It's weeeeeird.
Lately I've been having trouble focusing. Like, not in an Omg I Must Have ADD! sort of way...but more I just can't get myself to want to do anything but sleep. I'm not depressed, I don't think? I have nothing to be depressed about right now as far as I'm aware, unless it's some subconscious thing then thanks...love to be subconsciously attacked by my...sub...conscious...or something. I don't think it's got anything to do with my iron deficiency? Though while I felt AMAZING in August my health took a turn down the drain in early September and I don't think I've ever bounced back from that. I'm always tired, even if I'm not doing anything. I'm still taking my iron, hell I'm taking two tablets a day now until I finish this bottle and can buy a higher dosage. I'm even taking in more vitamin C.
Maybe I'm working too hard? But I'm working less than I did over the summer...then again I didn't have Candlelight over the summer, and honestly Candlelight is harder and more intense than WORKING. I used to have trouble getting to sleep, now I'm having trouble waking up. On workdays I manage to do it somehow (A miracle?), but days I'm not working I always sleep in by HOURS. I don't like sleeping past noon yet here I am sleeping until 3 sometimes 4pm. And I'm not as amused by things as I usually am. Come on, I'm the girl who laughs at everything and now most things that would normally make me laugh instead piss me off, confuse me, make me want to cry or I'm just indifferent.
I feel like I'm being such a bitch when I really don't want to be, or like to be, or ever intend to be...but I'm just...not feeling it lately. I don't want to read, I don't want to play games, I don't want to work, I don't want to talk to my family, I don't want to watch tv, I don't want to do ANYTHING but sleep. I don't want to sleep but it seems to be all I want to do, if that makes sense. I have to force myself to want to do other things, and it's frustrating me. It used to be when I had trouble focusing on something I'd put it aside and do something mindless to clear my head and help, and that worked! It always worked! But now I can't do it. I don't even want to do the mindless things. I don't want to do anything. I don't get it! It's frustrating the HELL out of me that no matter how hard I try I can't get myself to concentrate or motivate myself to do anything!
I'm even getting lost in my own conversations. It could be the dumbest thing, the easiest thing to understand, but I just can't...get it. I'm stuck staring at it and going "Uhhhhhhhhh" and then I get confused. So I sound stupid, or like a bitch, or just...yeah, I just sound stupid. Or I space out. This? This I'm writing? I've been working on this little bit for a good...I dunno...two or three hours now. And look how short it is. Maybe I should sleep more? I dunno. I think I've been sleeping enough as it is, maybe even too much? Just...ugh. I don't get iiiiiit.
Edit: AND NO I'm not trying to sound emo. I kinda just skimmed over this again and I got an emo wah wah cry baby vibe from it so...yeah...no. Not being emo just kinda "WTFing" over this. I'm more confused and irritated and frustrated than anything.
Maybe I'm working too hard? But I'm working less than I did over the summer...then again I didn't have Candlelight over the summer, and honestly Candlelight is harder and more intense than WORKING. I used to have trouble getting to sleep, now I'm having trouble waking up. On workdays I manage to do it somehow (A miracle?), but days I'm not working I always sleep in by HOURS. I don't like sleeping past noon yet here I am sleeping until 3 sometimes 4pm. And I'm not as amused by things as I usually am. Come on, I'm the girl who laughs at everything and now most things that would normally make me laugh instead piss me off, confuse me, make me want to cry or I'm just indifferent.
I feel like I'm being such a bitch when I really don't want to be, or like to be, or ever intend to be...but I'm just...not feeling it lately. I don't want to read, I don't want to play games, I don't want to work, I don't want to talk to my family, I don't want to watch tv, I don't want to do ANYTHING but sleep. I don't want to sleep but it seems to be all I want to do, if that makes sense. I have to force myself to want to do other things, and it's frustrating me. It used to be when I had trouble focusing on something I'd put it aside and do something mindless to clear my head and help, and that worked! It always worked! But now I can't do it. I don't even want to do the mindless things. I don't want to do anything. I don't get it! It's frustrating the HELL out of me that no matter how hard I try I can't get myself to concentrate or motivate myself to do anything!
I'm even getting lost in my own conversations. It could be the dumbest thing, the easiest thing to understand, but I just can't...get it. I'm stuck staring at it and going "Uhhhhhhhhh" and then I get confused. So I sound stupid, or like a bitch, or just...yeah, I just sound stupid. Or I space out. This? This I'm writing? I've been working on this little bit for a good...I dunno...two or three hours now. And look how short it is. Maybe I should sleep more? I dunno. I think I've been sleeping enough as it is, maybe even too much? Just...ugh. I don't get iiiiiit.
Edit: AND NO I'm not trying to sound emo. I kinda just skimmed over this again and I got an emo wah wah cry baby vibe from it so...yeah...no. Not being emo just kinda "WTFing" over this. I'm more confused and irritated and frustrated than anything.