uff
I find myself taking pleasure in the little things in life, as the macrocosm blows cosmic chunks. Lawyers, and money, and things with Vannessa, piled with school, finals, and last week of classes=clusterfuck of FML.
So, as I was saying, the little things.
Rainy days, incense, the way a girl looks at you just a little bit too long then smiles when she notices you noticed. The random 2 AM phone calls and texts from old friends. These keep me sane in these trying times. What does not kill me makes me stronger, or so I've been told, but I'm not so sure, I find myself cutting off from the world of my emotions quite a bit. Existing just to exist, with no real sense of purpose, no real direction.
I'm not ready for college. I'm at college, but I'm certainly not ready for it. This year has been terrible, I've wasted so much money, and have hardly the credits to show for it because of everything that has been happening, school has fallen to the wayside. What a royal bloody waste of money. Ah well, such is life. Money is just paper with perceived value anyway put in place by the large joke that is economy. OOOO lets create a false shortage of stuff so we can make a shit-ton of money and screw everyone else for the next 30 years or so. YAAAY!
I find myself on the edge of reason, attempting the escape through chemicals and booze, and finding nothing but my own loneliness sitting at the bottom bottle after bottle. The self fulfilling prophecy.
I apologize for making this my little bitch and complain box.
To be, or not to be. A monumental question too little asked of ourselves. But then again, what is "to be"? and are most of us even doing that? or are we just making it by, doing what we can, but are we "being"? Perhaps. Or not to be. Personally I think most of us are there already anyway, we're just waiting for the final shove off the proverbial edge into oblivion.
I have a massive headache.
Probably the incense I love so much.
Time for pills and bed, but it's not like I can sleep anyway, just stare at my ceiling till first golden lights of day give beams of love like angels fingers to an otherwise blackened resting place, devoid of anything, except perhaps the glimmer of a hope that just might break through.
Then I lay there for hours more, searching for a reason to get up. Class? not good enough. Homework? nope. Choir? okay, I'll get up. Music keeps me going. And soon, I'll be all on my own for that as well. Or perhaps not, ah Aaron, you do keep a best friend well good sir.
Enough reverie, the sleepless night awaits!
So, as I was saying, the little things.
Rainy days, incense, the way a girl looks at you just a little bit too long then smiles when she notices you noticed. The random 2 AM phone calls and texts from old friends. These keep me sane in these trying times. What does not kill me makes me stronger, or so I've been told, but I'm not so sure, I find myself cutting off from the world of my emotions quite a bit. Existing just to exist, with no real sense of purpose, no real direction.
I'm not ready for college. I'm at college, but I'm certainly not ready for it. This year has been terrible, I've wasted so much money, and have hardly the credits to show for it because of everything that has been happening, school has fallen to the wayside. What a royal bloody waste of money. Ah well, such is life. Money is just paper with perceived value anyway put in place by the large joke that is economy. OOOO lets create a false shortage of stuff so we can make a shit-ton of money and screw everyone else for the next 30 years or so. YAAAY!
I find myself on the edge of reason, attempting the escape through chemicals and booze, and finding nothing but my own loneliness sitting at the bottom bottle after bottle. The self fulfilling prophecy.
I apologize for making this my little bitch and complain box.
To be, or not to be. A monumental question too little asked of ourselves. But then again, what is "to be"? and are most of us even doing that? or are we just making it by, doing what we can, but are we "being"? Perhaps. Or not to be. Personally I think most of us are there already anyway, we're just waiting for the final shove off the proverbial edge into oblivion.
I have a massive headache.
Probably the incense I love so much.
Time for pills and bed, but it's not like I can sleep anyway, just stare at my ceiling till first golden lights of day give beams of love like angels fingers to an otherwise blackened resting place, devoid of anything, except perhaps the glimmer of a hope that just might break through.
Then I lay there for hours more, searching for a reason to get up. Class? not good enough. Homework? nope. Choir? okay, I'll get up. Music keeps me going. And soon, I'll be all on my own for that as well. Or perhaps not, ah Aaron, you do keep a best friend well good sir.
Enough reverie, the sleepless night awaits!