im so lucky...?
i think i might have stumbled upon something that i want to do for the rest of my life. and found wonderful people who i wanted to work with till forever.
BUT IM SO STRESSED uaslhlkhflkahslkhd i've been putting in 80 hour work weeks and not getting enough sleep cos of my screwy body system thing (probably elevated cortisol :() . Honestly I dont know if my body can hold up anymore. I mean a career is a marathon right? not a sprint? I feel like im going at breakneck speed and I'm about to crash!
And i'm somewhat of a perfectionist so i really beat myself up if i make a mistake :( i keep telling myself: if you do more stuff, you're bound to make more mistakes! But somehow i just cant internalize this fact :( I really need to talk to someone who is wise and has perspective.
Also, sometimes i just feel like I'm floating around and there's absolutely nothing to anchor me. Lots of things have happened recently such that sometimes I almost feel like I'm a completely different person. It's almost as if I dont know who I am and what I believe in anymore. And although i really like the stuff i'm doing now, I dont know if i'll be able to handle what's to come ( i got a sneak preview today and I'm really disturbed by what happens in academia). Yet although these things feel wrong to do, I dont know why they are wrong anymore. I wont do it, but I cant justify myself either. All i know now, is that contemplating the fact that it's happening, and that it might happen to me, really unsettles me.
Bah! I dont know! I really need someone to help me sort out my thoughts. And tell me it's okay to make mistakes, that things will turn out ok, that I'll be okay.
BUT IM SO STRESSED uaslhlkhflkahslkhd i've been putting in 80 hour work weeks and not getting enough sleep cos of my screwy body system thing (probably elevated cortisol :() . Honestly I dont know if my body can hold up anymore. I mean a career is a marathon right? not a sprint? I feel like im going at breakneck speed and I'm about to crash!
And i'm somewhat of a perfectionist so i really beat myself up if i make a mistake :( i keep telling myself: if you do more stuff, you're bound to make more mistakes! But somehow i just cant internalize this fact :( I really need to talk to someone who is wise and has perspective.
Also, sometimes i just feel like I'm floating around and there's absolutely nothing to anchor me. Lots of things have happened recently such that sometimes I almost feel like I'm a completely different person. It's almost as if I dont know who I am and what I believe in anymore. And although i really like the stuff i'm doing now, I dont know if i'll be able to handle what's to come ( i got a sneak preview today and I'm really disturbed by what happens in academia). Yet although these things feel wrong to do, I dont know why they are wrong anymore. I wont do it, but I cant justify myself either. All i know now, is that contemplating the fact that it's happening, and that it might happen to me, really unsettles me.
Bah! I dont know! I really need someone to help me sort out my thoughts. And tell me it's okay to make mistakes, that things will turn out ok, that I'll be okay.