Know When to Hold Them
This is not at all the choice I expected to make, largely because these are not the options I figured I'd have.
I spent much of the day out at McNamara High School, shuttling around through interviews with a principal, a president, and a Theology department chair. Mixed in between was a brief stint inside a living, breathing class, which I requested as a sort of means by which I could interview the school. All in all it was something of a whirlwind of excellent conversations. I think I acquitted myself well, at least as concerns my philosophy of teaching, my style, and my views on the unique responsibilities of a religion teacher. But then my bark has never been much in doubt.
The real issue, what I went to McNamara to find out, was whether or not I could feel like a real teacher again as it pertains to the classroom. When the interview offer was extended at the tail end of last week, my very first reaction was a strange reluctance - strange because it flew in the face of all I've been saying of late about wanting to be a productive member of society and wanting again to teach religion. You'd think that, when offered both those things, I'd jump at the chance. But the fact is I didn't; the fact is I doubted. Not for any cause, of course, but then I've never needed a good reason to doubt myself.
Some of the doubts have been assuaged. The most important one being the sense I had while visiting the class, the sense that these kids really are ready to plug in and that I could engage them. In fact, all the while I was sitting there I kept evaluating the angles: where I'd steer the conversation, what I'd say in response to that question, the jokes I'd crack at the right moment. Some of that timing - the rhythm - came back. You can take a teacher out of the classroom...
And then, waiting in my inbox at home, was my letter of acceptance to Weston - the far safer, if more expensive, option. I really do hold all the cards. I guess I just wish someone would force my hand.