Dear friend,
I’ve found myself crying all the time.
The smallest stupid thing will set me off and I will just start bawling my eyes out.
I am so fucking sad all of the time and I have no one to really talk to about it.
My 2 best friends are now in awesome relationships with great guys that really care about them.
And here I am. A loser who can’t even get a decent guy to have coffee with him.
You can’t complain about the single life to people who are so fucking happy in their relationships. You just can’t.
But this is something I think about every single day.
It’s the last thought I go to sleep with at night.
So what can I do about this? Nothing, really.
I have to forever watch my friends fall in love over and over again, while I can’t even get a guy to look twice at me. I have to listen to women complain constantly about, and adore, man after man... And all I think about is how there is no shortage of straight men anywhere. If something doesn’t work out with a guy, a girl can just find another guy. Anywhere. If things don’t work out with me and a guy, I’ve got to wait a long time to run into another fag. And I’m not pretty enough for the gay boys. I feel alone. Separate from my girlfriends, separate from my guy friends, separate from my gay friends. Alone.
My friends do their duty of telling me it’s because I need to get out of Kitsap.
Fine. Of course. I’ve got to move somewhere like the city, where fashion-conscious art fags are a dime a dozen, to find someone. I’m not in the city now. I’m here. Here in Kitsap. This is where I’m living. This is where I watch every guy I’ve ever crushed on date anyone but me.
It doesn’t matter if I would give the moon to a guy like Nils,
because I don’t even register on the radar.
I am ugly. I realize this.
The reason smart, funny, and cute guys don’t look at me twice?
It’s not because I am not living up to my creative potential here.
It’s because I’m ugly. That I can’t even interest anyone long enough to show them how cool I am. I’m dismissed at the start. Over and over again. Why would that be any different if I lived in the gayest city on Earth?
The smallest stupid thing will set me off and I will just start bawling my eyes out.
I am so fucking sad all of the time and I have no one to really talk to about it.
My 2 best friends are now in awesome relationships with great guys that really care about them.
And here I am. A loser who can’t even get a decent guy to have coffee with him.
You can’t complain about the single life to people who are so fucking happy in their relationships. You just can’t.
But this is something I think about every single day.
It’s the last thought I go to sleep with at night.
So what can I do about this? Nothing, really.
I have to forever watch my friends fall in love over and over again, while I can’t even get a guy to look twice at me. I have to listen to women complain constantly about, and adore, man after man... And all I think about is how there is no shortage of straight men anywhere. If something doesn’t work out with a guy, a girl can just find another guy. Anywhere. If things don’t work out with me and a guy, I’ve got to wait a long time to run into another fag. And I’m not pretty enough for the gay boys. I feel alone. Separate from my girlfriends, separate from my guy friends, separate from my gay friends. Alone.
My friends do their duty of telling me it’s because I need to get out of Kitsap.
Fine. Of course. I’ve got to move somewhere like the city, where fashion-conscious art fags are a dime a dozen, to find someone. I’m not in the city now. I’m here. Here in Kitsap. This is where I’m living. This is where I watch every guy I’ve ever crushed on date anyone but me.
It doesn’t matter if I would give the moon to a guy like Nils,
because I don’t even register on the radar.
I am ugly. I realize this.
The reason smart, funny, and cute guys don’t look at me twice?
It’s not because I am not living up to my creative potential here.
It’s because I’m ugly. That I can’t even interest anyone long enough to show them how cool I am. I’m dismissed at the start. Over and over again. Why would that be any different if I lived in the gayest city on Earth?