose because the fur there is especially soft. He’s fond of popping a loving kiss right there, and so am I. As you can see, I generally close my eyes, enjoy the feeling, and relax …
(c)Bastian Mertens
This little yawn doesn’t mean that Martin’s kisses bore me. No, no, no! Quite the reverse.
Sadly, it’s all a bit one sided. You see, despite his great love for me, Martin isn’t too keen on me kissing him back. And no, for the last time, it is not because I have bad breath - at least not as long as I’m not on cod-liver oil (which I have once every week and, according to Martin, then I stink like a dead fish that’s been in the sun too long. No wonder! Cod-liver oil is a mixture of the livers of codfish, haddock and shark). No, the problem is my tongue is, how shall I put this, a touch rough for him. It is covered in thousands of small ‘papillea’ and these rough barbs could strip the flesh from your hand. Imagine what would happen if I was to actually kiss him back. Gosh! I feel sorry for him already.
Anyway, we cats need these special hard sharp papillea on our tongues - and not only to get every bit of meat from the bone. We need them for our personal hygiene, they help us comb our fur - or that of others. I’m now looking (rather enviously, it must be said) at Kasanga. While I spend hours grooming myself, this lazy older (by six years!) so and so lets his wives do the job. He lies there lazily while they get all the sawdust out of his mane and clean his coat until it gleams. Whenever I watch them my thoughts drift towards giving up my hard-won bachelor status and I muse about inviting Diamond and Princess into my enclosure.
But, hey, I’m lion enough to get myself washed and groomed. Besides, as Martin says, I’m a typical cat because I can’t stand dirt and bad smells (except the whiff of cod liver oil which I find rather appealing. Martin hates the smell - and I bet he’s glad that he wasn’t born in Roman times. One of their favourite dishes was a liquid condiment named “Garum”. It was made from different fish parts, including intestines, pickled and then left out in the sun for a few weeks. I bet that had a delicious, tummy-rumbling odour when it was bought back into the house, but feel that Martin may not agree). No, as far as cleanliness goes, I look after myself very well and I ask that Martin keeps my quarters squeaky clean too. One thing I am especially fussy about is the prompt removal of my, er, my, ahem, my more solid ‘waste products’. That’s one smell I really can’t abide.
I hope this little insight into our daily kiss has helped you see that kissing lions is really rather fun. Well-groomed lions like my family and I don’t smell at all - only a bit of fur and body warmth. And because we’re lovely and clean, our human loves kissing us - and we love being kissed because it proves to everyone exactly how fond of us he is.
Translated from German by Sibylle Luise Binder and Paul Hardy
As you know I was born a Prince, brought up as a gentleman and now I’m a King. And none of these would ever normally “kiss and tell.” But I feel this time I may just share some secrets with you. After all, we do it in public - twice a day, in front of thousands. And anyway, it is not something that either of us is ashamed of. Also, we established a couple of blog entries ago that we’re among friends here, right?
So here comes the truth about kissing lions, in this particular case the daily kisses between a super lion and his super trainer.
(c)Bastian Mertens
A picture says more than a thousand words, so here we have the famous Lacey nose kiss - a specialty of the house. And lets be really clear about this, Martin isn’t kissing me on the nose because of bad breath or anything. He just likes kissing my nose because the fur there is especially soft. He’s fond of popping a loving kiss right there, and so am I. As you can see, I generally close my eyes, enjoy the feeling, and relax …
(c)Bastian Mertens
This little yawn doesn’t mean that Martin’s kisses bore me. No, no, no! Quite the reverse.
Sadly, it’s all a bit one sided. You see, despite his great love for me, Martin isn’t too keen on me kissing him back. And no, for the last time, it is not because I have bad breath - at least not as long as I’m not on cod-liver oil (which I have once every week and, according to Martin, then I stink like a dead fish that’s been in the sun too long. No wonder! Cod-liver oil is a mixture of the livers of codfish, haddock and shark). No, the problem is my tongue is, how shall I put this, a touch rough for him. It is covered in thousands of small ‘papillea’ and these rough barbs could strip the flesh from your hand. Imagine what would happen if I was to actually kiss him back. Gosh! I feel sorry for him already.
Anyway, we cats need these special hard sharp papillea on our tongues - and not only to get every bit of meat from the bone. We need them for our personal hygiene, they help us comb our fur - or that of others. I’m now looking (rather enviously, it must be said) at Kasanga. While I spend hours grooming myself, this lazy older (by six years!) so and so lets his wives do the job. He lies there lazily while they get all the sawdust out of his mane and clean his coat until it gleams. Whenever I watch them my thoughts drift towards giving up my hard-won bachelor status and I muse about inviting Diamond and Princess into my enclosure.
But, hey, I’m lion enough to get myself washed and groomed. Besides, as Martin says, I’m a typical cat because I can’t stand dirt and bad smells (except the whiff of cod liver oil which I find rather appealing. Martin hates the smell - and I bet he’s glad that he wasn’t born in Roman times. One of their favourite dishes was a liquid condiment named “Garum”. It was made from different fish parts, including intestines, pickled and then left out in the sun for a few weeks. I bet that had a delicious, tummy-rumbling odour when it was bought back into the house, but feel that Martin may not agree). No, as far as cleanliness goes, I look after myself very well and I ask that Martin keeps my quarters squeaky clean too. One thing I am especially fussy about is the prompt removal of my, er, my, ahem, my more solid ‘waste products’. That’s one smell I really can’t abide.
I hope this little insight into our daily kiss has helped you see that kissing lions is really rather fun. Well-groomed lions like my family and I don’t smell at all - only a bit of fur and body warmth. And because we’re lovely and clean, our human loves kissing us - and we love being kissed because it proves to everyone exactly how fond of us he is.
Translated from German by Sibylle Luise Binder and Paul Hardy