[APH] Hades and Proserpina
Title: Hades and Proserpina
Category: Axis Powers Hetalia
Characters/Pairings: the world, Turkey/Greece
Genre/Rating/Warnings: Humor, Romance/PG 13/possible OOC, AU
Summary/Excerpt: Feliks somehow persuades Herakles to get a wife. The Underworld could use a new face, and they weren’t talking about dead people.
A/N: Written for lost_lyric for myths_n_legends 's Secret Santa 2009. Prompt was any crossover with Greek Mythology.
The cast:
Hades - Herakles
Proserpina - Sadiq
Charon - Feliks
The Furies - Francis, Gilbert, Antonio
Hecate - Hassan
Ceres - Elizaveta
Her boys (or maidens) - Roderich, Feliciano, Lovino
Zeus and Hera - Arthur and Kiku
Morpheus, Hypnos and Thanatos (last two only mentioned) - Ivan and his sisters
Dionysus and Poseidon (only mentioned) - Vash and Yao
Cronus’ role as lord over Elysium - Tino and Berwald
Mercury’s role - Alfred and Matthew
Stuff to be familiar with:
Hades (The realm, regions, rivers and inhabitants)
Hades and Proserpina
“You should, like, totally get a wife,” Feliks says, using one of his oars to prop himself up.
Herakles, Lord of the Underworld and looking utterly bored with his domain, doesn’t bother to shift on his throne. “...excuse me?”
Cerberus barks and Feliks groans. A new dead guy’s just arrived and after a thousand years of having this totally unfabulous job, he doesn’t bother looking at whom he’s ferrying, just as long as they pay.
“You know...” Feliks continues as he rows across the Styx. “A wife. A companion, a partner to rule this place! Like, it’s so trashy. I mean, your cats can’t dust a thing and everyone’s a buzzkill.”
Herakles looks around him. His lands are vast, gray and intricate. His people are mere wisps of what they once were and are perpetually distressed. Perhaps the only source of color is the fire from Phlegethon, the burning river, not that this is any consolation. What good is staring at a fire if you see figures flailing and screaming in it?
“What are we supposed to do here then? Party?” he asks as Feliks and the new arrival alight on the bank of Lethe, the river of Forgetfulness which the soul immediately drinks from.
Feliks puts his hands on his hips. “My Gods, I should totally get a raise from keeping up with you!”
Herakles raises an eyebrow. “We’ve got wealth right here, and more are pouring in...”
“T’chyeah, as if I could just walk up to the nearest carpenter’s shop and like ask his to repair my boat, which looks like totally crap.” Feliks gives his tiny ferrying vessel a reproachful look. “Or get myself a new tunic. That’d be totally rad.”
Herakles passes judgment on the new comers with a distracted wave of his hand. “I could have one made-“
“Oh no you don’t, sir,” Francis interrupts, flying into the main chamber in supposed pursuit of an irritating soul who refused to stay put in his torture. “I’m here to whip your boys into shape, not tailor suits.”
“Jeez, it’s like your job’s better than mine,” Feliks sticks his tongue out to blow a raspberry at the Furie but Cerberus barks again.
“It actually is,” Francis retorts, successfully capturing the soul and returning him to his eternal plight. “We get action.”
“Don’t want to chip a nail!” Feliks calls from the middle of the Styx.
Herakles merely watches in mild interest and growing exasperation as Gilbert too comes flying in the main chamber, breathing flames at an annoying group of wrong-doers.
“Oho, what’s this?” he asks in cheerily. “Everyone’s here! Is there a meeting?”
“Feliks wants Lord Herakles to get a wife,” Antonio supplies, arriving fresh from Tartarus and dusting rubble off his wings. “Ixion’s tried to throw himself off course again.”
Gilbert looks impressed. “A wife! That’d be nice...but this is a bachelor’s pad bro!”
“With dead people,” Francis says, momentarily relieving himself of his duties to join to other Furies. “What lady would like to live down here?”
Herakles is inclined to agree. He prefers the company of cats to beings, dead or immortal. He doesn’t need anyone to add to their number, because with company pouring in, the gloomy place is getting loud enough. Feliks isn’t helping with keeping the silence.
“Francis is quite right,” Ivan says, having returned from perhaps another dream-related mission he’s been sent out on. And as he returns to the cave of his sisters, Sleep and Death, he says. “...but it would not be bad to take one. Perhaps to get your bottom off that seat.”
Herakles mutters a ‘shut up’ which Feliks drowns with a ‘So this place could like brighten up, darn it!’ as he returns with fresh souls.
“Brighten this place up?” Francis repeats. “You aren’t supposed to enjoy being dead, cher.” Antonio laughs.
“Ugh! What about them?!” Feliks shouts and points to the far off region of Elysium, a place of Paradise where the ones favored by the Gods eternally rest in peace and sunshine. Tino and Berwald rule over these lands. “They’re like, the cutest couple I’ve seen! Or maybe they’re the only couple I’ve seen.”
