(no subject)
so thursday night i drank too fast and ended up getting smashed and embarrassing my pathetic self. im not even sure about everything that happened, and i only know a few details of the conversations i had that night. apparently i talked to my friend amber, but didnt know it, and called her the next day bitching at her for forgetting about me- lol. but she was kinda blah- she looks down on me for drinking and partying and having fun, but wtf?! im 18 and about to go to college- this is my time to party!
im starting to really have trouble with the thought of moving to orlando... i didnt realize how soon it was until marty pointed out that i was leaving in 2 and a half months... that seems so damn close. im happy that ill get to see my brother more, but thats about it, bc not a single one of my closest friends are going to UCF. hopefully jordan and david can transfer there by winter or spring session next year... if they even still plan on doing that. kathys going to be in tampa- hopefully thats close enough to see each other at least 2x a month. pretty much all of my other friends are settled here in st pete- krystal, dennis, donnie, mitzi, marty, melissa, jessica, b6, kay, amber, EVERYONE. and those who arent settled in st pete are not going to be in orlando with me... im starting to get a little nervous. im shy around people i dont know, so im always viewed as the quiet intellectual loser. when i get to orlando, i DONT want to be seen as that type anymore- especially since once you get to know me i rock your socks off. =P argh the fear of new people and places.... whats worse though is the fear of losing good friends that i care about.
yeah so im not in a good spot with this guy right now. i like him too damn much and im afraid the feelings arent reciprocated. we talked thursday night, but like i previously mentioned, i was a little drunk and cant really remember too much. that drives me crazy though bc he gave me a bunch of reasons for why we shouldnt date... i just cant remember any of them other than the fact that im moving. to be honest though...i think its bc he likes me, but not a whole lot. not enough to risk getting hurt i guess. i still cant stop liking him though- he keeps doing endearing things! thursday night he was in the bathroom with me holding back my freakin hair and rubbing my back while i hugged the toilet, then he came and checked on me during the night, even after everyone else was passed out. i was being a real whiny girl that night... he was pretty tolerant of my bitching and moaning.... especially my moaning ;)... haha. then when we had to leave jaimes friday morning bc she had to work he let me crash at his house for a few hours- then he came and slept with me. damn, i am a sucker for sleeping with someone and being close like that............. ugh oh well. he had a few good points telling me why we cant date- but it makes me feel so insecure and unlovable. ehh i just need to not think about him bc i think hes got a bunch of girls all over him- not a big surprise that im not the one he wants. =P haha i love self-deprecation.
i think im going to have a party this weekend if jaimes up for it, since thursday is my last day of hell (aka high school) ever. it might be a weekend long thing... only have to work 2-6 friday and 8-3 saturday. let me know if you think you might show up. and who wants to go to the beach with me friday morning? almost everyone i know will be working or taking exams... call/im me.
i read this article in glamour the other day... it was about things in life just popping up completely unexpected and almost unwelcome. they suggested to go with the flow and do what makes you happy, no matter how out of sync it seems... i agree. the flow is good to me. =P and it shall be good to you if you just go with it....
not talking about anything specific- i just strongly advocate to you crazy stress-fiends to just relax and allow life to guide you.
im starting to really have trouble with the thought of moving to orlando... i didnt realize how soon it was until marty pointed out that i was leaving in 2 and a half months... that seems so damn close. im happy that ill get to see my brother more, but thats about it, bc not a single one of my closest friends are going to UCF. hopefully jordan and david can transfer there by winter or spring session next year... if they even still plan on doing that. kathys going to be in tampa- hopefully thats close enough to see each other at least 2x a month. pretty much all of my other friends are settled here in st pete- krystal, dennis, donnie, mitzi, marty, melissa, jessica, b6, kay, amber, EVERYONE. and those who arent settled in st pete are not going to be in orlando with me... im starting to get a little nervous. im shy around people i dont know, so im always viewed as the quiet intellectual loser. when i get to orlando, i DONT want to be seen as that type anymore- especially since once you get to know me i rock your socks off. =P argh the fear of new people and places.... whats worse though is the fear of losing good friends that i care about.
yeah so im not in a good spot with this guy right now. i like him too damn much and im afraid the feelings arent reciprocated. we talked thursday night, but like i previously mentioned, i was a little drunk and cant really remember too much. that drives me crazy though bc he gave me a bunch of reasons for why we shouldnt date... i just cant remember any of them other than the fact that im moving. to be honest though...i think its bc he likes me, but not a whole lot. not enough to risk getting hurt i guess. i still cant stop liking him though- he keeps doing endearing things! thursday night he was in the bathroom with me holding back my freakin hair and rubbing my back while i hugged the toilet, then he came and checked on me during the night, even after everyone else was passed out. i was being a real whiny girl that night... he was pretty tolerant of my bitching and moaning.... especially my moaning ;)... haha. then when we had to leave jaimes friday morning bc she had to work he let me crash at his house for a few hours- then he came and slept with me. damn, i am a sucker for sleeping with someone and being close like that............. ugh oh well. he had a few good points telling me why we cant date- but it makes me feel so insecure and unlovable. ehh i just need to not think about him bc i think hes got a bunch of girls all over him- not a big surprise that im not the one he wants. =P haha i love self-deprecation.
i think im going to have a party this weekend if jaimes up for it, since thursday is my last day of hell (aka high school) ever. it might be a weekend long thing... only have to work 2-6 friday and 8-3 saturday. let me know if you think you might show up. and who wants to go to the beach with me friday morning? almost everyone i know will be working or taking exams... call/im me.
i read this article in glamour the other day... it was about things in life just popping up completely unexpected and almost unwelcome. they suggested to go with the flow and do what makes you happy, no matter how out of sync it seems... i agree. the flow is good to me. =P and it shall be good to you if you just go with it....
not talking about anything specific- i just strongly advocate to you crazy stress-fiends to just relax and allow life to guide you.