shit.
god damn today is a bad day. i'm gonna sit on my ass tonight and probably do nothing. maybe play guitar.
i had the worst dream in the history of dreams last night. i don't even remember all of it. it started off at my house. i listened to some song a lot and then got in my car, which wouldn't start. then somehow i ended up in a jewlery store with her ex boyfriend, who told me i'm an idiot and that she "rotates the hands" on his watch. it would have been funny except it made me feel like dying. shows how much assurance i have in myself, right? fuck. anyway she calls and confirms this "rotating" and i realize i've been played and that letting myself feel the way i do was naive. then i get a phone call screaming at me to come home. i do, and pick up my acoustic guitar trying to play a song i (strangely enough) had written right before i went to bed in real life. my hands wouldn't play it. i lost the ability to play. then i put my guitar down and curled in a fetal position and put on the tv, on mute, and tried to sleep. and yeah, i was crying. and then she came on TV somehow and that made me feel a bit worse, so i went and got a quiznos sandwich and it had a spider in it. then i was suspended from a tall building and dropped. i'm not making any of this shit up. i woke up in a cold sweat, in the fetal position still, crying. and i didn't realize it was a dream. got in the shower, splashed water on my face, realized i was an idiot. and then realized that the dream was just all of my fears rolled into one big dream. i hate being afraid but any one thing could go wrong right now and i think it would kill me. i'm letting myself go a little bit, going with things, and trying to make myself happy, and while it's working, i have more to lose. fuck.
i don't want this world to leave me behind. and every time we argue about dumb shit i just get afraid. i'm sick of it. i'm an idiot and i don't want to ruin my fucking life again.
comfort.
i had the worst dream in the history of dreams last night. i don't even remember all of it. it started off at my house. i listened to some song a lot and then got in my car, which wouldn't start. then somehow i ended up in a jewlery store with her ex boyfriend, who told me i'm an idiot and that she "rotates the hands" on his watch. it would have been funny except it made me feel like dying. shows how much assurance i have in myself, right? fuck. anyway she calls and confirms this "rotating" and i realize i've been played and that letting myself feel the way i do was naive. then i get a phone call screaming at me to come home. i do, and pick up my acoustic guitar trying to play a song i (strangely enough) had written right before i went to bed in real life. my hands wouldn't play it. i lost the ability to play. then i put my guitar down and curled in a fetal position and put on the tv, on mute, and tried to sleep. and yeah, i was crying. and then she came on TV somehow and that made me feel a bit worse, so i went and got a quiznos sandwich and it had a spider in it. then i was suspended from a tall building and dropped. i'm not making any of this shit up. i woke up in a cold sweat, in the fetal position still, crying. and i didn't realize it was a dream. got in the shower, splashed water on my face, realized i was an idiot. and then realized that the dream was just all of my fears rolled into one big dream. i hate being afraid but any one thing could go wrong right now and i think it would kill me. i'm letting myself go a little bit, going with things, and trying to make myself happy, and while it's working, i have more to lose. fuck.
i don't want this world to leave me behind. and every time we argue about dumb shit i just get afraid. i'm sick of it. i'm an idiot and i don't want to ruin my fucking life again.
comfort.