“Pray tell me, Charon Feliks, why do you really want me to take in a wife?” Herakles asks, wondering where all these sudden complaints are going to. “If ever I do get one, it’s still my choice and I may not take in someone who’s as enthusiastic about things and dressing up as you are.”
Feliks rolls his eyes. “Like, I know. Jeez. She could be as much of a killjoy as you are. With bad taste too. But don’t come crying to me when you get lonely!”
Herakles thinks it ironic as he watches huge batches of souls whiz by. The Furies fly off once more to contain any hardheaded spirits escaping punishment and for a while, all in Hades is running as smooth as clockwork.
His domain had been empty once, when he and his brothers divided the world. He thought it was unfair at first, but Arthur consoled him with the fact that soon, his domain will be peopled and their gold will litter his soil. He conceded. Life (or something like it) is simple enough. Besides, he really wasn’t fit for the turbulent, albeit scandalous life Yao was living with his companions guarding the seas and oceans.
He observes the beings who’ve stuck by him in Hades. He can no longer remember how long they’ve kept him company: the three Furies, Francis, Gilbert and Antonio and Charon Feliks. Hassan, their Hecate, always comes and goes, preferring the surface world and its night delights. He doesn’t mind Ivan and his sisters much. Sleep, death and dreams are quite out of his league. Far off Elysium, bright and cheery, despite Berwald’s occasional endearing glare that still manages to scare Tino, is a region not of his concern either.
Herakles supposes a new face isn’t so bad. He does need another rational mind to carry out the souls’ judgments and he can’t rely on the others all the time for random thoughts on life, death and in-betweens, or the occasional advice, because everyone has their own duties here in Hades.
“Fine.”
The one word makes Feliks, Francis, Gilbert and Antonio stop what they’re doing to look at him.
“...fine what?” Gilbert asks.
“I’m going to get a wife.”
Feliks practically shrieks with joy. “I am so going to get your chariot ready! Don’t screw this up!”
Francis sighs. “I’ll prepare your chamber. Gilbo come with me.” He doesn’t admit he doesn’t want to get caught up in his fiasco. He’s had a bad hair day for too long and his irritable mood is threatening to escalate if he doesn’t do a bloodbath soon. A poor bunch of souls won’t know what hit them.
Antonio smiles and places a hand on Herakles’ shoulder. “Come on, man. I’ll go up with you. Let’s find the perfect wife.”
- - - -
“Ve! I’m not helping you because I like you! It’s just because Eliza told us to!”
“Shut up Feliciano! The man gets the point!”
Sadiq sighs and lowers his basket of tomatoes. From dawn to noon, it was just this, picking and harvesting. Elizaveta could be one heck of a slave driver; his back is freaking aching.
“Do you want these tomatoes bruised or not?” he asks the brothers, right about ready to hurl the fruit-vegetable in his rapidly evaporating patience.
“Don’t you dare, damn it! You’re just hired help!” Lovino snaps and Feliciano bristles indignantly.
“Hired help! You think I’m getting paid for working under this sun?” Sadiq yells.
Elizaveta jogs over to them, arms on her hips. “Boys! These tomatoes won’t pick themselves you know! Hurry up! The sun is scorching and I’m killing for Roderich’s lunch.”
“Ve~! Will we have some too?”
“Only if you meet your quota!”
All three of Nature’s demi-gods groan. Sadiq wonders how exactly he got himself into this mess and decides he’d rather not pry into the details. It involved a lost bet and copious amounts of Vash’s wines and threats from his maidens.
Unseen, behind a bush, Antonio and Herakles spy on the tomato-picking party.
“…why are we in Sicily?” the Lord of the Underworld asks.
“I spy a good catch!”
Herakles rolls his eyes at the sight of his companion’s starry-eyed pedo face. He follows his gaze and spots a frowning beardless boy with a basket of tomatoes, looking as red as the harvest he’s picking as he bickers with a taller man. A curious but somehow adorable curl bobs on his head.
“Focus, ‘Tonio. Focus.” Herakles takes one look at his companion and sighs. “He’s out of it.”
He moves closer to the party on his own, wondering if there is any one of these demi-gods worthy of being his wife. Elizaveta is out of the question, she’s the Goddess of the Harvest. If Arthur got wind of what he was doing, he would probably have to relinquish his power and get thrown in with the Titans.
Just then, Sadiq turns around and his face enters his field of vision. Herakles’ eyes go wide.
The man is simply gorgeous; skin browned just right by the Mediterranean sun, sweat shining on hard muscles from a hard day’s labor, a feral haughty grin on his chiseled face as he grinds his companions further up their walls.
His sandaled foot almost comes in contact with Herakles’ face when Sadiq looks back to see what he’s stepping on.
...and swears richly.
Herakles wastes no time opening the ground bringing them back to the Underworld, star-struck Antonio included.
- - - -
“God damn it, brat! I don’t care if you’re the Lord of the Underworld! Just get me outta here! Raptor fucking Zeus I swear, when ya get found out, you are dead. Ya’ll get a lightning bolt to the face!”
Feliks taps his chin. “Y’sure? Doesn’t seem like your type.” He’s leaning on his oars again. The souls in Styx stop their endless wailing to watch the new comer with genuine curiosity. He still reeks of the surface world, smelling of fresh tomatoes and radiating the afterglow of the sun.
