Broken, But Mendable
Title: Broken, But Mendable (one-off)
Author:
thekeyholder (Brigi)
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG 13
Beta: The lovely
ms_belle10 :) Thank you, my dear!
Summary: Teen!muse AU. Poor Matt is bullied by Dominic and his group. However, one day Matthew stands up and finally learns the true motives behind Dom's actions.
Feedback: would be lovely if you have some time! <3
Warnings: Bullying.
Disclaimers: As you probably know, I don’t own Muse or the inspiring song, but original aspects belong to me. So don't steal, please!
Author's note: Remember the drabbles I wrote based on the Mumford and Sons songs? I promised to make a proper one-off for Little Lion Man. I'm really sorry for the long time it took me; I wrote 80% right after I finished the drabbles, but I was very nervous about the dialogue at the end. Many thanks goes to laurad2609, starlight_myth and erasedjanna for assuring me that this is not bad.
Broken, But Mendable
He blinked a few times, reached for his glasses on the nightstand and glanced at the alarm clock. Lately, he had woken up a few minutes before it went off; most of the time, it felt great to stretch under the warm duvet and pretend that he could lie there for an eternity. However, sometimes - just like this morning - he was awake enough for his mind to be invaded by negative thoughts. It was enough to look in the direction of the window: the poor light filtering through the curtains foreshadowed a boring, melancholic, autumn day.
As soon as the word “autumn” popped up in his head, his mind associated it with school. That certainly daunted the sixteen-year-old Matthew Bellamy and he wished, for the umpteenth time, that he wouldn’t have to go to school. Not that day, not ever. He didn’t have issues with the school itself, but with the teenagers attending it. He refused to believe that he was too weird to be anyone’s friend, but since he was the victim of the popular group, everyone else avoided him not to be associated with “Psycho Bellamy”.
The popular group was formed the previous year when their current principal moved to the little town. As Matthew was dressing up, he cursed the day he accidentally tripped over His Highness’ feet and drew his attention to him. It didn’t matter that he apologised right away; the bullies sensed that he was a great subject to make fun of: his old-fashioned clothes, big glasses and last but not least his good grades were all too tempting to be left out.
Matthew’s hand trembled as he poured milk in a bowl. His grandmother, who was his official guardian, had no idea about the torture her grandson had been going through and hummed a cheerful song while making a sandwich. What should he say? That he had become a master of being invisible? Or maybe that he tried to go to school and come home on different routes every day? The popular group also took his lunch money at the beginning, so that’s why he preferred to take food from home.
But the most painful of all this was the public humiliation, far worse than the occasional punches or jolts. It was always the leader who conducted them; the truth was that he never ever harmed Matt physically, but he was sure to make the boy feel horrible. He somehow discovered Matt’s weak spots and bombarded him with cruel comments, as if he was determined to destroy the tranquillity of his mind. Matthew had to admit that his attempts were quite successful; he wasn’t putting up as much resistance now as in the beginning. He didn’t want to break down and offer this satisfaction to his terrorizers, but the shield around his heart became thinner and thinner with each day.
The morning seemed eerily quiet and that made Matt suspicious. He raked a hand nervously through his long brunet locks and looked around for well-built boys, but only yellowing leaves rustled around him. By now, he could see the school building. A raindrop fell on his hand, so he hastened the pace in the hope to get in before becoming wet. He focused on the concrete and told himself ‘there are only five steps to the door’. Suddenly, he bumped into something hard: it was one of the gorillas from the bully-group.
“Well, well, look who’s had a haircut,” the ringleader’s voice sounded cold and sly.
Matt gripped his books firmly and continued staring at the ground. The cool rain fell mercilessly in the meantime, silently mourning for a little boy who was in big trouble. Surprisingly, the brunet boy’s mind was suddenly filled with thoughts that had been lingering in his mind, but ones that he didn’t like to loiter on them too much. His first concern was how Dominic Howard could keep these big guys around him. He was only slightly taller than Matthew, but he dressed ultra-fashionably and was, unlike Matthew, very successful among girls. The brunet often imagined that his terrorizer was a kind of a mastermind - he charmed people with his flattering words. Of course, everybody thought Dominic was an angel with his blonde hair and pretty face!
