House of Cox - 4 pm - Thursday

[bestdamdoctor]

I rest my head forward against the tiles below the showerhead as I close my eyes.

This has got to be the stupidest thing you've ever done in your life. But fuck if it wasn't amazing last night...

A wave of guilt washes over me. If Barbie told her... That's not how--that's not how it should've happened... Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. How the hell did

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[coxianrival]

I sigh as I open the door and throw the keys down onto the table. The whole day was nothing but stress. Not even just everything that had taken place last night, but the rest of the day dealing with Ted and Kelso. I had a lot of time to think about what I was going to do about this...mess. I'd go straight to the kids, but I've made it a point not to let them see their mother, or smell her, after a night of drinking

[bestdamdoctor]

I nearly jump out of my skin as Jordan appears, slamming the door to the shower stall open.

Ohfuckingshitshe'sgoingtokillmenaked

"J--Jordan." I try to go for a nonchalant, chipper voice. If it weren't for the stuttering. "Well sure--sure thing--if you want the shower."

I panic a moment. Not sure if I should turn the water off. Not sure how to step out without getting within arms reach of her.

Ohshitohshitohshit

I finally step out as far right of her as possible.

[coxianrival]

I grab a towel to the right of me and throw it at him. Turn my head away hopefully before he can see any sign of hurt. I had made the decision not to show any other emotion but anger tonight but its all going out the window because I feel like I'm going to cry at the sight of him.

"Just," I say, doing my best to keep the pathetic crackling out of my voice. "Go. I'll be out in a minute." There. That was good. Minimal girlish sounds. I cross my arms and wait for him to leave the bathroom.

[bestdamdoctor]

I absently catch the towel she tosses at me, watching her quickly snap away. Her voice is... off. Distant. Walled off. Fuck.

I don't know what to say to that dismissal, so I just turn and leave, wrapping the towel around my waist as I exit back into the bedroom.

Scrubs. I need Scrubs. No, wait, picking up the kids first. I need street clothes. Fuck, it doesn't matter. I just need something. Anything. I dig into my dresser for a clean pair of jeans.

[coxianrival]

It only takes me a little while to shower. I'm going to go with him while he picks up the kids. That's what I've decided and if he leaves without me...well, I think I really will kill him.

I walk into the bedroom to let him know this...and get my clothes. He's sitting there on the bed, dressed, luckily enough for him. I spare him one glance and open up the drawer and start fumbling around aimlessly for a shirt. "I'm coming with you to get them. I'll drop you off at work," I say. God, my voice sounds so dead. I could kick myself. Who the hell are you and what have you done with Jordan Sullivan?

I pick up the sweater and the pair of jeans and close the drawer with my hip.

[bestdamdoctor]

I stare at my hands as she enters. And wow. She sounds even more distant now. I close my eyes a moment. Why does she want to come pick up the kids? Why drop me off? Why want to interact with me at all?

This might be a really really bad idea, but I can't help it. This... is just too damn horrible.

"Jordan," I start quietly, flicking my eyes open to see her pulling on a sweater. "We should talk."

[coxianrival]

"You know," I say. The sarcasm is trying to pull through now. Not by much, but still! Improvement. "That's what I thought too." Keep your eyes away from him, because if you don't you're going to lose it. I hold my towel up with one hand and the clothes across my body with the other. "I thought we should talk riiiiiiight after I stuck your head in the oven and broke legs so hard you'd be walking with your knees reversed like the fucking chicken that you were for not telling me before you fucked me the night before last."

Holy shit. I sound like Elliot. That was not meant to be a rant. It was supposed to end after the head in the oven, and be our normal Perry and Jordan banter that always kept us both amused. Why did I even attempt that right now? I turn my face to him, wide eyed and horrified and there they go. My eyes are tearing up.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. I storm out of the room and into the bathroom to change and stop them, torn between wanting him to follow me and just staying right there.

[bestdamdoctor]

I cringe just from her 'You Know'. Because I do know the start of a rant when I hear it from her lips. I struggle not to look away as she lays into me. Not that I don't deserve it. I am a chicken. Always have been. Still. It's fucking brutal. The lashing she gives me. I stare, stunned a moment, a moment too long, as she suddenly tears up before racing for the bathroom again.

Fuck!

Okay. Okay don't let her keep on believe that you were any more of an ass than you were.

Fully prepared for her to open the door and punch me, I stand and cross the room to the bathroom, calling into the door, "Jordan. Jordan, I fucking deserved all of that, all right? But I didn't... I had fucking ended things with him, at that point. Hell, there wasn't any thing to end. We were drunk! We kissed. Shit happens. I told him to fuck off. I didn't talk to him the whole fucking next day. There wasn't anything to tell you... at that point..." I clear my throat lamely.