“He’s pretty,” Herakles says simply, holding onto his prize like a child spotting a toy in the market he direly wants to own. “But he stinks.”
“Speak for yourself kid, you rule the dead!” Sadiq retorts.
“Your point?” he returns.
“I want out, kid. Y’can’t keep me here. Eliza ain’t gonna be happy. Heck, Arthur won’t be happy.” Sadiq shoots him a glare
Herakles meets it with a deadpan. “It’s my domain. I can do whatever I want.”
This results in more swearing and struggling. Feliks can tell behind that blank look, Herakles is enjoying it.
Francis flies over to the party. “What a screamer...”
Gilbert laughs. “Sounds good if you know what I mean! Who d’you work for?”
“Elizaveta, Ceres to you people down here. If she finds out I’m gone, the earth is toast. Literally.” Sadiq answers as he tries to pull his hand free. Herakles’ grip is tight.
Antonio raises an eyebrow. “Oh? And who are you?”
“The God of Spring.”
Feliks snaps to. “Oh we’re dead. Totally, totally screwed.”
- - - -
“WHERE IS HE?! ZEUS BE DAMNED WHERE IS HE?!”
“Eliza, calm down!” Roderich hurriedly chases after the rapidly pacing goddess. Feliciano and Lovino stand shamefaced and guilty behind him.
“You two were supposed to keep an eye on him! You know how flighty Sadiq can get!” she screams at the brothers, rounding on them. “It was so hard to get him to work even a day at my fields and you lose him? We’ll be behind schedule! Schedule! The people won’t be happy! They’ll starve themselves offering when we don’t have anything to give in return!”
The three men flinch when she screams. The sky rumbles and parts.
“Ceres, lass, what is your problem?” Arthur asks from his throne on Mount Olympus. “Can’t this be settled over tea?”
“Sadiq has disappeared, you nut.”
Arthur refrains from hurling a bolt. Anger management, Kiku’s constant reminded him. Crazy witch sometimes but gives good advice.
“...that is quite a problem.”
“I will not resume work until he is found!”
Arthur pales. “B-but the harvest! People will panic!”
“Blame Sadiq! When I find him I’ll send him to the Underworld then here then back again!” She screeched before storming off to the regions of the Four Winds, intent on search.
“What’s your story?” Arthur asks Roderich and the brothers.
“W-we were picking tomatoes!” Feliciano pipes up. “And ve~ Next thing we know he’s gone!”
Lovino shrugs. “Like he was swallowed by the ground or something.”
And Arthur gets a brainwave.
- - - -
“Mister, you’ve gotta eat. I mean, I know the food totally sucks down here, but hey! At least there’s food,” Feliks says, gesturing to the plate of odd fruits in front of Sadiq.
“Are you shitting me? If I eat this stuff, I’ll never be able to get back up there.” He’s currently strapped to a marble throne beside Herakles’, no longer struggling but still in disbelief.
“You don't need to,” Herakles says calmly. “You’ll be my wife.”
Sadiq grins. “Y’sure ‘bout that, kid? I could do everything I can to get myself thrown outta here. Y’aren’t gonna like my company. And as cute as y’are, this place ain’t for me.”
He’s not joking and they could see why. The lack of the sun and the amount of dead in this place is practically sapping Sadiq of energy. Herakles looks thoughtful.
“Francis, Gilbo, Antonio, take care of him,” he says. “I’ll go try and make this work.”
Sadiq takes a moment to marvel at the stubbornness of this god. He’s torn between annoyance and amusement, but mostly just annoyance. Nope, it wouldn’t be so bad to stick to the guy, but as soon as a bunch of screaming spirits rushes by his field of vision, he reconsiders his second thoughts.
What the hell have I gotten myself into?
- - - -
“Hecate, I honestly appreciate you coming to help.” Elizaveta says, exhausted after months of searching. “The boys can work hard but you can’t ask them to do stuff like this sometimes.”
Quiet Hecate raises a hand in acknowledgment. “Please, call me Hassan.”
“Hassan then.” Elizaveta tugs at her hair. She finds the Northern lands quite cold. “Gods, where has Sadiq gone?!”
“...he might not be on the surface.”
Elizaveta shoots him a look. “That’s ridiculous!”
The look on Hassan’s face is painfully blank.
- - - -
“I don’t see the reason why Herakles chose this guy, do you?” Feliks asks Francis as they watch the soon to be King and Queen of the Underworld (if of course all goes well) argue (quite lively) over living arrangements and food.
“If I am to be honest, cher,” the Furie begins. “Herakles enjoys his company. It’s refreshing. Or maybe he’s a masochist.”
“You’re right,” Antonio remarks. “I haven’t seen him provide for someone else before. The image suits him.”
“Still,” says Feliks. “They like...fight a lot.”
“You fucking shut up, you stinky bastard! I’m making an effort here! What more do you want?”
“Right back at ya, brat! I didn’t ask for all this! You act so sure of yourself!”
“Hey OW.”
