smoking is bad
I'll admit I had one cig tonight...never again though I swear. smoking is gross...I showered and my fingers still smell smokey.
anyway, today I got my books for school. I had to get War of the worlds for film and society..I hope that doesn't mean we'll be watching that movie. I don't think I can take any more of dakota fannings screaming.
after I got my books, nick came to southie and we walked to store 24 and then met up with amy, and went to the old country buffet. they didn't have corn chowder :( it killed my soul.
After that nick gave me a massage in the car (it felt really good) and we chilled for a bit on our own...went back to store 24 and got cigs....I really hate smoking...like it does nothing for me..I don't know why I even bothered tonight..
Anyway, I've been feeling kinda bad since nick left. He said something at dinner about me holding james back...from really fully having a good time at college..and I really don't want to do that...but I'm not sure if I really am, and I don't want to be selfish and hold onto what we have if that could potentially hurt him...but I don't want to lose him either because I love him...and I dunno..I really don't want to discuss this particular case any further until I speak to james about it.
I just kinda wish that sometimes my friends wouldn't voice their opinions on my relationships when no opinion is asked for. It just makes me overly nervous and insecure. I mean...I understand sometimes saying something, but it just seems like alot of times my friends try to tell me what to do based on little or no info about how I or he feels whatsoever and it gets kinda frustrating. I try to be as open with james as I can about how I'm feeling and I hope hes the same way. It feels like because I haven't exactly been successful in all my relationships, people think I never will be. Yes I know I play the moron quite a bit but if I ignore you the first time you say to me "dump him before he dumps you" (which I've heard far too often in the last 3 months from an unnamed source) I'm probably not going to listen to you. my relationship is my relationship, and I'm neurotic and paranoid enough that I don't need everyone else being the same way for me, because I don't need anyone else increasing my paranoia and neuroticism. any talk of break ups, or where we should and shouldn't be in our relationship, or what we mean to each other should be between he and I...its one thing for me to turn to a friend and say "I don't know what to do/think/say" its another thing for a friend to tell me what to do/think/say.
and nick this isn't exactly about what you said, though that did kinda bug me (especially since you've only seen us together once), this is because I just hate people trying to tell me what to do. the important thing in this relationship for me is that I keep him happy...and I know thats just not possible when I get all crazy insecure because he gets crazy annoyed (and who wouldn't. clinginess is NOT sexy). and yeah...you brought up a valid point, which may or may not have already been addressed, but which I feel now needs to be addressed again (or perhaps for the first time, or for the first time completely openly)..and it didn't necessarily have to be before.
Gah now I feel bad for writing this because I feel like I singled out nick....nick rules guys! he tried to prank call james tonight and it didn't work at all because james just said hi nick and it was awesome because my boyfriend is better than you! lol... oh well...important update may or may not be coming soon.
anyway, today I got my books for school. I had to get War of the worlds for film and society..I hope that doesn't mean we'll be watching that movie. I don't think I can take any more of dakota fannings screaming.
after I got my books, nick came to southie and we walked to store 24 and then met up with amy, and went to the old country buffet. they didn't have corn chowder :( it killed my soul.
After that nick gave me a massage in the car (it felt really good) and we chilled for a bit on our own...went back to store 24 and got cigs....I really hate smoking...like it does nothing for me..I don't know why I even bothered tonight..
Anyway, I've been feeling kinda bad since nick left. He said something at dinner about me holding james back...from really fully having a good time at college..and I really don't want to do that...but I'm not sure if I really am, and I don't want to be selfish and hold onto what we have if that could potentially hurt him...but I don't want to lose him either because I love him...and I dunno..I really don't want to discuss this particular case any further until I speak to james about it.
I just kinda wish that sometimes my friends wouldn't voice their opinions on my relationships when no opinion is asked for. It just makes me overly nervous and insecure. I mean...I understand sometimes saying something, but it just seems like alot of times my friends try to tell me what to do based on little or no info about how I or he feels whatsoever and it gets kinda frustrating. I try to be as open with james as I can about how I'm feeling and I hope hes the same way. It feels like because I haven't exactly been successful in all my relationships, people think I never will be. Yes I know I play the moron quite a bit but if I ignore you the first time you say to me "dump him before he dumps you" (which I've heard far too often in the last 3 months from an unnamed source) I'm probably not going to listen to you. my relationship is my relationship, and I'm neurotic and paranoid enough that I don't need everyone else being the same way for me, because I don't need anyone else increasing my paranoia and neuroticism. any talk of break ups, or where we should and shouldn't be in our relationship, or what we mean to each other should be between he and I...its one thing for me to turn to a friend and say "I don't know what to do/think/say" its another thing for a friend to tell me what to do/think/say.
and nick this isn't exactly about what you said, though that did kinda bug me (especially since you've only seen us together once), this is because I just hate people trying to tell me what to do. the important thing in this relationship for me is that I keep him happy...and I know thats just not possible when I get all crazy insecure because he gets crazy annoyed (and who wouldn't. clinginess is NOT sexy). and yeah...you brought up a valid point, which may or may not have already been addressed, but which I feel now needs to be addressed again (or perhaps for the first time, or for the first time completely openly)..and it didn't necessarily have to be before.
Gah now I feel bad for writing this because I feel like I singled out nick....nick rules guys! he tried to prank call james tonight and it didn't work at all because james just said hi nick and it was awesome because my boyfriend is better than you! lol... oh well...important update may or may not be coming soon.