I'll Try To Not Say 'Ostensibly' So Much, 'K?
Culture Shouldn't Have Worn That Dress
So Halloween is this weekend and I'm kinda doing the thing that people with Livejournals do and complain that I don't know what costume to make/wear. Now this should be a pretty easy decision to make if I was being rational about things but naw. I mean, the rules are pretty clear. Halloween costumes for women are something beginning with "sexy". Sexy maid. Sexy teacher. Sexy trailer park barfly. Sexy harp seal.
Now if guys had any clue as to what the hell going to a Halloween party is all about (like everything else, an elaborate mating dance and/or excuse for couples to make us all group puke with graphic public displays of personal identity dilution), we'd all work out for two months in advance and all go as firemen. Pretty damn simple. Instead, we see getting dressed up as an excuse to either live out a transgressive fantasy (drag, impersonation, high seas piracy) or to try to be funny (gonorrhea). C'mon now. Funny and clever only get guys laid when accompanied by big piles of money or drugs. Or crazy all-out alcoholism and thankfully thats the kind of thing that comes with just about any party you attend between the ages of 16 and 30. Yeah, thankfully.
Personally, I'd be first in line to be refreshing the cup of punch for the smart girl wearing a big homemade cardboard ENIAC replica or who came dressed as Reggie Jackson. Unfortunately, that girl is probably already married to some dude who's been waiting in line since the late 80's because its been extremely obvious that she's a keeper.
Going to Dawn's party this weekend, probably dressed up as Duct Tape Mummy or Cheap Batman. Traveling around means ditching ironic possessions means lack of fodder for costumes. I don't even own any khaki.
And it also sounds like two 40 year old men with smokers coughs are walking around in my apartment. ? I'm not exactly clear here.
So Halloween is this weekend and I'm kinda doing the thing that people with Livejournals do and complain that I don't know what costume to make/wear. Now this should be a pretty easy decision to make if I was being rational about things but naw. I mean, the rules are pretty clear. Halloween costumes for women are something beginning with "sexy". Sexy maid. Sexy teacher. Sexy trailer park barfly. Sexy harp seal.
Now if guys had any clue as to what the hell going to a Halloween party is all about (like everything else, an elaborate mating dance and/or excuse for couples to make us all group puke with graphic public displays of personal identity dilution), we'd all work out for two months in advance and all go as firemen. Pretty damn simple. Instead, we see getting dressed up as an excuse to either live out a transgressive fantasy (drag, impersonation, high seas piracy) or to try to be funny (gonorrhea). C'mon now. Funny and clever only get guys laid when accompanied by big piles of money or drugs. Or crazy all-out alcoholism and thankfully thats the kind of thing that comes with just about any party you attend between the ages of 16 and 30. Yeah, thankfully.
Personally, I'd be first in line to be refreshing the cup of punch for the smart girl wearing a big homemade cardboard ENIAC replica or who came dressed as Reggie Jackson. Unfortunately, that girl is probably already married to some dude who's been waiting in line since the late 80's because its been extremely obvious that she's a keeper.
Going to Dawn's party this weekend, probably dressed up as Duct Tape Mummy or Cheap Batman. Traveling around means ditching ironic possessions means lack of fodder for costumes. I don't even own any khaki.
And it also sounds like two 40 year old men with smokers coughs are walking around in my apartment. ? I'm not exactly clear here.