“You look into my eyes when I’m talking to you, Bellamy!” Dominic hissed, grabbed Matt’s chin, and forced him to look into his cruel grey eyes.
“Leave me alone, Howard! Aren’t there any chicks left for you to pick up?”
Matthew looked for the first time without fear into Dominic Howard’s eyes and the blonde was astonished by the cold fire burning in the blue orbs. In the last year, Matt avoided that pair of eyes like the plague. He often noticed Dominic leaned against a wall, watching him with narrowed eyes; it was so much worse than a verbal threat! Only a glance and Matthew’s day was ruined. No wonder that wherever he went, he first checked if a certain blonde was there. That was also the reason why he mostly gazed at the asphalt, afraid to experience that icy grip that beset his heart when the grey eyes read his darkest secrets and fears.
Matthew had no idea why he answered that back. His mind always blocked when he was around Dominic and the most ridiculous things left his mouth. Why would he care about the blonde’s newest conquest? He should have just held his tongue and wait for the humiliation to come to an end. Classes would start in less than five minutes and then they would let him go.
“Bitch!” Dominic yelled and slapped Matt so hard that the fragile boy fell in a puddle of mud. His books scattered around him and a cracking sound signalled that Matt’s glasses broke.
Tears started flowing down the shocked boy’s face. He started collecting his belongings, feeling for them awkwardly, while the gorillas ran away, their maleficent laughter echoing in the empty schoolyard. However, something paralysed Dominic and he watched, his mouth open, as Matthew was searching for his glasses, trying at the same time to calm his sobbing and panic. The blonde boy kneeled in the mud and handed Matt the glasses silently, though he had many things in his heart that he needed to confess. The poor boy wanted to thank his helper, but when he saw who it was, his anger doubled.
“I’m so sorry,” Dominic mumbled and gulped when Matt looked at him through the broken lenses, the image as distorted as Dominic’s heart, which had been growing in the wrong company.
“For God’s sake, leave me alone!” Matthew cried out and ran away as fast as he could.
Dominic got up from the mud and looked through the curtain of rain at the crouched figure dwindling away. His always-perfect hair was now glued to his head, but he didn’t care in the least; each of his thoughts were centred on Matthew and how he could change the brunet’s opinion about him.
‘I really fucked it up this time.’
He glanced at the ground and saw something that Matthew left there. He picked it up and found himself wrapped up in making plans. But first, he had to take care of something.
* * * * *
Matthew practically ran home, his overexerted heart pounding loudly in his ribcage. As he had hoped, his grandmother wasn’t at home and if she were, he would tell her that he didn’t feel well and was sent home. For the moment, he pushed aside the intrusive thoughts that wanted to be played again and again in his mind…he took off his glasses first and despite his initial thought of throwing them against the wall, he carefully placed them on the table. This was pathetic Matthew: he had the best scenarios in his mind, but when it came to do something, he did nothing.
He should have punched Howard…or spit on his arrogant mug. Slap him back and push him in the mud, destroy his good renown. In his head there was a large crowd assisting to his remarkable performance. People were applauding, screaming his name and booing the bully group. Matthew shook his head and went to the bathroom to peel off his clothes. The mirror was reflecting the blurry image of a pale, frightened boy. No, he should have scurried away when the gorilla bumped into him. It was the most ungracious and cowardly option, but he wouldn’t have been in this mess now.
Matthew stepped into the shower and waited for the water to wash away his regrets and frustrations. It didn’t go the way he wanted…the thoughts seemed to have their own will and didn’t flow away in the drain. ‘Why me?’ he asked and pummelled the tiles. ‘Why am I practically the only victim?’ He sobbed and washed himself with trembling hands. ‘Why do I have this fate? Why is he the cool guy? I wouldn’t do such things if I was popular.’ He leaned against the wall and mourned over his deplorable life. Matthew slowly slid down and put his head on his knees, crying for long minutes, his bitter tears mixing with the water and leaving his body weak. After a while, he wriggled out of the shower cabin and dried himself with a towel.
