I haven't been to church in forever, the last time I went was with you. I was still reading my bible though. Now, I dont touch it, I dont look at it, its something that I have and dont want to have and I'd probably throw it away or burn it if it werent for all the religious "taboo" on that kind of behavior. "God, why hast thou forsaken me" familiar words said by many totruted and twisted souls to a God who seems to relish is the pain of others. Oh... maybe its all a test. well I seem to recal being tested as an 8 yr old girl and the testing has never stopped. I thought I had proven myself to be a good person but obviously I'm not good enough for "God" because he keeps fucking me over and over again. I cant find peace, I cant find happiness and I'm not looking for religion. I might not be okay with the person that I'm slowly becoming because I dont want to be cold and bitter, but, I'm not okay with God either. Maybe, just maybe, if I thought he was really there and gave two shits about a skinny little white girl I'd try to hold on a little more. But He's not. He doesnt care. And He will let me be hurt again. God cares about some people he protects them, he loves them and they are content in their own little ways. I'm not.
"And you should have confidence, because there will be hope; and having searched about, you will take rest in safety." Job 11:18
I had confidence, I believed their was hope, and help and so much more. I wasnt ever permitted to take rest in safety. I dont see any of this compassionate love that "Christians" talk about all the time. I seem to get the other side of the deal. The Hellfire and Damnation Baptist preacher version. I'm sorry sweetie but I dont think I could even pick up my bible and taint my mind with false hopes. I appreciate your concerns and worries, but if God cared, he'd do something.
"And you should have confidence, because there will be hope; and having searched about, you will take rest in safety." Job 11:18
I had confidence, I believed their was hope, and help and so much more. I wasnt ever permitted to take rest in safety. I dont see any of this compassionate love that "Christians" talk about all the time. I seem to get the other side of the deal. The Hellfire and Damnation Baptist preacher version. I'm sorry sweetie but I dont think I could even pick up my bible and taint my mind with false hopes. I appreciate your concerns and worries, but if God cared, he'd do something.
yet I watch and wait... and nothing is done.
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