Friendship Advice
My friend (let’s call her Angela) and I have been friends, fairly close, for 10 years. She really has a good heart and soul, and has been a very good friend to me. We’ve done a lot of fun things, had great experiences, and have been there for each other through thick and thin. Some would dream of a friendship like this, and wait a lifetime for it.
Recently, my friend got a killer job for a hospitality company, and even signed me up as her complimentary travel companion. That’s right, I fly anywhere in the world with her for free. We mostly travel well together and get along pretty good. But I can’t help but become frustrated and over an issue.
You might think wtf is the problem…
Of recent, sometimes her drinking gets out of control, to the point where I’m the babysitter and/or having to curve her behavior so we don’t get kicked out of places/etc. she falls, mumbles incoherently to strangers at the bar, cries, and even throws up. While we are on our vacations, I find this to turn some of my evenings into frustrating and even resentful moments. It was all fun in our 20s but we are pushing 40 now.
She’s even had other issues with the drinking when I’m not around that she’s told me about, leading to her being put in dangerous situations. She believes that the universe is challenging her in these frequent situations, but I know it’s because she’s let her drinking severely impact her judgement.
Now of course we both enjoy drinks, especially on vacations, but as I’ve become older, more responsible, a home owner and promoted within my career, I don’t find any desire to become s**T faced to the point in stumbling, incompetent and irresponsible. I don’t want to be hung over for a day on vacation. I value my time, my rest, and my health. Most of all, I am concerned for her, our friendship and my tolerance of what some of our evenings end up transpiring to be.
We have talked about and planned more trips, but I don’t think I can handle going through with it if her behavior continues to echo the same behavior of trips past, no matter if it’s a free flight for me or not. I end up wishing I was home, with my family, instead of feeling like a chaperone.
I know this conversation with her needs to happen, because I do owe her my honesty as a friend, and I should tell her I am sincerely concerned about her health and safety. But I’m afraid it’ll be the end of the road of our friendship, especially when I share with her I don’t want to travel with her anymore. How would you handle the conversation? What would you say? Or would you not address the drinking at all and just tell her you can’t make the trips?