Numb and exhausted from crying his heart out, Matthew stumbled to his room and dressed up. He then took his favourite blanket and lay down on the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling and sighing from time to time. There were thoughts bothering him, but he felt as he had switched off his mind and didn’t have power to face them. A nap, a warm hug, some encouraging words would have been the best cure, but he was alone. He brought the blanket higher on his body and wrapped it around himself like a cocoon. Matthew was on the brink of falling asleep when somebody rang the doorbell. He looked, surprised, in the direction of the door, but he thought that it might be the mailman or a neighbour.
His mouth fell open when he found Dominic standing there humbly, soaked and trembling. They just stared at each for a minute, until Dominic bowed his head and mumbled: “I’ve brought you back something you left in the schoolyard.”
Matt let the blonde boy in, an automatic gesture, still astonished by the unusual apparition. Dominic stopped in the hallway, but Matthew went straight to the living room. He had a feeling that this wouldn’t be a short conversation, even though his mind was shouting at him, “this is the bully who’s been leading the humiliating campaign against you!” He plopped down on the sofa and looked expectantly at his schoolmate, who was still unusually silent and cringing. Matthew sensed that their roles were reversed and felt uncomfortable, so he was relieved when Dominic finally started talking:
“I think you lost this keychain, Matthew.”
‘He’s never called me by my first name before!’ the brunet thought and looked curiously at Dom’s open palm.
“Um…thanks,” he muttered and took the metal keychain, a phoenix bird with its wings spread.
He felt that there were many things they needed to discuss, but had no idea where to start. Finally, a reasonably logical question popped up in his mind and he managed to ask it:
“How do you know where I live?”
In the meantime, Dominic sat down at the other end of the sofa and mumbled: “After you ran away I went to reception and told them that you were too sick to come to school and while the secretary went to the classroom to tell your teacher, I secretly looked up your address in your file because I wasn’t sure about the number.”
Matthew gawked at the blonde and had no idea why would Dominic do that for him. Also, he wasn’t sure about the number? Did that mean that Dom knew approximately where he lived? Was Dom stalking him? No, that was a silly and impossible thought. In the meantime, Dom shuffled closer to Matt, who looked at him, wide-eyed.
“Look, Matthew…I’m really sorry about what I’ve done in the schoolyard. Of course, I’ll pay for your glasses and anything else that had been damaged: books or your clothes…”
“It doesn’t matter,” Matt whispered, trying hard not to start crying again at the mentioning of that bad memory.
“Yes, it does. I acted like a jerk. In fact, I always act like one around you…” Dom stopped and looked at the ceiling, unable to look into the piercing blue eyes. “Maybe if I explain to you why, if I explain what provoked this stupid attitude from me, maybe you can forgive me…with time.”
Matthew turned towards Dominic and said with bated breath: “I’m listening.”
“I’m so sorry that I treated you the way I did. When I arrived here, I wanted to be someone people looked up to, someone who was appreciated, yet I turned into a monster. That day when you tripped over my feet and looked into my eyes helplessly, something stirred inside me, a previously unknown and un-experienced feeling. It felt like an alien part in my body and I wanted to get rid of it by doing the exact opposite things of what it actually suggested doing.”
Matt blinked a few times, but it was still very confusing for him. He waited for Dom to continue.
“The next day, I wanted to talk to you…I remember you sitting on the stairs and reading a book. This new, alien mind told me to sit down beside you and ask what you were reading. Matt, I swear I was going to do it, but then the boys noticed me going in your direction and messed up my plan. They pushed you, took your book and tossed it to each other, enjoying your anger. What could have I done? I had to play my role, so I smiled disdainfully and threw the book in the garbage. That’s where my morality went down the slope; I threw it away with the book. I lost myself in the world of wrongdoing, committing one sin after the other, hurting you more and more…”
The brunet had a lump in his throat and he was overwhelmed by the unexpected confession. To his surprise, Dominic had tears in his eyes when he raised his gaze at Matt.
