Anti Christmas Marathon
We all reach a point, even if it is just for a moment, that we cannot stand the holiday season. As you drive or shop you are overwhelmed with holiday music and every other television channel seems to be airing a special devoted to the yuletide festivities.
Which is why I am asking one channel, particularly one with nothing to loose in offending the moral majority (I am looking at you G4 and SPIKE), to airing some decidedly anti-Christmas programming for us people who need to take a break from the joy infected masses.
Here are some ideas for this programming, free for the taking to any ambitious entertainment executive who wants to make a mark on the basic cable world... and cool points with the BAH HUMBUG crowd.
Scrooged with Bill Murray is just twisted enough a take on the Charles Dickens classic to squeak onto the list.
Batman Returns uses Christmas as a backdrop for the three way battle between the Penguin, Goth Catwoman, and Batman. There is no Christmas cheer or message, other than not to fuck with the goddamn Batman on Christmas. It is directed by Tim Burton who performs a trifecta of holiday dreariness with this film and two others I welcome to my list. Edward Scissorhands and the ultimate anti-Christmas cartoon feature The Nightmare Before Christmas where a skeleton takes the place of Santa for one chaotic Christmas.
Which brings us to Hogfather based on the book of the same name by Terry Pratchett. Death gets to play Santa in this made for television fantasy satire. It also contains one of the single best lines ever writ about the nature of men, " Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom."
Gremlins Joe Dante directed classic chaos film takes place entirely during the Christmas season. The Santa in the chimney story makes this one a must watch.
Tales From the Crypt: "And All Through the House" episode. The Brit flick version is connected to Amicus' Tales from the Crypt film, which does not continue the Christmas theme. So this shorter and slicker HBO version of the EC Comics horror story directed by Bob Zemeckis fits the bill. The premier evil Santa story in any media it has been presented. Speaking of evil Santas.....
Black Christmas The 1974 version. One of the first true slasher films. The holiday theme would later inspire John Carpenter's Halloween. It is much more solid a film than Silent Night, Deadly Night as well. Another reason it edges out SNDN is that it is directed by Bob Clark, who also made the slightly subversive but still pro-Christmas classic A Christmas Story
Billy Bob Thornton makes two appearances on the list with the mediocre, but mean Bad Santa and the much better and funnier Christmas heist film The Ice Harvest co-starring John Cusack.
The noirishly violent and funny kiss kiss, bang bang with Robert Downey Jr secures it's spot up here too with it's Christmastime setting and the added bonus of Hollywood celebrity subterfuge.
Lethal Weapon may not seem an overt holiday movie, until you recall that the movie begins with "Jingle Bell Rock" and ends at the Murtaugh family Christmas celebration. Mix that with the over the top violence and buddy cop antics to put it onto the list.
Yippee-ki-yay! Another ultra violent cop action movie also takes place during the holiday rush. The often imitated yet never duplicated Die Hard starring Bruce Willis.
Honorable mentions for Go, The Ref, and The Long Kiss Goodnight. Just cause I've never seen them but think they both probably qualify.
I will now leave you with one film so bad it could ALMOST make the list, but does not. Though I'd consider showing the MST3K sendup....
Which is why I am asking one channel, particularly one with nothing to loose in offending the moral majority (I am looking at you G4 and SPIKE), to airing some decidedly anti-Christmas programming for us people who need to take a break from the joy infected masses.
Here are some ideas for this programming, free for the taking to any ambitious entertainment executive who wants to make a mark on the basic cable world... and cool points with the BAH HUMBUG crowd.
Scrooged with Bill Murray is just twisted enough a take on the Charles Dickens classic to squeak onto the list.
Batman Returns uses Christmas as a backdrop for the three way battle between the Penguin, Goth Catwoman, and Batman. There is no Christmas cheer or message, other than not to fuck with the goddamn Batman on Christmas. It is directed by Tim Burton who performs a trifecta of holiday dreariness with this film and two others I welcome to my list. Edward Scissorhands and the ultimate anti-Christmas cartoon feature The Nightmare Before Christmas where a skeleton takes the place of Santa for one chaotic Christmas.
Which brings us to Hogfather based on the book of the same name by Terry Pratchett. Death gets to play Santa in this made for television fantasy satire. It also contains one of the single best lines ever writ about the nature of men, " Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom."
Gremlins Joe Dante directed classic chaos film takes place entirely during the Christmas season. The Santa in the chimney story makes this one a must watch.
Tales From the Crypt: "And All Through the House" episode. The Brit flick version is connected to Amicus' Tales from the Crypt film, which does not continue the Christmas theme. So this shorter and slicker HBO version of the EC Comics horror story directed by Bob Zemeckis fits the bill. The premier evil Santa story in any media it has been presented. Speaking of evil Santas.....
Black Christmas The 1974 version. One of the first true slasher films. The holiday theme would later inspire John Carpenter's Halloween. It is much more solid a film than Silent Night, Deadly Night as well. Another reason it edges out SNDN is that it is directed by Bob Clark, who also made the slightly subversive but still pro-Christmas classic A Christmas Story
Billy Bob Thornton makes two appearances on the list with the mediocre, but mean Bad Santa and the much better and funnier Christmas heist film The Ice Harvest co-starring John Cusack.
The noirishly violent and funny kiss kiss, bang bang with Robert Downey Jr secures it's spot up here too with it's Christmastime setting and the added bonus of Hollywood celebrity subterfuge.
Lethal Weapon may not seem an overt holiday movie, until you recall that the movie begins with "Jingle Bell Rock" and ends at the Murtaugh family Christmas celebration. Mix that with the over the top violence and buddy cop antics to put it onto the list.
Yippee-ki-yay! Another ultra violent cop action movie also takes place during the holiday rush. The often imitated yet never duplicated Die Hard starring Bruce Willis.
Honorable mentions for Go, The Ref, and The Long Kiss Goodnight. Just cause I've never seen them but think they both probably qualify.
I will now leave you with one film so bad it could ALMOST make the list, but does not. Though I'd consider showing the MST3K sendup....