“I ain’t gonna be anybody’s Queen!”
“Yes you will!”
“When I’m the lord of Zeus’ ass.”
“Eat!”
“No!”
“That’s quite healthy for couples,” Gilbert says, laughing as the pair progressed from cheek pulling to grappling on the marble floor. They roll to the bank of one of the five rivers and the souls trapped there watch with interest. “...or so I’ve heard.”
“FUCKING DEAD PEOPLE!” Sadiq screams.
“I’m worried about Herakles,” Antonio says thoughtfully. “Eternity with this guy, really?”
Feliks flamboyantly waves a hand as Cerberus barks again. “He can handle it. He’s doing fine already!”
- - - -
Alfred and Matthew reach Elizaveta in the Far East with Hassan. She’s furious and kicking at wilting crops. The twins are thankful for their winged hats and sandals because the search is clearly running out of time.
“Elizaveta!” Matthew calls and the Goddess of Nature whips about. “We’ve found Sadiq!”
In the blink of an eye she’s looming over them. “WHERE?”
Alfred gulps. “...the Underworld? Lord Herakles took him as his wife.”
Elizaveta opens and shuts her mouth but finds no comeback.
Hassan perks up. Amusement is evident on his face. “I wonder why.”
Matthew laughs uneasily as Elizaveta silently fumes, like a bomb to blow any minute. “I wonder too. He’s getting too hot to handle or so Ivan says. In any case, at least life down there is quite lively.”
“...the Underworld.” Elizaveta repeats.
The Mercury twins nod. And she explodes.
“ARTHUR!”
- - - -
There’s a rumbling at the Gates of Avernus a few days later. Cerberus doesn’t bark and it takes a while for Feliks to answer, annoyed at how’s he’s been disturbed from filing his nails.
The clanging increases.
“Like, chill! I’m coming!”
“It’s me Charon Feliks.”
Arthur, or rather, Zeus is at Hades.
“Oh snap.”
- - - -
“Are you crazy?” Arthur is scolding Herakles. “You abduct him right in the middle of harvest! Or I suppose you don’t know because Time over here is relative. Elizaveta’s wreaked havoc up there! There’s famine!”
Herakles shrugs. “More people for me…”
Arthur facepalms. “Right, right. Your domain, your rules. Let’s make a deal before I get impeached, or before Kiku hands me my ass on a silver platter.” He turns to Sadiq. “Have you eaten anything since you got here?”
“No...” the Spring God says, annoyed and ruffled.
“Good, stubborn lad. If you’d gotten hitched, it’d be more trouble than Yao on a drunken rampage.” Arthur returns his attention to Herakles. “Since you were unable to make him drink or eat any of your food, he is not bound by your rules. Elizaveta wants him released.”
Herakles concedes and Sadiq pumps a fist in the air.
- - - -
“Raptor Zeus, what a story to tell the boys,” Sadiq says as he prepares to leave. “Feliciano and Lovino might get jealous. Then again, who wouldn’t want to be with a pretty god? If only you didn’t rule the dead.”
Herakles is quiet. He offers him a pomegranate for the journey up. “From Francis. He’ll miss you he says.”
Somewhere in Tartarus, Francis sneezes and swears.
Sadiq raises an eyebrow. “Right. Never knew the man cared. What the heck, I’m outta here anyway.” He cuts the fruit in half and eats six of the seeds.
- - - -
“Yo!” Alfred peeks in the hole in the ground. Matthew flies Sadiq up and into the sun. The first thing Elizaveta does is whack him on the head.
“I take my eyes of you for one minute and you get yourself roped into the Underworld!”
“Hey! It’s not my fault the god down there has the hots for me!” Sadiq laughs.
“Goodness, get real! It’s about time our people have something to eat! You’ve been gone long enough!”
“It’s you who’s been scorching the earth, dear,” Roderich sighs but gets ignored.
“Don’t let me catch you disappearing like that again!”
“But he can’t,” Arthur interrupts.
Elizaveta frowns at the sky. “...what?”
“He broke his fast before he came up here. He ate half a pomegranate and therefore has to return to the Underworld for half the year,” he explains.
“Well shit,” Sadiq articulates. “It works that way?”
- - - -
Six months later, he’s back on the throne beside Herakles, passing judgment on souls and putting up with idle chit chat about philosophy and money.
“God damn you, kid, you’re giving me a headache,” he says and proceeds to hit the god on the head. Occasionally a hero or two comes along, begging favors or playing harps. To be honest, there isn’t a day, or rather a general period of time, where there aren’t surprises.
Sadiq snorts at his thoughts. A cat sleeping beside Herakles wakes up and runs away screeching. Herakles rounds on him.
“You bastard, you did that on purpose!”
Sadiq sits up scandalized. “The heck? I didn’t do anything!”
They grapple on the floor.
Hassan passes by, quiet and pensive. “How’s the company?” he asks the Furies, watching in amusement from their spot overhead.
“Quite entertaining!” The three answer.
Feliks sighs. “I’m totally not gonna get a raise, am I?”
Back on the surface, Elizaveta rages on till her helper returns and hey presto! It's the turn of the seasons.
