me as myself
i have started rereading joshua harris's book I Kissed Dating
Goodbye. i am only 41 pages in and i already feel like a failure
for the way i have handled my feelings for David. this year, i
have been so unsure of myself and my commitment in waiting till it was
the right time for me to start persuing romantic relationships.
when i was in high school i knew that i didn't want to get stuck in
rupert that i knew that i needed to make it to college, that college
was my ticket to being able to do what i want in life, that someday i
could afford to leave idaho. i knew that any distractions could
lead me off course. i knew that i was going to need someone with my
same goals, and at the time none exsisted in my social circle that i
could even think of having any kind of real commitment, so it didn't
brother me to chose not to date in high school... college was different
i didn't know how much commitment i was ready for and rather or not it
was time for me to start being comfortable with ideas of dating.
then when i found myself growing closer with David and finding myself
attacted to him, i was feeling abit lost. sadly, i chose to throw the
map out the window and wing it. as i admitted to David that i had
feelings for him and as we talked about things i realized that i still
am unready to date. that i am not ready to date still. Thank God
that David didn't feel the same for me as i did for him, and we chose
to remain friends. but yet i find myself still flirting with him
and whatnot, i am still so attacted to him even though i know that it
isn't right and that him and i have no future together romantically. i
just hope that from this point forward, with God by myside i can curb
the affects of my feelings for David. and still find my own path.