(no subject)
so i just remembered who i am supposed to be, who i want to be, who i am. i was talking about a friend of mine, and i said, "it makes me think hes got a stronger soul than me" and then i recalled what i am. what i loved about myself wasn't my intelligence, my potential, or if i could win in soccer or some sport. i didn't give a damn about making something of myself because i lived for other people. i wanted to give everything i was to every person i met because by doing so i believed it would make the world a better place, well not so much that, but give real meaning to my life.
ive always considered myself worthless, so if i could die for another person then that would make it, well my life worth something if anything. why i believed this was simply because it was what i believed, well it had alot to do with one life altering moment when i fought three dragons as a rabbit and before i was sentenced to death i decided to live anyway.
haha jk, its cause i dont enjoy anything in my life, not a thing. well thats the way it was till i met her.
haha yes ill call her her. i saw her once and for the briefest of times i was happy i saw something. she was more exquisite in her demeanor and personality than anyone ive ever met, and for a while i thought i had found love.
and i was happy, enjoying life in ways i can't explain. and suddenly i had worth. and with that worth, and an extremely complex storyline of my mind, i cant fully explain on here found i was worth something. and with that something i think i lost and gained a bunch of heart and lost a bunch of heart. maybe i was always lying, never loving anything and in truth i have no strength in any faucet of my being, im just a rabbit using his insanity to defy dragons.
now im normal i suppose. i dont have her in anyway, and soon i will be leaving on that quest i was going to partake in before i was worth something, when i was stronger in my perfection than anything, when i was more worthless in my perfection than anything.
i dont know where this leaves me but im happy i can hate, im happy i can love, and im happy i can judge. it worries me sometime because these emotions i used to deny seem to ravage my mind, but ill keep fighting, and ill keep struggling just like every soul out there.. ill prolly spend the next hour typing random shit about my conciousness, truthfully theres no real point. ill take who i am and gamble everything on him, on myself. its just really entertaining trying to make heads or tails of our hypocritical existances.
ive always considered myself worthless, so if i could die for another person then that would make it, well my life worth something if anything. why i believed this was simply because it was what i believed, well it had alot to do with one life altering moment when i fought three dragons as a rabbit and before i was sentenced to death i decided to live anyway.
haha jk, its cause i dont enjoy anything in my life, not a thing. well thats the way it was till i met her.
haha yes ill call her her. i saw her once and for the briefest of times i was happy i saw something. she was more exquisite in her demeanor and personality than anyone ive ever met, and for a while i thought i had found love.
and i was happy, enjoying life in ways i can't explain. and suddenly i had worth. and with that worth, and an extremely complex storyline of my mind, i cant fully explain on here found i was worth something. and with that something i think i lost and gained a bunch of heart and lost a bunch of heart. maybe i was always lying, never loving anything and in truth i have no strength in any faucet of my being, im just a rabbit using his insanity to defy dragons.
now im normal i suppose. i dont have her in anyway, and soon i will be leaving on that quest i was going to partake in before i was worth something, when i was stronger in my perfection than anything, when i was more worthless in my perfection than anything.
i dont know where this leaves me but im happy i can hate, im happy i can love, and im happy i can judge. it worries me sometime because these emotions i used to deny seem to ravage my mind, but ill keep fighting, and ill keep struggling just like every soul out there.. ill prolly spend the next hour typing random shit about my conciousness, truthfully theres no real point. ill take who i am and gamble everything on him, on myself. its just really entertaining trying to make heads or tails of our hypocritical existances.