END
Category: Axis Powers Hetalia
Characters/Pairings: the world, Turkey/Greece
Genre/Rating/Warnings: Humor, Romance/PG 13/possible OOC, AU
Summary/Excerpt: Feliks somehow persuades Herakles to get a wife. The Underworld could use a new face, and they weren’t talking about dead people.
A/N: Written for lost_lyric for myths_n_legends 's Secret Santa 2009. Prompt was any crossover with Greek Mythology.
The cast:
Hades - Herakles
Proserpina - Sadiq
Charon - Feliks
The Furies - Francis, Gilbert, Antonio
Hecate - Hassan
Ceres - Elizaveta
Her boys (or maidens) - Roderich, Feliciano, Lovino
Zeus and Hera - Arthur and Kiku
Morpheus, Hypnos and Thanatos (last two only mentioned) - Ivan and his sisters
Dionysus and Poseidon (only mentioned) - Vash and Yao
Cronus’ role as lord over Elysium - Tino and Berwald
Mercury’s role - Alfred and Matthew
Stuff to be familiar with:
Hades (The realm, regions, rivers and inhabitants)
Hades and Proserpina
“You should, like, totally get a wife,” Feliks says, using one of his oars to prop himself up.
Herakles, Lord of the Underworld and looking utterly bored with his domain, doesn’t bother to shift on his throne. “...excuse me?”
Cerberus barks and Feliks groans. A new dead guy’s just arrived and after a thousand years of having this totally unfabulous job, he doesn’t bother looking at whom he’s ferrying, just as long as they pay.
“You know...” Feliks continues as he rows across the Styx. “A wife. A companion, a partner to rule this place! Like, it’s so trashy. I mean, your cats can’t dust a thing and everyone’s a buzzkill.”
Herakles looks around him. His lands are vast, gray and intricate. His people are mere wisps of what they once were and are perpetually distressed. Perhaps the only source of color is the fire from Phlegethon, the burning river, not that this is any consolation. What good is staring at a fire if you see figures flailing and screaming in it?
“What are we supposed to do here then? Party?” he asks as Feliks and the new arrival alight on the bank of Lethe, the river of Forgetfulness which the soul immediately drinks from.
Feliks puts his hands on his hips. “My Gods, I should totally get a raise from keeping up with you!”
Herakles raises an eyebrow. “We’ve got wealth right here, and more are pouring in...”
“T’chyeah, as if I could just walk up to the nearest carpenter’s shop and like ask his to repair my boat, which looks like totally crap.” Feliks gives his tiny ferrying vessel a reproachful look. “Or get myself a new tunic. That’d be totally rad.”
Herakles passes judgment on the new comers with a distracted wave of his hand. “I could have one made-“
“Oh no you don’t, sir,” Francis interrupts, flying into the main chamber in supposed pursuit of an irritating soul who refused to stay put in his torture. “I’m here to whip your boys into shape, not tailor suits.”
“Jeez, it’s like your job’s better than mine,” Feliks sticks his tongue out to blow a raspberry at the Furie but Cerberus barks again.
“It actually is,” Francis retorts, successfully capturing the soul and returning him to his eternal plight. “We get action.”
“Don’t want to chip a nail!” Feliks calls from the middle of the Styx.
Herakles merely watches in mild interest and growing exasperation as Gilbert too comes flying in the main chamber, breathing flames at an annoying group of wrong-doers.
“Oho, what’s this?” he asks in cheerily. “Everyone’s here! Is there a meeting?”
“Feliks wants Lord Herakles to get a wife,” Antonio supplies, arriving fresh from Tartarus and dusting rubble off his wings. “Ixion’s tried to throw himself off course again.”
Gilbert looks impressed. “A wife! That’d be nice...but this is a bachelor’s pad bro!”
“With dead people,” Francis says, momentarily relieving himself of his duties to join to other Furies. “What lady would like to live down here?”
Herakles is inclined to agree. He prefers the company of cats to beings, dead or immortal. He doesn’t need anyone to add to their number, because with company pouring in, the gloomy place is getting loud enough. Feliks isn’t helping with keeping the silence.
“Francis is quite right,” Ivan says, having returned from perhaps another dream-related mission he’s been sent out on. And as he returns to the cave of his sisters, Sleep and Death, he says. “...but it would not be bad to take one. Perhaps to get your bottom off that seat.”
Herakles mutters a ‘shut up’ which Feliks drowns with a ‘So this place could like brighten up, darn it!’ as he returns with fresh souls.
“Brighten this place up?” Francis repeats. “You aren’t supposed to enjoy being dead, cher.” Antonio laughs.
“Ugh! What about them?!” Feliks shouts and points to the far off region of Elysium, a place of Paradise where the ones favored by the Gods eternally rest in peace and sunshine. Tino and Berwald rule over these lands. “They’re like, the cutest couple I’ve seen! Or maybe they’re the only couple I’ve seen.”
“Pray tell me, Charon Feliks, why do you really want me to take in a wife?” Herakles asks, wondering where all these sudden complaints are going to. “If ever I do get one, it’s still my choice and I may not take in someone who’s as enthusiastic about things and dressing up as you are.”