“When I made fun of you, I actually wanted to get closer to you, to be your friend. My mockery was words of encouragement whispered by that weird feeling you stirred in me, but my mind just couldn’t accept it. The scornful smiles, looks - they should have been right, they should have brought you joy, not pain. Everything else that I ruined - everything was different in my mind, but I messed it up!”
At this point Dominic’s body was jiggling with sobs, his hands wiping away the tears harshly, making his eyes red and puffy. Matt was beyond shaken, but he tried to calm the blonde with shushing sounds, even reaching out to pat Dom’s back.
“But today I did something so horrible that I’m truly disgusted by myself. My mind just went black when you mentioned girls. I just wished you would have known that I flirted with them only to attract your attention…to make you jealous.”
Heavy silence fell on the room. Matthew’s brain recorded the dull sound of raindrops hitting the window, but otherwise, it was blank after Dom’s confession. Dom, the superstar of the school, wanted to make him jealous? Did that mean…
“Matthew, all I wanted to say is that I like you, I’ve liked you since I saw you for the first time, but I just couldn’t get close to you after I messed up the first encounter. I hated that I liked you, but then I hated myself for hating that I like you, and nothing made sense anymore. I did all those awful things, on the one hand, to draw your attention to myself, but on the other hand to somehow punish myself. It is strange to explain, but I wanted you to be aware of my existence, yet I despised everything I said or did to you. I knew it would make you push me away and there’d be a gaping distance between us, but I also knew that I had no chance to be your friend anymore…”
‘Why is he telling me this now?’ Matthew wondered as he felt tears forming in his eyes. He imagined Dom and himself as good friends: laughing, walking home together and animatedly discussing various subjects, from music to the purpose of life. He covered his eyes; he shouldn’t even have begun forming those images in his head. It was like stabbing himself in the heart of his heart, in the centre of his dearest hopes. Now he was the one crying like a baby, something which he never allowed to be seen by the bullies in the past, but he couldn’t control himself this time.
Suddenly, there was warmth enveloping his left hand; it felt so good and comforting. Slowly, fingers entwined with his fingers, establishing a delicate, but all the more precious link between two souls. Matthew sobbed and blinked before meeting Dominic’s grey eyes which were also teary, but had a particular shine.
“Matt, do you think you could ever forgive me?”
The brunet looked down at their joined hands and gulped. He nodded with tears streaming down on his face, but a smile lit up his face when Dominic sighed with relief audibly and they laughed softly.
“But promise me one thing, Dominic,” Matthew declared seriously and looked at the blonde. “From now on, you will stop bullying me.”
“Of course,” Dominic promised wholeheartedly.
“We will start over with clean slate.”
“Thank you, Matthew. You are the most kind-hearted man I’ve ever met.”
Dominic’s words were followed by a warm squeezing of Matt’s hand, which he returned with a blush. They had so much more to tell each other, but it was not time yet. They were on the right path, though, to become friends and to do all the things Matt visualised in his mind. Their relationship also had high chances of becoming something deeper since they both opened up and exposed their feelings. But for now they were content with enjoying the strength they gained for their handholding.
After a couple of minutes, Dom let go of Matt’s long digits and got up.
“I think I should be going now. Thank you again, Matthew. Your forgiveness made a weight fall off my mind; it is a huge relief.”
“Same here. I thought I did something wrong…” the brunet boy mumbled as they exited the living room.
They stood awkwardly for a minute before Dom put his hand on the door handle.
“Thanks, Dom, for telling me. You were very brave.”
The blonde looked at Matthew with wide eyes and bit his lower lip nervously, as if he was pondering something. Led by the same bravery, he leaned in and pressed a kiss on Matthew’s cheek for no more than a second, quickly whispering: “I really like your new haircut.” before running home in the still dribbling rain. Matthew looked after him with hazy eyes, smiling to himself before closing the door. He had a feeling that he wouldn’t hate school from that moment on; moreover, he believed that everything would change dramatically for the better. His glasses might have been broken, but curtains lifted from Dominic’s eyes. Matthew couldn’t wait to wake up smiling every morning.
