really bad day

[thejordanator]

So today was pretty much the worese day ive had since i can remember, alot of stuff went all sorts of wrong and i got really frustrated with alot of stuff that i shouldnt have. Well i got up and went to church, had to pick my friend Ross up to go and by the time i did that we missed the whole thing. went to the picnic after and theny had to leave after like a half hour because i had to drive to ST. Stephens to plan some stuff for the worship service. Then i really had my heart set on hanging out with Jackie but that never works out because our scheduals are so messed up and crazy. so that didnt happen. I went to Chris Bidells and ended up having like a panic attack and feel ing really sick on top of all the stress. And im pretty much rideing the back seat with Jackie right now. I mean i know that she needs this time for her friends because shes graduateing high school but it sucks because she doesnt seem to know how much i want to see her. it doesnt matter if shes full of dirt or i only see her for like 5 minuets. all i want to to is just look her in the eye tell her how much i care for her but it really doesnt even matter. sometimes it feels like she doesnt even want ot talk to me and she just does not to make me feel bad. it just sucks because i really dont know how she feels about me and i dont have the balls to ask her myself. so im gonna stop feeling sorry for myself and do my devotional. I mean all of this im pretty much bringing on myslef. I put myself out there knowing i could get hurt and now im pretty much crashing and burning. Devo time.......so today Paul was yet again preaching controvercial views in his travels. he was taken by the gaurds from the crowd and about to be flogged. He asked them if this was legal because he was a Roman citizen and the took the chains off of him and questioned what he did to make the crowd so up in arms. its so funny how something small as a religous view can get them so rilled up for no reason. kind a like today how i flippen out about alot of stuff that shouldnt have been a big deal. I mean i know i shouldnt be getting angry about this but i do. I guess im really insecure and nervous sbout how stuff is going with Jackie because she is one of the only girls ive even gone after because they way she make my heart feel and not my penis. I kinda know a little of what Mike Jans goes though now is his search for women. I dont know, i know God has a plan for a girl out there for me but i wish she would come sooner than later. I just feel like im never going to find anyone and im gonna bbe a grumpy old man that scares people away because hes afraid of what will happen if he lets people close to him. Who just lives in fear of being hurt on an everyday basis so he takes himself out fo society. I know thats very unlikely but i guess im just really frustrated and i need to be more understanding than i have been. I need to mellow out and just sit down and figure out whats really going on and if im wasting my time having these feeling for her. wow im being really emo right now, i think im gonna go to bed.
Your always
Jordan Plyler