Nicki and David...
I know you're probably really confused as to why all this is happening. Well...this is the best explanation I can give you. While I was at my dads' house I realized a whole lot...not just about the situation but about myself. This whole situation has been made into like a "blame game"...and everyone was so anxious and ready to blame Meredith. However, the pain really originated from within myself. Had I have been right with myself...things would have gone a lot differently. All those fights we would have were because I wasn't right with myself. I had to grow up...and that change she wanted from me wasn't in a bad way. Not in a controling way, like you all (and even myself at one point) had thought. She only wanted me to be the best person that she KNOWS I can be. We were really fighting all those times (maybe not directly fighting because of it. But all the problems just kept building on top of each other and the base of it all was: me not being mature enough to accept responsiblities for my actions...and just being mature enough in general). The way you all saw it was she was hurting me...and you just wanted me to stop hurting. That's understandable. But I think you guys are missing that I was the reason I was hurting. I was causing all this pain upon myself...the one who should have really been blamed was ME..NOT Meredith. I'm finally right with myself and have never felt better...our friendship has never been better. I realized that her reactions to how I behaved wouldn't have been that different if it was anyone else and that even if I try to make her go away or phase her out of my life, the inner turmoil would still be there. I'm almost like 100% sure that all of this could have happened with someone else. But you guys, and even myself, overlooked the fact that it wasn't her at all that had the problem...it was me. The reason why I am mad is because you can't see that it is not her fault at ALL. You just pick out like random situations where she didn't act perfect...but no one is perfect. When you apologized to me it's all well and good but it seems insincere now because you won't apologize to HER. I can understand that from the view of a bystander that it would look like Meredith causes me all this pain and it must be stopped..but you should always consider that appearance isn't always truth. If you can't see it inside yourself to ask forgiveness from Meredith, and although I love you with all my christian heart, I can't forget what you've done. I can forgive what you've done...but I can't forget. And even if you can apoligize..it may be too late. I'm right with myself now because I've figured out that it was ME that needed fixing and not our friendship. If this doesn't explain to you my decision then I can't help you.