sunday_reveries "Questions are dangerous, because they have answers."
Reid is letsdropin and not binding to any others, unless they'd wish it so. Pogue mentioned is lieutenantwitch.
"What's wrong with you?"
Caleb had really had enough of Reid's bullshit. He'd thought that things would settle after the Ascension; and between Chase and the whole load of other stuff that the thing itself was, they did for a while. And then it started again. Generally low key, but... It had been months.
Yes, he knew Pogue usually had an explanation for his behavior, and hell, most of the time he bought them; he knew that Pogue always told him to just talk to the younger blond, but that never worked out. And sometimes Reid just... went overboard.
"I mean, why do you keep doing that? Getting into messes, let alone dragging Tyler into them; Using, if not in the open, so obviously it might as well be. Getting me into situations that I'd need to Use to save your asses, what's wrong? Can't you behave decently, just for... a couple of weeks?"
Reid looked at him for a moment, then snorted, shook his head, and started to push past him.
"Come on. Answer me." If you can. "I really wanna know."
"Do ya?" The blond stopped, his back towards Caleb, shoulders tensed.
"Well, yeah! I do!" Of course he did.
"And what," look over shoulder, then turning to face him, arms crossed before him, tight, almost hugging himself, "difference will it make?"
"... what?"
"You heard me, Caleb. What difference will it make? You'd still be pissed at me, no matter what I do. No matter what I do, it'll be wrong, and not good enough, so why bother? Why bother trying to play by your rules?"
"Reid..." Caleb was staring. Trying to process, this was... surprising. "It's not true, not all you do is wrong or not good enough or--"
"No? Really? When was the last time something I did met with your 'approval', huh? When was the last time something, no matter how small, that I did, got me even word of, that's okay, that's nice?" Reid threw his hands in the air. "What's the difference? What I do will make people laugh, they'll like hanging around; you, I sometimes wonder if you even want me around at all." Back to holding one hand in the other, but blue eyes blazing a little.
"No, that's not true. You're my guy--"
"Don't bother, Caleb. You asked, I answered, and it's still not going to make a difference." Reid shook his head and turned to go, back to the dorm, probably, leaving the older boy blinking, startled at the outburst. Thinking, thinking back. He hadn't been more critical with Reid than with any of the rest... had he? Or... maybe a little. Doubting him a bit more, of course if somebody's done something off, it had to be him...
God. The pieces fit together, and Caleb felt like bumping his head to the wall, memories cascading and falling into place. Approval, Reid had wanted approval. And he'd gotten the opposite, even if it had been about details rather than overall effort; Caleb had thought that it was understood that if he didn't point an error about something, it was done well. Apparently it wasn't. He hadn't ...
Pogue had been right, they'd had to talk. They still had to talk, but right now he didn't know how to explain to the shorter blond that he never meant it like that. He'd made one of them feel miserable and alone and rejected. Great work.
The best he could come up with, when he in turn made his way back to the dorm, was "I'm sorry." Reid snorted and looked away. Looked down.
It wasn't the right words, and it wasn't much. But Caleb thought it might be a start.
"What's wrong with you?"
Caleb had really had enough of Reid's bullshit. He'd thought that things would settle after the Ascension; and between Chase and the whole load of other stuff that the thing itself was, they did for a while. And then it started again. Generally low key, but... It had been months.
Yes, he knew Pogue usually had an explanation for his behavior, and hell, most of the time he bought them; he knew that Pogue always told him to just talk to the younger blond, but that never worked out. And sometimes Reid just... went overboard.
"I mean, why do you keep doing that? Getting into messes, let alone dragging Tyler into them; Using, if not in the open, so obviously it might as well be. Getting me into situations that I'd need to Use to save your asses, what's wrong? Can't you behave decently, just for... a couple of weeks?"
Reid looked at him for a moment, then snorted, shook his head, and started to push past him.
"Come on. Answer me." If you can. "I really wanna know."
"Do ya?" The blond stopped, his back towards Caleb, shoulders tensed.
"Well, yeah! I do!" Of course he did.
"And what," look over shoulder, then turning to face him, arms crossed before him, tight, almost hugging himself, "difference will it make?"
"... what?"
"You heard me, Caleb. What difference will it make? You'd still be pissed at me, no matter what I do. No matter what I do, it'll be wrong, and not good enough, so why bother? Why bother trying to play by your rules?"
"Reid..." Caleb was staring. Trying to process, this was... surprising. "It's not true, not all you do is wrong or not good enough or--"
"No? Really? When was the last time something I did met with your 'approval', huh? When was the last time something, no matter how small, that I did, got me even word of, that's okay, that's nice?" Reid threw his hands in the air. "What's the difference? What I do will make people laugh, they'll like hanging around; you, I sometimes wonder if you even want me around at all." Back to holding one hand in the other, but blue eyes blazing a little.
"No, that's not true. You're my guy--"
"Don't bother, Caleb. You asked, I answered, and it's still not going to make a difference." Reid shook his head and turned to go, back to the dorm, probably, leaving the older boy blinking, startled at the outburst. Thinking, thinking back. He hadn't been more critical with Reid than with any of the rest... had he? Or... maybe a little. Doubting him a bit more, of course if somebody's done something off, it had to be him...
God. The pieces fit together, and Caleb felt like bumping his head to the wall, memories cascading and falling into place. Approval, Reid had wanted approval. And he'd gotten the opposite, even if it had been about details rather than overall effort; Caleb had thought that it was understood that if he didn't point an error about something, it was done well. Apparently it wasn't. He hadn't ...
Pogue had been right, they'd had to talk. They still had to talk, but right now he didn't know how to explain to the shorter blond that he never meant it like that. He'd made one of them feel miserable and alone and rejected. Great work.
The best he could come up with, when he in turn made his way back to the dorm, was "I'm sorry." Reid snorted and looked away. Looked down.
It wasn't the right words, and it wasn't much. But Caleb thought it might be a start.