Author:
thekeyholder (Brigi)
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG 13
Beta: The lovely
ms_belle10 :) Thank you, my dear!
Summary: Teen!muse AU. Poor Matt is bullied by Dominic and his group. However, one day Matthew stands up and finally learns the true motives behind Dom's actions.
Feedback: would be lovely if you have some time! <3
Warnings: Bullying.
Disclaimers: As you probably know, I don’t own Muse or the inspiring song, but original aspects belong to me. So don't steal, please!
Author's note: Remember the drabbles I wrote based on the Mumford and Sons songs? I promised to make a proper one-off for Little Lion Man. I'm really sorry for the long time it took me; I wrote 80% right after I finished the drabbles, but I was very nervous about the dialogue at the end. Many thanks goes to laurad2609, starlight_myth and erasedjanna for assuring me that this is not bad.
Broken, But Mendable
He blinked a few times, reached for his glasses on the nightstand and glanced at the alarm clock. Lately, he had woken up a few minutes before it went off; most of the time, it felt great to stretch under the warm duvet and pretend that he could lie there for an eternity. However, sometimes - just like this morning - he was awake enough for his mind to be invaded by negative thoughts. It was enough to look in the direction of the window: the poor light filtering through the curtains foreshadowed a boring, melancholic, autumn day.
As soon as the word “autumn” popped up in his head, his mind associated it with school. That certainly daunted the sixteen-year-old Matthew Bellamy and he wished, for the umpteenth time, that he wouldn’t have to go to school. Not that day, not ever. He didn’t have issues with the school itself, but with the teenagers attending it. He refused to believe that he was too weird to be anyone’s friend, but since he was the victim of the popular group, everyone else avoided him not to be associated with “Psycho Bellamy”.
The popular group was formed the previous year when their current principal moved to the little town. As Matthew was dressing up, he cursed the day he accidentally tripped over His Highness’ feet and drew his attention to him. It didn’t matter that he apologised right away; the bullies sensed that he was a great subject to make fun of: his old-fashioned clothes, big glasses and last but not least his good grades were all too tempting to be left out.
Matthew’s hand trembled as he poured milk in a bowl. His grandmother, who was his official guardian, had no idea about the torture her grandson had been going through and hummed a cheerful song while making a sandwich. What should he say? That he had become a master of being invisible? Or maybe that he tried to go to school and come home on different routes every day? The popular group also took his lunch money at the beginning, so that’s why he preferred to take food from home.
But the most painful of all this was the public humiliation, far worse than the occasional punches or jolts. It was always the leader who conducted them; the truth was that he never ever harmed Matt physically, but he was sure to make the boy feel horrible. He somehow discovered Matt’s weak spots and bombarded him with cruel comments, as if he was determined to destroy the tranquillity of his mind. Matthew had to admit that his attempts were quite successful; he wasn’t putting up as much resistance now as in the beginning. He didn’t want to break down and offer this satisfaction to his terrorizers, but the shield around his heart became thinner and thinner with each day.
The morning seemed eerily quiet and that made Matt suspicious. He raked a hand nervously through his long brunet locks and looked around for well-built boys, but only yellowing leaves rustled around him. By now, he could see the school building. A raindrop fell on his hand, so he hastened the pace in the hope to get in before becoming wet. He focused on the concrete and told himself ‘there are only five steps to the door’. Suddenly, he bumped into something hard: it was one of the gorillas from the bully-group.
“Well, well, look who’s had a haircut,” the ringleader’s voice sounded cold and sly.
Matt gripped his books firmly and continued staring at the ground. The cool rain fell mercilessly in the meantime, silently mourning for a little boy who was in big trouble. Surprisingly, the brunet boy’s mind was suddenly filled with thoughts that had been lingering in his mind, but ones that he didn’t like to loiter on them too much. His first concern was how Dominic Howard could keep these big guys around him. He was only slightly taller than Matthew, but he dressed ultra-fashionably and was, unlike Matthew, very successful among girls. The brunet often imagined that his terrorizer was a kind of a mastermind - he charmed people with his flattering words. Of course, everybody thought Dominic was an angel with his blonde hair and pretty face!