Feliks rolls his eyes. “Like, I know. Jeez. She could be as much of a killjoy as you are. With bad taste too. But don’t come crying to me when you get lonely!”
Herakles thinks it ironic as he watches huge batches of souls whiz by. The Furies fly off once more to contain any hardheaded spirits escaping punishment and for a while, all in Hades is running as smooth as clockwork.
His domain had been empty once, when he and his brothers divided the world. He thought it was unfair at first, but Arthur consoled him with the fact that soon, his domain will be peopled and their gold will litter his soil. He conceded. Life (or something like it) is simple enough. Besides, he really wasn’t fit for the turbulent, albeit scandalous life Yao was living with his companions guarding the seas and oceans.
He observes the beings who’ve stuck by him in Hades. He can no longer remember how long they’ve kept him company: the three Furies, Francis, Gilbert and Antonio and Charon Feliks. Hassan, their Hecate, always comes and goes, preferring the surface world and its night delights. He doesn’t mind Ivan and his sisters much. Sleep, death and dreams are quite out of his league. Far off Elysium, bright and cheery, despite Berwald’s occasional endearing glare that still manages to scare Tino, is a region not of his concern either.
Herakles supposes a new face isn’t so bad. He does need another rational mind to carry out the souls’ judgments and he can’t rely on the others all the time for random thoughts on life, death and in-betweens, or the occasional advice, because everyone has their own duties here in Hades.
“Fine.”
The one word makes Feliks, Francis, Gilbert and Antonio stop what they’re doing to look at him.
“...fine what?” Gilbert asks.
“I’m going to get a wife.”
Feliks practically shrieks with joy. “I am so going to get your chariot ready! Don’t screw this up!”
Francis sighs. “I’ll prepare your chamber. Gilbo come with me.” He doesn’t admit he doesn’t want to get caught up in his fiasco. He’s had a bad hair day for too long and his irritable mood is threatening to escalate if he doesn’t do a bloodbath soon. A poor bunch of souls won’t know what hit them.
Antonio smiles and places a hand on Herakles’ shoulder. “Come on, man. I’ll go up with you. Let’s find the perfect wife.”
- - - -
“Ve! I’m not helping you because I like you! It’s just because Eliza told us to!”
“Shut up Feliciano! The man gets the point!”
Sadiq sighs and lowers his basket of tomatoes. From dawn to noon, it was just this, picking and harvesting. Elizaveta could be one heck of a slave driver; his back is freaking aching.
“Do you want these tomatoes bruised or not?” he asks the brothers, right about ready to hurl the fruit-vegetable in his rapidly evaporating patience.
“Don’t you dare, damn it! You’re just hired help!” Lovino snaps and Feliciano bristles indignantly.
“Hired help! You think I’m getting paid for working under this sun?” Sadiq yells.
Elizaveta jogs over to them, arms on her hips. “Boys! These tomatoes won’t pick themselves you know! Hurry up! The sun is scorching and I’m killing for Roderich’s lunch.”
“Ve~! Will we have some too?”
“Only if you meet your quota!”
All three of Nature’s demi-gods groan. Sadiq wonders how exactly he got himself into this mess and decides he’d rather not pry into the details. It involved a lost bet and copious amounts of Vash’s wines and threats from his maidens.
Unseen, behind a bush, Antonio and Herakles spy on the tomato-picking party.
“…why are we in Sicily?” the Lord of the Underworld asks.
“I spy a good catch!”
Herakles rolls his eyes at the sight of his companion’s starry-eyed pedo face. He follows his gaze and spots a frowning beardless boy with a basket of tomatoes, looking as red as the harvest he’s picking as he bickers with a taller man. A curious but somehow adorable curl bobs on his head.
“Focus, ‘Tonio. Focus.” Herakles takes one look at his companion and sighs. “He’s out of it.”
He moves closer to the party on his own, wondering if there is any one of these demi-gods worthy of being his wife. Elizaveta is out of the question, she’s the Goddess of the Harvest. If Arthur got wind of what he was doing, he would probably have to relinquish his power and get thrown in with the Titans.
Just then, Sadiq turns around and his face enters his field of vision. Herakles’ eyes go wide.
The man is simply gorgeous; skin browned just right by the Mediterranean sun, sweat shining on hard muscles from a hard day’s labor, a feral haughty grin on his chiseled face as he grinds his companions further up their walls.
His sandaled foot almost comes in contact with Herakles’ face when Sadiq looks back to see what he’s stepping on.
...and swears richly.
Herakles wastes no time opening the ground bringing them back to the Underworld, star-struck Antonio included.
- - - -
“God damn it, brat! I don’t care if you’re the Lord of the Underworld! Just get me outta here! Raptor fucking Zeus I swear, when ya get found out, you are dead. Ya’ll get a lightning bolt to the face!”
Feliks taps his chin. “Y’sure? Doesn’t seem like your type.” He’s leaning on his oars again. The souls in Styx stop their endless wailing to watch the new comer with genuine curiosity. He still reeks of the surface world, smelling of fresh tomatoes and radiating the afterglow of the sun.