[coxianrival]

I give it a few moments. Let myself dress slowly. Its useless to stop from crying right now because damn it, I realise I am actually going to miss him and this is going to hurt worse than childbirth.

After leaning myself against the sink, thinking of all the possible ways that I could just go out there and give him that look that probably cracked the nose off the sphinx, I come to terms with the fact that its not worth it.

I open the door. I want some answers.

"And after?" I ask him, holding my arms crossed over my stomach. I know I look like a total tool standing there with my cheeks and hair damp. "Where were you last night, Per?" I swallow, thickly. "When were you going to tell me where you were headed? Before you left work and I went out? Now?"

[bestdamdoctor]

I jump just slightly as she pulls open the door a number of moments later. Dressed. Damp. Pissed. I swallow at her glare, at her direct questions.

"I--I didn't think I could stop you from going out." Fuck I sound lame. "I mean, liquor? Gossip? Those are hard things to pull you away from to have a heart to heart about something I didn't even really know what exactly was going to happen." I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I look away from her. "I'm sorry, Jordan. I had absolutely no intention of you finding out anything like this through Barbie or Carla or anyone else but me. Things just... slipped out of my control."

[coxianrival]

I nod, and look down. I don't know exactly why I nodded because I can't understand why or predict how long it was going to take him to actually tell me what was going on.

I steady my breathing a little bit and lean against the doorframe of the bathroom. "So, now that whatever happened, happened, do you have some clue as to what your next move is, Perry Cox? You know how much I hate being left in the dark."

Don't even start thinking about your wedding night. Or when you told him Jack was his. Or how he took care of you after the surgery. God damnit, all I can see is the look in his eyes when he chose me again.

[bestdamdoctor]

I stiffen in front of her. Still unable to look up at her.

"You'll call me fucking crazy. And maybe I am." Finally I raise my eyes, meet her gaze. I swallow hard before I force the words out. "But I'm going to give it a shot. With him." I try and go on. I try and say that I do still care about her. That I do want her to not hate me forever. But I simply open my mouth and shut it again. Waiting for her to punch me.

[coxianrival]

Who knows why I thought that he'd choose to be with me over the pup, but I had hoped. My eyes water up again, and I don't even give a rats ass this time. I'm not even giving a flip about the way the tears are coming out through my words when I speak to him. Just hurt, and anger.

"Then get your keys," I try not to sob. "I'll take you to work so that I can kick the Janitor out of my office and I'll move in there until I can find another place." I look up at him and blink the tears down my face. I try to sound venemous, but all it does is sound pathetic. But do I care about that right now? Nope. "I screwed him last night. Don't know, maybe I was trying to get back at you, but it ended up being a comfort. Thought I'd let you know."

I walk into the bathroom again and grab my dirty clothes. Disregard them into the hamper and grab Jennifer's baby carriage and carseat both propped against the wall. I stand there, waiting for him. Waiting for the...the joke...or laughter...or something.

[bestdamdoctor]

The tears. I think that's what hurts the most. Because it means she wasn't able to hold them back. And I know she was trying. The words don't even really sting any more.

I quickly shake my head at her. "No. No I'm the asshole here. You stay here. There's no reason for you to have to sleep in your damn office and--"

I stop and blink as she attempts to slap me in the face with a revenge fuck. But... Jumpsuit? Jumpsuit?? Was he the only one left in the hospital to jump? I mean... Janitor??? I suppose it would've been more shocking if she shacked up with Ted but... not by too much.

I huff more in surprise at her than anything else as she stalks off again.

Great. I rub a hand down my face before I turn and grab my keyes and wallet off the nightstand.

[coxianrival]

It was bitchy, but I attempted a make for the elevator after waiting two seconds for him. I wanted fresh air before--oh, god, no. Not. Again. Jordan? Come on. Buck up. Where's that inner serpant just ready to strike without so much of a rattle of its tail?

Down the wall, drop the baby things, and around my legs my arms ago. Full on sobbing, I don't even have time to call Slut neighbor a Slut. I can't even growl at her.

I can hear his footsteps coming down the hall. "Dam-Damn it Peh-Perry," I cry into my knees. "I r-really thought w-we were going to make it this t-time."

[bestdamdoctor]

I speed up my steps after her as she sinks down to the floor out beside the elevator, clinging to her legs, as she really really starts to cry. Oh fuck.

I kneel down in front of her, not sure if she'd even let me touch her. "Jordan. Jordan." I try and soothe. "You have always been there for me. And I will always care so fucking much for you. You are an amazing woman. Fantastic mother. And you and I. We get each other. We understand how fucking crazy we both are." I take a deep breath before letting it out slowly. "But Jordan... we... we cling to one another. Because it's safe. Because we do get each other. And we worry that no one else ever will. But I... I have to take a chance on this."