“You look into my eyes when I’m talking to you, Bellamy!” Dominic hissed, grabbed Matt’s chin, and forced him to look into his cruel grey eyes.
“Leave me alone, Howard! Aren’t there any chicks left for you to pick up?”
Matthew looked for the first time without fear into Dominic Howard’s eyes and the blonde was astonished by the cold fire burning in the blue orbs. In the last year, Matt avoided that pair of eyes like the plague. He often noticed Dominic leaned against a wall, watching him with narrowed eyes; it was so much worse than a verbal threat! Only a glance and Matthew’s day was ruined. No wonder that wherever he went, he first checked if a certain blonde was there. That was also the reason why he mostly gazed at the asphalt, afraid to experience that icy grip that beset his heart when the grey eyes read his darkest secrets and fears.
Matthew had no idea why he answered that back. His mind always blocked when he was around Dominic and the most ridiculous things left his mouth. Why would he care about the blonde’s newest conquest? He should have just held his tongue and wait for the humiliation to come to an end. Classes would start in less than five minutes and then they would let him go.
“Bitch!” Dominic yelled and slapped Matt so hard that the fragile boy fell in a puddle of mud. His books scattered around him and a cracking sound signalled that Matt’s glasses broke.
Tears started flowing down the shocked boy’s face. He started collecting his belongings, feeling for them awkwardly, while the gorillas ran away, their maleficent laughter echoing in the empty schoolyard. However, something paralysed Dominic and he watched, his mouth open, as Matthew was searching for his glasses, trying at the same time to calm his sobbing and panic. The blonde boy kneeled in the mud and handed Matt the glasses silently, though he had many things in his heart that he needed to confess. The poor boy wanted to thank his helper, but when he saw who it was, his anger doubled.
“I’m so sorry,” Dominic mumbled and gulped when Matt looked at him through the broken lenses, the image as distorted as Dominic’s heart, which had been growing in the wrong company.
“For God’s sake, leave me alone!” Matthew cried out and ran away as fast as he could.
Dominic got up from the mud and looked through the curtain of rain at the crouched figure dwindling away. His always-perfect hair was now glued to his head, but he didn’t care in the least; each of his thoughts were centred on Matthew and how he could change the brunet’s opinion about him.
‘I really fucked it up this time.’
He glanced at the ground and saw something that Matthew left there. He picked it up and found himself wrapped up in making plans. But first, he had to take care of something.
* * * * *
Matthew practically ran home, his overexerted heart pounding loudly in his ribcage. As he had hoped, his grandmother wasn’t at home and if she were, he would tell her that he didn’t feel well and was sent home. For the moment, he pushed aside the intrusive thoughts that wanted to be played again and again in his mind…he took off his glasses first and despite his initial thought of throwing them against the wall, he carefully placed them on the table. This was pathetic Matthew: he had the best scenarios in his mind, but when it came to do something, he did nothing.
He should have punched Howard…or spit on his arrogant mug. Slap him back and push him in the mud, destroy his good renown. In his head there was a large crowd assisting to his remarkable performance. People were applauding, screaming his name and booing the bully group. Matthew shook his head and went to the bathroom to peel off his clothes. The mirror was reflecting the blurry image of a pale, frightened boy. No, he should have scurried away when the gorilla bumped into him. It was the most ungracious and cowardly option, but he wouldn’t have been in this mess now.
Matthew stepped into the shower and waited for the water to wash away his regrets and frustrations. It didn’t go the way he wanted…the thoughts seemed to have their own will and didn’t flow away in the drain. ‘Why me?’ he asked and pummelled the tiles. ‘Why am I practically the only victim?’ He sobbed and washed himself with trembling hands. ‘Why do I have this fate? Why is he the cool guy? I wouldn’t do such things if I was popular.’ He leaned against the wall and mourned over his deplorable life. Matthew slowly slid down and put his head on his knees, crying for long minutes, his bitter tears mixing with the water and leaving his body weak. After a while, he wriggled out of the shower cabin and dried himself with a towel.