“He’s pretty,” Herakles says simply, holding onto his prize like a child spotting a toy in the market he direly wants to own. “But he stinks.”
“Speak for yourself kid, you rule the dead!” Sadiq retorts.
“Your point?” he returns.
“I want out, kid. Y’can’t keep me here. Eliza ain’t gonna be happy. Heck, Arthur won’t be happy.” Sadiq shoots him a glare
Herakles meets it with a deadpan. “It’s my domain. I can do whatever I want.”
This results in more swearing and struggling. Feliks can tell behind that blank look, Herakles is enjoying it.
Francis flies over to the party. “What a screamer...”
Gilbert laughs. “Sounds good if you know what I mean! Who d’you work for?”
“Elizaveta, Ceres to you people down here. If she finds out I’m gone, the earth is toast. Literally.” Sadiq answers as he tries to pull his hand free. Herakles’ grip is tight.
Antonio raises an eyebrow. “Oh? And who are you?”
“The God of Spring.”
Feliks snaps to. “Oh we’re dead. Totally, totally screwed.”
- - - -
“WHERE IS HE?! ZEUS BE DAMNED WHERE IS HE?!”
“Eliza, calm down!” Roderich hurriedly chases after the rapidly pacing goddess. Feliciano and Lovino stand shamefaced and guilty behind him.
“You two were supposed to keep an eye on him! You know how flighty Sadiq can get!” she screams at the brothers, rounding on them. “It was so hard to get him to work even a day at my fields and you lose him? We’ll be behind schedule! Schedule! The people won’t be happy! They’ll starve themselves offering when we don’t have anything to give in return!”
The three men flinch when she screams. The sky rumbles and parts.
“Ceres, lass, what is your problem?” Arthur asks from his throne on Mount Olympus. “Can’t this be settled over tea?”
“Sadiq has disappeared, you nut.”
Arthur refrains from hurling a bolt. Anger management, Kiku’s constant reminded him. Crazy witch sometimes but gives good advice.
“...that is quite a problem.”
“I will not resume work until he is found!”
Arthur pales. “B-but the harvest! People will panic!”
“Blame Sadiq! When I find him I’ll send him to the Underworld then here then back again!” She screeched before storming off to the regions of the Four Winds, intent on search.
“What’s your story?” Arthur asks Roderich and the brothers.
“W-we were picking tomatoes!” Feliciano pipes up. “And ve~ Next thing we know he’s gone!”
Lovino shrugs. “Like he was swallowed by the ground or something.”
And Arthur gets a brainwave.
- - - -
“Mister, you’ve gotta eat. I mean, I know the food totally sucks down here, but hey! At least there’s food,” Feliks says, gesturing to the plate of odd fruits in front of Sadiq.
“Are you shitting me? If I eat this stuff, I’ll never be able to get back up there.” He’s currently strapped to a marble throne beside Herakles’, no longer struggling but still in disbelief.
“You don't need to,” Herakles says calmly. “You’ll be my wife.”
Sadiq grins. “Y’sure ‘bout that, kid? I could do everything I can to get myself thrown outta here. Y’aren’t gonna like my company. And as cute as y’are, this place ain’t for me.”
He’s not joking and they could see why. The lack of the sun and the amount of dead in this place is practically sapping Sadiq of energy. Herakles looks thoughtful.
“Francis, Gilbo, Antonio, take care of him,” he says. “I’ll go try and make this work.”
Sadiq takes a moment to marvel at the stubbornness of this god. He’s torn between annoyance and amusement, but mostly just annoyance. Nope, it wouldn’t be so bad to stick to the guy, but as soon as a bunch of screaming spirits rushes by his field of vision, he reconsiders his second thoughts.
What the hell have I gotten myself into?
- - - -
“Hecate, I honestly appreciate you coming to help.” Elizaveta says, exhausted after months of searching. “The boys can work hard but you can’t ask them to do stuff like this sometimes.”
Quiet Hecate raises a hand in acknowledgment. “Please, call me Hassan.”
“Hassan then.” Elizaveta tugs at her hair. She finds the Northern lands quite cold. “Gods, where has Sadiq gone?!”
“...he might not be on the surface.”
Elizaveta shoots him a look. “That’s ridiculous!”
The look on Hassan’s face is painfully blank.
- - - -
“I don’t see the reason why Herakles chose this guy, do you?” Feliks asks Francis as they watch the soon to be King and Queen of the Underworld (if of course all goes well) argue (quite lively) over living arrangements and food.
“If I am to be honest, cher,” the Furie begins. “Herakles enjoys his company. It’s refreshing. Or maybe he’s a masochist.”
“You’re right,” Antonio remarks. “I haven’t seen him provide for someone else before. The image suits him.”
“Still,” says Feliks. “They like...fight a lot.”
“You fucking shut up, you stinky bastard! I’m making an effort here! What more do you want?”
“Right back at ya, brat! I didn’t ask for all this! You act so sure of yourself!”
“Hey OW.”
“I ain’t gonna be anybody’s Queen!”
