What happened?
I was sitting here, at home in the Shire, pretending to work on a total of seventeen pages of philosophy papers, when I got distracted. Something made me feel like I should turn to that old thing, and just look at it. I saw some posts from old friends, and some entries from when I was still in God Quad, and it really brought me back.
I don't know, something about those old days was really different. I look back on myself, and I feel like I was part of some movie, some epic hallucination. I look back at last year, and I don't see that. The colors are different. The people are different.
I can't figure out what it is. I think I was living in the present then. But last year, I started living in the future, concentrating on what I wanted to do with my life, how I was going to somehow finish school. I can see it in myself; I don't hang out as much, I don't really enjoy going out, I'm always thinking about my work. I'm always at school, at work, or doing schoolwork. I knew my whole life to avoid responsibility, I knew it was a parasitic thing that drained the life from you. Now, I'm covered in it.
I'm trying to build castles now, big stone foundations to support some hope of a future. Back in the days of the Quad, I was living in the now, and I was building sandcastles. I was just having innocent fun. And if some big ol' dumb wave came and knocked over my sandcastle, whatever, I just started building another one, right in the same damn spot.
I'm happy now. I like where I am. There's just something about it that's lacking, I think. "You shouldn't compare today with yesterday." I'm sure someone said that or thought that at some point. Well, it's all fine and dandy that I have to take today for what it is, but time is relative, so why in the hell shouldn't I be able to relate today to yesterday?
I've wandered away from something, and I need to find a way to wander back. Firstly, I have to figure out what it is that I've wandered away from.
and i shall watch the ferry-boats
and they'll get high on a bluer ocean
against tomorrow's sky
and i will never grow so old again
--mister. jones
i really do miss the good ol' days...
I don't know, something about those old days was really different. I look back on myself, and I feel like I was part of some movie, some epic hallucination. I look back at last year, and I don't see that. The colors are different. The people are different.
I can't figure out what it is. I think I was living in the present then. But last year, I started living in the future, concentrating on what I wanted to do with my life, how I was going to somehow finish school. I can see it in myself; I don't hang out as much, I don't really enjoy going out, I'm always thinking about my work. I'm always at school, at work, or doing schoolwork. I knew my whole life to avoid responsibility, I knew it was a parasitic thing that drained the life from you. Now, I'm covered in it.
I'm trying to build castles now, big stone foundations to support some hope of a future. Back in the days of the Quad, I was living in the now, and I was building sandcastles. I was just having innocent fun. And if some big ol' dumb wave came and knocked over my sandcastle, whatever, I just started building another one, right in the same damn spot.
I'm happy now. I like where I am. There's just something about it that's lacking, I think. "You shouldn't compare today with yesterday." I'm sure someone said that or thought that at some point. Well, it's all fine and dandy that I have to take today for what it is, but time is relative, so why in the hell shouldn't I be able to relate today to yesterday?
I've wandered away from something, and I need to find a way to wander back. Firstly, I have to figure out what it is that I've wandered away from.
and i shall watch the ferry-boats
and they'll get high on a bluer ocean
against tomorrow's sky
and i will never grow so old again
--mister. jones
i really do miss the good ol' days...