Numb and exhausted from crying his heart out, Matthew stumbled to his room and dressed up. He then took his favourite blanket and lay down on the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling and sighing from time to time. There were thoughts bothering him, but he felt as he had switched off his mind and didn’t have power to face them. A nap, a warm hug, some encouraging words would have been the best cure, but he was alone. He brought the blanket higher on his body and wrapped it around himself like a cocoon. Matthew was on the brink of falling asleep when somebody rang the doorbell. He looked, surprised, in the direction of the door, but he thought that it might be the mailman or a neighbour.
His mouth fell open when he found Dominic standing there humbly, soaked and trembling. They just stared at each for a minute, until Dominic bowed his head and mumbled: “I’ve brought you back something you left in the schoolyard.”
Matt let the blonde boy in, an automatic gesture, still astonished by the unusual apparition. Dominic stopped in the hallway, but Matthew went straight to the living room. He had a feeling that this wouldn’t be a short conversation, even though his mind was shouting at him, “this is the bully who’s been leading the humiliating campaign against you!” He plopped down on the sofa and looked expectantly at his schoolmate, who was still unusually silent and cringing. Matthew sensed that their roles were reversed and felt uncomfortable, so he was relieved when Dominic finally started talking:
“I think you lost this keychain, Matthew.”
‘He’s never called me by my first name before!’ the brunet thought and looked curiously at Dom’s open palm.
“Um…thanks,” he muttered and took the metal keychain, a phoenix bird with its wings spread.
He felt that there were many things they needed to discuss, but had no idea where to start. Finally, a reasonably logical question popped up in his mind and he managed to ask it:
“How do you know where I live?”
In the meantime, Dominic sat down at the other end of the sofa and mumbled: “After you ran away I went to reception and told them that you were too sick to come to school and while the secretary went to the classroom to tell your teacher, I secretly looked up your address in your file because I wasn’t sure about the number.”
Matthew gawked at the blonde and had no idea why would Dominic do that for him. Also, he wasn’t sure about the number? Did that mean that Dom knew approximately where he lived? Was Dom stalking him? No, that was a silly and impossible thought. In the meantime, Dom shuffled closer to Matt, who looked at him, wide-eyed.
“Look, Matthew…I’m really sorry about what I’ve done in the schoolyard. Of course, I’ll pay for your glasses and anything else that had been damaged: books or your clothes…”
“It doesn’t matter,” Matt whispered, trying hard not to start crying again at the mentioning of that bad memory.
“Yes, it does. I acted like a jerk. In fact, I always act like one around you…” Dom stopped and looked at the ceiling, unable to look into the piercing blue eyes. “Maybe if I explain to you why, if I explain what provoked this stupid attitude from me, maybe you can forgive me…with time.”
Matthew turned towards Dominic and said with bated breath: “I’m listening.”
“I’m so sorry that I treated you the way I did. When I arrived here, I wanted to be someone people looked up to, someone who was appreciated, yet I turned into a monster. That day when you tripped over my feet and looked into my eyes helplessly, something stirred inside me, a previously unknown and un-experienced feeling. It felt like an alien part in my body and I wanted to get rid of it by doing the exact opposite things of what it actually suggested doing.”
Matt blinked a few times, but it was still very confusing for him. He waited for Dom to continue.
“The next day, I wanted to talk to you…I remember you sitting on the stairs and reading a book. This new, alien mind told me to sit down beside you and ask what you were reading. Matt, I swear I was going to do it, but then the boys noticed me going in your direction and messed up my plan. They pushed you, took your book and tossed it to each other, enjoying your anger. What could have I done? I had to play my role, so I smiled disdainfully and threw the book in the garbage. That’s where my morality went down the slope; I threw it away with the book. I lost myself in the world of wrongdoing, committing one sin after the other, hurting you more and more…”
The brunet had a lump in his throat and he was overwhelmed by the unexpected confession. To his surprise, Dominic had tears in his eyes when he raised his gaze at Matt.