“Yes you will!”
“When I’m the lord of Zeus’ ass.”
“Eat!”
“No!”
“That’s quite healthy for couples,” Gilbert says, laughing as the pair progressed from cheek pulling to grappling on the marble floor. They roll to the bank of one of the five rivers and the souls trapped there watch with interest. “...or so I’ve heard.”
“FUCKING DEAD PEOPLE!” Sadiq screams.
“I’m worried about Herakles,” Antonio says thoughtfully. “Eternity with this guy, really?”
Feliks flamboyantly waves a hand as Cerberus barks again. “He can handle it. He’s doing fine already!”
- - - -
Alfred and Matthew reach Elizaveta in the Far East with Hassan. She’s furious and kicking at wilting crops. The twins are thankful for their winged hats and sandals because the search is clearly running out of time.
“Elizaveta!” Matthew calls and the Goddess of Nature whips about. “We’ve found Sadiq!”
In the blink of an eye she’s looming over them. “WHERE?”
Alfred gulps. “...the Underworld? Lord Herakles took him as his wife.”
Elizaveta opens and shuts her mouth but finds no comeback.
Hassan perks up. Amusement is evident on his face. “I wonder why.”
Matthew laughs uneasily as Elizaveta silently fumes, like a bomb to blow any minute. “I wonder too. He’s getting too hot to handle or so Ivan says. In any case, at least life down there is quite lively.”
“...the Underworld.” Elizaveta repeats.
The Mercury twins nod. And she explodes.
“ARTHUR!”
- - - -
There’s a rumbling at the Gates of Avernus a few days later. Cerberus doesn’t bark and it takes a while for Feliks to answer, annoyed at how’s he’s been disturbed from filing his nails.
The clanging increases.
“Like, chill! I’m coming!”
“It’s me Charon Feliks.”
Arthur, or rather, Zeus is at Hades.
“Oh snap.”
- - - -
“Are you crazy?” Arthur is scolding Herakles. “You abduct him right in the middle of harvest! Or I suppose you don’t know because Time over here is relative. Elizaveta’s wreaked havoc up there! There’s famine!”
Herakles shrugs. “More people for me…”
Arthur facepalms. “Right, right. Your domain, your rules. Let’s make a deal before I get impeached, or before Kiku hands me my ass on a silver platter.” He turns to Sadiq. “Have you eaten anything since you got here?”
“No...” the Spring God says, annoyed and ruffled.
“Good, stubborn lad. If you’d gotten hitched, it’d be more trouble than Yao on a drunken rampage.” Arthur returns his attention to Herakles. “Since you were unable to make him drink or eat any of your food, he is not bound by your rules. Elizaveta wants him released.”
Herakles concedes and Sadiq pumps a fist in the air.
- - - -
“Raptor Zeus, what a story to tell the boys,” Sadiq says as he prepares to leave. “Feliciano and Lovino might get jealous. Then again, who wouldn’t want to be with a pretty god? If only you didn’t rule the dead.”
Herakles is quiet. He offers him a pomegranate for the journey up. “From Francis. He’ll miss you he says.”
Somewhere in Tartarus, Francis sneezes and swears.
Sadiq raises an eyebrow. “Right. Never knew the man cared. What the heck, I’m outta here anyway.” He cuts the fruit in half and eats six of the seeds.
- - - -
“Yo!” Alfred peeks in the hole in the ground. Matthew flies Sadiq up and into the sun. The first thing Elizaveta does is whack him on the head.
“I take my eyes of you for one minute and you get yourself roped into the Underworld!”
“Hey! It’s not my fault the god down there has the hots for me!” Sadiq laughs.
“Goodness, get real! It’s about time our people have something to eat! You’ve been gone long enough!”
“It’s you who’s been scorching the earth, dear,” Roderich sighs but gets ignored.
“Don’t let me catch you disappearing like that again!”
“But he can’t,” Arthur interrupts.
Elizaveta frowns at the sky. “...what?”
“He broke his fast before he came up here. He ate half a pomegranate and therefore has to return to the Underworld for half the year,” he explains.
“Well shit,” Sadiq articulates. “It works that way?”
- - - -
Six months later, he’s back on the throne beside Herakles, passing judgment on souls and putting up with idle chit chat about philosophy and money.
“God damn you, kid, you’re giving me a headache,” he says and proceeds to hit the god on the head. Occasionally a hero or two comes along, begging favors or playing harps. To be honest, there isn’t a day, or rather a general period of time, where there aren’t surprises.
Sadiq snorts at his thoughts. A cat sleeping beside Herakles wakes up and runs away screeching. Herakles rounds on him.
“You bastard, you did that on purpose!”
Sadiq sits up scandalized. “The heck? I didn’t do anything!”
They grapple on the floor.
Hassan passes by, quiet and pensive. “How’s the company?” he asks the Furies, watching in amusement from their spot overhead.
“Quite entertaining!” The three answer.
Feliks sighs. “I’m totally not gonna get a raise, am I?”
Back on the surface, Elizaveta rages on till her helper returns and hey presto! It's the turn of the seasons.
END