Long Time
Well its been a really long time since i posted last which isnt really a good thing. Ive decided to level with myself and come clean with all the stuff thats been going on in my life. This is most likely gonna be a long entry but i need to start being true to myself and venting somehow. I think im finally starting to bring stuff together in my life. Ive been breaking free of all the spiritual plagues that have haunted me. I know ive sat their and put on this act like im this super christian and that my life has been totally mended by the lord. I was only fooling myslef. Recently ive met someone that has made me put alot of things into prospective. And Honestly its a miracle of God. I met this girl Jackie though my friend Michele and YoungLife. Randomly she asked me to go to prom with her and i said yes because i figured why not. Just talking to this girl makes me want to better myslef. She has never once told me to change anything about myslef and i just want to do it. Ive been reading more of my bible, i havent been victom to drinking, and the problem ive been struggleing most with, pornography, hasnt even been a thought in my mind. Its amazing how a loving voice can just make you feel that much better about yourself and that you dont need all this other stuff that you surround your life in. Shes honestly too good for me, but for whatever reason shes interested in me. So basically overnight ive given up this problem that ive had since i was like ten. I couldnt shake the problem of looking at porn on the computer which was pretty much the biggest thing holding my relationship with christ at a standstill. I figured im doing everything else right so why should i worry about it, its not that big of a deal. I started reading this book on sexual addiction and understood everthing that was in there and why i had these feelings but i didnt apply it to my life. obviously this didnt make sense. It said i needed to talk to someone, be into my faith, and make a concious effort to quit. well i did none of these things. I figuredi would just give it up on my own and i could do it by myself. Well of couse i was wrong and i couldnt. long story short im on my way to recovery if you ant to call it that but im kinda proud of myslef. I dont care if anyone reads this because this everty was solely to help me along with what going on. On that note i think ill put in my devotional time for the day that ive neglected to do for the longest time. In Acts chapter 10 Peter has this vision wher he in hungry and the lord pretty much tosses down animals from the sky for him. he wont eat them because he says they are unclean but the lord speaks to him and says that everything that god has made is clean. later a man name corneilius asks for his help and comes to Peter because the lord has told him too. Peter welcomes him with open arms and lets him stay for a few days whithout really questioning him. i just thought that this was kind cool because i wish i would just let people into my life easier like Peter does. I mean ive pretty much shut alot of people out of my life because of the fact that im afraid to tell people things about myslef for fear of being judged. Why i have this fear ill never know. I cant tell people what is on my mind or open up anymore. I cant welcome people into my life. This even happened with that girl Jackie. I didnt want anything to do with me at first becaue i didnt think i could trust myself around her and didnt think that i would be able to have a intamate relationship with me. And by intamate i dont mean have sex, i mean that i could easily share stuff with her or look at her as more than just a good looking girl. I was really wrong. boy was i wrong. WE had a movie night at her house with a bunch of our friends and we ended up staying up really late talking about stuff. Everything to from bad past relationships to what were doing as christians. I let my gaurd down and opened myself up to her. I honestly wouldnt change anything for the world. Each day lately had been better than the day before and im not dwelling on things i dont need. Well this was way too long but i should have been writing more becaue im a moron.
Rev. Jordan Plyler
Rev. Jordan Plyler