“When I made fun of you, I actually wanted to get closer to you, to be your friend. My mockery was words of encouragement whispered by that weird feeling you stirred in me, but my mind just couldn’t accept it. The scornful smiles, looks - they should have been right, they should have brought you joy, not pain. Everything else that I ruined - everything was different in my mind, but I messed it up!”
At this point Dominic’s body was jiggling with sobs, his hands wiping away the tears harshly, making his eyes red and puffy. Matt was beyond shaken, but he tried to calm the blonde with shushing sounds, even reaching out to pat Dom’s back.
“But today I did something so horrible that I’m truly disgusted by myself. My mind just went black when you mentioned girls. I just wished you would have known that I flirted with them only to attract your attention…to make you jealous.”
Heavy silence fell on the room. Matthew’s brain recorded the dull sound of raindrops hitting the window, but otherwise, it was blank after Dom’s confession. Dom, the superstar of the school, wanted to make him jealous? Did that mean…
“Matthew, all I wanted to say is that I like you, I’ve liked you since I saw you for the first time, but I just couldn’t get close to you after I messed up the first encounter. I hated that I liked you, but then I hated myself for hating that I like you, and nothing made sense anymore. I did all those awful things, on the one hand, to draw your attention to myself, but on the other hand to somehow punish myself. It is strange to explain, but I wanted you to be aware of my existence, yet I despised everything I said or did to you. I knew it would make you push me away and there’d be a gaping distance between us, but I also knew that I had no chance to be your friend anymore…”
‘Why is he telling me this now?’ Matthew wondered as he felt tears forming in his eyes. He imagined Dom and himself as good friends: laughing, walking home together and animatedly discussing various subjects, from music to the purpose of life. He covered his eyes; he shouldn’t even have begun forming those images in his head. It was like stabbing himself in the heart of his heart, in the centre of his dearest hopes. Now he was the one crying like a baby, something which he never allowed to be seen by the bullies in the past, but he couldn’t control himself this time.
Suddenly, there was warmth enveloping his left hand; it felt so good and comforting. Slowly, fingers entwined with his fingers, establishing a delicate, but all the more precious link between two souls. Matthew sobbed and blinked before meeting Dominic’s grey eyes which were also teary, but had a particular shine.
“Matt, do you think you could ever forgive me?”
The brunet looked down at their joined hands and gulped. He nodded with tears streaming down on his face, but a smile lit up his face when Dominic sighed with relief audibly and they laughed softly.
“But promise me one thing, Dominic,” Matthew declared seriously and looked at the blonde. “From now on, you will stop bullying me.”
“Of course,” Dominic promised wholeheartedly.
“We will start over with clean slate.”
“Thank you, Matthew. You are the most kind-hearted man I’ve ever met.”
Dominic’s words were followed by a warm squeezing of Matt’s hand, which he returned with a blush. They had so much more to tell each other, but it was not time yet. They were on the right path, though, to become friends and to do all the things Matt visualised in his mind. Their relationship also had high chances of becoming something deeper since they both opened up and exposed their feelings. But for now they were content with enjoying the strength they gained for their handholding.
After a couple of minutes, Dom let go of Matt’s long digits and got up.
“I think I should be going now. Thank you again, Matthew. Your forgiveness made a weight fall off my mind; it is a huge relief.”
“Same here. I thought I did something wrong…” the brunet boy mumbled as they exited the living room.
They stood awkwardly for a minute before Dom put his hand on the door handle.
“Thanks, Dom, for telling me. You were very brave.”
The blonde looked at Matthew with wide eyes and bit his lower lip nervously, as if he was pondering something. Led by the same bravery, he leaned in and pressed a kiss on Matthew’s cheek for no more than a second, quickly whispering: “I really like your new haircut.” before running home in the still dribbling rain. Matthew looked after him with hazy eyes, smiling to himself before closing the door. He had a feeling that he wouldn’t hate school from that moment on; moreover, he believed that everything would change dramatically for the better. His glasses might have been broken, but curtains lifted from Dominic’s eyes. Matthew couldn’t wait to wake up smiling every morning.