The whole school thing.....

Sep 15, 2005 09:24

Went grocery shopping before school ( Read more... )

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ambivalentlove September 16 2005, 02:22:18 UTC
Dear Friend,

There are times in this life when things go wrong... then there are times in this life when things never go right. No one says life or your life for that matter has been easy. As of this moment I don't know how you feel about anything really. I imagine you try to fell as numb as possible. Might I ask you of your feelings about God? Do you hate him? Do you curse his name? Regardless of your feelings about God, would you read a chapter in his book? Read Job. I am sure you have heard this story. God takes everything from him and yet God still loves God. Even all of Job friends turn from him. They tell him that all that has happened to him is his fault in fact it is not. Does that sound like something you can relate to. Don't let the devil get you down when God has such a wonderful plan waiting for you on the other side. Perseverance is so important. Remember that book of Bible verses I gave you? I am sure that you have not read it but one night when you feel all alone just read the parts that interest you. Don't give in... because you deserve better. You deserved to be loved and to be joyful. People do love you and care about you.

"What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?" Job 6:11

"And you should have confidence, because there will be hope; and having searched about, you will take rest in safety." Job 11:18

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thejournalofkay September 19 2005, 13:49:36 UTC
I haven't been to church in forever, the last time I went was with you. I was still reading my bible though. Now, I dont touch it, I dont look at it, its something that I have and dont want to have and I'd probably throw it away or burn it if it werent for all the religious "taboo" on that kind of behavior. "God, why hast thou forsaken me" familiar words said by many totruted and twisted souls to a God who seems to relish is the pain of others. Oh... maybe its all a test. well I seem to recal being tested as an 8 yr old girl and the testing has never stopped. I thought I had proven myself to be a good person but obviously I'm not good enough for "God" because he keeps fucking me over and over again. I cant find peace, I cant find happiness and I'm not looking for religion. I might not be okay with the person that I'm slowly becoming because I dont want to be cold and bitter, but, I'm not okay with God either. Maybe, just maybe, if I thought he was really there and gave two shits about a skinny little white girl I'd try to hold on a little more. But He's not. He doesnt care. And He will let me be hurt again. God cares about some people he protects them, he loves them and they are content in their own little ways. I'm not.

"And you should have confidence, because there will be hope; and having searched about, you will take rest in safety." Job 11:18

I had confidence, I believed their was hope, and help and so much more. I wasnt ever permitted to take rest in safety. I dont see any of this compassionate love that "Christians" talk about all the time. I seem to get the other side of the deal. The Hellfire and Damnation Baptist preacher version. I'm sorry sweetie but I dont think I could even pick up my bible and taint my mind with false hopes. I appreciate your concerns and worries, but if God cared, he'd do something.

yet I watch and wait... and nothing is done.

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ambivalentlove September 20 2005, 02:02:02 UTC
Well what if by just a chance of a hope that he sent me? Maybe he sent me to be in your life to show you his love and care?

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